This amazing piece at The Good Men Project paints a scenario that would, for the Religious Right, be absolute hell. Not only is the gay kid in school not bullied, berated, or verbally/physically abused, the popular athletic boys talk to him and make friends with him:
Consider the scene: Tom, a small, shy, openly gay high school student, sat at the back of the school bus on his own. He saw three of the most popular, athletic boys get on the bus, fresh from soccer practice. As they made their way down the aisle, they saw Tom alone and moved toward him.
What happened next?
Not what you’d expect. The boys, in fact, sat down to talk with Tom. “I didn’t really know him well,” one later told me. “I knew he was the gay kid at school, that’s all. … He was all on his own. I mean, I couldn’t just let him sit there alone. Nobody should have to sit alone.”
When I started researching the gendered behaviors of 16- to 18-year-old male students at Standard High in the U.K. in 2008, I expected to document the ways that homophobia and aggression continued to stratify young men into a competitive, damaging hierarchy. This is, after all, what decades of research has told us: boys and men use homophobia to “prove” their heterosexuality, and in doing so they simultaneously marginalize other men who are more feminine, or less popular than themselves. This then causes a stratification of men with the athletic heterosexual boys at the top and gays at the bottom. Because this so accurately described my own school experience, it was with some trepidation that I first entered Standard High, the co-educational high school where I spent six months collecting data.
However, on first entering the social area where students socialized in their free time, the difference from my own school experience was palpable. In that large open space, full of students eating lunch and socializing, I was immediately struck by the physical closeness of the male students, and the affection they had for each other. These young men weren’t just close to each other, they were gently touching—and they were doing this as a sign of platonic love.
You will want to read all of this, as Mark McCormack details what comfortable, happy heterosexual teen guys are like, when they’re not taught from an early age that homosexuality is evil or less-than, when they know that gay men are not a threat to them; likewise, it’s very different for the gay kids, under this framework.
In all seriousness, the reason this is such a horrific picture for the Religious Right is that this is a picture of a more harmonious school [it's in the U.K.], and one of the primary reasons it’s more harmonious is that the Religious Right’s message of hatred, exclusion and the [ha ha] “love of Christ” seems to be entirely absent. Moreover, it’s a terrifying picture for them because it shows how much better things work out when they don’t try to help.
Also absent are the traditional strictures of the patriarchy, which encourage the social strata in high school as most of us remember it. In this school, the jocks aren’t necessarily the most popular kids and being dorky isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Indeed, McCormack identified the main components to popularity at this high school as being “charisma, authenticity, emotional support, and social fluidity.”
It’s fascinating what happens when kids are raised and schooled to value the important things, rather than worn out, failed notions of superiority and male privilege.
Seriously, read it all.










Yay for enlightenment! Three cheers!
Great news! I wish I were young now and in a school like that, instead of the 1960s and early 70s hellholes that I had to endure.
ps…there was a great song on Glee last night called Loser (Losers) about how much stronger the bullied are compared to the bullies, who will someday ‘be washing our windows’.
I now teach in the same school district in which I attended. HS was hell for me. Now we have openly gay students walking the halls. Not that everything is perfect, but I think of our male (and gay) cheerleader, and I KNOW that would not have happened back in the late 70′s & early 80′s. We are headed in the right direction, even if it feels like we’re going in slow motion!
Very interesting piece. That it is in the UK gives a side-by-side Anglo-Saxon comparison. There are no GSAs as such in schools but gay visibility in wider society is much stronger with many gay members of legislature and in executive equivalents. There are many more high profile gay roles models let’s put it.
What is most interesting for me, is the analysis that homophobia is a tool used to impose hierarchies of acceptable masculinity and the lowering of this homophobia leads to more authentic behaviours amongst boys.
The fight for gay rights is more than the sum of the parts – it is the building of the authentic society vs a continuation of the oppressive inauthenticity that permeates macho and fundamentalist cultures.
For the UK at least, I wonder where this will lead when these boys are grown up and become parents and politicians and business people and teachers. I have high hopes.
Thanks for posting this one, Evan. As a public school elementary teacher I found this to be refreshingly inspirational. It is a hopeful thing to know that it isn’t wingnuttery everywhere.
So why can’t WE have schools like this?
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my school (in the early 2000′s) was very accepting. So accepting that when I told people I was attracted to girls they didn’t blink. We had a very active GSA and observed Nat’l Day of Silence yearly. I feel lucky to have gone there. AND, it was in the middle of a very Catholic town.
(btw I’m an American)
In my small town high school in the late 40s in Minnesota, I felt the marginalization big time. Several years later, as a music teacher (very closeted) in a larger city, it was many times worse. The worst times were in the faculty lounge when the jocks came in, making no secret of their contempt for gays with their offensive “fag” jokes. To protect myself, I had to “laugh” with them. There are no words to describe the pain and isolation I felt.
Jerry
I am happy to say that at my son’s high school, it IS just like the high school in the UK. We live in Madison, WI, and GSA is heavily promoted, but so are the cultures of Muslim students, students with disabilities, *everyone* is accepted here, and the students are PROUD to be the way they are. The only ones they ever get down on: the HATERS. I guess you know what they are!