If the tables were turned, and gay people could simply 1) criminalize their private, adult, consensual relationshiops (as was the case until 2003 for us – with their support)

2) vote away (or take away through the court system)
their right to any relationship recognition (including all of the economic benefits such as health insurance that so many of their spouses receive as a result, and all of other even more important benefits, such as the right to be considered next of kin without worrying about legal challenges from other kin)
3) take away their right to rear their own offspring (either because we’ve criminalized their sexual relationships or declared them, without evidence, “unfit to be parents” or a “threat to children,”

wouldn’t they think we were hateful?

I would think so. These are violent acts toward a group of people. Taking away a child from a gay parent(Sharon Bottoms comes to mind, as does Janet Jenkins) is violence, just as what happened to Matthew Shepard (and Judy and Dennis Shepard) is violence.

I would think that many of them would want to exact violence toward us if we could and did do the things to them that they have done to us (and many of these political/religious groups continue to seek to do to us).

The stress that our relationships endure because they are vulnerable in states that deny recognition for same-sex couples or same-sex couples raising children harms us in ways unimaginable.

It is surely violence and they would think so if it were done to them.