(Weekly Column)
If there is one thing that irks me, it is having the Roman Catholic Church preach to me about sexual morality. It is a religious sect led by a virulently homophobic Pope that goes out of its way to trash my family. Yet, my family hasn’t spent a cent defending itself against nonexistent charges of child rape, while the Vatican has spent $2.5 billion on legal fees, prevention programs, and settlements relating to the sexual abuse of minors.
Exactly why should I listen to what these “holy” men have to say? I’ve been out of the closet for twenty-four years, during which time I worked in the center of the LGBT movement, but can’t think of a single friend or colleague arrested for child molestation. None of the people I associate with have shielded, shuffled, or offered severance packages to pedophiles to protect the institutions that they work for. But such obscene behavior is precisely what the Vatican did, all the while turning my loved ones into scapegoats to obscure their criminality.
The latest preoccupation of the Catholic Church, as well as their brethren in the ultra-Orthodox Jewish Community, is fiercely lobbying state legislatures to not change the statute of limitations for child sexual abuse cases.
“Even when you have the institution admitting they knew about the abuse, the perpetrator admitting that he did it, and corroborating evidence, if the statute of limitations has expired, there won’t be any justice,” Marci Hamilton, a professor at the Benjamin N. Cordozo School of Law at Yeshiva University, explained to the New York Times.
It seems the hierarchy is only interested in saving its own skin, instead of paying a price for those whose skin it violated. For a church built on a human sacrifice, there is scant evidence of noble virtues as the church lies and litigates against its victims.
Which brings us to a burning question: Why do liberal Catholics continue to support an intolerant, homophobic, misogynistic institution capable of covering up heinous crimes against children?
I’m not the only one asking this pertinent question. On June 1, the Freedom From Religion Foundation placed a full-page ad in USA Today headlined, “It’s Time to Quit The Catholic Church.”
According to the ad: “If you think you can change the church from within – get it to lighten up on birth control, gay rights, marriage equality, embryonic stem-cell research – you’re deluding yourself. By remaining a ‘good Catholic,’ you are doing ‘bad’ to women’s rights. You are an enabler. And it’s got to stop.”
New York Times columnist Bill Keller also urged moderate Catholics to find a new church: “Much as I wish I could encourage the discontented, the Catholics of open minds and open hearts, to stay put and fight the good fight, this is a lost cause…Summon your fortitude, and just go. If you are not getting the spiritual sustenance you need, if you are uneasy being part of an institution out of step with your conscience — then go.”
It does seem as if diehard liberal and moderate Catholics are not fighting so much as being beaten to a pulp by ideologues. If this were a boxing match, it would have been stopped many rounds ago. Indeed, attacks from the right have become so extreme that the Church is even going after American nuns. If nuns aren’t Catholic enough for these fanatics, liberal Catholics sure aren’t going to be embraced any time soon.
This whole debate reminds me of when gay people from conservative backgrounds complain to me that they can’t come out because of the environment in which they were raised. One says, “I grew up in a traditional Chinese household, so I can’t tell my parents.” While another person says, “I grew up in a Pentecostal family, so I can’t tell anyone.” And yet another proclaims, “You wouldn’t understand, it’s not that easy coming out because my parents are from a rural area.”
Everybody has an excuse or explanation, and, no, it’s never easy to come out – but at the same time, it really is a simple process. Saying “I’m gay” works like a charm every time and frees a person to be their authentic self.
Similarly, it may be incredibly difficult to leave the Catholic Church. But, it is also as easy as going to a computer search engine and typing “church” or speaking into your iPhone, “Siri, find me a church.” Within moments dozens of alternatives will pop up – many of which are more concerned with spirituality than the statute of limitations.
Are you tired of being treated like an abused dog by the Catholic Church? Then drop the dogma and quit. After all, they quit you, your family, and your moderate belief system a long time ago. Exit, don’t enable.
Addendum: Help for People Leaving the Roman Catholic Church
As long as the Roman Catholic Church insists on its priests remaining celibate and not marrying they will continue to attack gays. They are having difficulty recruiting new priests. By attacking gays they are able to recruit sexually confused men who join the priesthood to avoid dealing with their sexual orientation. They marry the Church so that they don’t have to deal with their sexual orientation. I have been told by gay ex-priests that upwards of 50% of priests are gay. If the Church liberalizes it stance on homosexuality but doesn’t do away with celibacy they will have an even harder challenge of recruiting priests. Their attacks on gays is totally self-serving and shameful!!!
