Here is an excellent read by Scott Terry on the Huffington Post. He was a Jehovah’s Witness who hated himself for being gay and tried desperately to
change himself. Here is an excerpt from his story — including a hot cowboy scene.
Thirty years ago, during a bull-riding practice session, I met a handsome steer wrestler from Wyoming. Buck was taller than I was. Furry, blond, and beefy. He was sexy as hell. We travelled around the intercollegiate rodeo circuit and saved money by sharing a hotel room with other college cowboys, shacking up four cowboys to a room, two in each bed. More than once, when left alone in our hotel room, Buck tackled me on the bed to wrestle naked.
I was not a willing participant. I was as homophobic as they come. Not only was I verbally homophobic, but my life was still absorbed by religious indoctrination and guilt. Words like “fag” and “queer” came easy to me in the company of others. In the privacy of my unspoken mind, I characterized my secret homosexual desires as “gay,” a much gentler term for the desires that I didn’t want, and a stark contrast to the epithets I used in public discussions of other homosexuals. Everything I believed about homosexuality had been learned from my father and my religious upbringing with the Jehovah’s Witnesses, and none of it was nice….
My history with fundamentalism has given me an oversized suspicion of religion. Religious preaching all sounds the same to me today, and I no longer think that God or righteousness is found in a church. I just don’t.
So knowing what I know today, and being free of even a smidge of self-hatred for being gay, would I go back to my rodeo years, if I could, and explore what Buck was offering to me back then? Would I wrestle naked with him? Hell yeah.
Read the whole article.
Furry, blond and beefy….be still my heart!
I agree, God is not found in most churches. In fact, the devil rules over most of them, at least metaphorically speaking. (Just take a look at the Roman Catholic Church, an evil institution if you ever saw one).
However, there is an Episcopal Church that is about a mile from my apartment in NYC. I walk by there quite often. During weekdays, they have a long line of needy people waiting on line. I looked them up and found that people line up for their soup kitchen. They serve whoever shows up, no questions asked, and they ask nothing in return. They just want to serve the poor, and to follow the teachings of Christ, which are to take care of the needy.
God is not found in most churches, but he is certainly found in that church.
I’ve found God in a lot of places. Churches, synagogues, atheist meetings and even in places that don’t have anything to do with religion. God is present when people treat each other with love, concern, selflessness (sorry, Ayn Rand) and dignity. Belief isn’t Godly. Actions are, and true “people of God” are found anywhere, and even people who don’t believe in God often behave in Godly ways.
People can worship their god(s) no matter where they are or what they’re doing. You don’t have to be at church. While it’s nice to get together with people of like beliefs to pray, read scripture, and just talk, it’s not necessary. Let your deity tell you what s/he wants you to know (and even though most people here will probably call me crazy, s/he will… I’ve heard the “still, small voice” speaking to me).
**Note that I am not speaking specifically of the Christian God, even though I’m a Christian. There are many different faiths out there, and it’s against my personal beliefs to try to force my religion on anyone. If anyone wants to know about what I believe, they can ask me.
Hee, hee. “Wrestling nude”, competitions of who p**s more away, who has the bigger… (you know, ehem), and a lot of other things to do nude are a very “macho” or real straight men things. And here in my latin american country, to have a bath in a public bath house is a macho thing. A-haa….