According to wingnut “pastor” Mark Driscoll, that is:
First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexual activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.
So there you have it: anytime a male — even a heterosexual one — masturbates alone, he risks engaging in homosexuality.
Simply astounding.
Tags: dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb, fundies, homosexuality, John Becker, Mark Driscoll, masturbation, wingnuttery, WTF10 Comments »
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So…
Homosexuality is evil because… because.
Masturbation is evil because it’s like homosexuality.
Occupy Wall Street is evil because it’s like masturbation.
Dungeons and Dragons is evil because it’s like Occupy Wall Street.
Comment by Blake — October 20, 2011 @ 11:02 am
Every time you masturbate, Jesus weeps and then rips the wings off of an angel, but that’s not as bad as being gay! Driscoll is laughable. They accuse gays of recruiting, but what better recruitment tool is to announce that masturbation makes you gay. Where do we all sign up?!!!!.
Comment by Pastor Curtis — October 20, 2011 @ 11:22 am
Gay or straight, these people want you to live your life in a constant state of shame.
Comment by Edward Harper — October 20, 2011 @ 11:25 am
I am reading this in work, and I am getting very strange looks from my colleagues at the moment as I broke the office calm with a very sudden and very loud burst of laughter.
I’m still quietly giggling to myself.
Thanks for the laugh TWO, and keep up the good work.
Comment by Peter Hargmier — October 20, 2011 @ 11:30 am
My acts of masturbation do involve a woman. They are also pretty gay.
“particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body” is… curiously specific. Let’s file that one under “things I wish I didn’t know about Mark Driscoll”.
Comment by Reha — October 20, 2011 @ 11:38 am
Now that I know the facts, I’m going to masturbate more often – I’m thinking of it as an insurance policy.
Comment by Richard Rush — October 20, 2011 @ 11:44 am
Edward, you nailed it on the head.
The thinking goes like this…
Everyone sins but God stands ready to forgive your sin all you need to do is ask.
Therefore, If anything you do might from some twisted and unlikely angle of thinking be sin….then you must be ashamed so that you enter a place where you are begging for forgiveness.
The sheer idiocy of this is astounding. It wasn’t the message of Jesus at all. What Jesus really taught us and is plainly there for us to all figure out is that we are loved and cared for, That God is a GOOD father to us. Ready to accept and love us. He expects us to live right by loving others and loving him…but if we fall short in something anything we do and we realize it we should then try to make it right.
If my son throws a tantrum and makes a huge mess, I’m rightfully angered…but I don’t want to *ACTUALLY KILL HIM*, I just want him to stop throwing a fit and clean up the mess.
If he happens to die right at that moment because he pops a blood vessel….I’m certainly not going to punish him for all eternity in a special hell of my creation….because that is just stupid.
I wonder how big of an ASS their fathers had to be for them to conceptualize GOD as a tyrant ruling over them just waiting for them to screw up so he can send them to eternal punishment.
Moreover, I think it may be a good cause to investigate them for child abuse if they have children….I mean…if they really think that’s how a loving father works….
Comment by Christine — October 20, 2011 @ 12:09 pm
I’m so grateful to this pastor for giving me renewed hope. Now I just have to wait patiently for the straight men I’ve been lusting after to come over to my side. Who knew it was so easy? Thank you, sir, for renewing my hope. I thought all was lost. From now on I’ll be wholeheartedly encouraging them to give it a hand. Yippee!
Comment by Gianni — October 20, 2011 @ 12:57 pm
Gianni, don’t forget the free mirrors…
Comment by OldBaldGuy — October 20, 2011 @ 9:28 pm
Actually, I think Driscoll is probably gay. He wears tight t-shirts and looks somewhat effeminate. He preaches against homosexuality, and usually whatever a preacher preaches against the most is the very thing he has trouble with. So it wouldn’t surprise me at all if Driscoll is gay.
Comment by S S — November 16, 2011 @ 8:41 pm