The Catholic campaign of spiritual bullying against LGBT people continues… 
Dominic Sheahan-Stahl, an actor in New York City, was invited by his alma mater to be the keynote speaker at next month’s commencement exercises. The event carries added significance because his youngest brother is graduating — the last of three generations of Dominic’s family to attend Sacred Heart Academy in Mt. Pleasant, Michigan.
But yesterday, Sheahan-Stahl’s mother called him in tears to tell him that he was no longer allowed to speak at graduation. The reason? The Catholic school found out that Dominic is gay and engaged to be married, and a gay, soon-to-be-married man could not take a public role in an event where the local bishop would also be appearing.
Dominic never hid his sexual orientation; his “mistake” was that he posted his engagement photos (including the one above) on Facebook. Nobody from Sacred Heart Academy even bothered to inform Dominic of the decision; instead, they left it up to his mother to break the news to him. His brother in Michigan was so hurt and upset that he could not listen to the phone conversation and had to leave the room.
Sheahan-Stahl posted a video on YouTube this morning (check it out below) to tell his side of the story and speak out about the injustice of the whole situation. In it, he holds up a copy of his speech and notes that the text makes absolutely no mention of his sexual orientation or his plans to marry his fiancée. The message he would have delivered to the Sacred Heart Academy class of 2012, though, was one of courage: “If you can’t face fear of people. . . not liking what it is [you] have to say, then you’re not going to make a difference in life.” I would submit that by publicly standing up to the spiritual bullying he’s receiving from the Catholic Church and refusing to be silenced, Sheahan-Stahl is conveying that message even more powerfully than a speech would have been able to achieve.
Dominic’s story is intensely personal for me — I, too, was pushed out of a public role in the Catholic Church because of marriage equality. Several years ago, I was a music minister in the Diocese of Green Bay who also happened to be then-bishop David Zubik’s favorite cantor. (I even sang his mother’s funeral Mass at his request.) But one evening, one of the bishop’s vicars informed me that we needed to have a serious talk. We met a few days later at a local park, and as the two of us walked along a wooded trail, this priest told me that my ministry was no longer welcome in the diocese. “John, your voice is beautiful,” he said. “Even so, it would be inappropriate to have you sing at the Cathedral anymore. I’ve heard that you are married to a man, so your continued presence at diocesan functions would cause a scandal.”
Like Dominic, I never hid the fact that I was married — in fact, every time I raised my hands at Mass to invite the congregation to sing, my wedding ring was on my finger. And like Dominic, staying true to myself came at a painful price: being pushed out of public view by the Catholic Church because of sexual orientation.
Dominic and I are only two of the scores of LGBT people who’ve been wounded by the Catholic Church, which continues to fight relentlessly against our basic civil rights and human dignity in the name of God. I applaud him for speaking out and giving hope to LGBT Catholics, especially teenagers in Catholic schools. As long as stories like Dominic’s keep happening, I’m going to continue bringing attention to them — because as Dominic said in his video, the Catholic Church has to know that they cannot continue to do this without incurring the kind of public shaming that their reprehensible bullying rightly deserves.
h/t: Andy
My best friend’s sons (my Godsons) attend SHA. She told me about this earlier this morning and I was moved to write about it, as well.
I love what you’ve written. Dominic’s message will reach so much further because they attempted to silence him. Posts like the ones we’ve written and spreading his message through other social media channels will serve as a sort of megaphone to help amplify Dominic’s voice.
I hate that you, Dominic, and others have found themselves face-to-face with discrimination only because of who you love. Still, I am so glad that you have the courage to speak up and speak out.
What are you doing in a church which not only denies your equal existence but spends millions of dollars annually to achieve its bigotry? Seriously -are gay people a bigger threat than poverty. This church has its head up it’s ecclesiastical a*s. Abandon it. Condemn it.
Of course the same institution that protects child rapists has the gall to throw ‘morality’ in your face. Come sing with us John – the Episcopal Church welcomes you.
Stephen — I have, and I do! :-) But leaving is a very difficult decision to make for many people (it was for me), especially when you’ve been raised there your whole life. So while I agree with you 100%, I absolutely cannot begrudge people who are still inside that church.
I am a former student of Sacred Heart Academy, and a graduate of Grand Rapids Catholic Central. I was raised in very sound and faith filled catholic family. I grew up learning and valuing the teachings of the church, to love your neighbor, respect your father and mother, judgment day is between myself and God, and that Christ died for all of our sins etc…Point being I was never taught to discriminate against an individual due to race, religion, gender or any other reason.
