Lots of my favorite people are tearing this Jonah Goldberg piece apart, and for some reason, I just can’t bring myself to mess with it. Jonah Goldberg is always, consistently, one of the worst writers and least capable minds on the internet, and this is no exception. So instead, I’m going to take the lazy way out, highlight some other great writers making fun of this piece, and be done. Because the piece really has been fully ripped apart at this point. Okay? Okay. I’ll let Alex Pareene set it up for you:
Jonah Goldberg has a doozy of a syndicated column today arguing that the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell” and the inevitability of gay marriage are both Officially Good News for Conservatives, because they are Bad News For Liberals, because now the gays are bourgeois. As we all know, what liberals have always actually wanted is not “equality” or “equal rights,” but for our radical bohemian values to undermine society until it crumbles and we can erect a glorious anarchic state built on free-gay-child-love. But gay marriage will ruin our plans!
A smart person could write a good column about the trajectory of the gay rights movement, the long journey from Gay Liberation to NOH8, the story of how America deals with radical movements by eventually allowing formerly marginal minorities to join mainstream society. But Jonah Goldberg is not a smart person and this is not a good column.
The column encapsulates Goldberg’s pathetic conservatism: It’s a philosophy defined entirely by opposition to whatever those stupid liberals want. There’s no principle beyond the adolescent desire to be contrary.
Oy. John Cook at Gawker continues, re: Jonah’s arguments about DADT repeal:
Which is why letting them serve in the military is a good thing. That’s what normal people do, and conservatives like normal people. Until now, all gays were hellbent-for-leather freaks on leashes. Now, though, they show up on TV shows like Modern Family, which, Goldberg writes, is the number one sitcom among Republicans and features a “hardworking bourgeois gay couple.” It’s like the gay version of The Cosby Show, which taught Goldberg that there are black people who don’t talk jive.
And in the same vein, Roy Edroso comments on Jonah’s sudden discovery that there are jus’ folks gay people, and how he tries to make this a conservative thing:
Goldberg can’t claim that America, exhausted by the Great Orgy of 1990, has fallen in love with marriage all over again — in part because marriage rates among young people have actually dropped. So he falls back on the standard rightwing idea that getting hitched makes you wealthy, leaving us to wonder why the poor haven’t caught on to this money-making secret and how a bunch of rich people having weddings constitutes a conservative social revival. Maybe getting married is the new Going Galt?
Yeah, it’s a really, really stupid column, and taken in light of the rest of Goldberg’s body of work, that’s sayin’ something. For the full effect, click all of the above clickys, and you will see that, as I said before, there is simply no need for me to spend time tearing this one apart. It’s done fer.
Related: Guess who loves this piece? Yes, that’s right, Dan Blatt of Gay Patriot.
Always shaking my head with that one, I am.