Note: this article was originally posted on Bilerico.
So Dan Savage was glitterbombed yesterday for the third time by LGBT activists. I can’t tell you how much this dismays me.
It’s true that Dan Savage has made offensive remarks in the past. I’m not denying, explaining, justifying, or defending that, because a.) it’s not my place to speak for him, and b.) Dan has already addressed them himself. I’m also not in any way trying to minimize or downplay what I have no doubt is the very real, acute pain that anti-trans bigotry causes, or the way anti-trans language, regardless of intent, reinforces that bigotry. Look: as a gay man, not to mention a married one, I am keenly aware of the sting of bigotry. I feel it every day, both through my own life experiences and those that many of you share with me and the rest of us here at Truth Wins Out. As much as anti-gay bigotry hurts, though — as heavily as it weighs on my heart, and as much as I abhor the construction of a hierarchy of oppression — I recognize the privilege that I possess as a white, cisgender gay man. I simply cannot fathom the magnitude of the journey my trans kinfolk are on, nor do I possess a vocabulary sufficient to convey my admiration for the courage it takes each and every one of my trans friends to be true to hirself and to own, embrace, and love that truth.
But Savage’s glitterbombing still disturbs me profoundly. The reason? Dan Savage is not the enemy. As Bil Browning, another veteran LGBT activist, points out, trans people are not alone in their journey. All of us cisgendered individuals — even those of us in the LGBT movement — are on a journey too, into an ever-greater understanding of the perspectives and experiences that our trans siblings bring to the table and the unique issues, circumstances, and difficulties they face. Our movement is most effective when we fight forcefully for our human rights and dignities against those who oppress us while at the same time dispelling misconceptions by telling the stories of our lives, educating people about our orientations/identities/expressions and the injustices we face because of them, and awakening in all of us the realization of our common humanity and the fundamental rights and protections to which that humanity entitles us.
Even the most outspoken and well-intentioned of us have warts. But Dan Savage is not a trans enemy. Warts and all, his heart is in the right place and he is an ally in the struggle for equality on behalf of our entire community — lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. What’s more, Savage is one of the most visible members of our community. He has a high profile that almost none of the rest of us have, and that enables him to be an especially forceful advocate for the LGBT movement. Absolutely nothing is gained by attacking him; if anything, those who engage in these repeated attacks run the serious risk of silencing one of our most powerful assets.
All of us, including the so-called “trans mafia,” should take care to remember who our real enemies are. It shouldn’t be too hard; there are plenty of them. Instead of directing our frustration and anger inwards at obviously supportive and well-meaning community members who have a less-than-immaculate record on every single LGBT issue, we need to direct it outwards and upwards towards the Tony Perkinses, Rick Santorums, Keith Ablows, and Laura Ingrahams of the world. Instead of vilifying people for what they don’t fully understand, we need to meet them where they are and bring them further.
Circular firing squads cut all of us down, and guess what? After the last shot is fired, our enemies are still standing.
Let’s be better than that. Our rights and our lives depend on it.
Postscript: I’d like to encourage readers of this article to head over to Bilerico and read this brilliant piece written by Austen Crowder, titled “The ‘Trans Mafia’ Stifles Allies.”
Boo, when did I ever lie about you? I said I thought you were rigid–that’s an opinion not a lie and I still think you’re rigid. I didn’t say you and all transexuals march in lockstep–but it sure seems like it here.
Just out of curiosity when was the last time you actually listened to Dan Savage? Do you think any of these people who throw glitter at him (and then the bottle the glitter came in) have actually ever listened to him?
I notice here that when someone disagrees with you (or Rainbow) you accuse them of “lying”–it’s not a lie, it’s a difference of opinion.
Rainbowphoenix said “Should we refer to non-transgender people as normal like we used to do with straight people?”.
No. What’s wrong with referring to non-transgender people as non-transgender people? Or is tnat not pompous enough for you?
