During CPAC, in a desperate last-ditch effort to claim the mantle of “cool” among…well, anyone really…CPAC enlisted the help of the super-lame, super-moron Baldwin brother, the “Stephen” one, and held a special “cool” event for the “young hippity hoppity fly” conservatives, called XPAC. This one passage, and the accompanying article, should give you a reasonable gauge for how much steam the conservative movement has left, demographically:

“I know you don’t hear the word gnarly too much in conservative circles, but you’re gonna start hearing it in the future!” the 44-year-old ex-actor told a crowd of about 200 assembled youths. “We’re gonna just keep this kind of loose and fun.” The potbellied Baldwin‚Äîbrother of Alec and, well, Billy and Danny, too‚Äîwore a gold necklace and green striped v-neck under his sports jacket, which was over his jeans and chunky skater shoes. He soon yielded the stage to Mike Huckabee, who in a pre-recorded message, introduced one of the evening’ main attractions, his daughter Sarah. The smell of Chick-fil-A filled the air, as attendees noshed on chicken fingers and meatballs, the sounds of Guitar Hero emanating from behind them.

Welcome to the playpen.

Wow, we are going to be hearing “gnarly” in the future in conservative circles? WITH CHIKIN SAMMICHES?

Well, hold me, Jesus! It’s frickin’ Romper Room with Stephen Baldwin!


As Carroll talked, the night’ “jam session” was beginning‚Äîthey had moved it up from the originally scheduled time of 11:00 p.m., realizing that no one would come‚Äîbut most people had already filtered out as the rapper Politik took the stage. “I see y’all leaving over there!” he shouted at back of the room. “I’ve got a message!” One mom sat bobbing her head to his tea-party-centric rhymes (“two-thousand-nine, dangerous times, socialist agenda that they want us to sign!”).

What what what!

“You can clap if you want to, it always makes me feel better,” Politik told the sparse audience.

The miggity miggity miggity miggity mack daddy…

By 9:45, it wasn’t the kids hanging out, but the adults. The event’ co-host, Christian radio talk show host Kevin McCullough, played Wii bowling, while Baldwin chowed down on McDonalds. “Whee! We having fun yet?” he said.

T-Bird that’s just my baby daddy!

Harris admits that Republicans have a youth problem‚Äî”It’ the most uncool, lame thing to be a Republican when you’re 20,” he says.

Any age, really. Don’t limit it to the 20-something set!

But it’ not clear that the CRs have a better plan than Baldwin and McCullough. I asked how young Republicans can make inroads on their campus, and the answer, according to Harris, is “stuff.”

Seriously, read the whole thing. It just gets worse (for them) and funnier (for us).

(h/t Kyle)