santorum 208x300 Rick Santorum Really Needs To Stay Away From MetaphorsTwo hours ago, I wrote a post about Rick Santorum making a fool of himself standing in a grocery store explaining that gay marriage is bad because napkins ARE NOT paper towels, no matter how absorbent they are, or something or other, and you can’t just go substituting a paper towel for a napkin or vice versa, because if you do, you’ll become gay, at which point you’ll have to stop everything and spend thousands of dollars praying the gay away, and you could have avoided all of that if you had just bought napkins, you dillweed.

I think that was the gist of his argument anyway.

Well, due to the intrepid Pam, we now know that Rick’s metaphor wasn’t a one-off thing, but rather a variation on a new theme he’s trying out.  Just as napkins are not paper towels, Santorum is here to inform us that water is decidedly not beer, therefore God Hates Fags:


[via Think Progress]

Hahahah, okay, so new party game, you guys: Pick up any two objects within your arms’ reach and ‘splain to everyone around you how they’re not the same thing, then hurl an anti-gay slur! It’s fun!

Top it all off by getting everyone to Google “Santorum.”