All day yesterday, I was making fun of Rick Santorum for the stupid metaphors he’s been using in a milquetoast attempt to make anti-gay issues relevant in his failing campaign for president. First it was his assertion that because napkins are not paper towels, gay marriage is evil. Then we started laughing harder when he said that, because water is not the same thing as beer, God Hates Fags (or something along those lines).
Then I took to the Wonkette to tie this all up in a bow, sure that this hilarity had run its course. I ended the piece with an assignment for Wonkette readers:
ASSIGNMENT: pick up any two objects, write a letter to your nearest Congresscritter ‘splaining how they are not the same thing as one another, then call your nearest housepet a faggot.
America the beautiful is restored!
Rick Santorum today finally wrapped up his 50-city tour de Iowa.
He continued to press anti-gay views, saying that calling same-sex marriage a marriage would be like calling a cup of tea a basketball.
WHAT?! I was JOKING when I said “pick up any two objects”! At least in their earlier incarnations, his metaphors involved things that were somehow related to each other.
God, Rick. You may think we’re trying to “redefine” marriage over here, but you redefine the word “failure” every time you open your mouth.