It’s about The Rapture, you see, and what’s going to happen when all the planes driven by Christian pilots crash. As we move through the verses, we also find out that the “liberal clergy” get Left Behind when all the real Christians are raptured. This is just a totally normal song for a church service, you see. Enjoy. Please listen all the way through so that you can hear the final “chord.”
[Christian Nightmares via Joe]
That, um…defies description.
It must be at least twenty years since I first heard this song and someone has rewritten the verses; the original was not this insane piece about the Rapture. The only thing I recognize is the chorus.
Evan Hurst, the rapture is very real! Do you want to be left here when you could be spared the horror of the Great Tribulation? Continue to mock God to practice sodomy and to attack anointed men like Greg Quinlan and you will surely not be caught up in the air to meet the Son.
In the name of the Holy Spirit, I instruct you and Wayne Besen to repent and seek forgiveness. As a true Christian, Quinlan will accept your apology. Otherwise, the full armor of God will protect him as he strikes back at the nest of demons known as TWO.
Haha, okay Charles.
Christians didn’t even believe in the Rapture until the 20th century, and most still don’t. It’s a completely made up doctrine.
Charles B: Who the hell do you think you are? “I instruct….” That is a very pompous statement. True Christian? Sir you would not recognize a true Christian if one came up and bit you on your big ego-inflated behind!
Pretty nice troll there, Charles B.
These aren’t Gather’s words unless he rewrote the song. (At least vs 2 isn’t.)
Charles, did you sectretly gay marry greg quinlan when you were in New york a few weeks ago? You sure seem to have the hots for him.
But don’t worry– in case you were. he’ll turn you down.
Hey, my friend from Magrathea is back! If your god anoints notorious duplicitous cowards like Quinlan, who are dedicated to tormenting and advocating death of people simply for being different, then he is totally undeserving of worship. There are many gods out there who aren’t as malicious and sadistic as yours (not that I’m into that sort of thing, but to each his own, unless said religion encourages open hostility toward fellow humans). I applaud your means of entertainment. Or did you actually think anyone here would be fazed by your fearmongering?
More on topic, why do they view innocent people dying as a good thing? Talk about moral myopia!
I think I may have to go and clean my ears now. You’re right, can’t actually listen to it all the way through. The verse about the liberal clergy was hilarious though! Well at least it would be if it wasn’t for the fact that these self-satisfied schmucks actually believe what they are singing!
That last part really did remind me of the tornado siren around here – enough to give me a start for an instant.
Charles the troll is back! Hurray for free and hilarious entertainment.
One question: is Charles B. Greg Quinlan’s number 1 fanboy or secret identity?
Actually, this is complete fiction because there’s no such thing as a christian airline pilot….there can’t be because flying involves science and everyone knows christians don’t believe in science.
Just sayin’
I think Charles B thinks Evan and Wayne would be a good “get” for the lord.
Actually, Jon, gravity is, after all, “just a theory.” I’d love to see them test it.
I’m so glad I’m an Episcopalian.
Charley,
“. . . the rapture is very real! Do you want to be left here when you could be spared the horror of the Great Tribulation?”
I’m not concerned at all about the Great Tribulation, but I do want to be spared the horror of crackpots, such as yourself, in our midst.
If I were going to rail against gay men engaging in sodomy (however you define it), and encourage them to become heterosexual, I would make DAMN sure that NO heterosexuals anywhere on Earth were engaging in sodomy (again, however you define it). Why should gay men give up sodomy when they know that heterosexuals (yes, even some Christian ones) are still doing it? Even if I were to become straight, I would still engage in sodomy because other heterosexuals were doing it! (Unless Charles tells me that NO heterosexuals anywhere are doing it, which is a laughable untruth, or that sodomy is ok between married straight couples, which I know he would NEVER say.)
So, Charles, I will give up sodomy when EVERY heterosexual couple on Earth does first. Do we have a deal ??? (Even Pat Robertson said that oral sex (if that is part of your definition) is ok, at least among married couples.)
Charles! I thought I instructed you to get back on your medications and call your doctor a couple of weeks ago! Why didn’t you pay attention?
Now I will have to exorcise you, I guess.
Charles, in the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I instruct you apologize and ask Wayne Besen & Evan Hurst for forgiveness. As a true Christian, you owe them a heartfelt apology for your wicked slanders. Otherwise, the full wrath of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will strike back at you and your demons, in divine protection of TWO.
Paul, I am indeed convinced that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is in protection of TWO. In the words of Charles,
“Continue to mock God to practice sodomy and to attack anointed men like Greg Quinlan and you will surely not be caught up in the air to meet the Son.”
