As hilarious as this is, and as much as I wish it were real, I simply am having a hard time believing this letter to the editor in an Ohio newspaper is anything but well-crafted satire:

Something in the “Just Ask” column (Page A3, May 29) disturbed me. According to the column, “the Ohio buckeye, Aesculus glabra, bears flowers with both male and female organs on the same tree. It is a monoecious species.”

I couldn’t believe this, so I did some research and, sure enough, a science website (forestry.about.com) states that “the Ohio buckeye is polygamo-monoecious, bearing both bisexual and male flowers.”

The buckeye is our state tree and most of us gladly wear the nickname, “buckeyes.” But it is shameful and unacceptable that a bisexual tree should represent us! We are flaunting the Holy Bible!

I urge everyone to contact their state representative and demand legislation removing the buckeye as our state tree and condemning the use of the term “buckeye” as a nickname for residents of Ohio.

Does anyone know if carnations are bisexual?

Jim Flechtner Findlay

So funny. It calls to mind one of my all time favorite pieces from The Onion:

transgendered sea anemone I Call Poe: Ohio Wingnut Wants Bisexual Buckeye Tree Removed As State Symbol

[h/t Towleroad]