So we should define ourselves with what we’re not like GOProud does?
Daniel- if you’re going to address a comment specifically to me, it might behoove you to know what I’ve been saying. Like in my first comment here (which also happens to be the first comment in this entire thread) where I stated that while I believe Dan Savage is a transphobe, for specific reasons I cited that go beyond his use of tranny, I think glitter-bombing is not a good tactic. I know Dan has done an awful lot of good, and I applaud him for it, but doing good in one area is not a license to do wrong in another. And he can say he’s trying to change all he wants, just like HRC does, but until they actually do something it’s just empty talk.
“No. What’s wrong with referring to non-transgender people as non-transgender people? Or is tnat not pompous enough for you?”
While we’re at it why don’t we throw out gay, queer, homosexual, and everything else and just say non-heterosexual people?
“Boo, when did I ever lie about you?”
You do realize the posts we all write stay up here, right? Check the first post in this whole thread. I said:
“I won’t say that glitter bombing is the best way to address it, but yes, Dan Savage is a transphobe.”
I then listed specific ways Dan Savage has shown his transphobia, none of them involving the word “tranny.”
Then you said:
“Boo, I know you and other trans people really get outraged over Dan Savage–but I think you’re shooting yourself in the foot by protesting him. The complaints against him seem really unfocused and I think you’d be better off trying to form a dialogue with him rather than throwing glitter and bottles at his head.”
Becky, I didn’t throw glitter at him. I don’t know the people who threw glitter at him, and I had already said I didn’t agree with it. So yes, when you speak to me as though I either did it or am defending those who did, you are lying about me. I point out specific problems with Dan Savage, yet you expect me to answer for other people’s “unfocused” complaints. We trannies don’t all know each other Becky.
I don’t accuse people of lying for disagreeing with me. I accused you specifically of lying about me because you specifically lied about me.
And yes Becky. I listen to Dan Savage. I listen to him when he gives great funny advice to people in his sex column. And I listened when a trans man wrote in describing an issue in his relationship and when he asked if there was anything he could do, Dan’s one word reply was “No.” By that point I had listened to him quite a bit but never heard him give a reply remotely like that to anyone else. I listen to him as he does his awesome It Gets Better campaign. And I listened to him when, after promoting transphobe Alice Dreger in his column and a transperson commented trying to educate him on some of the harm she’s caused to trans and intersexed people, Dan’s reply was to shout her down and call her a crazy liar. I listen to him when he’s good, and I listen to him when he’s bad. And the former is not an excuse for the latter.
“Postscript: I’d like to encourage readers of this article to head over to Bilerico and read this brilliant piece written by Austen Crowder, titled “The ‘Trans Mafia’ Stifles Allies.””
Seriously?
“Even in a previous post from this week on a trans issue, someone said in the comments that I should stop posting on trans issues. From the comment, I assume that they’re trans. When I asked for a trans 101 on the site, I got knocked for not “reading a book.” If I mess something up, I get bitched at for not knowing all of Trans 101.”
Mr. Becker, how would you know if the “trans mafia” shouts down people who want to understand? No one jumping to Dan Savage’s defense here has given the slightest impression they want to understand anything. No one is asking, everyone’s telling. And yes, maybe we just get a little sick and tired of people who aren’t us constantly telling us how we ought to think and feel about everything. I don’t need you to tell me who my friends and enemies are. I can figure out for myself that a guy who thinks its reasonable to compare the suffering that trans kids go through to pretending to be a fire engine, and then shouts down people who try to educate him, is not a friend. Maybe he does sincerely want to be a friend, but that starts with listening instead of talking, and from the comments here it seems neither he nor any of you defending him want to do that. Why should Becky listen to what I say if she already just knows I approve of glitter bombing, even though I said I didn’t.
Stop trying to be an ally. Try to be a listener.
