It’s Bryan Fischer time, so turn of your brain, because Bryan turned his off years ago.  Bryan starts a new column about DADT repeal — yes, wingnuts are still crying about it — suggesting that, now that gays can serve openly, wingnuts like Bryan, but who happen to be in the military, are going to become victims of “hate crimes” at the hands of gay soldiers:

Get ready for an entire spate of hate crimes in the U.S. military, perpetrated by homosexual activists against servicemembers, especially officers, who have deeply held religious convictions about the acceptability of homosexual behavior.

Wait, does he think gay soldiers are going to maim and kill straight soldiers? Is this really what he’s going with?

I received a communique from a career United States Air Force officer, a man who has been an officer for 19 years. He understandably wants his identity to be protected so that he can finish his military career without himself becoming the victim of a hate crime perpetrated by homosexuals.

If that nineteen-year officer is really so terrified that he needs his anonymity protected, I’m more worried about him being able to finish the day without soiling his britches after being attacked by his own shadow.

Says this experienced officer, based on the training he was just recently subjected to:

“Homosexuals are now a protected class of people in the Air Force. Any form of discrimination against them — even an objection to the sexual lifestyle or behavior — is now taboo and will be severely punished.”

Severe punishment for merely expressing reservations about the normalcy of homosexual behavior? Can you say “hate crime?” I certainly can.

Of course you can, Bryan, but like most wingnuts, you don’t speak English very well, and your grasp of words’ actual definitions is wanting.

“Dialog (sic) of any dissenters during the training was noticeably absent because they feared how their objections might be view by the senior leaders in the room…who control future jobs and promotions. The direction from the lawyers and senior officers in the room was clearly vocalized: adhere to the new policy or you will be punished.” That’s the very definition of a hate crime.

No, it isn’t. You actually have to be threatening the well-being of someone. Simply wingnutting your paws together and stomping around saying your religion makes you scared of gayness doesn’t count.

The fact that this hate-crime threat intimidated these officers into silence became clear based on what happened after the officers – who uttered not a peep of protest in the training sessions – were free from the constraints of the training room. They “spent considerable time discussing the indoctrination, the double standards, and the problems we’ll face in the future.” In other words, when they could speak freely without worrying about becoming the victim of a hate crime, they expressed all kinds of problems with the change in policy.

So, some poorly constituted officers ran away to cry about gays together and…yeah, I’m still not seeing the hate crime. Remember when Sarah Palin started emanating things from her mouth about “blood libel,” completely unaware of the definition of the term? This is like that.

The officer who wrote to me went on to explain that there was “absolutely no discussion about the right of personnel to be free from unwanted sexual attraction…the guy who asks me out on a date Monday afternoon will be granted the right to shower with me on Tuesday morning…While there is currently some leeway for heterosexuals to object to intimate quarters with homosexuals…senior leaders in the room made it clear that such objections will not be tolerated for long.”

Oh, my. Part of the reason wingnuts are so afraid of gay men is that they’ve been taught such silly lies about us. There is no gay man I have ever met who would ever ask Bryan Fischer on a date, and considering the kind of people who would listen to his program or read his words without laughing, that officer can rest assured that there is nothing sexual about him, to anyone. Also, gay men don’t tend to ask guys out who aren’t either definitely gay or have given us a good reason to believe that they are gay. It’s sort of…yeah, I know! I can’t believe I’m having to rebut such childish stupidity either, you guys.

And the campaign of intimidation is working. “I don’t know of a single officer who is willing to buck the system and oppose the policy…The senior officers shrug their shoulders and say, ‘I’m not about to let this destroy my career and result in the loss of my well-being and pension.’

[...]

Hmmm. “Destroy career…loss of pension…sacrifice my career.” All because of prejudice against one’s religion. Hate Crimes R-Us.

No, it has nothing to do with your religion. Christianity is very much allowed, will continue to be allowed, etc. Of course, most Christians aren’t buck-toothed, mouth-breathing bigots like Bryan Fischer and his Air Force Officer penpal, but idiots slip through every crack and infest us all, so it’s unfortunate but unsurprising that there are a few in the military, bothering everyone.

This officer does not think that things will stop here. He predicts, as I have from the beginning, that we will soon see a “barrage of lawsuits arguing in favor of homosexual military spouses.”

And this is a hate crime, because…and yeah, the gay spouse thing will have to be dealt with, especially once DOMA is defeated. It’s kind of part of the idea of “equality.” I love how wingnuts always talk about these things as if they’re a secret nobody knows yet.

Bottom line: when it comes to hate crimes, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Homosexual activists have a cudgel in hand, and they’re coming after you.

As that’s the end of the article, I assume that after hitting “publish,” Bryan and his Air Force friend immediately ran under their beds to hide from gays, and haven’t been seen since. It’s okay, guys. You can come out now.