(Commentary)
Has Exodus international genuinely changed its ways? That’s the wrong question and the answer is, “who cares?”
The real question with genuine societal and political implications is, and has always been, “can homosexuals change?” Fortunately, Exodus President Alan Chambers answered that question with vivid precision in several mainstream media outlets when he acknowledged that he does “not believe that cure is a word that is applicable to really any struggle, homosexuality included.”
His conclusion was in line with that of John Smid, who used to lead Exodus ministry Love in Action: “I’ve never met a man who experienced a change from homosexual to heterosexual,” admitted Smid.
Additionally, the group rejected reparative therapy, disowning the barbaric practice and allegedly purging the organization of books that promote it.
Of course, positive changes within Exodus are welcome. But the reality is that it remains a puny organization full of small-minded people whose actual programs directly impact the lives of a relatively small number of Americans. It was never truly an expansive service organization; its real function was as a Trojan horse that allowed religious extremists to declare, “See, those homosexuals don’t need equal rights. They need prayer and therapy to become straight.”
Yes, many survivors were ensnared in Exodus’ web of lies and deceit. But the overarching “big idea” that Exodus represented – that change was possible — has always overshadowed their actual programs, which consist of poorly attended, ideologically inconsistent, and badly disorganized ministries. (When I researched Exodus for my book, Anything But Straight, the organization’s local support groups usually had less than ten people in attendance. Yet, to hear the propaganda, there were tens or hundreds of thousands of invisible “ex-gays”)
What Exodus does or doesn’t do going forward is largely irrelevant. What matters is that the very idea of change through prayer and therapy is irreversibly tarnished and the dream of magical transformation through “ex-gay” programs is history.
Please, don’t get caught up in the entertaining, yet immaterial soap opera of Exodus’ next move or the wildly vacillating and muddy mutterings of Alan Chambers. It is certainly fun to speculate and try to read the tealeaves on Exodus’ future – and we definitely have offered our share of analysis. But what happens at Exodus, including policy changes, is nothing more than inside baseball, idle chatter, or an amusing parlor game.
What genuinely matters is the teenager in a small town who is trying to come out in hostile circumstances. Or the panicked parent in crisis over learning they have a gay child.
In 1
998, the child or parent in such situations would have been met with flashy ad campaigns and a barrage of lies that promised “freedom from homosexuality through Jesus Christ.” And there would have been hopeful brochures bursting with optimism and deliriously happy looking “ex-gays” promising “change.”
Today, that same child or parent is limply told that change is likely not going to occur. This is hardly a hopeful or inspiring message — and this is good because it will likely expedite the coming out process.
So in this broader discussion, I urge our readers and those who follow this issue not to lose sight of the forest (whether people can pray away the gay) by focusing on the silly trees (Exodus’ policies). Exodus is a mere sideshow, a distraction, and a declining circus act.
The major culture war question that has dogged the LGBT community for so long — whether gays could change — has finally been settled. And whatever Exodus, or some hardcore “ex-gay” splinter group, does from this point forward can never erase Alan Chambers’ and John Smid’s confessions that so-called “ex-gay” programs don’t work.
The die has been cast and the damage has been done to the Religious Right. Yes, they can continue to beat this dead horse and I’m sure they will. But make no mistake, their favorite political horse really is dead and certainly won’t be winning any races.
The real question is: why SHOULD homosexuals change?
At the basis of any approach to being gay is the fundamental issue that a homosexual orientation is not flawed, defient, abnormal or sinful. It is part of human nature in all of its diversity.
Any organization, religious or otherwise, that does not promote full acceptance of this innate trait is harming the individual and preventing her/him from being fully alive, whole and healthy.
Alan Chambers may, just may, be on the road to realizing that once you recognize you can’t change, you must accept who you are to be truly happy.
And for those of the religious persuasion, if you are created in God’s image as GLBT or Q, than God is fully accepting of you as you are. To NOT accept yourself as God’s wonderful and unique creation is nothing less than blasphemy.
Today’s piece by Exodus EVP Jeff Buchanan points to the limited nature of change at Exodus. “The New Sexual Identity Crisis” makes it clear that coming out is still considered a minefield where people who choose celibacy should never identify as gay, and accuses LGBT folks of focusing their entire identity on their orientation.
Wayne, I believe one of the REAL questions is: can sexual orientation be changed (str8 or gay)? I’ve always been greatly annoyed by the question: What CAUSES homosexuality? The question should be: What CAUSES sexuality? Whatever it is that creates heterosexuality is also the same area that creates homosexuality.