It’s actually:
“Continue to mock the Flying Spaghetti Monster to practice annoyingness/trolldom and to attack anointed men like Wayne/Evan and you will surely not be caught up in the air to meet the Meatballs/Holy Sauce.”
There we go. Shockingly, the FSM explanation makes more sense.
@Charles: For gay Christians we are already IN the great tribulation at your bloody hands. We should look forward to a world where y’all meet Jesus in the air. Maybe we could get a little peace and quiet!
Charles? If xtian airline pilots are going to – poof! – disappear then it is about time that xtians are denied the right to pilot aircraft. In the same way, xtians should have their cars confiscated & their drivers licenses revoked as they will be a danger to the non-believing public when they are snatched up to the Rapture from their vehicles. Maybe Rapture-believing xtians should just sit quietly in their homes waiting for their departure. And stay off their computers due to their fondness for porn which could seriously compromise their claims of being ‘saved’. Now, take your meds!
Wow, communion consisting of a meatball and holy sauce sounds a whole lot better than a dry stale cracker and cheap wine. I’m going to switch my allegiance to the FSM.
@ Robert #17 — me too.
@ Devin, brilliant observation. I like the way you think. Get them to put their money where their mouth is–just fabulous!
Charles said “the full armor of God will protect him”. You also claimed the armour of your god would prevent Wayne from initiating a lawsuit against Quinlan – remember how your god failed then? Maybe its because your god doesn’t exist.
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Devin stole my comment :(
Truthfully it was not my comment, I saw it at Joe My God,
“Than we should not permit any Christian airline Pilots.”
I think it was the same thread that someone pasted a link to the Brick Testament, which I had never seen before and IS hilarious. And I am a Christian, but I’m not a Fundamentalist. I never take offense when people who are gay rail against Christians, I know where you are coming from.
I also understand atheists and agnostics wanting a sharp separation of Church and State, and how ticked off they get when they see the reverse is happening. I’m not offended by that either. I am also not offended by Spaghetti Monster, people are perfectly free to hold no religious beliefs.Their spaghetti monster is my concept of that Hindu Goddess with all those arms. Same thing.
When you are secure in who you are and your own faith beliefs it gives you room to listen to others express their views without taking personal offense.
Here is the link to the Brick Testaments, the ones from Revelations are particularly humorous.
http://www.thebricktestament.com/revelation/index.html
Charles from the Maranatha insanity: you do not get to instruct me or anyone else to do what you want. The rapture is perhaps a hundred years old and is not considered Biblical by many Christians.
And you can cram the whole sodomy schtick. You are unbelievably arrogant. Why don’t you do into your closet and pray and repent for your overweening pride.
Merlyn-
Why do you post a comment under the name of a famous sorcerer? God condemns sorcery and witchcraft. Deut. 18:10.
I do not instruct Wayne Besen and Evan Hurst in my name. I instruct them in the name of the Holy Spirit. All of us are subject to the sovereign authority of the Lord. So it is not arrogant for a true Christian to take authority over a nonbeliever and instruct him in the name of the One who is sovereign.
If Wayne Besen and Evan Hurst defy this instruction, then Quinlan will defeat and humiliate them before the whole world. I tell you, Quinlan’s response to this lawsuit will be Spirit-led and it will shatter the agenda of TWO and of Wayne Besen. But perhaps Wayne Besen likes to be humiliated by a normal Christian man?
Your master deserves neither title of normal, or man, Magrathean. Only petulant children continue to deal in lies after they have been caught, which is what your master has decided to do. His fate is sealed: he will be defeated in court. Mr. Besen and Mr. Hurst will emerge victorious, as they fight for true justice.
Charles said in response to Merlyn;
Why do you post a comment under the name of a famous sorcerer?
So you believe that the myth of King Arthur, Merlin, the Round Table and Camelot are true?
But then I suppose they are as true as the tales in your Bible.
One more thing;
Does anyone get the impression that Charles of Marantha Congregation is a sock puppet of Greg Quinlan?
Or is it just my suspicious mind?
Charles said “I do not instruct Wayne Besen and Evan Hurst in my name. I instruct them in the name of the Holy Spirit. All of us are subject to the sovereign authority of the Lord.”.
Your lord and holy spirit are imaginary therefore you arrogantly attempt to instruct people in your own name and what makes it worse is that you make up a story to pretend that is justified. Whenever people like you “speak for god”, you are in fact speaking only for yourselves.
Ah, Charles B? I think you are mistaken. Wayne does not have an ‘agenda’, he has a mission. You, on the other hand, troll this site with your xtian agenda to demean gay folk. Time for you to go away, don’t you think? You are not a ‘normal’ xtian. And you talk as if English were your second language. So it is very hard to take you seriously. That’s the way it is with all trolls. Bye now!