This isn’t so bad!

Surprisingly, Tim Tebow doesn’t burst into tears at all!

And, I mean, how can you argue with the crunchy tasty goodness of Doritos?

(h/t TBogg)

I spoke directly to Maggie Gallagher in my post below, about the true meaning of compassion and tolerance. I hope she reads it.

News has come out, though, that Maine’s ethics commission has denied the National Organization for Marriage’s (NOM) request that an investigation into their finances be delayed until the federal Proposition 8 case is decided in California. Their mere request for the delay is telling, which leads us to watch this investigation with keen interest.

What on earth are they about to find?

Oh, Maggie. You just don’t get it.

The kid in the audience — he seems a kid to me, just 20 years old — asks me a question:

“You say gay marriage will lead to the use of the law to repress traditional faiths including Christianity. But I was raised in a Southern Baptist family. When I came out, I lost my sister. What is wrong with the idea that religions will be pressured to be less anti-gay?”

(…)

So the question from this gay kid — this clean-cut collegian who I’ll call “Phil” — hits me like a ton of bricks. What can I say to Phil? I just pointed out the ways that “marriage equality” will lead to the repression of traditional religious faiths by government. And here he is asking me: Why is that a bad thing?

(…)

But tonight, this is a different kid in a different state. And behind his question, he makes clear, is a world of suffering — a family torn apart by the deepest moral and religious disagreement.

And the first thing I want to tell him is: I’m sorry for your pain. I’m sorry for your sister’s pain, too. Family to me is the place where love is an obligation. Your family are the people you didn’t choose to love. But you still do.

Can we build a world where people like Phil and people like me will both be OK? Where people who disagree about the meaning and purpose of human sexuality can somehow not only tolerate but love one another?

Maggie, listen up! Gay people have been trying to explain this to you for years now. I know Jeremy Hooper has probably worn out a few keyboards trying to get through to you. This gay kid, this hurting gay kid, would probably not be hurting quite so much if people like Maggie Gallagher Srivastav weren’t dedicating their lives to fostering a climate of fear, lies and hatred about gay people like “Phil,” like Jeremy, like the readers of this site, and like me! You see, one of the only places “trickle-down” actually works is in anti-gay animus (and other race, gender and class-based bias)! You are apparently human, as you were able to see that the kid is hurting, but somehow you’re unable to make the connection between that pain and your life’s work! Maggie, we all have our own beliefs about things. That’s fine. No one is threatening to take that away from you. This is the United States. You are free to oppose homosexuality all you want, insofar as it involves your own life. But what you do is different! The second a law is passed that adds greater protection to our families, to our children, the same protections your family enjoys, you take your toolbox and your undisclosed donors and you run off to make sure those protections are taken away. I do not know what has happened in your life that is so painful that you are redirecting that pain and anger toward an entire class of people. I’m truly sorry, but the first step in recovering from that victimization is to stop using it as an excuse to victimize other people and to stop trying to remake the world in your own biased image. We have no desire to ruin your marriage. It is beyond me why you would want to do the same to me.

So, to answer your question, “How can we build a world where people like Phil and people like me will both be OK”? It’s quite simple, Maggie. Live your life and make it beautiful. Have a happy marriage. Live out your belief system. But have the courtesy and the decency to realize that your beliefs are not shared by everyone else, that your religion is not the arbiter of law in this secular nation (the law which allows you to practice that religion freely in the first place!), and allow your LGBT neighbors the space and freedom to live our own lives to the fullest and to be treated equally under the law.

Love,

Evan

(h/t TS)

TWO’ Mike Airhart has written about the drama involving “ex-lesbian” Lisa Miller who broke up with partner Janet Jenkins after finding the Lord. In a fit of holier-than-thou zeal, Miller went on the lam and absconded from Vermont with the child the couple were raising together after having a Civil Union. Miller has since vanished with the child.

Tonight, Jenkins will be on ABC’s Nightline. Of course, Miller won’t be on, because she is a criminal and would be arrested at the TV studio for kidnapping.

I have nothing to add about Haggard, at the moment. I’ll wait until next time he gets caught with a hooker or tapping his foot in the can. No doubt, the same gullible fundamentalists will be shocked and scream, “I thought he was cured.”

