Have you ever encountered people who, upon discovering or perceiving your sexual orientation and/or gender identity, patronizingly inform you that they’re not judging you, or tell you that they’re praying for you without you having asked them to do so? Most of us have, either in the initial coming-out process or in the comings-out that often occur during the idle small talk that we engage in upon meeting a new person for the first time.
Blogger Danielle Morantez is no exception. She started her new blog, Confessions of an Over-Sharer, as a place to chronicle her journey as she writes her memoirs, but it quickly transformed into a space where she discusses parenting, gender, stereotypes, and all sorts of personal stories. After she came out as bisexual and began writing about her experiences in a non-monogamous marriage, she received an off-putting message from an erstwhile friend who felt “called” to tell Danielle that she was not judging her, but that she was praying for her.
“I find it hard to believe that ‘God’ calls anyone to say anything to another person out of judgement. I used to use this term in a self-righteous way to push my truth onto other people. It took me a long time to see what I was doing. I think that saying that we are called to do something is just a way to hide behind God. Perhaps you think you don’t look nearly as mean if you say something awful in a nice tone because God told you to — oh wait — no, you still do. If you feel the need to say something to me, please have the courtesy to tell me yourself; I am not interested in what you think God wants to tell me. God and I are fine.”
What about you, dear readers? Have you ever experienced a scenario similar to the one Danielle did? How did you react? If it happened a long time ago, would you react differently in the same situation today?