However, when I came out my freshman year of college and my little brother’s sophomore year of high school. During one of his religion classes, taught by the same religion teacher I had had 2 years prior- she told him, with out a doubt I was a sinner and choosing to live in sin and therefore I was going to hell. The barbaric religious bigotry of “Christian” establishments is astonishing. To teach that God loves all, and “who shall ever believe in him shall not parish but have everlasting love” as in John 3:16, then to blatantly negatively judge and persecute a child of God should not have a place in our society. Let alone at a school that was quoted as having “high moral standards” and a “loving community.”
When my now wife and I were setting out to plan our marriage, we looked into Castle Farms in Charlovoix Michigan, I had several conversations with their Wedding Coordinator, and everything was going smoothly, we had planned a trip up to the Castle to put our deposit down and tour in person the romantic Castle setting. At the very end on our last conversation, the young lady asked, “Chloe, what is your fiance’s name, I feel badly as I have not asked in all our conversations” I replied “Her name is Katie.” Almost immediately the tone of the conversation changed, and she abruptly hurried to get off the phone. I assumed she was just caught off guard and, finalized the details of our travel to the Castle. The next morning I came into my office and had a voice mail left the previous night at 8:30pm (clearly after business hours) letting me know that Castle Farms had made an “error” and the date was not available any more- I called to look into it further, and apparently they were booked for the entire next 2 years, year round!
I am saddened by the closed mindedness of some people, but I think it hits home more when a school that I have such fond memories of attending is involved with such a outwardly discriminatory scandal. For what it is worth, as a member of the Sacred Heart Parish and family, and the LGBT Community, my heart goes out to the Stahl Family. I will also keep Principal Denny and the Bishop in my prayers, clearly they need them.
@Chloe Mercer,
I am just as appalled at your situation as that of Dominic’s!!! I hate to say it but …sue them. Make an example of their discrimination. It takes one to stand up. Gather support and rally the troops!! Discrimination is discrimination plain and simple. It is but one business but one that should learn a painful lesson, hate costs.
There are no gods. Religions exists only to divide and oppress. Problem solved. You’re welcome.
Christian? I think not! Christ would be appalled. This is one of the reasons I left the church years ago. They are using the money my parents threw in the collection basket every Sunday to now discrimate against me and my partner of 21 years politically.
Their new term “freedom of religion” is basically another term for “freedom to bully and hate!”
SHA taught me about true hipocracy in life during the 6 years I attended school there. I see this as a reminder to that thought. How hypocritical! Priests can molest boys but this is bad?!
@Brandy,
Unfortunately in Michigan they are at will to host or not to host someone based on sexual orientation. I would have been more than happy to set a precedent, but to be honest I do not even know what lawyer would be willing to take on such a case- I am sure with all the GLBT in the media it may be more of a case in 2012 than it was in 2010..
The Catholic Church objects to gay marriage. You know that, so why are you so surprised and upset?
Because bullying is always upsetting, Diane. That it’s done in the name of God doesn’t make it any less reprehensible.
And by the way, when two people of the same gender marry, they don’t have a “gay marriage.” It’s just a marriage. Thanks.
I am absolutely outraged and appalled at the behaviors of such people. Who are we to PLAY GOD in someone elses life??? God loves us all, no matter what race color or preference in who we love. Hatred is but a sinful act to bestow against someone just because they love the same gender. If it were not right God would have never let it happen between two peole to begin with. GOD does not make mistakes. We are but his children walking on this earth, the decisions we make are but trusted ones thru GOD himself first. Think before you act on such bad behaviors. Our children are but our future, what is this teaching them but to hate themselves and to hate on others???? I for one dont believe GOD would be happy with Sacred Hearts Academys decisions on this!!! SHAME ON YOU SACRED HEART ACADEMY. :(
As a gay man, and a former Catholic priest, it wounds me when the Church wounds any other person. But I am not surprised. I have begun to see the Church as a monarchy and blatant patriarchy, interested only in preserving and abusing its power. Vatican II and a pastoral Church rooted in Christ seem to be dying out in the institution. The Roman Catholic Church continues to bully LGBTQ persons and women and others (Religious Sisters in the U.S. recently), and continues its long history of abuse, neglect, incitement to violence. Its record during the Holocaust is shameful: silence, cooperation with the Nazis (Vatican diplomacy, bishops in occupied countries, lay Catholics not acting with conscience), and then helping thousands of Nazis escape Europe after World War II.
@Diane
And what exactly does have a gay speaker at a graduation to do with same-sex marriage? Nothing of course.
Christians are vile, immoral scum and this once again shows that they can’t be allowed to get away with their anti-social behavior.
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