Wow. It’s hard to read through some of these comments. They confirm my firmly held belief that the language we use to describe ourselves and others is important. I don’t know if we’ll ever get to a place and time where everyone agrees as to what words we should use because of the ever-evolving nature of language.
Reclaiming language that has been used to hurt others is a controversial practice. The word tranny can be very hurtful and offensive to people who do or don’t identify as trans. Of course, not all trans people feel the same way about the word.
I hold Dan Savage to higher standards than others because of his status as a queer activist. I’d like him to acknowledge that using the word tranny can be problematic, especially for people who do not identify as trans. Whether it’s fair or not, there are a host of non-queer people who look to him as a sort of barometer of what’s ok/what’s not ok to do or say in the LGBTQ community.
Oh and guess what? It turns out only one of the six people who participated in the glitter bombing was trans. Not that I expect that inconvenient fact to penetrate any skulls around here.
Boo–so what? I don’t think anyone claimed that every transexual participated in the glitter bomb.
Rainbowphoenix said “So we should define ourselves with what we’re not like GOProud does?”.
The vast majority of the time you have no need to define yourself as non-trans so on those rare occaisions when you want to draw a distinction non-transgender works fine, is readily understandable, and doesn’t smack of pompousness.
Boo said “While we’re at it why don’t we throw out gay, queer, homosexual, and everything else and just say non-heterosexual people?”.
Knock yourself out. Whether you say gay or non-heterosexual at least you don’t make it obvious you’re trying to be a self-important blowhard trying to look like an intellectual by using $10 words.
Boo said “Becky, I didn’t throw glitter at him.”.
Becky never said you did, she said you’d be better off trying to dialogue with him than throwing glitter on him. The “throwing glitter on him” referance was to a possible action, it doesn’t necessarily follow that she was saying you performed or supported such an action. She didn’t lie, you inferred she was saying something she didn’t. So, it is unfair of you to claim Becky lied about you.
Further to Rainbow’s and Boo’s comments:
Saying we need a word other than non-transgender to describe non-transgender people so we “don’t define ourselves as what we are not” is like saying because we call some people athletes we need a word other than non-atheletes to describe non-athletes so we “don’t define people by what they are not” – obviously not.
@Priya Lynn – at least you are trying to offer alternatives to “cis”. Far to often we just get “don’t call me cis”. The issue with “non-trans”, is that in some quarters within L/G and feminist politics, “non-trans” is also a problem. When I have used “not-trans” or “person who isn’t trans” in some discussions, I have been accused of “centering trans people and defining all others in relation to trans people”.
Bianca, the only time one would refer to someone as a non-trans person is in a discussion about trans people in which case of course one would “centre” trans people and define all others in relation to trans people. Its just like if we were having a discussion about the diet of olympic athletes and I wanted to compare it to the diet of non-athletes, of course I’d refer to “non-athletes”, but if I wasn’t talking about athletes I wouldn’t refer to anyone as a non-athlete, I’d call them people, or men and women, or some such other thing.
The people objecting to your use of non-trans wouldn’t make the same complaints if you were talking about swimmers and refered to non-swimmers, or if you were talking about painters and refered to non-painters, or if you were talking about drivers and refered to non-drivers. They just don’t like trans people and having attention focused on us.
Bianca, next time you encounter one of those people who objects to the term non-trans, ask them if they’d prefer to be referred to as cis-gendered. I’ll bet no distinguishing term is acceptable to them.
Bianca, is it trans people or non-trans people who have the problem with “non-trans”? I find nothing offensive about “non-trans”.
And Priya, thank you. You explain these things with much more patience than I have.
The people having the problem with “non-trans” are, not trans. Given the particular context of the discussions, I would say these people have a general dislike for trans people. Which is the root of the issue – no terms other than normal/trans (or real/trans) will be acceptable. So, does it matter if the term used is the linguistic counter to “trans” or not?
NOM clearly missed the mark in their strategy
Why target African-Americans
when we LGBTQI-Americans are so much more effective and destructive?