The “ex-gay” known as Randy Thomas was just too much of a thooperthtar for Exodus International, apparently. To the delight of basically the entire LGBT blogging community, he who is “not gay anymore” has started his own blog, entitled, appropriately, “Confessions of an Ex-Gay ThooperThtar.” And what will you see when you visit?
Oh, my good sweet lord. What the HELL is that?
It’s just Randy Thomas, sittin’ around his room you guyz, definitely not bein’ gay, but bein’ a THOOPERTHTAR all the same! Even better, either Randy, one of the voices in his head or one of his various “not-gay” friends [which I imagine, for some reason, all look and smell like American Girl dolls], wrote what I can only assume is intended to be a song to introduce this glorious new venture:
If you made it through the horrifying song, that means you also got to see Randy, who yes, seems like a particularly tweaked out homosexual these days, queen out to and fro over whether Marcus Bachmann is gay or not. We can only assume he has a personal interest in the matter. Lady Birds of a feather, you know…
So far, it’s a pretty boring blog. He gives a “you go, girl!” to Alan “I Still Like Men” Chambers, giving his testimony at some wingnut confab.
In another post he shares one of his personal prayers:
“Dear Jesus, please help me to not see Edgar as an ass and for me to have the grace to not treat him like one either. Amen.”
I’m more of a chest man, but whatever.
Later in the same post, he says this:
But the truth is that being “ex-gay” is such a rare and stigmatized novelty that we as a 36 year old movement (at the time of this writing) are still figuring out what that actually means.
Oh, let me help, then. “Ex-gays” are the result of a really profitable industry that fundamentalist religious people use in order to convince themselves that they actually love gay people, even though they’re simply common bigots. They prey upon people who have experienced personal tragedy or simply made godawful choices and then they convince those people to spend LOTS of money with them, and to scapegoat all their personal shit on their sexuality. Most who go through these programs fail, and miserably. Many end up far more depressed than they were when they went in. Others end up committing suicide. Those who end up thoroughly brainwashed tend to find themselves on the payroll of one of the “ex-gay” businesses, until they get caught f*cking somebody of the same sex. Lather, rinse, repeat indeed.
Of course I don’t think of myself truly as an “ex-gay superstar.”
Nah, I was guessing the title of his new blog was more of a “fake it ’til you make it” sort of thing.
Aside from that there’s not much more in this cesspit of fail besides the fact that Randy went to the gym and worked with a personal trainer — he doesn’t share whether or not he got a boner that day — and that he’s all poopy upset about the mean gay blogs that are making fun of his new blogging venture. Here’s the funny part of that, because in just the last post I wrote, I discussed the bizarre wingnut habit of assuming that, when liberals are simply making fun of them, that we are actually angry. They do this, as Amanda pointed out, because they are passive-aggressive hypocrites, and because they can’t handle the simple fact that we’re mocking them. Here’s what the gay-by says:
So, dear gay reader who happens to be angry, if you are riled up and venomous, go ahead and bite. Get it all out. You won’t find anything but empathy and grace here.
Oh shush, you whiny little professional victim. You may be getting angry comments from a few readers — I mean, this is the internet — but the blogs that are making fun of you are not angry in the least. Moreover, the “empathy” and “grace” you market is a known sham, much like the protective guidance many Catholic priests offer children. The fact that you lisp around thweetly about your relationship with Jesus and your abandonment of the homoseckshul lifestyle, Randina, and the fact that you have sugary, meaningless things to say about “freedom” or whatever the hell it is you people prattle on about — all of this is irrelevant.
We are not angry. We’re laughing. At you, not with you. Because you are ridiculous.
I hope Randy is okay. He looks awful– all tweaked out, almost like a hobo. His new lifestyle is not treating him well. He should see a doctor.
On another note, Thomas had all these ego pix in his video to establish that he was important. I’m sure we will see more power pix on this vanity blog.
If Miss Thing had gone on Queer Eye for the Straight Girl, the first tip they would have given her would have been to put a bag over her head. They have good taste, so they would’ve recommended a Tiffany & Co. robin-egg-blue blag, rather than a Glad industrial strength one, even though industrial strength is indicated to block out the stench of desperate self-delusion. To me, that young, or, uh, scratch that, middle aged lady is going to be found praying to Jesus in the Church of Our Lady of the Persistent Orientation. What is her IQ, anyway? Is it above double-digit territory, or when she found Jesus, did Jesus give her a free IQ reassignment surgery? The scariest part might be how she thinks she is achieving a good and appealing effect by coming closer to the camera, when instead she might have moved far, far away from it and, for maximum beneficial effect, shown viewers she is, counter to all expectations, capable of pulling the Ladybird Bachmann Discipline Stick out of her fat and cellulitic tuchus. A mind is a terrible thing to waste, unless, as this disturbing video demonstrates, you’ve already lost yours and have nothing better to do. I know at least ten white miniature poodles with pink bows between their ears who are more convincingly not gay any more, though all of them are prettier than this ghastly bearded shitshow.
So Randy is a straight guy now ! Wow, doesn’t jeebus work in strange ways ?
“I know at least ten white miniature poodles with pink bows between their ears who are more convincingly not gay any more, though all of them are prettier than this ghastly bearded shitshow.”
Well that gets my vote for Best Comment of the Day.
is this how he is trying to support himself now?
OMG! Albin is more butch than this guy. I agree, his eyes look like he’s on something or sick–or both.
Confessions involve revealing secrets. Randy should start with the blog title:
Confessions Of An Ex-Gay SuperstarConfessions Of An Ex-Gay Superstarved for Man-Love
The phony is such a media w***e. He couldn’t be away from the spotlight for five minutes.
I think the “ex-gay” he was bashing was either Richard Cohen or Greg Quinlan of PFOX. Both have awful dispositions and ego problems. They are also on that faux “ex-gay” civil rights kick.
What Thomas desperately needs is to become a fluffer for former Exodus staffer Mike Ensley’s soft-porn homoerotic photo shoots. That ought make him appear a bit healthier.
“one of his various “not-gay” friends [which I imagine, for some reason, all look and smell like American Girl dolls]”
Holy crap. I laughed so hard the neighbor’s damn dog started barking.
I’m saddened and alarmed by what I see here.
If Randy needs treatment, I hope he seeks it — from health professionals, not amateurs who reject sound treatment because it’s politically or theologically incorrect.
It’s unfortunate that Randy alienated his old friends who could help him. I know another Exodus supporter who is beginning to follow the same path that Randy has pursued — rejecting real hope in favor of vanity disguised as hope.
This dude is basically unhappy, no matter how he tries to shore up his little delusion. Randina, you are not an “ex-gay” or heterosexual, sweetie. You are gay and you are always going to be gay. Get some medical help, some fashion help, some attitude help and come out!