And maybe if I met the right woman…
Patrick Wooden has quickly become one of the weirdest, funniest wingnuts on record, ever since Porno Pete recruited him for a poorly attended protest at the Southern Poverty Law Center. In the space of just a few weeks, he has explained how anal sex is just terrible, but only if you’re gay, how gay men are well-known for putting iPhones in their butts, which is why gay men have to wear buttplugs all the time [sensing a pattern in what Wooden is interested in here?], and also Tyler Perry and Oprah are the devil. Teaching us about these things are all part of Wooden’s Pastoral Duties, and now he’s added another one to the mix!
You see, Patrick Wooden loves Pam Spaulding of Pam’s House Blend so much that he really just wants her to find a nice man to rock her world, for Jesus, of course. No, really. Here he is, talking to Porno Pete about Pam:
Patrick Wooden: Well, first of all, I love Pam, and one of these days I hope to invite Pam Spaulding maybe to lunch, and we can sit down and talk, I have never had the privilege of meeting her. I learned that we were at an event one time together and she did not make herself known [news to me; what event is he talking about?] and of course she knew, if my information is correct, she’s aware of who I am and I did not know her. I love her and I am praying for her, and I wouldn’t dare rail insults for insults or slurs for slurs.
I will say that Christ died for Pam, and Jesus will save her and deliver her from sin and that I have nothing but love for her and look forward to an opportunity to sit down and look her in the eye and to talk to her. Now as for the comment that I am a rent-a-pastor (laughs)…listen, Peter, I’ve been called much worse, and you know, my position is this: I don’t mind being rented for the cause of Christ. I don’t mind being rented for God’s Truth, I don’t mind being used for God’s Truth…as a matter of fact I want to thank her for calling me a rent-a-pastor. And I’ll say to the Lord – you can rent me anytime you want. I don’t know why he would since he owns me, but I will do for whatever cause he would want me to be a part of …here I am Lord, I’m like Isaiah, [blah, blah, blah] as long as I am representing God’s Truth.
Peter, it’s really not about her; we’re just vessels to be used by the Lord. It is the cause…it is the truth of God that we represent that is so important. So if the Pam Spauldings of this world, I wouldn’t get into a shouting match with her, I wouldn’t visit her web site, or her Facebook or whatever and rail insult for insult…
Pam needs Jesus, when Pam meets the Lord that yearning for a member of the same sex will change…she’d probably make a fantastic mother [Um, no], and would enjoy having a husband who was born male – no Chaz Bono business – born male – and meet her man, and rock her world, in the name of the Lord.”
You see, Pam Spaulding is great, says Patrick Wooden! If only she would discover the wonders of the wang in the name of the Lord…
This is what our opposition has been reduced to, y’all.
So is Patrick Wooden against monogamy? (That married gays should hit the straight dating sites to find an opposite-sex partner?)
Or, is he just pro-divorce?
Typical misogynistic b******t (and the type that leads to atrocities like “corrective rape”). Women aren’t autonomous, intelligent beings who know their own minds. They need men to tell them what to do and what to think. Obviously if any women claims to love women, it’s just because she hasn’t had a good ****ing from the right man.
So anti-gay activist Wooden would never dream of “railing insult for insult, slur for slur.” Yet, it’s fine for him to say gay people put cell phones in their rectums or need to wear diapers. What does he think such comments represent? They are neither “love” nor “religious beliefs.” They are reviling and Scripture specifically tells us that revilers are going to hell. Me thinks angry anti-gay activist Wooden needs to read his Bible more carefully.
Pam is public about her medically-necessary hysterectomy several years ago, so even if he could get in bed with her (let’s face it, some things are just fantasy :P) it’s not like his implied outcome would even work, anyways. Goes to show you just how dumb this guy really gets.
Though, perhaps I should be impressed at one little thing. He threw in an anti-trans line there right at the end, which, once de-spun, tells me that maybe more of the religious right have begun to realize that we exist, which is the bumpy step along the way to more public recognition, and ultimately equality. We’re catching up…just slowly :P
“I wouldn’t get into a shouting match with her, I wouldn’t visit her web site, or her Facebook or whatever and rail insult for insult”
What a sweet and tolerant way of deliberately implying that the people he picks on will only shout and scream insults. Adorable.
“We’re just vessels to be used by the Lord…”
No truer words have been spoken. Empty vessels, being used.
Why does the lord need vessels anyway?
@Reese M: “What does God need with a starship?”
~James T. Kirk, Captain USS Enterprise A, in the movie that shall otherwise not be referenced, ever.
[...] iPhones in their butts, that we always have to wear butt plugs, and moreover, that Pam Spaulding would be just great if she found the love of a good man who would give her the business on a regular basis, in the name of [...]