Elaine Donnelly, a woman with no military training and little understanding of the military, runs the Center for Military Readiness, a “think-tank” devoted to opposing the open inclusion of LGBT citizens (and women) in the military. According to her missives, the United States Military just isn’t as strong as the rest of the militaries around the world (like Israel, the United Kingdom, etc.), in which open gays and lesbians serve alongside straight servicemembers. In short, Elaine Donnelly is a know-nothing demagogue who has far more of a voice than her merit deserves.

And now, via Think Progress, Elaine has given an interview to Secure Freedom Radio’s Frank Gaffney, in which she claims that the true culprit in the Abu Ghraib scandal was women serving alongside men in the military:

DONNELLY: Ok, now how are we going to deal with four different sexual groups, say in Special Operations summaries. How’ that going to work? Or are we going to have the kind of military ‚Äî and he clearly suggests this ‚Äî he says yes, we have women in the military. We all support women in the military. However, he says that everything has been going on just fine without incident. Umm, what was that Abu Ghraib scandal all about? It started out as misconduct between men and women and then it steadily deteriorated into abuse of prisoners. The common denominator is lack of discipline. Once you break down discipline, good order and discipline and morale, everything that’ required for unit cohesion, you undermine the culture and the strength of the armed forces. This man obviously doesn’t get that.

Again, she’s a know-nothing demagogue. She seems to be unaware that there are multitudes of decorated female servicemembers, as well as LGBT servicemembers, and it’s done nothing to damage discipline. And, Think Progress also points out that Ms. Donnelly doesn’t seem to have a clue what the Abu Ghraib scandal was all about in the first place, as it’s part of a revealed pattern of torture techniques in Iraq and Afghanistan that started at the very top, with Rumsfeld’s Defense Department. Perhaps Ms. Donnelly doesn’t watch the news very much (and I wouldn’t expect a demagogue of her kind to stay informed about much of anything), but we’ve been discussing the incidence of U.S.-sanctioned torture in these conflicts in our national discourse for several years now. Abu Ghraib was merely the first glimpse of the problem. Torture has happened at CIA black sites, at Guant?°namo, and a recent report in Harper’s exposes* a previously unknown black site at Guant?°namo referred to as Camp “No,” run either by the CIA or by J-SOC, in which Americans may have tortured detainees who had never been charged with a crime, quite literally, to death.

So no, Ms. Donnelly, you’re simply making things up again, in service of your bigotry. It’s important to remember that our foes who fight against the LGBT community tend to also be fierce misogynists. The fact that a few of them have two X chromosomes is irrelevant. They have simply bought into the ideology that states that all human beings should be subservient to straight, white, Christian men. Donnelly believes that women who serve simply don’t “know their place.”

Elsewhere in the interview, Donnelly repeats her tired claims that the repeal of DADT is part of some monolithic “Gay Agenda” which seeks to undermine the military. Same old, same old, like a broken record.

Meanwhile in the real world, General John Shalikashvili, who implemented the policy in the first place, stated this week that it’s time to repeal the DADT policy. Ever the tin-foil hat conspiracy theorist, Pam Spaulding reported that in 2007, when Shalikashvili first came out against the policy, Ms. Donnelly claimed that the general had been coerced into changing his mind by Big Gay Activists, due to the fact that he had recently had a stroke.

What say you now, Elaine? No, just kidding. No one cares what you think.

If you’re interested in what other know-nothings on the Religious Right have to say about the repeal of DADT, Kyle at Right Wing Watch has posted a round-up of their reactions.

Last night, President Obama called for the policy to be repealed this year. We shall see if he follows through, but John Aravosis looked at the language he used and found reasons to be encouraged, and indeed White House Senior Adviser Valerie Jarrett stated that the process for repeal will start right away.

I’m cautiously optimistic.

*If you haven’t read that Harper’s piece, please find thirty minutes to do so. It’s extremely important.

This little nugget was reported in today’s New York Times:

Worshipers at two Malaysian mosques found the severed heads of pigs when they arrived for morning prayers on Wednesday, according to the police. Pigs are considered unclean by Muslims. The incident followed vandalism and arson at 11 Christian churches this month and appeared to be part of a continuing dispute over the use of the word Allah by Christians to designate God in the Malay-language Bible.