Wayne,
I do have respect for those who choose to stay in the Roman Church and try to change things at least in their own parishes or circles, and for those who try to change the larger structure. The RC is the people, after all, not the minuscule number of bishops who rant and rave more and more as people pay attention to them less and less. It is the majority of the members who support same sex relationships despite what the tiny group of puffed up leaders say.
That said, I myself left 25 years ago and I have never looked back. I worked for the church as a priest, and found another job and resigned. I met with my bishop when I left and explained my decision to him. I also gave him a written document with more details. I could no longer put up with the increasing repression and wanted to be free to be open to not only the members of Dignity and other people in my life, but I wanted to be able to speak out freely and to become more active in working for the rights of LGBT people.
I had been moving in that direction for some years, but the final straw was the document that Ratzinger wrote in which he said that gay people cannot really enter into a loving relationship that involves sexual activity, and that when we pushed for the legalization of our sexual behavior and relationships no one should be surprised when people reacted violently against us. I had met a lot of other LGBT people and had read an enormous amount of literature about the topic, and when I read Ratzinger’s pathetic screed (which JPII ordered printed) I thought to myself that I know much more about the topic than they do. They knew nothing about us and I was disgusted with the garbage they were spouting.
So Wayne, I can understand both why people stay (I stayed for many years and tried to make a difference and think I did make a difference for some people) and why they leave (I could no longer put up with the oppression and wanted to be free to be myself and not fear that I would lose my job and source of income).
For myself, I could not have stayed any longer. It was a question of whether to leave and continue to grow and to thrive as a gay man, or whether to stay and become more depressed and die inside. I chose life and health. But I do respect the decisions of those who stay. We each must make our own choices and find our own way in life.
I would get out, but there is no place to actually go if you are a spiritual, liberal Catholic.
Judith- come join us Episcopalians! High church all the way baby.
I’d like to make a further addition to this. All those folks who give countless excuses and reasons and supposedly valid explanations as to why they can’t come out really need to grow a pair and get some self respect. Get a life and stop kidding yourself. If your family hate you for who you really are and may even possibly kill you, then leave them. They are not worth your sanity and psychological health and welfare. We all have legs and reason and rational. Just walk away and start again.
Yes I know it is sometimes difficult and there are exceptional circumstances, but stop for a moment and think. If you stick around you are only enabling and facilitating them to continue. You are therefore complicit. So get on your bike and go start your life far far far away from them. Perhaps even another country or continent. Contrary to what many others may say, you owe them nothing. Don’t believe the propaganda bs about family is everything and family is always there for you rubbish. You did not ask to be born. So just leave. And if you are afraid they will come after you, simply don’t tell them anything.
I speak from experience as I am from an African culture and society that deeply abhors and kills homosexuals and homosexuality. Eventually I came to my senses and when I finished my schooling I left. Trust me you do not need your family. You are stronger and more resourceful than you know. But quietly plan it all you can beforehand. I know this flies in the face of everything you have been taught about family unit and family bonds but it’s true. You would not accept being abused by friends, so why do you from your family? Of course at the time it’s very hard and even some may say traumatic, but when you look back on it, it’s easier than you think.
You are beautiful and special and unique and you will make a good life if you so choose. You will find amazing friends and see and learn and do incredible things. And if you are really lucky enough, and it happens more often than you think, your family will start to come around. It takes time and even more time for some though, so don’t raise your hopes or expectations. In fact, you should just view it as an unexpected bonus should they come about as some never do. But always keep your wits about you, err on the side of caution, and take all the necessary precautions.
If it worked for me, it can work for you if you really want it too. And I am not the sharpest tool in the shed folks. Good luck my darling. Spread your wings and fly…
Judith, I am not an Episcopalian, but, from what several former Roman Catholics have told me, that denomination is a great fit for a spiritual, liberal Roman Catholic looking for a new home where he or she will not be enabeling the heirarchy of the Roman Catholic Church.
I’m confused by one part of your article. You said
“The latest preoccupation of the Catholic Church, as well as their brethren in the ultra-Orthodox Jewish Community, is fiercely lobbying state legislatures not to lower the statute of limitations for child sexual abuse cases.”
Isn’t this a good thing? I cannot see how lowering the statute of limitations for sexual abuse of a child would be good in any light. From the above quote it sounds like they are trying to keep the limit higher instead of going lower.
Granted I don’t have much love for the Catholic church as I was raised in a Catholic household and got repeated reminders of how “Gays are going to hell or that we should be shot”. But I don’t see anything wrong with what the church is fighting for here. Unless you have a typo, and the word “not” was not supposed to be there.
