Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council hate group is veering dangerously close to Porno Pete Land when it comes to yakking melodramatically about things that don’t matter. Like candy. Yes, you see, the latest way that Fundamentalists are Professional Victims has to do with the brutality inflicted by Mike & Ike:
These days, you can’t get a sugar high without experiencing a cultural low.
Not clever.
Hello, I’m Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council in Washington, D.C. There’s trouble in candy land.
Still not clever.
After more than 70 years together, Mike & Ike are calling it quits. The duo is staging a gay divorce as part of a new ad campaign to draw in younger customers.
They should stay together! Do vows mean nothing?!
In this society, even candy has an agenda! From Facebook to Tumblr, the fruity pair
Even Tony knows he’s phoning it in right now.
says, “The rumors are true. We just couldn’t agree on stuff anymore.” Starting this summer, the company will spend $15 million on billboards and TV commercials that poke fun at the breakup. It’s just another subtle example of society chipping away at the value of marriage.
Because candy is getting divorced.
And I don’t know what’s more disturbing–that advertisers think divorce appeals to kids
Maybe they’re just being silly.
or that sexualizing candy
“Sexualizing candy.” Tony Perkins (or one of his minions) typed “sexualizing candy.”
will make people buy more. After a year-long build-up, the company will reveal if the couple reconciles. Until then, look for Mike & Ike to have a distinctly liberal flavor.
And if they stay together, they’ll be gay, still married married, and, er, conservative?
This has been Tony Perkins Dramatically Yelling At A Snack Machine.
LOL!!!! Oh, God bless America! Unbelievable.
Pardon my vulgarity, but he’s a dumb f**k; always has been, always will be. Why can’t he be more like the real Tony Perkins, who was bisexual and *awesome*, and dead.
Actually, I don’t suppose they CAN get divorced in most states, as their marriage isn’t recognized in the first place…
…though honestly, it never occurred to me that Mike and Ike were sleeping together when I bought the overpriced box at the movies. Or even that they were roomies. With or without benefits.
For that matter, I don’t think I ever PICTURED an actual Mike and/or Ike (but now that you mention it Tony…) I was always too intent on the sugar rush.
Website says Mike wants to be a musician, Ike an artist. I predict they get back together and have a huge gay Performance Art wedding in Central Park.
With edible underwear and milk chocolate penises (yes, I’ve had one), candy was ‘sexualized’ a long time ago.
Funny, but the “breakup” of Mide & Ike doesn’t make me automatically think of sex. Maybe that’s because I’m not a sex obsessed RRRW wingnut.
“After a year-long build-up, the company will reveal if the couple reconciles. Until then, look for Mike & Ike to have a distinctly liberal flavor.”
Actually, statistics show that divorce rates are higher among Conservative Christians, and in the Red States. It’s in the Godless Blue States that marriages last longer.
Instead of doing something about heterosexual divoce and adultery, angry anti-gay activist Perkins shifts the focus to CANDY. And then conservatives have the audacity to wonder why so many of their marriages just don’t work….