I’m overwhelmed by the morality and love demonstrated by these two groups. No doubt that the Muslims setting fires and the Christians lopping off pig heads were fundamentalists believing they were doing God’s work. Surely, these criminals are patting themselves on the back believing God/Allah/Jesus/Mohammad are condoning their psychotic actions. This is the pathological delusion that unchecked fundamentalism can bring certain followers.

Given such extreme behavior by religious fanatics, I wonder how some nations, such as Nigeria or Malaysia, where Christianity and Islam co-exist in tension, can make it without turning into sectarian deathtraps.

By the way, have you ever noticed how gay or mainstream churches never burn down the worship houses of others or mutilate animals for the Lord?

Maybe the conservative crazies could learn a little something about their own religions from the liberals and moderates they so despise.

Late breaking, as they say:

“In his State of the Union address, President Obama asked Congress to repeal the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy. I am immensely proud of, and thankful for, every American who wears the uniform of our country, especially at a time of war, and I believe it would be a mistake to repeal the policy.

“This successful policy has been in effect for over fifteen years, and it is well understood and predominantly supported by our military at all levels. We have the best trained, best equipped, and most professional force in the history of our country, and the men and women in uniform are performing heroically in two wars. At a time when our Armed Forces are fighting and sacrificing on the battlefield, now is not the time to abandon the policy.”

I guess bigotry in the McCain family is carried on the Y chromosome.

You think I’m kidding? You must not know the current GOP Caucus. But yes, John Boehner and Eric Cantor sat the caucus down earlier today and basically told them that a guest is coming over tonight, and that they should be on their best behavior. Joe Wilson reportedly mumbled to himself with his hands down his pants, “I’m a gentleman.”

(Seriously. This is the state of 50% of our major political parties.)

So, we live-blog! I don’t know if we’ve done this in the past, but if y’all behave, maybe I’ll do it again.

Obama is supposedly planning to call for the repeal of DADT during the address. We shall see, shan’t we? Will it be timid? Will he merely “reiterate” his call from earlier and follow it up with no action?

(Read More)

TWO’s Evan Hurst just wrote a dagger of a dandy on our blog that will no doubt raise hackles from so-called “ex-gays” and their allies.

“There is no credible evidence that men like Exodus’ Alan Chambers can change their inherent sexuality,” wrote Hurst. “It goes against everything we know about biology, about sexuality, about men’ sexual responses to stimulus.”

Like clockwork, Evan’s assessment of “ex-gays” was immediately backed up by an article on the website LivingChurch.org, which discussed a recent right wing Anglican sexuality conference. According the article, a leading “ex-gay” activist must go through extraordinary measures to keep from acting on his natural sexual orientation:

The Rev. Mario Bergner, an Anglican priest and former college drama teacher, described his journey out of homosexuality and into a new life as the married father of five. Speaking of how online porn presents a new challenge to Christians, he confessed that he has a lock on his own computer that is monitored by his wife and others to whom he is accountable.

Okay, so that is how this “ex-gay” thing works.

One apparently puts a chastity belt on the computer, turns the spouse into sex police and prays no one attractive walks by. I’m sure this is all very reassuring to his wife.

What is striking, is that Bergner is considered a leader in his field. He has an array of products, including his book, “Setting Love in Order: Hope and Healing for the Homosexual.”

Is it just me, or is placing a padlock on the computer a very bad example of hope and healing?

Given his extremely weak “recovery”, why is Bergner going to Belfast in February to hawk products and provide “practical training for church leaders in the area of same-sex attraction?” Why is he considered an expert and writing books on this topic?

Dude, if you are placing a Master Lock on the the computer to stop from masturbating to pictures of men – you are not healed. You are not an “ex-gay”. And, you have no business turning your sexuality into a profitable business and teaching seminars on this topic.

If this is the best example of “healing” the ex-gay ministries can offer, they should really shut down immediately and stop committing consumer fraud, before more people are hurt.

What a scam.