Paul wrote: “The real question is: why SHOULD homosexuals change?”
I agree that in five years this will be the question — when support for marriage equality is around 65% people will look at the homophobes like they need medication. Americans won’t understand why anyone should change. We are not quite there yet, and we certainly weren’t in 1998 when Exodus was part of a huge pray away the gay advertising campaign.
Gianni wrote: I believe one of the REAL questions is: can sexual orientation be changed (str8 or gay)? I’ve always been greatly annoyed by the question: What CAUSES homosexuality?
I agree, but as a result of anti-gay prejudice, America is not quite there yet. In a few more years this will change, unless there is a political disaster of some kind.
Genetics and environment determine sexual orientation to various degrees. It doesn’t matter what any of us “think”. People have their own personal quest, trials and tribulations with a variety of issues. Everyone “should” be more concerned with their own relationship with God without trying to solve everyone else’s issues. God made me homosexual I know this and he did it to work his love and beauty through me in a way that would cause me to think deeper about my thanks to God and for the life I’ve been given. Love is never the antithesis of God. I was made to express that love in this way and that is all anyone needs to know and accept regardless of whether they approve!
I’m sorry y’all, not to be a jerk, but how can we spend years pointing out the awful damage that Exodus has done to our community and to people who used their services, and then once they finally start changing their tune, turn around and say it doesn’t matter? I think it IS significant, where they take this policy change. Sure, just the fact that they’ve now decided to admit their lies is huge, maybe more important than what they’re doing from here on out. But objectively, it makes no sense at all to me to dismiss the practical effects of that change by saying that their “actual programs directly impact the lives of a relatively small number of Americans” after we’ve been calling them out on their destructive practices for years until now. Not only does this article unintentionally diminish the negative effects this organization has had on people’s lives by saying “Who cares?,” but it undermines everything we’ve been saying about groups like Exodus and the damage they inflict upon not only their direct victims, but on our entire community through the messages they put into the universe. Essentially, we can b***h about your evil incessantly, but once you seem to see reason and actually start to change your ways – “Who cares?”
Chris:
Let me be frank. There are 300 million Americans. An infinitesimally small number of them will ever set foot inside of an Exodus ministry. For those few who do, the fact that Exodus isn’t outright lying about change will help, to some degree. Although, the group’s new focus on sexual repression is hardly a progressive step that is healthy for clients.
However, the majority of 300 million Americans have been influenced by the backward and false messages of Exodus. Thus, the broader political and social damage that Exodus has wrought on the LGBT community far and away eclipses the sliver of people directly impacted by their actual programs. This is a fact.
That Chambers and Smid told the truth will influence the opinions of most Americans, many of whom will be going to the polls to vote on our rights. If Exodus backslides, it will be irrelevant to the bigger picture — and the big picture is that their own leaders admitted that change isn’t possible. Whatever Exodus does from this point forward cannot and will not negate the fact the genie is out of the bottle.
If you are worried about victims, don’t waste your time being concerned about the policies of Exodus. Instead, send out the Associated Press and New York Times stories to everyone you know. This will do significantly more to keep people from going to Exodus in the first place than tweaking internal policies that affect a handful of people.
The policy change that I care about at Exodus is knowing when they will close their miserable doors. The group exists to convert homosexuals into heterosexuals. Clearly, it is a dangerous experiment that has failed. It’s time for Chambers to get a new job and for Exodus to pack it in.
Just an anecdotal about the kind of damage Exodus did in a broad sense took place back in early 1990′s when the town I lived in was going through its great debate on LGBT rights/equality. Several members of the opposition kept bringing up Exodus as “a solution to all those peoples’ problems.” See, we didn’t need anything like basic civil and human rights, we only needed only to “turn to Exodus ministries and be healed instead of putting this community through this divisive and embarrassing debate.” It didn’t matter that many members of the LBGT community and community at large were not Christians – we only needed to abandon our own religious beliefs and buy into Exodus’s b******t, so the homophobes and haters could be more comfortable and not have their view of the world challenged by such outrages as their “inferiors” asking for basic human rights and dignities. This type of rhetoric was appearing in letters to the editor, editorials, and at various forums around town.
That’s the kind of damage that Exodus and similar groups did/does to not only the LGBT community, but to the Christian community as well. It didn’t paint mainstream and liberal Christian groups in a very favorable light. My beef with them was they didn’t speak up about it publicly.
