In September, I stood with a handful of protesters outside Sunrise Community Church on the outskirts of Sacramento. We were demonstrating against a new “ex-gay” organization, the Restored Hope Network. This radical group was comprised of Exodus International defectors who were staging a mutiny because Alan Chambers, the president of Exodus, had recently denounced reparative therapy and claimed that 99.9% of clients didn’t transform from gay to straight.
The Restored Hope leadership saw themselves as purists and viewed Chambers as a traitor who had sold his soul to appease gay activists. They had convened to take back the “ex-gay” industry and demanded that followers adhere to a hard-edged fundamentalism – one with miracles and magical transformations from gay to straight.
One of the primary movers-and-shakers in this hard-line separatist movement was “ex-lesbian” Anne Paulk, a major figure in “ex-gay” circles for two decades. Fourteen years earlier, she and John, her “ex-gay” husband, campaigned against LGBT rights under the advertising slogan: “I’m living Proof that Truth can set you free.”
It was part of the 1998 “Truth in Love” campaign that was launched by a coalition of more than 15 virulently anti-gay organizations, such as the American Family Association, The Family Research Council (FRC), The Center for Reclaiming America for Christ, and the Christian Coalition. These groups hoped to use the tales of “ex-gay” rock stars like John and Anne Paulk to drive the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender movement back into the closet. Robert Knight, who at the time worked at FRC, was so confident in the ultimate success of this “ex-gay” advertising campaign that he referred to it as “the Normandy landing in the larger cultural wars.”
It was now 2012, but just as in 1998, Anne Paulk was peddling her mystical story in Sacramento, crying out to the world that miracles are real and that she and her perfect family were still “living proof” of God’s power to transform lives. According to Kathy Baldock who attended the conference:
Paulk mentioned her marriage once publicly during the conference saying, “I never thought I would be married and the mother of three sons.”
It is also safe to assume that she probably never thought her allegedly straight husband would frequent gay strip clubs, constantly proposition men for sex, and parade around town with male “eye candy.” But that is exactly what was happening back in Portland where the couple lives, even as she posed on stage and held up her marriage as a shining example of traditional family values.
“I felt like fish food to him,” Dan Burrell, a former Mezzaluna staff member told me about his ex-boss, John Paulk. “He was like, a predator.”
“He came in and wanted to do all kinds of things to me,” said Michael Phillips, a bartender at Silverado, the local strip club in downtown Portland. “Um, he wanted to date, he wanted to have sex, he wanted to give me a blowjob in the bathroom, he wanted to give me money, he wanted to do all kinds of stuff.”
This is not the first time that John Paulk had lived a double life. On Sept. 19, 2000, I photographed John inside Mr. P’s, a Washington, DC gay bar. He originally claimed that he was in the establishment, drinking cocktails and flirting with patrons, because he had to use the bathroom. He then swore that he thought Mr. P’s was a straight bar because there were both men and women inside. Of course, as a former Columbus, Ohio drag queen named Candi, he knew there weren’t any women — it was drag night. Finally, Paulk admitted to his boss, James Dobson, on Focus on the Family’s radio program, that the evening he was photographed was actually his second appearance at the bar, which he referred to as “Satan’s Trap.”
As a result of the scandal, Paulk resigned as Exodus’ board chairman and was no longer their chief spokesperson. Over the next couple of years, Focus on the Family slowly diminished his role in Love Won Out, its “ex-gay” road show, even though the multi-million dollar organization sold an eponymous book co-authored by John and Anne.
As the Paulk family’s star fell in Colorado Springs and they were eased out of the spotlight they needed a fresh start. They found one in Portland, Oregon, where John had previously lived while he attended the local “ex-gay” ministry, Portland Fellowship. A credit to his ingenuity, John quickly reinvented himself as a chef and started Mezzaluna, an upscale catering business.
In the beginning, the company was endorsed by Focus on the Family. However, having such anti-gay friends could make enemies in a liberal and pro-gay city like Portland. It wasn’t long before Paulk understood his customer base and unveiled a new marketing strategy — hiring attractive male models to serve gourmet refreshments at posh house parties. Needless to say, this tactic appealed to many upper crust gay men who procured Mezzaluna’s services.