UPDATE: Apparently, Ted Haggard is on a similar plan. On “The Oprah Winfrey Show” on Tuesday he said he is being “super accountable.” Ted says he regularly checks in with his wife, Gayle, and reveals his whereabouts on Facebook and Twitter. If he’s out of town without her, he said, he stays with a pastor rather than at a hotel. (I guess Haggard is safe unless the pastor he is staying with is Bergner)

Reading this article in Charisma by Exodus International’s Alan Chambers, I was struck with a realization: these people really are misogynist pigs. In the piece, Alan is announcing the arrival of Gayle Haggard’s sadly misguided book Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made In My Darkest Hour. Under the guise of encouraging Christians to more openly and honestly minister to the wives of gay men (excuse me, “men struggling with same-sex atttraction”), Chambers lays out a philosophy that holds women hostage to their gay husbands, out of a desire to “serve the Lord.” It’s very twisted:

Having personally struggled with feelings of same-sex attraction, my heart is always burdened when I hear of such heartache. The truth is that while Mrs. Haggard’s circumstances are unique, her situation is not.

Alan is probably moreso burdened because, as a gay man, he has remained married to a woman, thereby hijacking her life and her opportunity to be with a man who truly wants her, all of her. But yet, instead of taking his inner conflict and at least keeping it to himself, Alan has chosen to use his perceived victimhood to victimize another. The fact that his wife may be oblivious to this is irrelevant. These men have simply taken the normal patriarchal control over women to a new, sick level, but it’s part of a theme that’s been running through religious ideology for centuries: women are not viewed as whole, valid sexual beings on their own. They are captives to an idea of “male headship,” and their needs — emotional, physical, mental, spiritual — are secondary to those of their husbands. Put simply, these women are caught up in a lifestyle where their husbands are the final arbiters of their needs.

There is no credible evidence that men like Alan can change their inherent sexuality. It goes against everything we know about biology, about sexuality, about men’s sexual responses to stimulus. The fact that men like Alan Chambers and Randy Thomas have chosen lives which consist of abject denial in the service of that which they wish were true, and have profited handily from it, does not in any way negate reality. They’ve admitted as much, as they’ve constantly moved the goalposts over the years. These days, only the most ridiculous liars on their side suggest that gay men actually become heterosexual. Most have changed the official message from “you can become straight!” to “Jesus will fill the hole in your life where men are supposed to be!” So they go about their lives, staying on message with the daily flare-ups of their chosen stigmata, and yet, the wives? They’re mostly ignored. Some are likely brainwashed fully into the belief that their husbands are truly attracted to them. Others are held in captivity like orcas, content to do tricks because they’ve been taught over the years that their actual feelings and needs are simply unimportant, desires to be squelched just like their husbands’ desires for men. Still others likely live in a silent hell because they know, instinctively, that everything they say they believe about their marriages, about their husbands, is simply not true.

I personally know many who have struggled with homosexuality as married men and women, sought help and like Gayle Haggard, witnessed powerful, albeit hard-fought, healing in their marriage. One of them is my good friend, Mike Goeke. Mike grew up in the church, buried his struggle with homosexuality for years and eventually married his wife, Stephanie, with the hope that it would squelch rumors about his sexuality and help ‘fix’ him. After two years of marriage, Mike left a letter on the door of their home telling his wife that he was gay and wanted a divorce. He jumped headlong into a gay life style and left the church in bitterness and anger. Even so, Stephanie courageously told him, “God put us together and I don’t know how, but I know He can repair this situation.” Over time and through a book his father gave him, he heard truth and though he argued with God, he heard only one response - I love you.

Eventually, Mike gave in to the call of the Lord and returned to Stephanie and they began the long and arduous process of rebuilding their marriage. The church that Mike had once resented became an integral part of their healing when godly men helped him find his true identity as a man and a child of God. The Goekes now minister to couples who find themselves in similar situations and hold a marriage seminar at our ministry’s conference each year.

Poor Stephanie. Snowed under by a fundamentalist lifestyle that devalues knowledge and information, she relied on “God” to “repair” something that biology tells us is not in need of repair. It’s sad that she ended up married to a gay man (then and now), but we all deal with sad things from time to time, and what we need in those times is not dogmatic brainwashing, but honest counsel and support.

These women may or may not believe, in their hearts, that their marriages are “repaired.” But they’re not, because their husbands are committed to an ideology that states that their wives are not important enough, as human beings, to be treated honestly. Their husbands are committed to an ideology that states that sex is shameful in the first place, so the idea of their wives experiencing true sexual fulfillment is simply not on the radar.

Yes, these women do need support. They do need love. They also deserve the potential to experience the fullness of life, and as long as they allow themselves to be tied up in the basement by their ideology and that of their gay husbands, fed the occasional table scrap of attention and encouraged to pray about the rest, they will not fulfill that potential.