PJB863:
That is exactly the point I am trying to make. Exodus was used as a political club and the damage caused outside its doors far exceeded anything that ever went on inside of Exodus. Millions of LGBT people were denied basic human rights because this group pushed the idea that people could pray away the gay.
My point was not about which part of the equation effects more people. I don’t disagree that, in regards to the message that’s been sent by the admissions of these guys, the cat is out of the bag and wherever they take their actual practices from here on out can’t change that. Nor do I disagree that this reversal will have a wider effect than any reversal in actual policy. I don’t agree that that means that the practices of the highest profile ex-gay organization in the country are immaterial or irrelevant, even if they don’t have a lot of people come through their doors. If your article was merely stressing that our focus should now be on the change in opinion of these people as opposed to what they’re doing, as it does, I doubt I would’ve thought twice about that. But to say that we shouldn’t care about the actual activity of this group because they finally proved our point is a bit irresponsible. It says that the people who have received “treatment” from Exodus and their pain, suffering, damage done is “irrelevant”, “who cares?” It says that for all the work and words that have been put into exposing the practices of this group and others like it, pressing them to accept science and psychology and stop hurting people, all anybody ever needed was for the leaders to SAY that they changed their minds, and that’s good enough for us. It says that the battle was over what some dangerous wingnuts believe, not what they were directly doing to their “patients.” It undermines our battles in general, implying that what we fight for is based solely on principle, not practice, as I vaguely remember was recently accused by some opponent. I’m not suggesting that we should sit around and applaud Exodus – goodness knows it would take their conversion to an GLBT youth center for me to celebrate them or anything like that. But to actually say that the most prominent conversion therapy organization in the country potentially taking even small steps in the right direction doesn’t matter? I couldn’t disagree more.
Good points Chris and my intention was not to minimize the pain of anyone.
But I do pose this question when you write: “I don’t agree that that means that the practices of the highest profile ex-gay organization in the country are immaterial or irrelevant, even if they don’t have a lot of people come through their doors.”
My question: Is an “ex-gay” organization that admits there are no ex-gays still an ex-gay organization? I say no, and that is why I claim that what they do internally from now on is largely irrelevant to the larger cultural debate.
The same can’t be said for predatory groups like NARTH, Desert Stream, and PFOX. They still are very much “ex-gay” and what they do on this topic still matters and causes significant harm to people.
Unfortunately, Wayne, as Exodus withers, one of the others you mention (is Kerusso still around?) or others will step up to take Exodus’s place. Additionally, whatever Exodus has published over the years will be cited in articles and studies. It won’t be until the entire concept of “ex-gay” is discredited, not only scientifically but in the culture as a whole. There’s a lot of work to be done there, and a ton of discrediting to do.
Sadly, the ex-gay movement, as big a scam/sham as it is, is an ideological and rhetorical gold mine for the religious right’s jihad against LGBT people, and one that costs them very little financially. It’s difficult to point to other historic reality-denying movements that closely line up with the ex-gay promoters in terms of tactics and techniques, but it might be useful to identify some, to examine what the most effective counters were to them, and adapt them to our movement. I am not a scholar in this field, just a foot soldier who did his tour of battle was rotated out.
I know that wasn’t your intention, Wayne. It just struck me, the way you dismiss the practical side of this shift. Again, I think the points you’ve made are better served in positing that Exodus’ practices from here on out are less important than that they are irrelevant. That may be semantic, but I couldn’t help myself. ;-)
“Others will step up to take Exodus’s place.”
This is true. But they will do so in the shadow of Chambers’ admissions. This will diminish their credibility with the media and public.
As you mention, there is still much work to do and TWO has a comprehensive plan for the coming year.
Much needed. And many thanks for all the work you do!
As a Christian gay man, my relationship with Jesus has led me to an acceptance of my gayness. My problem with “ex-gay” groups has always been that it’s either/or for them. Either you are Christian or you are gay. There is no other choice to them. But in the real world, the other choice is loving Jesus and being loved in return as a gay man (or woman). Of course there are gay people who have conflicts between their faith and being gay, but we don’t try to heal that by stomping out a natural part of their lives.
1. Homosexuality has been a part of all human life and history.
2. Jesus, Christianity and most organized religion has not.
3. Homosexuality is a stable, constant and unchanging aspect of human sexuality.
4. Religious beliefs have been unstable, damaging and abusive in ways homosexuality has not.
5. It’s the nature of religious communities to gain complete control, and indoctrinate the young into the cultural influences relative to their ethnic and cultural histories.