In December, Dan Burrell, an attractive young man, was approached by John Paulk at 24 Hour Fitness and offered a position within the company.
“He said I fit a certain aesthetic image that he was looking for and asked me if I wanted to work for him,” said Burrell. “It didn’t feel right…my instinct was telling me that something wasn’t right. I just had to find out and experience it.”
Dan describes a bizarre, yet, at times, mutually beneficial relationship where he was “supposed to be his arm candy” accompanying John to catering gigs and nights out on the town.
“Him and I both admitted to one another one night that we were both using one another,” said Burrell, who expressed regret over the situation and said he wished he had lived in truth. “However there is no amount of money that could justify someone touching me personally.”
And was John gay?
“He definitely was interested in men,” Burrell explained. “Was interested in having a relationship with me. I didn’t want a relationship with him. I wanted to simply work for him. But not be in a relationship with him…We’d have good days if he didn’t put his hands on me. Which he sometimes had issues with. He’d put his hands on me and I’d politely step back and reject him….He was obviously making comments all the time. Sexual comments about me…It was grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit, like, if I really wanted to push it. I really don’t care to. I don’t want his money.”
John sometimes assumed the role of sugar daddy, buying Burrell and others clothes and jewelry to win their affections. Indeed, during our interview Burrell claimed to be wearing clothes that Paulk had purchased for him. Here are a couple of text messages that John sent to Dan:
John would also become quite possessive of Burrell, even accompanying him to roommate interviews. Andrew Loriego remembers searching for roommates and having John and Dan come by for a visit. Paulk referred to Dan as “his boy” and would hardly let him speak during the session. For the final round of interviews, Loriego insisted that Dan come alone so they could meet without the overwhelming and dominating presence of Paulk.
He and Dan became roommates. It did not take Paulk long before he was also hitting on Loriego, even though he had a partner. The flirtation occurred in person, but also on Facebook. In one explicit message, Paulk solicited Loriago for sex asking, “Will you suck my dick from behind?”
“I have nine months worth of Facebook messages that he actually would proclaim his love for my roommate,” Loriego told me…And not only that, he would also make comments about other guys and how hot they were, and so on and so forth. In addition to that he also made passes at me on Facebook as well too, to the point where it got so uncomfortable that I actually had to tell him that it was inappropriate, that he needed to stop.”
While Paulk was living in the fast lane, hitting on young guys, and attending wild parties, the vast majority of Portland residents were clueless about his notorious anti-gay past. They did not know that he and Anne had starred in the Truth in Love advertising campaign that landed them on the cover of Newsweek. They had no idea that John had been on Oprah, 60 Minutes, and Good Morning America to claim that he had converted from gay to straight. There was no memory of John appearing in the notorious and destructive anti-gay propaganda videos The Gay Agenda and Gay Rights Special Rights. To most gay Portland residents, Paulk was an affable homosexual simply known as “Chef John.”
The Religious Right also appeared to be unaware of his new life as a flamboyant Sugar Daddy who enjoys strippers at Silverado with “eye candy” wrapped around his arm. Earlier this year, for example, I debated Focus on the Family spokesperson Timothy Dailey on a radio show. From a hotel room in Phoenix, I explained to the host over the phone that most “ex-gay” poster boys, including John Paulk, reverted to homosexuality. Dailey breezily dismissed my words by claiming that Paulk was a happily married heterosexual man who merely had one slip over a decade ago.
The tall tale of Paulk’s supposed redemption is now conventional wisdom on the Religious Right. For example, here is a snippet from SameSexAttraction.org.
“It was a significant lapse in judgment,” says Julie Niels, spokeswoman for Focus on the Family referring to Paulk’s outing in a gay bar, “but not a lapse in heterosexuality. We know that for sure. And one person’s serious lack of judgment does not negate the fact that thousands of people have struggled out of homosexuality….We all make mistakes. People are very understanding, and they have been very supportive of John. But a lot of homosexual activists are trying to turn it into an example of someone returning to homosexuality, and it’s not. It’s been misportrayed in the media…the reality is that John has 1,000% left homosexuality.”
