Wow, maybe I just forgot to pay attention, but I haven’t heard the name “Alan Keyes” in a long time! Last I heard he was generally embarrassing himself just after Obama was elected, just like he was embarrassing himself when he was pretending people took him seriously when he was “running for president.” Now he’s penned an article for (where else?) WorldNetDaily, where he explains that everything and everyone is the debbil:

Recently I heard a friend of mine echo the sentiment former Atlanta Braves pitcher John Rocker expressed in an interview with WND: “I would vote for the devil himself over Barack Obama.” People say this to make clear how deeply they abhor Obama and all his works.

Thanks for clarifying. Also, known racist, sexist homophobic bigot John Rocker is not the best person to be starting a piece with if you want some semblance of respect, unless you are writing for SadUninformedBigot.com, i.e. WorldNetDaily. Go on, Alan:

Sadly, for them and for America, their passionate hatred of Obama puts them exactly where the devil wants them to be. The Father of Lies chuckles with satisfaction.

Chuckles McDebbil.

He gloats triumphantly at the fact that their hatred of his appearance in one form has maneuvered them into supporting his triumph in another.

I grieve deeply as I contemplate the fact that millions of Americans are letting themselves be caught in this diabolical snare. As I tried to point out in 2008, the lesser of evils is still evil. No matter how such an election turns out, people content to choose between Satan and Beelzebub have made clear their willingness to let things go to hell. Moreover, the nature of their choice is so clear to them that they practically boast of the passionate hatred that impels them to it. With this practical boast they become the willing, proud accomplices of the very evil they profess to hate.

This “diabolical snare” is called an election, Alan. The fact that you will never be the frontrunner for any presidential election in this or any other country shouldn’t give you license to wear your whiny bitterness on your sleeve.

All this came to my mind this week as I read the excellent half-truths in David Limbaugh’s column on Obama’s intentional destruction of America. Some readers doubtless remember that I warned people of this destruction on the heels of Obama’s putative inauguration. They are probably wondering why I call them “half-truths.” The reason is simple. Then as now I hold fast to the self-evident truths that are the foundation of America’s constitutional republic. Starting in 2004 (when I accepted the invitation of the Illinois GOP to run against him for a seat in the U.S. Senate), the more I learned about Barack Obama the more clearly I saw that throughout his life and especially in his political career he has in word and deed demonstrated his rejection of those truths. On account of that, I adamantly oppose him.

But I cannot ignore the fact that Obama’s abandonment of the principles of the American Declaration of Independence is just an instance of an apostasy now characteristic of elitist elements presently in control of both of America’s so-called major political parties, as well as important institutions in every other sector of America’s life. In many articles over the past several years I have shared the facts and reasoning that substantiate this conclusion. (See, for example, “Abandoning the Republic-a threat to Civil Peace” and the whole series of articles at my blog under the heading “Without Representation.”)

All these words, to say so little. Get to the part about how both Obama and Romney are the same person, and also the debbil.

Recent events have confirmed it, from the GOP’s rigged choice of stealth socialist Mitt Romney as their prospective nominee, to Chief Justice John Roberts’ all too predictable hoisting of the crypto-socialist “Jolly Roger.” (He abandoned reason, just principle and the plain logic of constitutionally limited government to pen the Supreme Court’s specious claim that the U.S. government is endowed, in pirate fashion, with an inherently unlimited taxing power, unconstrained by Constitutional provisions.)

Wow. A venture capitalist who made millions by shipping jobs overseas and just generally screwing the middle class is, in Alan Keyes’ warped mind, a “socialist.” It’s amazing how many people in this country are seemingly unaware that words actually have definitions. Also, I’m no fan of John Roberts, but it’s adorable that Alan Keyes somehow thinks he knows more about the Constitution than Roberts, or than Obama, for that matter. Barack Obama, of course, besides being President, is the man who spent a lot of the ’00′s beating Alan Keyes and exposing him for the fool he is.

In light of this pervasive elite abandonment of the vision of constitutional self-government essential to America’s national identity, recognizing Obama’s intentionally destructive work admits only half (and perhaps not the most fatal half) of the threat we face. On every issue of fundamental importance to the future of the republic, Mitt Romney did, as governor in Massachusetts, what, against strong and intensifying opposition, Obama is still only struggling to do. Logically, the only people who should support Romney are those who embrace Obama’s goals, but resent Obama’s failure to achieve them. They want to replace his clumsy, bluntly socialist incompetence with Romney’s more engaging and sweetly deceptive method of attaining the same end. Moreover, they know from past experience that they can count on his GOP label to compel efforts from party-first GOP partisans to defend and explain away President Romney’s pursuit of the elitist socialist agenda. Thus his election will help to thwart and defuse the strong opposition it would otherwise continue to arouse.

So, does Alan Keyes have a solution, or is he just crying really, really loudly into the lake of his lost dreams?

I know many people who adamantly oppose Obama because he is steering us toward an elitist, totalitarian “island paradise”

Elitist = run by smart people, as opposed to Alan Keyes. Totalitarian = nope, still pretty much a Democratic Republic. Island paradise = Alan don’t know much about geography.

that lies well within the shark-infested waters of hell.

There’s water in hell? Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose? And do sharks go to hell when they die? If so, why? Alan, answer these questions, as you are so obviously an expert on all kinds of stuff.

Yet they’ll vote to replace him at the helm with someone whose only factual claim to prowess is a record that promises a smoother voyage, through calmer seas, toward the same destination. In what twisted realm of existential despair does this make sense?

I’d suggest that the only place this question even exists is between Alan Keyes’ ears.

As I think on it, I realize why America’s founding generation refused the path of atheistic delusion that misled the first French republic to violence and ravenous Napoleonic tyranny.

Most of the founders were Deists. Look it up, Alan.

People who put their trust in God need never accept the devil’s choice, fighting evil with evil. Because the kingdom of God is within them, a better choice is always near at hand. Many Americans pray and profess to believe that His kingdom is near. But in their sovereign duty as citizens they now propose to abandon their profession. It is what has made self-government possible for them. It can do so again, even now, but only if they remember it in time. As for the choice between Obama and Romney, it’s the devil’s choice either way. Only evil can come of it.

I still can’t figure out who he’s endorsing here. Oh well. There you have it. Alan Keyes has gone all Eeyore on us and really doesn’t care who you vote for, since it’s never going to be him, so he’s just going to be over here being dejected and sad and feebly begging for attention. Indeed, the fact that I spent thirty minutes tearing his words apart before going out tonight is probably the most attention Alan’s gotten this year. With that, we’ll be done and I’ll go back to ignoring him.