An interesting study is out which shows that, among committed couples, both straight and gay, monogamy is going up:
Data on gay and heterosexual couples from 1975 and from 2000 — the most recent year such data with identical survey questions was available to researchers — show the percentage of partnered gay men who reported sexual activity beyond the relationship dropped from 83% to 59%, while lesbians reported a decrease from 28% to 8%. Married heterosexual men and women showed a similar trend away from extra-relational sexual behavior.
“Our findings reveal a marked movement toward monogamy over time,” study authors wrote in the September issue of the journal Family Process.
And that data is now eleven years old. I find a few things of interest here:
1. While nonmonogamy seems to still be obviously higher among gay men, it’s interesting to see that trend line move down as homosexuality becomes more accepted and integrated in society. It would seem, possibly, that the move away from homosexuality being an “underground” thing — and with that, more societal support for our relationships, which happens to allow young gay people to dream the same dreams for life as everyone else — might contribute to these numbers.
2. It gives lie to the idea, promulgated by the Religious Right, that gay relationships are inherently nonmonogamous or inherently unstable. [We gays already knew this, but whatever.]
3. Moreover, it gives lie to the Religious Right idea that somehow we are in or are headed toward some sort of morally hedonistic place as a society, whether we’re talking about homos or heteros.
I’m not getting into the whole subject of whether monogamy is right for every couple. What works for your relationship might not work for mine and vice versa. That’s a different subject, and one about which we could fight all day. And I’d like to see more data about this, but I would suspect that it would show similar results. The world for gay people in 1975 was very different from what it was in 2000 and what it is today, and anecdotally I find that many of my friends’ and acquaintances’ expectations for their relationships are a far cry from what the ooga-boogas of the Religious Right would tell you about gay relationships.
Lesbian couples in a closed relationship practice monogamy (one woman). Gay couples in a closed relationship practice monandry (one man), not monogamy. Lesbians in an open relationship practice polygamy (many women). Gay men in an open relationship practice polyandry (many men), not polygamy. A heterosexual couple in a closed relationship is monandrous from the female partner’s perspective, and monogamous from the male’s.
That is all well and good, but “monogamy” is the shorthand term for the broader subject. One-a those things where words evolve, etc.
No, what its called is being lazy, which is rather appalling in a cited sociographic report prepared by people who should know better.
oooookkkkkkaaaaay
Amanda Marcotte comes to some interesting conclusions about this study:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2011/09/07/cheating_rates_decline_for_gay_and_straight_couples_alike_.html
In a nutshell: “People are cheating less because people are less desperate and unsatisfied….There were simply more bad marriages in the past, created because of the pressure to marry young, and people in bad marriages are more likely to cheat. I also think it’s because people are more open about sex. If you have a need that’s going unfulfilled, there’s more cultural space to deal with it first by opening your mouth and speaking to your partner instead of leaving the house, casting around for someone who can fulfill it. I’d also add that there’s less stigma attached to divorce now, so people are far more likely to end a bad marriage in the early stages of it going sour.”
How do we know the stats on this? I’m not sure that people who cheat announce it.
@Michael, you missed a little. What you are calling “monogamy” is actually “monogyny,” (see the Latin there for “woman,” as in “gynecologist?”
“Monogamy” is gender neutral. As is polygamy. Polygyny is multiple women, polyandry multiple men. Makes sense, ja?
Taelyn:
hugs n kissez for that
Also, “cheating” is not equivalent to polygamy. The first is a breach of trust and integrity dependent on deceit and subterfuge. The second is a conscious relationship model as monogamy is.
How we define our relationships matters because it determines what qualifies as “extra-relational.”