In a startling turn of events, writer David Benkof – formerly David Bianco – has closed down his blog, Gays Defend Marriage, and vowed to stay out of the fight in California. In a statement to Truth Wins Out, Benkof said the following:
“I no longer feel comfortable being allied with the people running the Prop. 8 campaign, and the same-sex marriage movement in America in general, with a few exceptions – most notably Maggie Gallagher. I have made a tentative decision not to publicize the disturbing information that caused me to end my promotion of man-woman marriage in the United States. But there is very little that I know about those subjects that a journalist, blogger, or activist cannot find out through diligent googling and asking the right questions of the Prop. 8 campaign.”
Benkof had made waves in recent weeks with a string of high-profile anti-gay op-eds in major mainstream newspapers, including the Minneapolis Star Tribune and the San Francisco Chronicle.
We are pleased that Benkof has decided to do the right thing and step aside. It is also helpful that he has raised the red flag about the people running Prop. 8.
Wayne,
Things just get stranger and stranger with this guy. I can’t imagine what there could possibly be about the Prop 8 folks that he finds so surprisingly disturbing. Maybe they are really homophobic…. ya think?
There is something about him recently that I found extremely disturbing, and that was his “Apology” on his website for all the things that Benkof wants to hold gays and lesbians responsible for. It was one of the most vile and hateful things I have ever seen. After that particular rant, I can’t imagine anyone ever taking him seriously about anything.
My impression is that this guy is really disturbed.
That’s my impression as well, John.
He either:
(a) Took Wayne’s advice, and FINALLY got on some much-needed meds.
(b) Got sick of the homosex-obsessed rhetoric of his right wing and fundie friends.
(c) He’s pulling a silly “publicity stunt”, to get attention.
It’s not polite to gloat. I have surrendered unilaterally. What else do you want from me?
Please don’t twist my words as if I’m gloating – I was being dead serious. What I said is a take on the phrase “if you lay with the dogs, expect to get fleas”. Please get a sense of humour.
In order to gloat, I would have to gain satisfaction of the situation.
Beings ‘Gays For Marriage’ didn’t really exist to me to begin with, and had only visited it once – whether or not you discontinued your efforts has no effect on me whatsoever. I don’t live in California; nor did I ever care enough about you to consider you a threat. Just nutty, that’s all. You still are.
Some “ex-gay” organization busted for some big-time fraud – now THAT would be something for me to gloat about! LOL
And please cut the victim crap – I never wanted anything from you to begin with, either – except for you to keep your pious hands to yourself.
[...] with a few exceptions – most notably Maggie Gallagher,” the former Q-Syndicate founder/owner told Wayne Besen’s Truth Wins Out. “I have made a tentative decision not to publicize the disturbing information that caused me [...]
Scott-
Please note that what I have learned about my former allies has caused me to change my public position on the man-woman marriage issue, but I have not withdrawn my other points of view on all issues relating to gays and lesbians.
If, for example, you would like me to back off from my frequently stated position that many if not most gay men are “selfish and cruel,” your current approach is unlikely to be very effective.
Are most gay WOMEN selfish and cruel?
I’m wondering what kind of thinking is behind the fact that Benkof doesn’t recognize that people who are trying to “defend” traditional marriage aren’t being “selfish and cruel.” I’ll think of that logic the next time my partner of 27 years is in the hospital and I’m not allowed to visit him, or the fact that I can’t legally protect our assets well enough for him to get everything we have built together without paying some sort of penalty (taxes, etc.) should I pass away. Just another guy who is self-hating and guilt-ridden and trying to make everyone else pay.
Emily K-
Yes.
Greg A-
In the last few hours GaysDefendMarriage.com remains posted, you might go there and learn how the LGBT community has much more to do with the reason you can’t visit your partner in the hospital than any anti-gay person or group. But I really don’t want to get drawn into tit-for-tats on gay marriage, my whole point is that I’m withdrawing from the debate. People who really want to discuss it can E-mail me at DavidBenkof@aol.com.
