Hark!, for heterosexual male college students have begun writing editorials explaining The Gayness to us, so that we may all read and learn!

A student at the University of Alabama named Michael Patrick took to his school’s paper to explain that the gay teen suicides of the past several weeks are very tragic, yes, but part of the blame should be assigned to older gay people for being so damned gay. I’m not kidding:

I agree that FOX News personalities and right-wing politicians spewing anti-gay rhetoric have blood on their hands, but the blame does not stop there.

Older gay men and women are also in many ways responsible for the anti-gay atmosphere that has led teens to kill themselves over their own sexuality.

The gay culture has been aggressively pushing a counter-heteronormative agenda that demonizes anything that would typically be considered heterosexual. Many homosexuals take on a flamboyant lifestyle filled with drug use and promiscuous sex, and the media helps perpetuate the idea that this is the normal lifestyle of all gay men and women.

Uh, Michael, no. I agree that stereotyping is a problem, but the fact that you may have seen a pride parade on the teevee does not make you an expert on gay culture, first of all. I’ve been out of the closet for quite a while, and I don’t see any “demonization” of “heterosexual” things. I see a culture that encourages people to embrace who they are. The fact is that some gay men are more flamboyant. Others aren’t.

I’m not asking gay men and women to begin marching in suits and ties, but these types of demonstrations are doing nothing more than highlighting the differences in gay and straight culture. Homosexuals need to begin stressing the similarities between gay and straight.

You see, if gays just acted exactly like straight people, we’d never have these problems! Here’s the thing: straight people have debauched parades and celebrations, too. Anyone heard of Cancun on Spring Break?

Older gay men and women should spend less time attacking blatantly homophobic figureheads, because they pose less of a threat to gay teens than these silent homophobes perpetuating the notion that a person cannot be gay and normal.
For instance, gay adults should avert their attacks from men like Pat Robertson, who has equated homosexuality to “having sex with ducks” and pedophilia, to people like Perez Hilton and Adam Lambert, who reinforce the idea that you must be gay or normal and that being both is not a realistic option.

Thank you, heterosexual male Southern writer, for man-splaining to everybody exactly how gays should be.  We bow to your expertise and will consult you in the future before we make any decisions.

Gays in America need to make a culture adjustment; otherwise the next time a homosexual teen commits suicide, they might be holding the rope.

Screw you.

And kids, just be who you are. Straight people don’t all fit the same “mold” either.

Okay, the next editorial is probably even more offensive, because it was written by some straight male writer at RUTGERS, which complains that, you know, Rutgers isn’t able to properly mourn the loss of Tyler Clementi, because the media won’t go away, blah blah blah, why is this about “gays,” blah blah blah:

The death of University student Tyler Clementi might have been properly mourned if it were not for the massive rallies and aggressive news coverage that altered the nature of the situation. The truth is that an 18-year-old boy killed himself – he was a student just like the rest of us, someone just trying to receive an education. Yet people’s relentless agendas took his death and turned it into a cause based on false pretenses.

A crowd of more than 20 people ended up lying outside the entrance of the Rutgers Student Center on the College Avenue campus the first night of the news breaking. The chants were, “We’re here. We’re queer. We want safety in our homes.” The mistake was that Clementi’s death should not have been turned into a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender protest for gay rights and safe spaces at the University. Robert O’Brien, Department of Anthropology assistant instructor, led the rally as he chanted, “Not safe in dorms, not safe at Rutgers.” Essentially, an angry mob fending for their rights turned the death of a young boy into a cause for “safe spaces” for gays across the University – all the while, these spaces already existed. We have groups across campus that deal with students’ psychological difficulties – 17 Seconds is one that deals with suicides – as well as groups that address their sexual orientation. We have these spaces, and the University community is diverse enough to provide students with whatever it is they need.

The focal point of Clementi’s tragic death should have been a boy’s inability to deal with the hardships of life. And yet the news and certain organizations picked this up and carried it into the ranks of general causes for major social groups – for their profit. Did Tyler really feel unsafe after all? Do we know the reason behind his suicide? Do we know if he, himself, would take part in the movement behind his death – the push for safe spaces?

It is disappointing that everyone from news to celebrities picked up the story. Actress Brittany Snow and actor Neil Patrick-Harris are just two of the many celebrities belittling Clementi’s death – forcing his remembrance into a cause rather than a proper mourning.

We did not know Tyler.

Obviously.

Turning his death into a push for gay rights is a fallacy. Homosexuality is not the only reason for which people kill themselves. In this case, it might have pushed Clementi over the edge, but the fact that he was gay should by no means turn his death into a march for safe spaces.

Yeah, heaven forfend a heartbreaking, tragic situation involving a young gay student who was so scared of being outed that he jumped off a freaking bridge lead to a more honest discussion about how to make things better for young gay students. It’s just offensive, isn’t it, Rutgers Heterosexual Male who did not know Tyler Clementi?

John Aravosis has already torn this writer a new one, so I’ll just quote him:

What Republican man-child doesn’t get is that had Tyler been straight, had he been filmed having sex with a girl, and had that film made its way online, he might have been freaked, he might have even still committed suicide – maybe.  But the chances are much greater of all that happening when the victim is gay.

When you’re straight and the boys in college see a vid of you screwing a girl, you’re the BMOC.  When you’re a fag and it happens, the entire school mocks you, points at you, and laughs.  It’s just not funny when a guy f-cks a girl.  It’s funny as hell when a dude does it to another dude and the entire world gets to watch, and laugh.

And what about your parents?  Has GOP man-child come out to his parents as straight?  How about to his aunts and uncles, to his cousins, to his childhood friends, to the people on his floor, to the lady at the front desk of his dorm, and to the guy he buys his coffee from on the way to class (let alone every single stranger he sees on his way to class)?  I’m gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that after having been filmed having sex, straight kids don’t need to worry about coming out as “straight” to every single human being they’re going to see for the next few months, if not years.  Gay kids do.  And while straight kids won’t be berated, beaten up, killed, and disowned for being straight – gay kids will.

Exactly.

So anyway, please, more straight men man-splaining gayness and gay suicide, because we still have an awful lot to learn, we do!