I would disagree…the moderate Catholics don’t need to find a new church b/c all religions r abusive
when people wake up and realise they do not need a religion only then will the power of the churches be stopped. any gay person who still attends church and believes in the bible or trys to live by it gets what they deserve from the self serving church members…. we as a species have been raped piliaged controlled tortured suppressed and worst of all held back from our natural progress and evolution for 2000 years, you would think after the age of reason people would be awkae to the crimes against humanity the organised religions of the world have perpetrated…. take away the tax exemption from land and buildings, make them pay tax on the money they make from congregations… make them reveal the stolen works of art, the missing manuscripts and books, make them make public all the information on the priests and the churches behaviour, if these religion sions of our global community are to be believed in thier piety nake all transparent show you are what you are
Thank you, Wayne.
I left the RCC 5 years ago and haven’t looked back, precisely for the reasons that you have cited.
No matter what your excuse for staying, it is not valid. If you stay, you are enabling. LEAVE IT!! The sky will not fall and the world will go on.
You are using the same rationale as a battered spouse. (“If I become good enough, then he won’t beat me any more.”)
Chaz… Good story. I was quite so ‘final’ as you, but it’s wasthe right decision.cthey didn’t make my life better.that’s the test for any relationship with people, church, god, job, whatever.
Kogentw, I noticed that, too. It seem like the church would want to lower the term forthe statute of limitations.
I left the church about 25 years ago, in the same way that I would leave an out-of-order bathroom. Never looked back and don’t miss it!
Judith — There’s also the Old Catholic Church and the Reform Catholic Church.
Both refuse to recognize the pope as an infallible person, they accept and ordain women and TLBGs! In fact, Sinead O’Connor’s a priest in this movement, IIRC!
Bold hold to the other sacraments for the church, so I suggest doing a search for these churches, too!
Great post, Wayne, just brilliant! I’m forwarding to several of my gay Catholic friends and we’ll see!
@Kogenta (7) – I think the wording is confusing or maybe “not” is a typo, because the Catholic Church is lobbying state legislatures for more narrow limitations for child sexual abuse cases to avoid liability. There are many articles that support that the Catholics view: http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/news-and-opinion/cover-story/138884039.html
Very good article Wayne and inspiring comments all around. Many thanks.
Yes, it is a typo I will fix.
“any gay person who still attends church and believes in the bible or trys to live by it gets what they deserve from the self serving church members”
You’re right. I do deserve love and respect from an accepting, positive atmosphere.
I am not a Catholic but this sentiment has been with me for a long time. Thanks for the article. It sheds light on their “dirty little secret”. This is also true of many religious orders. Not just Catholics. Granted the Catholics seem to be the worst offenders of pedophilia but they are not the only hypocrites. There are enough religious organizations out there that are open, loving, honest and truly accepting. Go find one if you need it and leave the hypocrites behind.
This posting reminded me of a series that’s running on NatGeo about a community of ex-Amish people. Some of these brave souls are as young as 19. And the good “Christians” that the Amish are, now shun them and will no longer see nor talk to them. One young man had 8 or 9 brothers and will never see them again (unless some of them leave). In last night’s episode he was preparing to spend his first Christmas without his biological family.
And Judith #3, I agree with Boo, if you like the ‘magic and mystery’ of the High Mass, which I do, you can get that in an Episcopal (High) Church without all the hate and oppression. Mine has the full inclusion of women and LGBT people. I’m an acolyte and the first time I served was with a woman priest.
This petition asking IRS Commissioner Douglas Shulman to Investigate the Catholic Church and Cardinal Dolan for violations of 501(c)(3) tax-exempt status violations already has over 500 signatures. Please sign the petition, and then re-post it:
http://tinyurl.com/7rbdmmg
In addition to the Episcopal Church USA, I’d suggest the ELCA Lutherans, who also may have nice “high church” ceremonies with all the bells and whistles, but without the “Henry wants a divorce” baggage in its origins.
If “Martin’s pissed at the money-men and headed down to nail his discontent to the doors” is appealing, Lutherans may be a good fit. But NOT the Missouri Synod lot, who are “the Anglicans” of Lutherans (i.e., don’t play well with others, nor pray with them, nor ordain women, nor share communion . . . you get the picture; a fairly exclusionist lot).
