I Call Poe: Ohio Wingnut Wants Bisexual Buckeye Tree Removed As State Symbol

As hilarious as this is, and as much as I wish it were real, I simply am having a hard time believing this letter to the editor in an Ohio newspaper is anything but well-crafted satire:

Something in the “Just Ask” column (Page A3, May 29) disturbed me. According to the column, “the Ohio buckeye, Aesculus glabra, bears flowers with both male and female organs on the same tree. It is a monoecious species.”

I couldn’t believe this, so I did some research and, sure enough, a science website (forestry.about.com) states that “the Ohio buckeye is polygamo-monoecious, bearing both bisexual and male flowers.”

The buckeye is our state tree and most of us gladly wear the nickname, “buckeyes.” But it is shameful and unacceptable that a bisexual tree should represent us! We are flaunting the Holy Bible!

I urge everyone to contact their state representative and demand legislation removing the buckeye as our state tree and condemning the use of the term “buckeye” as a nickname for residents of Ohio.

Does anyone know if carnations are bisexual?

Jim Flechtner Findlay

So funny. It calls to mind one of my all time favorite pieces from The Onion:

[h/t Towleroad]

7 Comments

Bill S June 18, 2012 at 3:41 pm -

It’s a pretty convincing one, right down to the misuse of the word “flaunting”.
Johnny June 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm -

There are 4 letters posted on the site. Three of them all come from people with the last name Findlay.
Doug June 18, 2012 at 5:04 pm -

Sadly, I would believe it to be true.
Ohio runs the gamut of intelligence and diversity and tolerance. It all depends on where you are in the state, and sometimes where you are in the city.
And “Findlay” is the name of the town they are writing from, not their last name. :)
Dale June 18, 2012 at 5:16 pm -

It’s satire, as are other funny posts there on occasion.

It’s also funny that this could easily be seen as truth, as wingnuts really are this crazy.
CT June 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm -

Poe’s Law. You can never be sure if the crazy is satire, or just crazy.
Sex problem in the garden of Eden? | Queer Look at the Bible June 19, 2012 at 8:30 am -

[...] Hurst, at Truth Wins Out saw this, and wonders if it is satire, or a serious opinion. The snip comes from the Findlay Ohio [...]
Thomas Waters June 19, 2012 at 8:33 am -

Wonderful post. I’m banking that Jim is a witty guy offering cultural commentary. Here is my post about it. http://qlatb.com/sex-garden-of-eden-buckeye/2012/06/19/