So Gay men are “selfish and cruel”? I guess it takes one to know one, doesn’t it? For the breakdown on David Benkof, read my blogpost “Is Uncle Tom A Gay Man?”
http://christthegaymartyr.blogspot.com/2008_05_01_archive.html
I seriously think this guy just has some personal issues he think he can seek vengeance for by making all of these random lifestyle changes. First he was a gay writer, one that many gay people in the writing and journalism industry actually disliked for his obnoxious and self-centered attitude. Then, perhaps because he was snubbed so many times by what were supposed to be his “natural” allies, he converted to orthodox judaism and used what looks like religious piety to have a good reason to swear off gay men, other than what would be a much cattier reason. But eager for attention, he starts touting himself as a rare voice against SSM who is (gasp!) actually a self-proclaimed BISEXUAL! Talk about a human interest story. He uses his newfound celebrit?© to exact revenge upon the community that has snubbed him, demanding appologies from them, something he probably never got nor will ever get from them while he was a gay man supporting the gay community. THEN, when he finally loses virtually every single ally in the gay community he might have still once had, and finding that the fundie Christians that control the anti-gay and anti-equality movements are not easy to relate to as a Jew, he gives up his anti-marriage fight. That’s how I interpret this whole mess. Do I care if it’s incorrect? Nope. Do I care if Benkof contradicts it with this reason or that reason? NOPE. It’s just an interpretation. No need to feel threatened by it.
Somethings of note:
1. He is quick to call gay MEN “cruel and selfish” but only as an after thought applies this to gay women.
2. Just because someone is the member of the same minority that you are doesn’t mean they have to like you – even if they, at the time, stand for the same things you stand for.
3. Trying to get back at an entire group of people for some things that a few people may have done to you does not display a very righteous attitude. Nor does it contribute to Tikkun Olam.
Wow, I just read Benkof’s Op-Ed and I have to completely agree with you Emily K — he really has issues and needs extensive therapy — although it sounds like everything that’s wrong in his life is someone else’s fault and may take years to analyze and treat his psychosis. Must have had one of those obsession relationships and then got dumped. Logic is his worst enemy. I’m just going to move on as he’s too far gone and not worth my time. If that’s selfish and cruel, he’s got only himself to blame, despite what he spouts.
It is stunning how often people like Greg A and Wayne Besen use mental illness as a way to beat up on people they disagree with. Greg A, you clearly have no idea of the terrible suffering and very real pain suffered by people who actually have mental illnesses. You’re like people who say “Jew me down” or “He gypped me” or “What a retard.” Given that the LGBT community spends relatively little energy helping members of our community who are in need – including those with mental illnesses – compared to the vast sums of money spent on semantic and symbolic issues some of which I have promised not to mention any more, it’s not surprising you would use mental illness as a weapon. But it is very, very sad. I almost never call gay people immoral for the way they have sex. But gay people using mental illness as a weapon while doing virtually nothing for gay people who actually are mentally ill? That is immoral.
[...] that the individuals behind this measure are reptilian at best, and distancing himself from them. [Truth Wins Out] SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: “Gay Uncle Tom backs away from hate amendment”, url: [...]
I admit I’m guilty of gloating and I won’t say I’m proud of feeling that way either . . .however, I cannot forget the lies, deceptions and misrepresentations that David has published over the past few months.
At every turn, honorable people have expended time and energy exposing his harmful and dangerous prose.
David has freely and recklessly provided fuel to anti-gay religious zealots. He’ distorted facts to create a smokescreen. The same people who were encouraging these fabrications are now using these words to promote their hate and fear-based program against decent, loving families.
The damage has been far-reaching and hurtful.
When this type of hate hits the core of ones humanity we have the choice to either take action or just take it.
I think that, perhaps David has experienced first hand the vitriol of his supposed cheerleaders.
I move forward as a skeptic of Davids intentions. . .warily move forward. I don’t think that’ unreasonable.
But I also move forward knowing that religious freedom, freedom from religion and freedom of speech are the things we all hold and defend to our core.
I posted this statement on another site, it still holds true.
But here, I also make a statement about the generosity of my peers as related to comment #13 above:
It might be wise to research before throwing out accusations about the commitment concerning mental health issues on an entire group of people that a person wishes to call “our community”. . .clearly that dance card was left empty a while ago.
The community David tries to both claim and vilify, does struggle to provide mental health services, as does every other community gay, straight, sacred and secular throughout our country. . .that struggle comes at the heels of opposition from many fronts but mostly out of fear. . . certainly not from generosity of the LGBT community.
Mental illness is not a weapon. It is a serious and tragic.
You say generous, I say selfish and cruel. Tomayto, tomahto.
It’s difficult for me to demostrate what I mean without referring to the subject I no longer discuss. But I stand by my statements.
