From today’s New York Times:
When the jubilant couple were wed in June, they exchanged personalized vows and titanium rings, cheered the heartfelt toasts and danced themselves breathless. Then, as the evening was winding down, unexpected questions started popping up.
One after another, their guests began asking: Are you going to have kids? When are you going to have kids?
Tom Lotito and Matt Hay, both 26, could not help but feel moved. They never imagined as teenagers that they would ever get married, much less that friends and family members would pester them about having children.
“It’s another way that I feel like what we have is valid in the eyes of other people,” said Mr. Hay, who married Mr. Lotito in June before 133 guests.
As lawmakers and courts expand the legal definition of the American family, same-sex couples are beginning to feel the same what-about-children pressure that heterosexual twosomes have long felt.
For some couples, it is another welcome sign of their increasing inclusion in the American mainstream. But for others, who hear the persistent questions at the office, dinner parties and family get-togethers, the matter can be far more complicated.
(Read the full article here.)
While repetitiously answering questions about whether and when we’re going to have kids can occasionally make Michael and I feel like broken records (and if you’re wondering: yes, we are planning on it, but not until we’re both in our thirties), every time I’m tempted to feel exasperated I remind myself how lucky we are to be alive during the first time in history when those questions are openly and seriously being asked of couples like us.
John, you youngins are fortunate. When I was in my 20s (in the 70s) we just wanted basic civil rights protections, like employment, housing and public accommodations. Marriage and adopting children etc. were not even blips on our radar (gaydar) ;)
As a child-free gay person, they can forget it. I don’t want kids, not having them, etc.
It’s nice that more people are open to the notion of gay couples having children. As to me and my wife, we’re childfree by choice.
I was reading an old book last night…”the gay decades”. Anyone familiar with it? I mention it because it was written 20 years ago, and it covered the 20 years preceeding. It would mention a date “so and so is elected the first lesbian city council person on DATE” or “New York City failes for 9th time, fails to pass city gay rights ordinance, DATE, 1985″.
That was not that long ago. Sometimes, when I read stories like this….I just sit back, remember how far we have come. EAsy to forget that sometimes!!!
tipping point! rear view mirror!
I’m very much not thrilled by the photo the NYT chose to put in that article. It reeks of the bad old anti-gay New York Times, which, lets face it, the New York Times has never entirely stopped being.
Donny, after looking at the photo I’m really not sure what your problem is. A gay couple at home with their baby? What’s the issue?
Donny, I’m not sure what the issue with the photo is either. It actually looks kind of like my sister’s house except there are two fathers.
Donny, if you mean it’s offensive because the couple doesn’t want to have children then I can kind of see your point, but I think the image is good. It shows two men being supportive of a child. It’s certainly not homophobic.