If you’re a regular reader [and really, why wouldn’t you be?], you remember that last week, a bakery in Indianapolis came under fire for refusing to fill an order for rainbow cupcakes for the gay group at Indiana University Purdue University-Indianapolis. At first they claimed that they could not do cupcakes, but the owner admitted that he was scared that, if they made gay cupcakes, his impressionable daughters would turn into raging bull-dykes or something.
Well, the story is finding its way into the Christian “news” sources, and the results are predictably a perfect confection [see what I did there?] of hilarity/faux-victimization/stupidity, and everything else you’d expect from OneNewsNow. Here’s their headline:
Bakery displays morals, now faces eviction
The bakery, itself, you see, is a bigot.
Controversy arose this week after the owners of the bakery cited moral objections to a special-order request for rainbow-decorated cookies for next week’s “National Coming Out Day” observance at a nearby university campus. Stockton told the caller he did not feel comfortable in supporting homosexual values, especially because it would not set a good example for his two daughters.
Ya know…I just don’t see how, in the real world, taking money to make cupcakes in the color of the rainbow is “supporting homosexual values.” It’s a business transaction. I’m quite sure David Stockton has sold cupcakes to lots of people who would make him soil his britches if he knew anything about them.
Micah Clark of the American Family Association of Indiana says there are reports the city might evict Stockton, citing a local “anti-discrimination” statute.
“Indianapolis passed a sexual-orientation city ordinance five years ago,” Clark explains. “…We warned [at that time] that this type of thing would happen if they passed an ordinance elevating a sexual behavior to the same moral equivalent of race or skin color.”
I don’t yet know if the AFA of Indiana is making stuff up for victimization purposes or not, but the thing about anti-discrimination ordinances is that everybody has to play by the same rules. So.
Had the shop filled the special order, the owner felt he would be providing a microphone for homosexuals to celebrate their lifestyle.
Again, he would have been providing…cupcakes.
“If this were a Muslim-owned bakery, what would happen?” he wonders.
They probably would have made cupcakes.
In an interview with the Star, the AFA of Indiana spokesman argued for the rights of business owners. “It’s one thing if someone walks into a store and buys a cookie off the shelf, but [the Stocktons] were being asked to become part of the [pro-homosexual] celebration.
Wait, were they held down and forced to make cupcakes? A BAKERY?! What is the world coming to?
So, yeah, this is all pretty funny. The Great Christian Cupcake Crusade.
General JC Christian entertained me endlessly by writing a letter to said Cupcake Crusader, David Stockton, on Jesus’ General. The General understands Stockton’s fears, all too well:
Lord knows what kind of depraved pokey-pokey-sit-and-spin games they would have played with them. I can almost picture rainbow crumbs and frosting exploding from between their thighs like some magnificent multi-hued volcanic eruption somewhere deep in that land where the Care Bears live. Tongues, wicked searching tongues would follow, seeking the sweet rainbow goo splattered across all that hairy flesh, and no doubt, topping a few man-thingy helmets like colorful plumes of tasty Grecian iniquity.
Oh, God, Ohhh, Ohhh, Ohhh. Yeah.
Uh, um, yes. Wicked, wicked, wicked, worldly cupcake games.
Read the whole thing, for The General would like to thank David Stockton for his courage, and has come up with the perfect way to recognize him. Hint: it involves honey, naked bodies, and squirrels.