John ha
s been active in the so-called “ex-gay” industry as recently as 2010 when he spoke at an Evergreen International conference, the Mormon “ex-gay” organization. According to the event program:
Together, John and Anne have shared their remarkable stories of overcoming homosexuality to audiences world-wide and extensively in the national media. Both John and Anne have served on the Exodus board of directors and in 1998, John went on staff with Focus on the Family and founded the Love Won Out ministry and conference which toured the country speaking to audiences for 11 years.
Additionally, books featuring the Paulk family are often still sold at “ex-gay” conferences and widely available on the Internet. There are also the many endorsements John has made of other “ex-gay” works, including Dr. Joseph Nicolosi’s controversial book that he co-wrote with his wife Linda, A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality:
“Dr. Nicolosi’s principles on prevention of homosexuality would benefit any parent of a young son to raise him with a healthy sense of gender identity,” wrote John Paulk. “I wish my parents had this material when I was in my formative years. The practical knowledge and timeless — but often unknown — principles would have saved me from years of heartache when, as an adult, I began the tough road to overcome my homosexual struggle. Joseph and Linda Nicolosi’s book should be required reading for all education classes on child development.”
The real life that John Paulk was living in Portland was clashing with the phony “ex-gay” version that was still shamelessly accepted by anti-gay political organizations.
Instead of publicly exposing Paulk, as I had the first time in DC, I wanted to give him an opportunity to come out with dignity. It was my hope that he was now on a journey to self-acceptance and would gladly renounce his “ex-gay” past and demand that materials with his story were taken out of circulation. I called John on the telephone and he angrily yelled: “get out of my life. I never want to hear from you again.”
I could understand his apprehension about speaking with me. However, I could not comprehend how he wouldn’t want to stop his damaging books and videos from harming LGBT youth. Surely, there were young men and women reading his book Not Afraid to Change or Love Won Out, the book he co-wrote with his wife. These kids were on their hands and knees begging Jesus for a miracle – just like he had provided for the Paulks. Each day that John lived a secret double life, his fraudulent products and fake testimony would hurt more people.
This had to stop.
A mutual acquaintance volunteered to talk to John privately. They spent hours conversing, but John obstinately refused to behave respectably, expressing no remorse about his victims and not caring if the damage continued. In his warped view, he was the real victim of persecution and had no responsibility to the LGBT community he now inhabited. He blithely dismissed the need for publicly ending his “ex-gay” lies by claiming that his company had given free food to AIDS charities.
Still, I was extremely hesitant to re-out John Paulk, because I did not want to invade his privacy. He wasn’t as active on the “ex-gay” circuit, I reasoned, so I decided to leave John alone and let him enjoy his stinking hypocrisy.
The equation changed, however, when Anne became a self-righteous and outspoken critic of Exodus’ Alan Chambers, leading the charge to form the Restored Hope Network. It was simply unacceptable for her to use her failing marriage as “proof” that the “ex-gay” charade actually worked.
I tried contacting John, once more, and our mutual acquaintance patiently explained that unless he stopped lying he would be exposed. For whatever reason, Paulk preferred the publication of this story, which I desperately tried not to tell. All I reasonably wanted was for him to distance himself from his poisonous “ex-gay” products, and apparently that was too much to ask. John saw no incongruity about partying at Silverado by night, and having Anne sell their “ex-gay” fairytale by day. That he would prefer public humiliation to coming out with class is a baffling decision that I will never understand.
Prior to this story, Paulk had one last chance to do the right thing. Portland resident Kevin Cunningham sent John an e-mail over the summer urging him to come out. John never replied to his note, but in October Kevin got the opportunity to confront John at a party that took place at a mutual friend’s home. (Full disclosure, I’ve known Kevin since 1994):
“There were about thirteen of us,” Kevin said about the intense and emotional confrontation…“he said that he was going to start his new life as a gay man again.”