And if it’s a complete change of flavor that’s being sought, gaychurch.org can provide some starting points.
f**k the Pope and all his subversive servants. The Vatican is an INDEPENDENT NATION, why the hell are we letting an Independent Nation f**k with our American Democracy???? We would never tolerate this if they were Russians or Muslims. We would hunt them down and kick them out. The Vatican Based Catholic Church is attempting to hijack OUR American democracy. Kick them to the curb.
I often hear people telling me they’re only Catholic because they believe in the same god, although in a different way. My answer is that there are probably a thousand religions that believe in the Abrahamic god in different ways and that they are different religions because of those different ways. I try to maintain a belief in people being able to follow whichever faith they wish to but I do find myself hoping to turn on the telly and see the Vatican being demolished to make way for a new car park.
A very good article Wayne and I thank you for writing it.
Hawaii has a very active chapter of Dignity. I know most of the members, though I’m not a member myself. A bunch of really nice guys (I notice that all the members seem to be male).
They are a strong part of the GLBT community here and they particiapte in our Pride events and all other major gay events.
I’m a bit puzzled as to why they continue to consider themselces Catholics. Clearly, they are not respected much by their own church.
I don’t see that situation changing, not in my lifetime.
There are plenty of OTHER churches here.
Churches that ARE gay friendly.
There is the Unitarian Church, United Church of Christ, Unity Church. Also, many Episcopal churches are gay friendly and and all the churches I’ve listed welcome women into the clergy.
The priestly celibacy rule is silly. People were meant to have sex. Requiring celibacy for a priest restricts him to a life of masturbation, ….. not what God intended.
I fouund a gay church and I attend it on a semi-regular basis.
I will never, I repeat, NEVER, put another dollar into the collection plate of the Catholic Church.
Or ANY church that does not support gay rights.
You’re really going to p**s off that old queen, Bill Donohue. Good for you! Anything that pisses him off is right on the money!
[...] Complete Article HERE! [...]
The Episcopal Church welcomes you!
Oh, I finally realized that the RC church is completely corrupt, leaving it years ago – Jesus would rebuke the moral midgets in charge if he were alive today.
To be fair however, my negative attitude is reserved solely for the church hierarchy because I had mostly positive experiences as an out gay man at the parish level among the good priests and friendly parishioners in my local Catholic parish, especially the couple dozen or so in my catechism group. No doubt there were some less gay-friendly parishioners in the congregation too, but even the disapproving folks were civil at least.
I think some people might be listening. Read recently (sorry I can’t remember the source) that claims that Ex-Catholics are the second largest religious demographic in the U.S. If this is true, it certainly comes as no surprise. It would be even more notable if this figure were to eventually outnumber the remaining RCC members.
[...] Wayne Besen wrote recently about why people of conscience should leave the Roman Catholic Church. [...]
Agree 100%. Please add more “share” features, at least Twitter. Thanks.
I too walked away years ago because of abuse by a priest, but I was haunted by what had happened until I found a urvivors’ group in about 1996. After that, it was much easier to accept that fact that my inability to fit into organized religion is a gift. The Light is too big to be defined, and any person who attempts to do so is a liar or a con artist.
[...] wrote an excellent column this week, arguing that, for Catholics of conscience, now is the time to leave the church behind. [...]
[...] Truth Wins Out – Exit, Don’t Enable the Roman Catholic Church [...]
The Freedom from Religion Foundation has no real understanding of why “others” (those not them) are religious (in whatever religion) to start with – or why they remain religious. Their vision, and in my opinion the vision of this article, is clouded by a lack of understanding.
Many people need religion of one form or another. RCs in America often disagree with their leadership – and that is ok. Those who become fundamentalists STOP disagreeing. Further, many RC members are liberals, support gay marriage and are active on other issues of social and economic justice. Believe it or not, we need the RCs – they are so much better than the fundamentalists. One of my greatest fears is the failure of the RC church and its replacement by a much larger fundamentalist protestant faith conglomerate. That, btw, is the wet dream of the fundies, particularly the Pentecostals, who get most RC converts who remain Christian at all.
Anyone who *needs* organized religion is a waste of oxygen. Personal faith and spirituality is one thing. No one, absolutely none, needs a hierarchy and someone in control over their lives to have that.
Now now, Steve … not all of us religious people have an evil empire above us … maybe AMONG us on a global scale, but local churches can be amazing extended families (that never would have met otherwise and can have a huge impact on the world through outreach). (-:
May I suggest a Reconciling United Methodist church? ;-D (There’s actually HOPE for the UMC …)
http://www.rmnetwork.org/get-connected/find-a-church
We reject the last remaining discrimination (against gay people) enshrined in our Book of Discipline — as may many churches that are NOT (yet) Reconciling!
