Omighaa, you guys, this guy is totally not gay anymore, and he’s going to tell you all about it!
Choire Sicha posted this at The Awl with the description, “Former Gay Speaks (Well, Lisps) Against Gayness…WHILE WEARING AN ASCOT.”
Yes, Choire, yes, he does.
In case you can’t watch it, here is a live-blog:
0-0:30: He talks like Jan Hooks’ character on SNL in that sketch about Southern women where they would repeat “Oh, that’s greeeeat. She’s GREEEAT, oh, that’s GREEEEEEEAT!”, except instead of that, he’s shaking his head and saying “They’re kicking against GOOOOOOD, it’s an abomination, y’all!”
0:35: Girlfriend it is such a sin to be gay!
1:00: Is that an ascot or one of those terr’ist headscarves Rachael Ray wore a couple of years ago, the one that caused Michelle Malkin to go on a deranged rampage against Dunkin’ Donuts?
1:18: Girlfriend, sometimes God just has to CRACK THAT WHIP!
1:41: “Plumbline” is where we need to be with the word of God. “Plumbline,” said the gay man with the scarf who is not gay.
1:45: ALL ANGRY NOW, “Homosexuals will be damned to hell and RIGHTLY SO!” He is so angry that he banged his jazz hands together for emphasis!
1:50: Gays should be quarantined because otherwise we will try to bring gangrene into heaven! And then God was all “Oh no you diiiii-int!”
2:00-2:10: Lots of panting as he says “God” and “Yes” over and over again. This guy has the HOTS for God.
2:30-3:00: All gays have no fathers. No fathers have all gays. Homosexuality is the worst depravity, OMG, the worst.
3:00-3:25: A whole section, screencapped above, where he uses his descriptive hands to show everybody what it looks like to be in a cage, trying to fondle cup GRASP one’s own true identity, but, like Tantalus with two low hanging grapes…
3:25: This guy, Adam Hood, went so far as to be pleasured by homosexual sex! Sex should not be fun, says fundamentalists! Sex should be like a chore, only to be done with the lights off, with people to whom you are not attracted!
3:45-4:15ish: A whole section where the guy tries just a little bit too hard to explain why gay sex is OMG gross. Around 4:12 he accidentally shifts from an “ewwwww, so dirty” face to a “purrrrrrr, so dirty” face, but he catches himself.
And that’s it!
Everybody place your bets in the “When will Adam Hood fall off the wagon into a pile of men?” lottery. My money is on “Sometime next Tuesday.”
UPDATE: If you have the stomach for more crazy from Adam Hood, here’s his conversion video, which includes the following quote:
“Martyr me for Jesus, I mean, I want it! In God’s timing, you know! But far be it from me to ever bow to the intimidation of the spirit of this age, or be ashamed of the Gospel. OH HELL NO.” Here, he actually snaps his Not Gay fingers. Then, from 5:50 to the end or so, is one of the most special things I have ever witnessed, as he, insanely, talks about his wedding night with the foolish girl he married. I can’t even describe it.
Another fucked up failure who’s discovered that mental is less detectable if you’re hiding out among the religious.
Wow! You weren’t exaggerating, were you? If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought it was a parody.
Another fucked up failure who’ discovered that mental illness is less detectable if you’re hiding out among the religious.
You forgot gold LAME’ ascot. My god…
My video was the week before. It think I come off as a bit more sane. I am a straight Evangelical activist and love my GLBT friends. My view on Romans: http://www.ficcsf.com/ Go watch the series and comment so there are GLBT people represented.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL — IS THIS THING FOR REAL???? OMFG ><
OMG y’all have to go back up to the post b/c I updated it with his hilarious conversion video where he starts talking about how he screamed at Jesus while he was having sex with his wife.
…if this man was any gayer he would pass Liberace levels, and I’m sorry no one should be gayer than Liberace…no one.
obviously, he must know Rep Aaron Schrock1
would the scarf go with the ‘teal’ belt? nahhhhhhhhh…
YOu have to love how he says, “it’s so dirty” like he’s about to squirm in his chair before he remembers that “dirty” is a bad thing.
Kathy,
You brought me to tears.
Dirty. Dirrrrrty. Who’s a dirty boy?
And yes, Kathy, with the tears.
Circus act…
What, Wayne, you don’t believe him?
;-)
Wait, are we sure this isn’t a put-on. Maybe this is his SNL audition or something.
This is what drugs do to people – not homosexuality. He may have dropped the drugs, now he needs to drop the straight act. All in good time …
I KNOW, Daniel, but we’ve been assured it’s for realz.
I want to put it on Funny or Die.
here’s a link to his blog that hasn’t been updated since 11/09: http://24hourbride.wordpress.com/
And a link to his and his wife’s facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=607239814
Oh, Lee, I was just at both of those places!
I really like the entry on the blog about the Not Gay Praise Parade, where it wasn’t about homosexicality or abortion, even though Adam is a former gay abortion, but about PAGEANTRY instead.
Waaay too much DRAMA to garner Pity for personal gain. From his mom being in an Abortion Clinic and couldn’t do it, no dad, broken family, druggie at 13, got involved in San Fran Gay Community (maybe had a sugar daddy), underground scene, best looking boyfriend, martyr for Jesus, I love women, blah, blah, blah…
Yeah, there’s no such thing as an ‘ex-gay’ who wasn’t completely fucked up in some other way that has nothing to do with their sexuality. They have to have the trauma/addiction/whatever else, so that their religious handlers can teach them to blame all their poor choices/circumstances on their sexuality, for their leaders’ personal gain.