While one may insist that it’s ‘the love that dare not speak it’s name’, it sounds much more like the type that just won’t shut up. Really – you no longer discuss it? Then why are you responding to every comment on someone else’s blog? I smell attention w***e.
As for blanket statements about the LGBT community “spending relatively little energy helping members of our community who are in need – including those with mental illnesses – compared to the vast sums of money spent on semantic and symbolic issues”. Really? Would you like to put your money where your mouth is? How many LGBT Community Centers have you visited or investigated? There are plenty of LGBTers who work every day to help their community, and millions of dollars raised to help those less fortunate within the community. If you don’t think SSM is important, then that’s your opinion. It doesn’t make it correct.
“What more do you want from me!” you cry. I’m happy to answer: Shut up already
Denial and childish rhetoric, followed with no truth or facts. . .another “I must have lost that email” statement.
I ditto Colette. . .well said.
OK Collette and Gary, I thought people liked having me respond to their comments. This will be my last comment on this thread. Have a good summer, everyone!
“It’ difficult for me to demostrate [sic] what I mean without referring to the subject I no longer discuss. But I stand by my statements.”
Spoken like a jilted lover.
No wonder he’s so bitter toward the “selfish and cruel” gay MEN. As in, the men he used to seek to have romantic relationships with.
Voldemort?. . .David must have lost his email as well.
“If, for example, you would like me to back off from my frequently stated position that many if not most gay men are “selfish and cruel,” your current approach is unlikely to be very effective.”
You try to make yourself sound like you’re some formidable person, but I continue to stand by MY position that you’re nothing more than a nut with an internet connection.
And yes, you’ve repeated your little lines enough, that even if you stopped entirely today, I still wouldn’t forgive you for your evildoings.
You’re barking up the wrong tree – I’m no hippie, unlike most gay people in the GLBT blogging community. You could get hit by a MACK truck, and I’d crack a joke about it. Your life is worth nothing to me. Most gay men aren’t cruel – but I am.
I resent that. I despise hippies and their “culture.” I am NOT some lesbo hippie. I’m also not a vegetarian.
LOL Emily – sorry if you’re truly offended by that statement. I don’t mean the stereotypical Woodstock hippie; I’m talking “kiss the asses of your enemies, and then maybe they’ll come around” hippies. f**k that! And f**k them!
Hey I know I said I’d stay away but I thought it was only fair to you guys to let you know of my new policy – Starting today, Wednesday, for every 50 needless insults supporters of “marriage equality” lob in my direction, I will write one op-ed in a major newspaper about why marriage is between a man and a woman (but not supporting Prop. 8). If it hits 250, I’ll go back to spending several hours a day disputing the “marriage equality” movements fraudulent arguments. Oh, and Scott? Death threats count as 10 needless insults. Keep going – I might write an op-ed just from Truth Wins Out alone! If so, I’ll be sure to dedicate it to you guys.
Keep throwing your tantrum, see if I care.
And FYI, the statement “you could get hit by a MACK truck, and I’d crack a joke about it” isn’t a death threat – unless I was the person driving; and beings I can’t drive a stick, that’s impossible! LOL
Even if I said “if Sally Struthers magically came falling from the sky like a bomb, landed on and crushed you, I’d STILL crack a joke” – that isn’t a death threat either.
Like most “christians”, you’re good at conjuring up death threats and nonexistent physical attacks in your pea brain, and trying to pass it off as fact with no evidence, marks or bruises. Wayne has firsthand experience in that, with PFOX and those lunatics.
And like most “christians”, please stop talking like you’re all high and mighty. Everyone knows that you believe all gay people are your n*****s, but you ain’t s**t.
And one last thing – why would anyone want to kill you, when it’s obvious being David Benkof is a fate worse than death itself?
Scott, I believe David is Jewish, not Christian. However, orthodox Christians and Orthodox Jews have similar views concerning same sex marriage and so I will correct your (bigoted) statement for you to let everyone know how the original statement sounds to an orthodox Christian:
“Like most Jews, you’re good at conjuring up death threats and nonexistent physical attacks in your pea brain, and trying to pass it off as fact with no evidence, marks or bruises. Wayne has firsthand experience in that, with PFOX and those lunatics.
And like most Jews, please stop talking like you’re all high and mighty. Everyone knows that you believe all gay people are your n*****s, but you ain’t s**t.”
