This post from Seth Bracken about an “ex-gay” conference put on by Evergreen International in Utah is hilarious and tragic. Seth visited the conference to learn the ways of the “ex-gays,” but instead dudes just hit on him all day:
“Is this your first conference?” The plump, balding middle-aged man I was sharing an elevator with, asked.
“Yeah, it is. Yours?” I responded, happy to make a friend that might be able to show me the ins and outs of the conference.
“Nope, I’ve been to tons. I love ‘em. So many cute guys here, kind of like you,” he said as he took a step closer to me and smirked.
“You smell good, would you like to feel good?” He asked me as we landed on the ninth floor for registration.
Lovely.
Exiting the elevator quickly, I practically ran into another pleasantly plump, balding middle-aged man. Sensing I was flustered, he asked me if I was OK.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just had a very surreal experience. A guy totally came onto me in the elevator and I wasn’t exactly expecting that here,” I said offering my hand to my new friend, introducing myself.
“Well I can’t say that I blame him, you’re a cutie. What are you doing after the conference? I have my own place not far from here, would you like to come over for some fun?”
“Jesus Christ!” I blurted out far too loudly. “What the hell is going on? I thought all you guys were trying not to be gay.”
Yes, but they are not succeeding because “ex-gay” therapy is fraud. Duh.
I was propositioned more times at a conference that was supposedly changing people straight than I ever have been at a Pride festival, gay bar or party. I had guys old enough to be my father putting their arms around me, bumping up against my leg and asking to take me home.
Gross. And then there was another one later named Chad, who really, really wanted to see Seth naked. I assume that’s part of the therapy. It’s sad, though, because Chad is a married doctor and he’s trying his damnedest not to “admit defeat,” i.e. come out of the closet. So instead he goes to “ex-gay” conferences and looks for dudes to have sexytime with. How insanely tragic.
This is the “change” Alan Chambers and his buddies so passionately defend. But then again, Alan admits that he’s still into dudes, and he’s the figurehead for the entire movement, so whatever.
See also Jesus’ General’s post on this, “Ex-homosexualists are the nicest folks.”
Didn’t Will&Grace use this gag?
I am totally heading to an exgay meeting.
Sounds super-hot to me, but I’m really into older guys with self-loathing issues…
Clearly I’ve been trying to meet guys in the wrong places.
So, lets redefine how we look at ex-gay conferences. From now on, we call it the “Fool your wife with the Ex-gay excuse to have hot Gay Sex” conference.
You know, this is not surprising. Time magazine did a write up on this very thing like 5-6 years ago. Their article, however, dealt with gay teens and ex-gay conferences. The writers of that article got a similar reaction during their interveiws. All the teens said that they were there to meet other gay teens not to get changed. In fact, two of the teens interviewed very brazenly hooked up during and after the conference. I had a funny feeling the same thing would occur in the adult versions.
Truth Wins Out would be most effective if we hired 100 models and sent them to so-called “ex-gay” meetings. My guess is that the “ex-gay” myth would implode within a year. I think we’d take down at least half the leadership. Problem is, it is difficult to get funding for such an operation.
It is a simple plan. But it would work wonders. Why? Because “ex-gays” don’t exist. They are all just repressed and sexually frustrated homosexuals. The whole charade is a joke.
Wayne I think you’re overestimating – if we could get your plan in motion I’d give it 3 months top!
Alonzo — I think you are right — I am grossly overestimating. But, I’m anticipating a few of the models flaking out. :)
Well in the “ex-gays” defense, Seth is mighty cute.
Well, this is the rotten foundation for higher-up “ex-gay” activists who claim to be heterosexual. While they stoop to defaming and reviling the dead now, all these “ex-gays” they claim exist do not exist. The best they can do is find a few bisexuals who repress the gay side of their sexual orientation spectrum and the rest, like the “movement,” are all frauds.
Holy Balls! This is too much. Many years ago, shortly out of the closet, I had a party for about 20 local gay friends. A Seventh Day Adventist minister, who I knew through my health club, showed up, uninvited. I knew he was gay, because he was a regular patron at a local porn bookstore.
As soon as he entered the room full of guys, he announced he had just had dinner with his wife and friends. Meaning, “I’m straight, guys.” He then announced the ex-gay organization he had just joined to “solidify” his straight status and proceeded to put the make on every young cute guy at the party.
Somehow he always managed to learn where the parties were and showed up with the same routine. Nobody liked him. What a sleazebag!
Jerry L
It sounds more like a conference for Roman Catholic clergy.
[...] tip to Wayne Besen for catching this one. Here’s a priceless moment from Seth Bracken’s day at the Evergreen Conference: I was [...]
Really sad and pitiful. But pretty understandable all the same. I love your plan, Wayne. If I wasn’t broke I’d be happy to donate to the cause.
As long as they feel properly guilty and ashamed while having gay sex, it’s apparently okay to push the final day of reckoning farther into the future.
And perhaps some of the explanation is that the men attending “ex-gay” conferences have a sexual fetish whereby they only feel attracted to guys who feel as guilty and ashamed for having gay sex as they do. Of course, the best place to find such people are at ex-gay conferences.
And finally, could all of this be part of the marketing strategy for these conferences? Officially, all these “ex-gay” outfits are selling “change,” but they all seem to subtly make sure that everyone knows that, “Hey, we’re all still struggling with same sex attractions here, so come one, come all, to our conference for a satisfying experience.”
I agree that the ex-gay movement is a fraud. But I read the blog post and it seems kind of fake. It doesn’t seem likely that all of these guys are going to be so aggressive in cruising at an ex-gay conference, suggesting sex within a minute of meeting someone. And the lines that they supposedly spoke don’t sound very real. For example, the doctor supposedly tells him “I kind of want to see you naked, just don’t tell anyone, especially my wife.” Why would the doctor volunteer the information about his wife to a complete stranger who hadn’t even agreed to do anything with him? I call fake on this report.
On a more positive note, I read that related post at Jesus’ Generals. JG briefly talks about John Paulk and notes that he now works in Portland OR, where he runs a “thriving” catering business called Mezzaluna. So I googled Mezzaluna and found the website.
I must admit, Paulk may have actually become straight. I don’t know if it is his blonde highlights, his 2 earrings or the way he holds a bottle of wine like an erect phallus, but he sure seems heterosexual to me.
http://www.mezzaluna.biz/chef-john
It’s his butch gestures and voice timbre that clinch the matter for me.
oh dear heavens- this is the great deliverance- I can’t believe i bought into this joke