His exgay narrative is so cliche–one, his mother almost aborted him (who actually would tell a child this unless you want to hurt him/her); second, he had a drug addiction and became sober (this is common to every single narrative); third, at some point he is approached to be involved in Satanism and witchcraft (what gay person has been approached to be a Satanist–ridiculous); fourth, he does not say he is attracted to women–he is attracted only to his wife and enjoys pleasuring her (Chambers says the same thing); fifth, he is fatherless.
The weird difference here is he calls gay “culture” celebrity culture–he became gay because he wanted to be a celebrity. That is so silly–most gay people live very normal, average lives. However, he did not attain celebrity in the gay world, so he is trying to gain it in the Evangelical world, which is much more celebrity oriented.
This really is one of the most hilarious ex-gay things I have ever seen.
Wooooow… He’s almost poe material.
Why do i feel sorry for this mincing hetero?
He looks like one of the singers in the gay band “Army of Lovers”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYT2aWavXlc
This guy is fabulous! He is so not homosexual, but has so totally perfected the flaming-bitchy-queen persona. With a flair for the dramatic, he’ got it all — the costume, the over-the-top hyperbole, the sweeping hand/arm gestures, and the vocal inflections, including my personal favorite, his riveting lapses into breathiness.
Since this guy is married, I guess it means that God is okay with flaming bitchy queens as long as they struggle to have sex with women who have been enticed into marrying them. So God hates the sin, loves the sinner, but He apparently has so little love for women that He’ willing to see them enticed (or more often duped) into marrying guys who have no sexual desire for them. And that’ called timeless Biblical morality. It’ marriage as God designed it to be.
[...] definition of the word. Or wait, I thought they said they were. SO CONFUSING, these ex-gays! What kind of an ascot does Elena Kagan wear? Because apparently ex-gays have an Ascot Code that tells you exactly what [...]
This guy didn’t make it in the regular entertainment industry and has found a niche. People will do ANYTHING for money…
Oh WOW! Okay, first it was the white youth listening to rap and dressing like a black hoodlum. They got labeled “Wiggers”. The black community complained bitterly about how the whites are taking their “heritage and art”. Maybe we need to come up with a label with this poof as the ring leader. “Caggot” for conservative faggot. “Evangelica”…Hey, that almost sounds good enough for prime-time drag! “Querrican”. I’m just not hitting the mark but, it’s coming.
“All gays have no fathers.”
Ooookaaayyy. Then I guess I just sent 2 DVD’s and a book plus last Sunday called a complete stranger to wish him a “Happy Father’s Day”.
What a lunatic! LOL
When your life is out of control and you feel like you are underwater and about to drown, most of us will do anything we can to end the chaos and find safety. Healthy people don’t get into the addictive downward spirals that “unhealthy” people do, whether because of better parenting/ familial support, genetic predisposition, or simple life circumstances. I’ve noticed that the most chaotic lives often need the most radical brake, for people to stop the positive feedback loops they are descending into. People who are desperate want relief from their symptoms NOW! and if something gives them that relief, they will grab it and ask questions later. I am sure that Adam now feels calmer & more centered, part of something bigger than himself (god and his new christianist family) and that he is letting others make sense of it all for him. I have no doubt that Adam needed a radical break from drugs, his peers and sexual acting out to find himself. The “safe haven” he found unfortunately, has a price for this new-found security. As Adam dries out he may realize that he is still not whole and in equilibrium with who he really is, and he will start to grow again. It is sad that it takes fundamentalist religion of any stripe to get some people started on clean & sober.
I don’t even dress like that and I am still gay.
Who does he think he is, Paula Deen from the Food Network?
Seems like he’s trying to channel the spirit of Paul Lynde.
That has got to be one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. Wow…
This week’s video on Recycle Your Faith highlights a gay pastor who came out to his church on a sunday morning. On the Wrong Side of History
I’m assuming you’re Craig, the guy who did these videos, so I’m really curious to what end you’re giving a platform to someone like Adam Hood, unless it’s just for the comedy gold aspect. It’s one thing for us to laugh at them (and we are) but I’m more worried about a random kid who’s trapped in a family with that sort of utterly apeshit worldview who, himself, is gay, who might see that video and be filled with false hope because somebody like Adam Hood shows him how to scapegoat his sexuality for his own poor, pathetic choices in life, and how to make sure the only thing that stays consistent throughout is one’s own delusions of grandeur.
There are times when, truly, not every story has two sides, and nothing is gained by trying to pretend that there is, or try to “respect all viewpoints.”
Okay now that I have stopped laughing (and please note that it took me a week), let me address a couple of issues with Mr Hood:
1)”All gays have no fathers.” Wrong. I had mine until I was thirty. He never beat me or laid a hand on me in anger. In fact we were extremely close.
2)The mother-in-the-abortion-clinic thing: Well I am sorry if that is your story, but my parents tried for years to have children, and had nearly given up hope and decided to adopt when they had me and then my brother just a year later. And they were married ten years when I was born, so I think it’s a safe bet that my Mom wanted me.
3) The “gay-culture-is-celebrity-culture” thing: Well, I was an actor in New York City for ten years in the late Eighties/early Nineties, but while I did get some interesting work, I never became a celebrity, and in the end I decided to give it up for a more stable source of income. In short, I am pretty much a nobody. Still gay though.
4) The “You-Can’t-Be-Gay-And-Be-A-Christian” thing: Wrong again. I have been a Christian since I was five years old, and despite life’s ups and downs I still have my faith. I didn’t realize I was gay until I was about ten, and couldn’t really put a name to it until I was about thirteen. Did that make me suddenly lose my faith? Don’t be ridiculous.
5) With all due respect, Mr Hood, you are pathetic.
[...] a year ago, I posted this video from purported “ex-gay” Adam Hood under the headline “Gayest ‘Ex-gay’ [...]