Or since Christianity cannot be blamed for your problem with David perhaps the problem is not David’s religion but his sexuality, in which case your statement should read:
“Like most homosexuals, you’re good at conjuring up death threats and nonexistent physical attacks in your pea brain, and trying to pass it off as fact with no evidence, marks or bruises. Wayne has firsthand experience in that, with PFOX and those lunatics.
And like most homosexuals, please stop talking like you’re all high and mighty. Everyone knows that you believe all gay people are your n*****s, but you ain’t s**t.”
For the record, I am a Catholic and an unapologetic supporter of Proposition 8 (which, I guess, for reasons unknown to me, makes me toxic to David). They can make same sex marriage legal in all 50 states but it won’t change the truth about the matter. In this regard, same sex marriage reminds me very much of the abortion issue — we were all told when abortion was legalized that it would become normal. However abortion has not become normal and it never will become normal because the truth of the matter is that it is intriscally evil. So it is and will be with same sex marriage. (Not insignificantly, same sex marriage and abortion are linked both analytically (both derive from modern/utilitarian philosophies that posit radical autonomy as an ultimate good) and empirically (in the sense that there is a strong corelation between the religious/pro-lifers/ssm opponents on the one hand and the not very relious/pro-choicers/ssm advocates on the other).)
Good thing the laws of this country aren’t based on whether someone thinks something is “intrinsically evil.”
I also think it’s hilarious that such virulently anti-equality individuals get their kicks out of visiting sites like this. Do they really think they’re going to “convert” anything?
Emily K, hope springs eternal!! I have yet to bag a conversion but that is a poor excuse to stop trying! If Christ came into the life of Bob Dylan, He can come into your life too! I used to be an agnostic and dyed in the wool, hardcore liberal Democrat — I voted for Jimmy Carter, Walter Mondale, Michael Dukakis, and Bill Clinton (twice) — but God found me, so it can happen! Usually though I quit when the cursing gets too demoralizing. (Do you all on the left ever ask yourself why your side curses and our side does not, and what this difference means and reflects? Try living as though the Gospel were true — just try it.) And one more thing: you are not a “thing” — you are a person, a thought of God, loved by Him Who created you.
Eh, nevermind. This guy’s just a troll.
Kinda reminds me of Anthony Falzerano, LOLZ.
Posted by Dan:”you are a person, a thought of God, loved by Him Who created you.”
I agree. And I am just fine the way I am. So why do you feel this overwhelming urge and/or need to change what, by your own admission, was created by and from perfection? Playing God much? Oh, wait! I can see it coming! “God said he didn’t want anyone to live this way.” Now, did God tell you that, or did you read it in a book?
LOL Emily, my thoughts exactly. The way he seems to yap away, I wouldn’t be surprised if “Dan” is just a Benkof sock puppet.
And for the record, I don’t “have a problem with Benkof” – that would be like saying I have a “problem” with mosquitoes.
“intrinsically evil”
This coming from a religion who stares down little boys as if they’re an entree.
Scott, that’s not at all necessary or helpful. People could easily say the same thing about homosexuals and it would be just as untrue.
Catholics are actually some of the more liberal Christians I’ve met when it comes to progressive ideas and social justice.
Emily,
I have several friends who are very openly Catholic (some gay). And they’re also aware that I believe it’s fucked up that lines like “intrinsically evil” are being pointed at homosexuals, from their leaders – when they’re nothing more than ancient boy-fondling sissies, flauncing around the Vatican in disco capes.
I just wanted to complain about being compared to Dan, who brags about converting Jews. I went to the same Jewish summer camp as Bob Zimmerman, and he’s not Christian anymore, and if you keep bragging about converting Jews, I’m going to be tempted to tell you where you can put your mangod.
Well, Scott, if you want to stoop to the level of Fred Phelps, congratulations. I’m sure any debate team would run for their cars if they saw you coming.
Fred Phelps, no.
Statler and Waldorf, YES!!! LOL ;)
Wow amazing David is making the rounds telling everyone about his new point system. However, (crocadile tears falling from my eyes) he wont consider my insults as insults. I did let him know if he starts publishing I would send every publisher his latest comments on our blog. Here is what he told me after I challenged his threat to Rob and his allies on our blog.
David Benkof said…
Oh, great! The “Messianic” “Jew” who declared he would never speak to me again has begun to speak to me again. It’s a shame you’re not a supporter of “marriage equality” or else your post would count as several needless insults toward my new point-system.
