So, as you might already know, Labor Day weekend in New Orleans means Southern Decadence, one of the biggest, craziest gay festivals in existence. Fun is had by all, unless you’re really trying not to have fun, in which case, why are you there?
Anyway, as you might imagine, whenever a certain number of gays are gathered in the same place, another contingent tends to show up: the Christian protesters, with their loving signs! Great fun.
A friend of mine just posted these pictures on Facebook:
In case you can’t read that, here are all the people who are going to hell, according to these dillweeds:
Fake Christians, Abortionists, Jesus Mockers, Fornicators, Rebellious Women, MUSLIMS, Disobedient Children, Masturbators, Sport Nuts [what?], The Prideful, Hypocrites, Crossdressers, Buddhists, Good People [even the Good People?], Thieves, Inventors of Evil, Homosexuals [it took them that long to mention the fags? Do they know where they are? These people are obviously not Westboro-grade professionals], Party Animals [specifically Parker Posey], Idolators, Adulterers, LIARS, Anarchists, Catholics, Murderers, Atheists [can't get me if I don't believe in you], Pornofreaks [that's a cool compound word, I think], Liberals, Satanists, Cowards, False Teachers, Hindus, and Money Lovers.
Idiots forgot the Jews. How the hell did they forget the Jews?
Amateurs.
Also, they have a question for the people there:
Why no, I am not, and neither are my friends who took this, but thank you for axing, have a nice day?
These people. Sheesh. At least they’re entertaining.
Have you ever noticed that a******s who feel it’s their duty to warn others about hell never expect to be going there themselves?
Convenient, don’tcha think?
“You know you’ve created God in your own image when He hates all the same people you do.”
Anne Lamott.
I used to be one of those douchebags back in 2008. Now, not anymore.
God’s barf? Really? That’s rather funny.
Do they show up when straight folks have their “decadent” events? Just curious.
At least they are equal opportunity bigots.
@Bill…THAT explains why they added “good people” to the list of those going to hell! They sure as hell don’t have to worry about that. I’m just glad to know I’m safe as a Jew. Its a shame about the masturbators, though. ;)
The Bible doesn’t even condemn masturbation. In fact it doesn’t even MENTION it.
But it’s not like these people really know much about the Bible, is it?
Just wave a copy of the Origin of Species in their faces.
This is why I am glad that there is no celestial dictator watching my every move and ready to convict me of thought crime at any opportunity. Who wants to go to heaven, and stand eternally praising the Great Leader and his son the Dear Leader. At least in North Korea, you can die and get out of it.
After reading that long list …is there anyone left? Who ISN’T going to hell?
Masturbation is a form of homosexuality according to a certain line of thinking in the fundamentalist world. Hey, it’s sex with someone of your own gender (most of the time). They also warn boys that masturbation can actually lead to homosexuality–just to pile up the paranoia and hysteria! Kids don’t have enough worries–they need to be constantly warned that watching the wrong movie, playing with the wrong toys, wearing the wrong shirt, and touching yourself will make you gay, which is the worst thing anyone can be. I view those kinds of threats as child abuse.
@Neal: I’ve never heard a fundie say that before. Although my younger brothers used to think that only homos masturbate, and hence would never admit to doing it. Of course they were still kids when they believed that.
I HAVE heard a fundie call it a form of adultry, because it’s sex outside of marriage. Which is even crazier.
John Smid, former leader of Exodus’ Love In Action boot camp, taught that masturbation can cause homosexuality.
http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/2008/02/19/1457
John Smid is a moron.
Maybe not so much, now. He has been retracting and apologizing for some of his work at LIA.
Apparently all the fun people will be going to hell.
It’s not surprising to hear that masturbation can cause homosexuality. After all, last year we heard from the Values Voters Summit that “All Porn is Gay Porn” There is simply no limit to what can become Magic Reality for people living in a fact-free superstitious fantasy-land.
Just something I might add to the conversation: Yes,masturbation is mentioned in the Bible, but under another name: The sin of Onan.
In the Old Testament, Onan was a servant of God who was asked to have sex with one of his handmaidens in order to produce an heir to the Jewish nation. Onan, however, had no love in his heart for this handmaiden because she was homely looking. So he came up with a plan to have “coitus interuptus” with her..read: I’ll have sex with her and then spill my seed outside of her so she does not get pregnant. So Onan did this and the Lord struck him down DEAD!…
Okay, I paraphrased it a bit, but that basically was the jest of the story…
That’s not quite the story. The woman was his sister-in-law. After her husband died, he was obliged to make her prenant. The baby would be considered his brothers, and inherit his brother’s property. Onan pulled out, as you said, and was struck dead. His father was convinced she was cursed, and wouldn’t let Onan’s brother have a crack at her, so she devised a plan: she went to a neighboring city and disguised herself as a prostitute. The she had sex with Onan’s father (that must have been one helluva disguise, since he didn’t recognize her. Did she talk differently too? That’s one of those plot holes that tips you off that this is a folk tale), and later returns home, pregnant. At first, her father-in-law threatens to burn her alive, until she prove’s he’s the baby’s father.
The people in the Bible have way more depraved sex lives than is ever dreamed of outside the Springer show.
Many years ago an Evangelical pastor I knew told me with a straight face that masturbation was a “gift from God”.
His was a minority opinion but very a interesting one.
This is presumably another example of that “biblical sexuality” to which Exodus refers.
“Many years ago an Evangelical pastor I knew told me with a straight face that masturbation was a “gift from God”.
His was a minority opinion but very a interesting one.”
In the sense that God made my arms reach below my waist, I suppose that is correct.
God’s barf? Sounds like a rock band, or a goofy blog name.
I am glad to see them at least they are standing for what they believe in. Just like the Gays are everyone is being bold, both gays and preachers. Great that we live in a country where you can stand for what you want.
[...] that his last name means something really icky. My friends went to New Orleans and found some entertaining anti-gay Christian protesters down there. And Mike Heath, formerly of the Christian Civic League of Maine is sadly, and [...]
One of those signs are right. Everyone is hellbound until they see that the ONLY way to Heaven is through the Blood of Jesus. I was going to Hell until I realized this. Don’t think so? Check your Bible
Casey: What part of the buybull would you have us check? Why should anyone believe anything written in the buybull? It is a collection of writings written over several hundred years by a diverse group of authors during the bronze age. None of it is factual, its all hearsay. The theology of Yahweh, even though modified by the followers of Jesus/Paul some, is still barbaric and tribal and no amount of excuse making or apologetics can fool rational thinking people into believing it. Your proselytizing is meaningless.
With its lawsuit against the City University of New York’s black wedding invitations
Evers College still pending, a criminal justice think tank run by the formerly incarcerated has departed that Brooklyn campus, settling into temporary quarters as it waits for permanent digs at the State University of New York at Old Westbury.
Directors of the Center for NuLeadership on Urban Solutions said the SUNY campus on Long Island is one of pink wedding invitations
aiming to partner with the center whose dispute with Merger Evers’ president of almost two years is one of several conflicts that continue to stir a headline-grabbing debate over the college’s future focus and direction. The Rev. Calvin Butts, a prominent Harlem pastor and Old Westbury red wedding invitations
, extended the invitation to NuLeadership.
nice and good.