Say what you will about Maggie Gallagher — seriously, go ahead, say what you will — but you can’t say she doesn’t like to help, and isn’t that what the spirit of Thanksgiving is about?
Maggie knows that there are millions thousands at least nine or ten NOM supporters out there who will be spending Thanksgiving this year with their families and that, apropos of absolutely nothing, they will feel the need to tell all their normal well-adjusted family members about how much they hate gays and the gay marriage and the whatsits and the Kids These Days. She also knows that it’s no fun for her minions when Uncle Dave looks at them over the decanter of giblet gravy and says something to the effect of, “Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Why do you spend so much of your time fixated on gay people? What the hell difference does it make to you whether or not my gay son and his partner are married? God, you need a hobby, and probably some therapy, you dumb bigot.” [Total Uncle Dave comment right there.]
So Maggie to the rescue, with this handy video about how to tell everybody that A. You super hate gays and B. It’s your special privilege as a weird fundamentalist of some sort and it doesn’t mean you’re a bigot. These are the three simple steps, after which I have provided example sentences in italics:
1. State your position briefly. [God hates fags.]
2. Refute the charge of bigotry. [No, I didn't say I hate fags, I said God hates fags. I'm not a bigot. Let me show you some verses in my pop-up Bible that I don't really understand.]
3. A call to tolerance. (Repeat as necessary… “or until they bring in the pie.”) [Why won't you tolerate my bigotry?! I only want to use my voting power to deny a minority their constitutional rights based on my pigheaded, hateful version of my religion, nothing more! I AM THE VICTIM HEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!!!!!, etc. Oh, look, pie! NOM NOM NOM!]
Here’s the video:
Because Maggie is using such a time-honored template for defending bigotry, if you are a white supremacist or misogynist or any other kind of hate-filled goon, feel free to cut out words like “fag” and “gay” above and insert other epithets in Maggie Gallagher’s Handy Guide To Holiday Bigotry. It’s sort of like a Mad Lib!
For the rest of you who are not backwards, hateful oafs, HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM TRUTH WINS OUT.
Wow! Her hate sure is making her ugly!
I want a Maggie Bobble-Head doll! It looks so lifelike in this video.
oh LORD.
For some reason I’d really like to see a full-handed slap planted across that pompous puss. You, dear Maggs, don’t have to recognize anything and even when marriage equality becomes the law of the land, you STILL don’t have to accept or recognize it – your choice. But your insistence that you and those fortunate enough to share your sexual orientation should be the only ones privileged enough to have your love, devotion, and caring for the love of your life recognized in law is not going to continue to get any traction. And that tired old thing about reproduction is just that – tired. We all know that man + woman doing the deed = children. Where the f**k do you think WE came from. But why that somehow solidifies your superior position is beyond me. You did not get married just to have children, did you? If you did, then does your hubby know that you only saw him as a sperm donor? And for Christ’s sake, get a decent f*****g haircut.
Wow, she’s so guilt ridden and angry. She desperately needs Jesus in her life.
Why have you put some random picture of a bloated old toad at the top of this article instead of Maggie G?
Oh, hang on, I’ve just taken a closer look, that IS Maggie…
Now if you’ll excuse me, after regarding that picture more closely, I’m off to vomit.
puke.
Step 4: Stick your fingers in your ears and go “La La La I can’t hear you!” any time someone asks a question that might refute the logic of your position, or reveals how stupid it is.
PLEASE use her correct name – Maggie Srivastav. As someone who supposedly supports “traditional” marriage, she should be referred to by her HUSBAND’s last name. I suspect that she uses her maiden name to deflect the truth that her husband isn’t Christian (or the father of her children), and that might cause issues with the fundamentalist base supporting NOM, etc.
However, there is absolutely no reason that we should enable such deceitful behavior by omitting this pertinent fact from our reporting. If NOM, et alia cannot stomach that one of their spokespeople is married to a non-believer and has children out of wedlock and has to try to hide this fact when said spokesperson publicly denounces any relationship that doesn’t fit their narrow and un-American views while at the same time attempts to hide her OWN non-conforming lifestyle – that should be THEIR problem to deal with in the media.
Happy Thanksgiving! (I’m thankful for many things, among them the courageous work that TWO does for all of us!)
Man, it’s scary. You can just see how tenuous is her grasp on sanity. She’s really fighting a rapid slide downhill.
She really is f****n’ crazy. Who the hell worries about ‘the gay marriage issue’ on Thanksgiving?! This woman obviously has a form of OCD when it comes to lgbt people and should probably be on some type of SSRI medication. She looks like she’s ‘on’ something–but not the right drug.
Why do I want so badly to slap her with a dead fish?
@Emma — I don’t know, but I’m expecting little white numbers to pop up when you do…
Emma…SHAME….that might be the only thing meaner than KILLING the fish! That open mouthed look of shock and horror was due to its last thought “Oh God, don’t let me have contact with that hideous woman who appears to have eaten so, so, so many of my kin!” (most with very fattening sauces it seems)
tsk, tsk, tsk
LOL, Emma – love your sense of humour.
Where is her husband? Where is her wedding ring?
Where is her hairdresser?
At a dinner in 1987 one of my uncles went off saying he hoped AIDS “killed them all off.”
I disowned him. My mother, his brother, knows this and continually tries to argue me out of my position, saying “he’s not that bad…” and “he changed since joining the military.”
(Yeah, he changed after joining the military – beforehand he’d never have said that. He said it because several years of military had made him INTO a bigot.)
:) Nobody needs family like that. It’s fine to write them off.
Erk… my mother, his SISTER. (oops)
At the risk of being very childish and mean-spirited (even though she deserves it); if you turn the sound off and just watch this looking at her face and the way she tosses her head around, she looks like she could be sniffing for truffles. Maybe something else she can put her Thanksgiving ‘gravies’ on. How many ‘gravies’ does one need at one meal?
I was ready to be indignant with Maggie when I started reading the article, but then I found there was no way I could add to what you guys have said, so far – you guys crack me up so bad some times!!! You guys are TOO MUCH!! Thanks for the laugh, I needed it. :)
@gene, as long as the gravies support traditional marriage, you can have seconds, thirds, ninths, etc.
With traditional Jesus, calories are meaningless.
P.S. Where in the HELL did she get that hairstyle?!!?!?
@ Stephen D. — her hair is what Sally Field called a ‘brown helmet’ in the movie Steel Magnolias. >:-)
@Gary At least Sally did not have one side longer than the other…..”and where did I hear that all abuse is heaped upon the MOTHER of the bride?!?”
What could be more Christianist than to exploit the Thanksgiving family dinner as an opportunity to promote bigotry as a family value?
Maggie, you really should heed God’s Word:
“I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.” (1 Timothy 2:12)
“and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.” (Proverbs 23:2)
(h/t http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2011/11/bible-verse-of-day.html)