All you guys out there who play with yourselves from time to time, you need to know that you are gay, according to a wingnut pastor named Mark Driscoll:
In a booklet titled Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men, Driscoll of the Seattle-based Mars Hill Church suggests that the act could turn men gay.
“First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexual activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.”
Now you know! Something virtually all men do at one time or another is a serious gateway drug to gayness. Also, you will get hairy palms and go blind. Is it any wonder these people are unnaturally obsessed with our sex lives? Their approach to their own sex lives is so disturbing and sad.
Well, he’s certainly right for me. Every time I play a gig with Freddy Fist and the Lonesome Knights, I am just that much gayer than I was before.
All these guys need is a good sex education class. I’m sure it would clear up their confusion. Geez – what wife want to be present for his masturbation? No thanks.
So if guys masturbate alone they’re gay, but what about if women masturbate alone? I like watching guys masturbate. Does that mean I’m a homosexual man trapped in a woman’s body? I bet if you checked his sheets when he stays in hotels by himself that he leaves a nice big load for the maid to clean up after he’s gone.
I guess it’s slightly less of a sin if the guy’s eyes are closed and he can’t see himself
Hmm, the more I do it, the gayer I’ll get??? I guess I need to up the ante and do it WAY more frequently. Then I’ll be SOOOO gay that no ex-gay therapy can possibly “rescue” me
I guess I really should send Driscoll a thank-you note for telling me how I can become even more gay…do ya think he’d have an apoplectic fit?
Touching you own body makes you gay?
Wow, this guy must feel enormous shame when he has to take a whiz.
Bill S
If memory serves, among Hasidic Jewish men, it is forbidden for a man to even touch his own penis while urinating. I may be wrong, and I hope someone corrects me on this.
Funny how he leaves girls completely out of the picture. So does that mean it’s okay if I masturbate, or does that mean I’m gay, or do I do it because I’m gay or did it cause me to be gay?
When I was doing the ex-gay thing (yes, I am a lesbian), they focused so much on “the big M” it was ridiculous. I think I mastubated MORE when people were making such a big deal out of it than I did when I wasn’t thinking it was this huge scary sin.
There are so many questions that I hope Pastorbator Driscoll will explore (once he washes his hands):
What about single guys?
What if the husband’s wife stands in the doorway of the bedroom?
What if the wife looks a way for a second, can gayness sneak in when her gaze is averted?
Will a girlfriend work or does the couple have to be married?
Is the statue of the Virgin Mary on the dresser an acceptable substitute?
What if you cover the mirror first?
What if you’re not turned on by your body and instead realize you need to drop a couple of pounds?
Inquiring minds want to know!
I wonder if the not so reverend Driscoll is bothered by the fact that *Mars* Hill Church was named after a Pagan god?! Not only was Mars the god of war, but in Astrology, Mars has rulership over sex and the penis. I think God/the Universe has a cool sense of humor. ;)
Wow. Back when I was a burgeoning teenage fundamentalist nitwit (this was in 1993) we all pretended like none of us ever masturbated. We would also tease each other like Hell about it. That all changed the day the Youth Pastor called us into his office and said “Enough already, there’s nothing wrong with having a good wank! Everybody does it, and if you say you don’t you’re lying.” After that the coarse joking and teasing stopped. I can’t imagine how miserable it must be to be a young person in that church
I need to play with
myself now!@
I need to go play with myself now….
To quote Captain Jack, “You people and your quaint little categories.”
Oh, and speaking of Captain Jack, I will be in my bunk…
Well I always wondered if every man was gay. And to think it took an everyday wingnut pastor to finally verify for me. I’ve never been happier. How exciting! I guess there is a God after all. Well now, mmm, time to head back to church. Tah.
@At Trevor: as an adult, we can clearly recognize this guy’s message for the b******t that it is. But for a young person first experiencing sexual feelings, masturbation is the earliest, and safest form of sexual exploration, and the message he’s spewing isn’t just dishonest, it’s confusing and morally irresponsible. Won’t a lot of kids who AREN’T gay think the act of self pleasure means they are? And won’t a lot of them try to prove they’re not by entering into sexual relations at an earlier age?
The efforts by wingnuts like this guy to control and repress the sexuality of others is sick, to the point of sociopathy.
Preaching is no longer about saving souls. It’s about media face time. And of course, big bucks. The more outrageous you are, the more media attention. The more media attention, the more $$$$. Driscoll’s fame is growing and spreading because of his controversial statements, not in spite of them. He’s knows anyone can say “Jesus Loves You” without causing a stir. But say “Jesus Hates You” (like he did last week) and it’s all over the news. He knows what he’s doing.
As Bill S. says “the efforts by wingnuts like this guy to control and repress the sexuality of other is sick, to the point of sociopathy.” Gee, that sounds a lot like New Life Ministries’ Steve Arterburn who, along with a call-in radio show, holds very expensive seminars called Every Man’s Battle, a xtian anti-sex program. He has a version for teenage boys called ‘Every Young Man’s Battle’. It is meant to repress all sexuality & shame boys for masturbation, but although he is anti-gay, even he has not called masturbation as gay. I wouldn’t be surprised but what Driscoll hands out copies of Arterburn’s anti-sex manuals to his male congregants. Sick, really sick.
Religion – don’t you just love it. What it does to weak minds is nothing short of awe inspiring. The depths to which these sanctimonious bozos will go to use religion to control every damned aspect of one’s personal life is like a dictatorship of the mind and body. Of course, the ante has been upped by using the deadly “gay” curse. This man needs a good dicking just to take his mind off of his religious control-freak issues. Hey buddy, go get yourself fucked! Clown.
Religion – don’t you just love it. What it does to weak minds is nothing short of awe inspiring. The depths to which these sanctimonious bozos will go to use religion to control every damned aspect of one’s personal life is like a dictatorship of the mind and body. Of course, the ante has been upped by using the deadly “gay” curse. This man needs a good dicking just to take his mind off of his religious control-freak issues. Hey buddy, go get yourself fucked! Clown.
I must admit that I can’t understand why one man would care about another man’s self-satisfaction if he didn’t have some sort of issue about other men and their sex. Hmmm….I think something is deep-down bothering him.
Religion – how pathetic! The nerve of some people who will try to use religion attempting to brainwash the weak minded. This is one reason I cannot bring myself to practice religion much less worship an entity that has not been proven by any form of actual evidence of existence. This doesn’t surprise me in the least. Preaching is no longer a form of communication among fellow believers and ones interested in such subjects; it’s about brainwashing and controlling, media and politics. I’ve always wondered how churches are allowed all throughout the USA, yet there is this thing called “Separation of Church and State”. Every church building built that is stated clearly it is indeed a church, is violating that rule. How can these organizations have so much money but supposed to be non profit? Religion is seriously ruining the USA and I hope that someone will one day be able to get through the believers and get them to see the truth!
I echo the comments above re: What about us girls?? Does playing with ourselves automatically make us lesbians? What if we’ve had guys in the past, but are now too busy for a relationship? This character needs to get a life!
That said, I’d also like to emphasize that there *are* Christians out there (I’m one of them) who don’t subscribe to the wingnut version of things. I object to it every chance I get, whether online or elsewhere. Not all religious people are out to control other people’s lives or brainwash them.