So, I guess even tho he hates me being a Messianic Jew my responses to him do not count toward his insult points.
This guy needs help in the worst of ways.
LOL Justin, I’ve read “the threat” over on any blog I read regularly, which has mentioned his name in the past week or so.
I like how he tries to punish gays with his elementary school teacher tactics. Or like in Sunday School – if you’re not “fundie” enough, you don’t get the gold star sticker by your name on the posterboard – just a green star, or some other crappy color.
Bipolar. Party of one please.
Victor-
It hurts my feelings to have you suggest I’m bipolar just as much as if you said I have pancreatic cancer or heart disease – not at all. Most gay people are unbelievably insensitive to the suffering of people with legitimate mental illnesses, and many actually use mental illness as a weapon. It’s like the schoolyard taunt “you’re a retard!” Anyone who is actually familiar with the pain of people suffering from mental retardation would never use it as a weapon.
I have repeatedly said the LGBT community should take just a percentage of the millions of dollars currently spent on semantic, symbolic issues, and direct it toward the needs of LGBT people suffering from real afflicitions, like mental illnesses, addictions, sexually transmitted diseases, poverty, and homelessness. I have gotten virtually no response.
So go ahead, attack me using mental illness or any of the other real ailments facing LGBT people the community thinks are far less important than what word is used to describe exactly the same thing. It only underscores what kind of person you are – and I think history will not look kindly on the seriously confused priorities of the LGBT community.
I wonder how history would look on the priorities of someone like Mr. Biankopf, who spends so much time and energy promoting bigotry, hatred and discrimination against an entire class of his fellow human beings.
John-
Let’s agree to meet right here in 50 years and see how history has remembered the LGBT community and its present priorities. As well as how the whole “misspell his name, that’ll get ‘im” strategy of yours has worked out.
David, as long as you keep responding to when people purposefully misspell your name, they ARE getting you. They are trying to provoke a response. And they’re getting one. Just ignore it.
I continue to spell Mr. Bunkof’s name in various ways as a result of my first exposure to him at both Exgaywatch andd Box Turtle Bulletin.
While he spewed hate and made vile pronouncements about gay people, he seemed to suddenly become sensitive about something as petty as how his name was spelled. It struck me as disengenuous at best, and was probably just another of his bizarre tactics in trying to shut down others and create diversions. I also suspect that he wants to get attention and be referenced heavily on Google.
He has shown no respect to an entire class of people, yet demands that we bow and address him on his terms. I simply choose not to do so.
Oh please! Everyone has been VERY sensitive to the mental illness issue, and you should be happy that enough gay people care about you to suggest you get help.
Just like you try to coax mentally vulnerable gay people into “ex-gay therapy”, we’re trying to coax you into getting some REAL therapy. And not from some loon who got his “degree” from a Cheerio’s box top mail-in order, like pretty much every “ex-gay therapist”.
Here’s my opinion on the whole issue, which includes people like yourself, Mr. Benko. I posted this on another blog, in a post related to you:
“As much as I hate saying something mean LOL, I have to be honest and say anyone with uncontrolled mental illness should be in no place of power.
And it’s no big secret that many (if not ALL) of those people in the “pro-family movement” – at least those who claim to be “christian”, but act anything BUT Christian – are nuttier than hell. Several paranoid schizophrenics, several “former abusers” of some heavy s**t, like crystal meth.
I love my friends and family members who suffer from severe mental illness – but would I want them in a position to control public policy in this country? NO!
Would I give them a podium or forum to plagiarize ‘The Eternal Jew’ to a large audience of mostly nutballs? NO!
Would I be open to somebody with Tourettes controlling anything that has to do with the well-being of citizens? I don’t think so.
It has nothing to do with discrimination, it’s just that I don’t trust their f*****g brains – it’s nothing personal.”
Scott-
Do you even know anything about me? Like, the fact that I have denounced ex-gay therapy and I have never been Christian? If you want to criticize me for things I say or things I believe, fine, we can have a conversation. But if you just make things up, pretend I believe them, and oh-so-cleverly rebut them, I’m simply aghast at your poor argumentation skills.
Emily K-
I know that when someone on your side throws me a softball, you don’t want me to hit it out of the park. Since some people actually have arguments that require me to think, it’s fun to point out what a large percentage of the debate on your side is so mindless. If it bothers you that John exposes himself so with inane debating tactics, you should think of a way to make him go away, not me.