It’s so annoying when fundamentalist Christians say or do bigoted things, and then try to hide behind the claim that they have “gay friends.” It’s very similar to when some Southern people say, “Now, you know I’m not a racist…,” and then proceed to say something so awfully racist you want to bang your head on the nearest wall.
This happened with the whole Kirk Cameron incident, after he went on Piers Morgan’s show and said that gay people are destructive to the very foundations of civilization. He came back and said that, you know, he’s gotten so much support from people, even his gay friends.
Um, no.
Jerry Mahoney thinks gay people perhaps are just way too nice to Fundamentalists — I mean, we’re pretty nice people, in general — which may unfortunately lead fundamentalist bigots who cross our paths think that they’re our, ahem, friends. So he’s come up with a list of “I won’t be your gay friend if…” statements to clarify things. Here are my favorites, and then click over for the rest:
- You think merely saying you love everyone is equivalent to actually demonstrating that love.
- You use your religion both as a basis to attack me and as a shield to defend yourself from my rebuttal.
- You would treat your gay child with anything less than complete acceptance, unconditional love and a raging desire to kick the ass of anyone who made life hard for them.
Exactly. I would also add the following:
- You think it’s okay to hang out in neighborhoods full of gay people and hang out with us, but then assert that we shouldn’t be able to have children. No good.
- You get all excited about having a “gay friend,” and yet just “aren’t sure” how you feel about equality. Got questions? Ask your “gay friend” and he/she might clear them up for you.
- You’re totally fine with having a gay music minister — I mean, the music at church has gotten better since they hired that guy — but don’t accept his spouse as a full, respected member of the congregation.
ETC.
Feel free to add your own in the comments.
Let’s not forget the ones who oppose everything gay who magically know “several homosexuals who have turned away from the gay lifestyle and are leading happy, normal lives.” Oh really?
I’ve been having a hostile conversation with a fundie woman over at New Life Ministries comment section & she said “I have a very good gay friend” then added that she “kept her distance’ from this gay female friend because it was ‘wise’. I asked whether she was afraid the gay woman would come on to her or if she was afraid she would be attracted to the gay friend. Ha! She didn’t answer me but she did call me names & tell me I was indecent amongst other fundie insults having to do with Jesus.
I tbink it was John Grisham addressed the “I’m not a racist because I have friends of a different race ” defense in A Time to Kill when the lead asked the bigot if any of his self-identified friends had ever invited him into their homes. If not, then they were not friends. So I ask Cameron, and Santorum, and the rest of their ilk to produce one gay “friend” that had had them in their home for personal reasons, and I’ll show you Jimmy deSalva and/or Chris Baron, not anyone from whom an endorsement could really mean anything.
I agree with most of your article but, as a “southern person” find your statement very insulting. I am almost positive that the south does not have the only racists in the nation. If you are wanting to make a point against prejudice then don’t show your own prejudice. Just a thought.
I don’t think it matters what you say to these people since they know you they will always claim you as a “friend”. I am sure my brother who I haven’t spoken to in over 2 years probably says I can’t be anti-gay I have a gay brother.
@Mary, I’m a born and dyed in the wool Southerner. I’m speaking from experience.
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So am I, a born and dyed in the wool Southerner, but there are many racists and others that are not Southerners as well as many Southerners who are not racists or bigots of any sort. I just hate any “group” being tagged in that way.
Its sad that this comment so often comes out after antigay comments as though some how that justifies their position when the reality is, regardless of who their friends are their position is still untenable.
If Kirk Cameron has gotten so much support from people, even his gay friends, I wonder what kind of self loathing gay people he has befriended. And what kind of person would befriend someone whom he considers destructive to the very foundations of civilization?
Mary is right. Your comment about “Southerners” is as bigoted as any racial stereotype. Why is it ok to stereotype a region when we know it is wrong to stereotype a racial or ethnic group?
I’ve gotta back Evan here- he wrote ‘some Southerners.’ He didn’t say ‘people from the South are racists.’ He used a cliche, that some people from the South are racist. You know what? Some people from the South are racist. I’m related to some of them.
Evan was born and raised in Arkansas and Tennessee. He currently lives in Memphis. He has spent his entire life in the deep south and is about as southern as grits. So, I’m not sure he is bigoted towards the south. He is a southerner making an observation about how he perceives some people in his own surroundings.
Don’t be so fast to call people “bigots” before you actually know their background.
Where does the most virulent, nasty , mendacious propaganda about President Obama consistently come from? It ain’t Vermont Mary and Luna. Its that part of the country that has never come to terms with their guilt over slavery, Jim Crow laws, lynchings and two centuries of violence towards African-Americans. Yes, racism exists elsewhere and yes there are southerners who are not racist, but the stereotype rings all too true, all too often.
Define ‘friends’ – and while Kirk is at it, ask those ‘gay’ friends to speak out publically in your defence.
I didn’t think so.
You know, some of my closest friends are straight. In fact, most of my family is straight. Both my parents and sister are and I still love and accept them no matter what even though I don’t necessarily agree with their “lifestyle choice” and vice versa. Hell, I’ve even been to straight bars a couple of times. So I guess that makes me qualified to comment on the “straight lifestyle.” So, if I say “breeder” or “baby machines” or “this abhorrent lifestyle is leading to overpopulation and is detrimental to the planet and the human race,” then I too am off the hook because I have the love and support of my straight friends and family.
@ Mary and Evan, as someone who was born and spent 56 of my 57 years in the Northeast, I think white people up here are probably just as racist as in the South, except that it may be a bit more subtle. A number of years ago, I heard a black man on TV say that the difference was that, ‘in the South they don’t care how close you get (black people) , as long as you don’t get too big (wealthy and successful); in the North they don’t care how big you get, as long as you don’t get too close’. (You can be rich and successful — just live and shop someplace else). BUT, take heart, as things are steadily improving both for people of color and lgbt folks; I’ve seen it happen year to year and decade to decade. :)
ps..Nick K, you make a good point. I always bristle when I hear gays refer to heterosexuals as ‘breeders’. I thinks it’s offensive and if it weren’t for ‘breeders’, none of us would be here.
I think…..
I wonder if his “gay friends” are those self-loathers in GOProud?