Antigay activist Jeff Konrad wrote “You Don’t Have to Be Gay” in 1987.
Allow me to say that again: 1987.
That is the same year when Bruce Willis released his debut album of musical greats, Ronald Reagan and Oliver North proudly traded weapons to Islamic terrorists, and A Flock of Seagulls broke up.
And I was finishing college, studying archaeology among other subjects. Who could have known then, that an ex-gay ministry would someday dig up this ancient year, dust it off, and sell it as something fresh and cutting-edge?
Exodus Youth has done just that: It has posted a fresh book review about this old dinosaur of a book, bringing to mind a certain story about new wine being poured into old wineskins. (But I’m sure Exodus has never read that book.)
Does Exodus hope to fool a new generation with ancient literature? Or is the organization perhaps trying to clear its warehouse amid a serious financial crisis? You can buy it for $14.99 from Exodus, by the way — or for 50 cents from my attic.*
Little surprises me about the ex-gay movement, but even I was a bit surprised at how little Exodus has evolved or learned in the past 23 years. Amid discussions between Konrad and future Focus on the Family activist Mike Haley, the book features all-too-familiar self-pitying rubbish that insults both parents and real-world gay men, whose masculinity in the armed services strikes fear in the hearts of today’s insecure male homophobes:
“Homosexuals detach from their fathers to prevent further hurt and/or not to identify with them. For some this may have been an unconscious, subtle detachment. But for others, it was an overt vow not to be anything like their father” (p.46)
and
“Behind these homosexual temptations…behind these homosexual ‘orientations’…is a root problem of envy…Men who are unaffirmed in their masculinity often don’t see their own masculine traits. They see only their undesirable traits, or they’re so consumed with what they want that they don’t recognize what they have” (p.81 & 82).
This sort of unfounded nonsense set off red flags for me in college when I was evaluating my future in religion, and thus it spared me a journey through the hell that other people have endured in the movement.
A quarter-century later, an unreformed Exodus is still wigging people out with the exact same bizarre and ultimately unsuccessful message.
A Flock of Seagulls knew when to quit. Exodus still doesn’t.
yes, but unlike my time with Exodus I still like to listen to A Flock of Seagulls.
Actually, Exodus is incorrect. Fathers detach themselves from their sons when they realize their sons are gay, which is the opposite of what is perceived by Exodus and why gay men are generally not close to their fathers. Fathers become distant, withdrawn, and often times, abusive to their sons in order to make their sons more masculine while attempting to change a behavior that cannot be changed. When this tactic fails, fathers become distant to their sons. This abuse, often times creates disdain towards the parent(s). A father’s alienation of affection is caused by the father’s lack of understanding and acceptance to their son’s sexual orientation and societal pressure to conform. Through no fault of the child; being gay is the condition which causes the parent to become alienated from their children, not the other way around. Alienation of affection is not the cause of a person being gay.
GWMsingle is spot-on with his analysis of the dynamic between many gay men and their fathers. I suspect mothers often sense this and become protective of their gay sons in response.
A lot of Exodus and narth dogma is based on some works by a theologian (a non-subject if ever there was one) called elizabeth moberly, who was not a scientist, but someone who read some freud, liked it, had some thoughts about it, and wrote a book on it. And it became ‘gospel’.
Militant anti-gay, “ex-gay” advocacy group Exodus needs money to pay its professional “ex-gays” to tell the world how “changed” they are. Unless the money keeps pouring in, who will they find to trumpet their fraud?
Just re-read Exodus website ‘testimonials’. The majority are from persons working in the ex-gay ‘industry’ or for other ministries. Vested interests anybody?
This review is like trying to keep a hot air balloon inflated. A lot of hot air is needed to give it that full, elgant ascent. But now on the ground, half deflated, immovable, we see a man with small electric hair-dryer desperately trying to force some heat into the lifeless, limp membrane.
Moberly has a lot to answer for.
“…real-world gay men, whose masculinity in the armed services strikes fear in the hearts of today’s insecure male homophobes”
Brilliant, Michael. That deserves to be counted as one of the quotes of the year.
GWM– the reverse oedipus complex is well known. I was speculating aobut 25 years ago.
However, I will have to disagree iwth the statement “why gay men are generally not close to their fathers.”
Some are and some aren’t. Of the six men that I have had serious relationships with for the past 40 years, 4 were close, tow were not. The two that wrere not had fathers iwth serious issues. I was not close to my father after I came out, but we had a decent, though not great, relationship before.
I would agree with this: The incidence of gay men with father issues is probably somewhat higher per their percentage of the population than is true for heterosexual men.
You’re right Ben. I know a lot of heterosexual men who aren’t close to their fathers.
“Does Exodus hope to fool a new generation with ancient literature?”
They’ve been fooling people with literature older than that for centuries. To them 1987 is practically the wave of the future.