6. Homosexuality has been neutral to all of that, and has not and cannot influence the sexuality of others.
So, given these facts, and religion in our country is still a matter of choice and isn’t enforced in our gov’t, why does NARTH and Exodus treat homosexuality as something that’s a detriment to one’s life and ability to function whole and healthy, when it’s religions that have done more damage to humanity?
I’m not gay, so I haven’t been forced to choose between my orientation and engaging a religious community to feel included and important.
And it’s cruel and dangerous for any religious community to coerce that choice.
So in other words, for gay people, NARTH and Exodus don’t really want a person to HAVE a choice whatsoever.
And especially not to have the choice to STAY GAY.
I wonder what kinds of people haven’t thought about that, and don’t want anyone to think about that for a minute.
And I’ll say this again.
I’ve been looking through a pictorial encyclopedia I have on flowers.
I’m pole axed sometimes at the sheer varieties of flowers there are. And varieties within the same species of flowers.
There are people who care about the extinction of all kinds of varieties of plants and animals, certain types of artistic techniques and histories of things that are extinct.
I find the work of people who want to disappear gays and lesbians so grotesque, cruel and frightening, it makes me sick to think about it.
We are ALL born unique. We are ALL born with qualities that might be mysterious and different, but there has been ample opportunity to KNOW gay people better and better.
And I’m more than disquieted by those who want us to never know the many varieties of gay person, I’m PISSED at the assumptive arrogance this is rightful to happen.
When obviously, like all of creation around us, there ARE other plans for the existence of gay people that SOME mere mortals are too stupid and afraid to accept.
I resent their interference.
I resent them playing the game as if anything they say is new and improved or does improve on what gay people do and have.
What would be new, is acceptance, and FURTHER opportunity to know our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters in other places, other eras…and making a place for them in our future.
As ALLIES, as family, as a variety of flowers in the SAME GARDEN.
To enjoy them, and give the same nurturing and care we do the other flowers we are growing with.
I want to see, I want to know all the flowers, all the trees and love them also. Don’t TELL me this flower doesn’t belong, and this tree has nothing to give.
I shouldn’t have to look far and wide for the experience we all need to have to learn and understand each other.
Exodus keeps what we need to know, in a dark closet and I do resent it.
So if Exodus and the others don’t MOVE fast enough on their own, I will SHOVE them.
Trust.
This article makes me angry. Not quite as angry as being an f’d over survivor of Exodus, but still… To us survivors, it reads a bit like ‘so what, it didn’t matter, it didn’t hurt, it didn’t derail your life’. News Flash! It DID matter and it did hurt and it did derail us. Bigger news flash: We matter! As individuals. Please don’t dismiss us and throw us away, just like our individual churches did when they handed us over.
Yeah- I was in those Exodus survivor groups. I know how crap and poorly attended they are. But in spite of them being small and puny, here is why they matter… Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t Exodus still the flagship and the ultimate destination for many Christian teens who believe themselves to be afflicted and curable? And isn’t it the one-stop shop for parents who believe those lies of their kids.
I WAY the heck preferred Wayne’s take on it yesterday. It does matter and it is super important because of how important Exodus is still within the fundamentalist community.
And, FWIW, I am ‘just’ the straight partner, but our lives got trashed by Exodus too.
P.s. please do not think that I accept or support the new iteration of Exodus either. What I am so happy about is what Wayne pointed out yesterday… With just abstinence or a sham marriage as the options Exodus now offers, won’t that encourage people like me and my gay ex ( who is now an ex ex gay, but also my ex… Get it?) anyway, people like us will look at those options and run faster and sooner than we did.
See, the problem before was, they told us we could pray away the gay and we believed them. Sad and foolish, I realize now, but we did at the time. And waited for it to happen. Kind of happy that current clients of theirs will skip those particular wasted years.
I think you missed my point. So, here is the point: What happens inside Exodus is minor compared to the external message that people can’t change. This will keep people from being harmed in the first place because the group won’t be appealing. They simply won’t go.
The fact that Chambers defanged Exodus so it can’t be used politically is also of consequence.
Bottom line: less people harmed. Yay!
Are we good now?
Wayne, Thanks – Yes we are good. I am SO HAPPY to get your emails and see all you are doing. THANK YOU!!! My brush with Exodus was many years ago and there were no alternative voices back then. We had to learn the truth very slowly by living it very painfully. Truth will indeed Win Out! Looking forward to that day.