You know the story by now. Dan Savage, as a sex columnist and a person with integrity, has, in general terms, been honest about the fact that he and his husband Terry have, twice in the past ten years, done something a little bit sexy with someone outside their marriage. This is in stark contrast to the way many heterosexuals handle monogamy: by fiercely barking about how much they believe in it, while simultaneously screwing people behind their spouses’ backs. Say what you will about Dan and Terry’s arrangement, but at least they handle each other with trust and respect.
Peter LaBarbera is freaked out. As usual, he’s asking the indignantly stupid question he always asks:
OK, so Savage and his homosexual “hubby” knew the third wheel in each of their libidinous nights out. But questions remain: who babysat their “kid” during the outside sex?
A babysitter, probably.
In ‘Homosexual-Daddies’-Three-Way-Adventure’ #1, did the ”gay” duo plan on the multi-partner tryst in advance – and budget extra baby-sitting time accordingly — or did it just “happen,” like the second encounter? (“Sally, we’ll be home at 10:00 or maybe 1:00 in the morning, depending upon whether our host is feeling horny.”)
Who knows, but I’m sure they paid Sally a little extra that night. Why is this an important line of questioning? Is there something in the wingnut brains of Peter’s reader[s] that is so off-kilter that they would consider that a relevant question without an obvious answer?
Seriously, what’s telling about Savage’s multi-partner Tryst-and-Tell is that this supposed serious advocate of homosexual parenting felt the need to inform the world of his sexual excesses — despite knowing that one day his adopted son would find out. Is that part of the new “gay parenting” ethos — the kiddos must accommodate themselves (in later life) to the “out and proud” sexual antics of their “daddies”?
Uh, he is a sex columnist? And what’s interesting is that Dan holds pretty firm to his rule of not discussing his and Terry’s sex life; he’s stated that this was an exception, and only because it was relevant. But again, I’d be much less scarred to find out that my parents, consensually and honestly, played a little bit together, than to find out that one parent had been cheating on the other for years, or anything else like that. Because really, no kid cares about the details of their parents’ sex lives, but they DO care about broken trust. But we’re dealing with fundamentalists here, and their sense of morality is Victorian and weird.
Here’s something I will never have to clarify: Savage and his homosexual lover should not be parents. They chose to embrace a barren homosexual lifestyle — with its attendant perversions, such as three-way romps with homosexual acquaintances (NOT strangers!), etc.
According to Peter, whose experience with reality is that of a fraying tether at best. But, by all accounts, Dan and Terry are doing a great job as parents. How are Peter’s kids faring? I mean, I’m just curious. And who babysits them when Peter is furiously posting leathersex pictures on the website for the hate group he runs?
Anyway, Peter posted Dan’s response to him, I’m assuming, because Peter thinks he’s winning this argument and does not realize just how complete Dan’s smackdown was. Let’s end this post with that:
My husband and I have never had a threeway with a “stranger,” Porno Pete. But if you prefer to picture the two of us getting with hot, sweaty, well-hung strangers when you’re drafting a post/rubbing one out/living vicariously though us, go for it.
As for my marriage—my monogamish marriage—it’s lasted twice as long as Ronald Reagan’s first marriage, longer than all but one of Newt Gingrich’s three marriages (and soon it will have lasted longer than all three of Newt’s marriages), and much, much longer than any one of Rush Limbaugh’s four marriages.
So forgive me, Porno Pete, but I kinda maybe think the two of us—me and the husband, still crazy in love after all these years—just might be doing something right.
For that matter, who’s holding up Peter’s end of the marriage when he’s furiously posting the leathersex pictures…
“Just one more, honey! There is a gay on the internet!”
The way I said it in another posting elsewhere.
My friends A & P have been together for 42 years, longer than all 15 of Limbaugh’s, Gingrich’s and Liz taylor’s marriage ocmbined.
Mr.LaBarbera is seriously and quite sickly preoccupied with someone else’s gay marriage and the goings-on therein. Of course, Dan made it a not very private thing, but why is it an issue with this Peter the sicko? Silly question, I know.
I have to admit that I have a somewhat prurient interest in Dan Savage’s sex life as well–but for very different reasons. Both he and his husband are adorable.
Actually, it would weird me out. I see marriage as being two people only, no fooling around with others. So I would see even a consensual tryst as representing something that got broken. I cannot emphasize more that these are MY PERSONAL BELIEFS and I have no illusions that anyone else would agree to them on my side of the political and sexual spectrum.
Generalizing heterosexuals this way is as wrong as LaBabs generalizing homosexuals as leather-clad sex hounds. Quite honestly, looking back on gay sexual history (male gay sexual history, specifically) it seems like the “outest” and proudest didn’t know how to handle being sexually free until AIDS scared them into some form of commonsense restraint.
Homos are no more likely to know how to maturely handle interpersonal romantic and sexual relationships than heteros are. And besides, aren’t we queer women actually stereotyped for our monogamy and commitment fetish?
Well, Emily, that’s the reason I said “many heterosexuals” act that way, and they do. It’s not a sweeping generalization, but more a reflection of the fact that, because monogamy is the assumed path in heterosexual relationships, very few couples who would be inclined toward a “monogamish” relationship, as Dan calls it, actually end up discussing such things with each other, and all too often end up running around behind each others’ backs, which, again, I contend is worse than a couple being honest about their feelings about monogamy with a partner they’re truly compatible with. I’m really not saying much about my own personal beliefs [and I do have strong ones] on the subject, simply because so many people approach this in so many different ways.
Question, though…you say it would weird you out to know that your parents did something consensual with another person, but would that be the same to you as finding out one parent had been cheating on the other parent for years? It seems to me that if you have two parents who are happy and committed to each other, and then you find out that once in a blue moon, they exercise the terms of An Arrangement of that sort, it might weird me out at first, but on reflection, again, trust wouldn’t be broken and you’d still have two happy parents.
I dunno.
Peter’s interest in this is still freaking weird.
Re: Pete’s fascination: Well, because obviously they’re constantly having sex in front of the kids. With all kinds of other people too.
But then I suppose in his mind simple displays of genuine and innocent affection, as you might see between any couple, constitute an obscene sex act that probably also gets his hormones in an uproar.
Since I haven’t had “two trusting happily married parents” in about 15 years (maybe longer), I can’t speak terribly much on which would be worse. I can say that both would be weird and somewhat jarring. Once again, this is my PERSONAL OPINION ABOUT HOW I’D FEEL.
I know they didn’t break up because of cheating or because they weren’t “sexually honest.” They broke up because they were stupid about their relationship, immature human beings when they got together in the first place, and overall, weren’t cut out for each other.
I stand by my points in my final 2 paragraphs.
I don’t think lesbians exist in Petey’s world.
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