My church nurtures several “recovering” Mormons and Catholics — even a self-described “redirected” priest!
God bless anyone on this unique journey …
PLEASE!!…If you feel even a mild inclination to disengage from the strictures of religion, visit recoveringfromreligion.org. It’s not just a website.
You know what? Look at the picture attached to this page. Does this guy look like the devil himself, or what? There’s a reason for that. It’s because he is the personification of Satan. I call him Beelzedict. If you want to remain Catholic, then join the Anglicans. You know, the Episcopalians. They acknowledge the Catholic Church in their liturgy and you get to go to mass and call the priest Father. Wow. How cool is that (sarcasm)? You don’t have to cross yourself anymore and instead of the Pope, you have the Archbishop of Canterbury. The church is not perfect but they are a helluva lot better than the Catholic Church. Do something. Anything. But, ditch the Catholic Church ASAP and get over them and yourself.
This insipid and shallow article is exactly why I can’t stand to associate with the “gay” community anymore and why I converted to Catholicism. First, the Catholic Church is not a sect. Second, the Catholic Church is a world-wide two thousand year- old religious institution and spiritual community that will still be around long after “gay rights” are long forgotten. Third, every century and generation has its scandals and controversies, yes they are hideous, but they do not define the Church. Lastly, telling people to leave the Church because there are some bad priests and because the Church insists on teaching what she has always taught is about as ignorant as telling people to stop believing in God because God refuses to give gays the ability to procreate with their same-sex partner. If gays and lesbians really took themselves and their rights seriously they would stop referring to themselves by the jokey names “gay” and “lesbian”. If you really believe in the truth then speak the truth, start by calling yourself what you are.
Oh, Mel. Kool-Aid. Stop drinking it. And by “stop drinking it,” I mean, stop defending the fact that child-rape has been more The Norm in the Catholic Church for decades.
Also, what name would you call gays and lesbians, since you obviously seem to think you have a way with words. (You don’t. Most wingnuts don’t.)
[...] those Catholics who think exiting, instead of enabling the church is difficult, check out what a few wise and brave Mormons did: A group of about 150 [...]
[...] Wayne Besen“Exit, Don’t Enable the Roman Catholic Church”Truth Wins Out, June 19, [...]
Mel, insipid, shallow, and inappropriate defenses of the indefensible such as yours is why I left the Catholic Church, and Christianity for that matter, never to return. If you lot would like for your atrocities not to define you, then do something about them instead of enabling them, hiding them from justice and hoping that everyone forgets about them. Your teachings are wrong. Your behavior is wrong. Your assessment of everyone who isn’t you is wrong. It is time for you Christians to start calling yourselves what you really are.
Regarding Mel’s comment and its fallacies — where to begin?
1. Gay people existed long before my church of birth, the Roman Catholic church.
2. The RCC is shrinking — and its reluctance to acknowledge essential truths of science, and what those truths mean for us, are causing the RCC to become obsolete at best. The RCC will not survive if it does not put aside certain myths and accept certain truths.
3. It is a non-sequitur to reject “the gay community” (should such a thing exist — actually, it doesn’t) and convert to Catholicism, as if they were separate and distinct.
4. Leadership scandals and controversies do define a church, or any human organization, when that organization is autocratic and when its leadership has become financially corrupt and unaccountable to stakeholders.
5. Wayne Besen and I have suggested that people leave the church because its current leadership cannot be reformed and because that leadership is causing grave damage to faith, family, and society — not because “there are some bad priests.” The fact that the church has always taught certain factual untruths does not make it OK to continue doing so.
6. You’re right, people are not gay or lesbian. People are gay-enabled by creation to love people of the same gender. By the same logic, Christians aren’t Christian; they’re people who proclaim belief in one of many interpretations of differing subsets of traditions that were orally passed down through the ages, changed with each telling, written down in isolated letters centuries later in now-obsolete languages, edited and repackaged by committees with conflicting aims and misunderstandings, inaccurately transcribed, and translated again in present times by persons with a variety of worldly political and cultural biases.
The final product is described as the Word of God, when arguably it was the Holy Spirit that was supposed to serve as the living Word.
Mel, I don’t believe you ever associated with the “gay community”. I think your whole post is a lie.
[...] firmly grounded in the 21st century? Pro-equality Catholics who haven’t yet left: would you exit the Roman Catholic Church in favor of a modernized version? Or would any split be too little, too [...]