Paulk pledged that he would come out and make a difference and the awkward quarrel ended with a hug. However, Anne continued her anti-gay activism with the Restored Hope Network and John still refused to take steps to set the record straight. As usual, John simply told people what they wanted to hear.
How much Anne actually knew about John’s gay activities is debatable. She would have to be rather naïve not to notice that John’s staff was comprised of attractive, well-scrubbed, musclemen. However, Dan Burrell says that she seemed surprised when they met for the first time. He recounts the day Anne spontaneously showed up at Mezzaluna:
“And he [John] goes, ‘Oh shit, Anne’s here,” Burrell recalls. “I was wearing like, some of the Tiffany jewelry she had given him…he was like, ‘take off the necklace’ and I took off the rings and stuff. And he went into his office and put on his game face. And he’s like, ‘Dan go ahead and introduce yourself to Anne…pretty much when I saw her for the first time she looked at me in the eyes and she knew…I remember, like, feeling really bad for her…she would cry if she knew, like, half of the stuff that was, like, going on.”
Soon after this incident Anne allegedly fasted and prayed to try to save the family. It did not work and John moved out of the house. According to someone who knows the couple:
John no longer lives there but Anne and their kids still do. He bought himself a new Mercedes convertible after he moved out.
Meanwhile, the consumer fraud continues with Anne Paulk scheduled to speak on March 15-16 at Janet Boynes Ministries “Power of Change” conference. No doubt, she will try to win converts by telling them about her wholesome and “healed” family.
UPDATE: In the end, it seems that Paulk may by tiring of living a lie. In a text message to Silverado bartender Michael Phillips about this investigation, Paulk sent the following text message:
Wow… Awesome work Wayne!!
Thanks Eddy — I appreciate it.
These people are completely devoid of any integrity, morality, or common sense.
Great job, Wayne. You really did it. And anyone who doubts this story needed to be told should keep in mind that Anne Paulk is a board member for the most militant “ex-gay” fake ministry, now selling the lies and myths of the “ex-gay” in nations where gays are brutally repressed and mprisoned. Paulk’s Restored Hope Network won’t condemn any anti-gay laws, even the “Kill the Gays” bill about to pass into law in Uganda. I suggested to Anne several months ago that she step down and live a quiet, private life for the sake of her kids. I gave John the same kind of chance. When they both refused to go for the private life, I contacted you. And I can tell others did, too. Their lies are hurting gay people and anyone who values the truth. Wayne, you lived up to your organization’s name perfectly in this story – Truth Wins Out
Hey there,
I imagine that like for Gallagher and NOM – this whole thing becomes a gig that brings in money and validation. After a while you can’t let go of it. So I imagine that Anne Paulk will be doing this for a long time unless she has a Come-to-Jesus moment (so to speak).
Also the behavior described in the article has a lot of similarities to sex addiction – where the predatory sex-obsessed behavior functions as a mask to cover a deep deep sense of emptiness and a difficulty having meaningful, authentic connection.
May they find peace (and leave the rest of us the f**k alone).
Greg
Great report but you may want to obscure JP’s phone number from the last photo. I don’t think you meant to post it but it’s there for anyone to call.
Superb!
Awesome job. So that blonde chef is the same guy as the fat nerd? He is such a horrible person. I don’t think he realizes the number of lives and relationships he has helped destroy.
Something that strikes me is the anti-gay-professionals’ lack of acknowledgement of, and/or indifference to, how such family set-ups impact children.
The NOM-funded Regnerus study — to cite a timely example of bigot behavior — appears to have looked mainly at sham unions between a closet case and a heterosexual, yet the anti-gay bigots want to exploit it to pin the blame for bad child outcomes on gay couples, rather than on the bigotry that leads to sham marriages.
However, while I can feel empathy for the Paulks’ children, I can have nothing but contempt for John and Anne. By remaining silent, by not verifying that they have been living a lie and perpetrating a greedy hoax on others, they are perpetuating the harms they have already done, and already harming others.
They are both too old, and scientific information is too widely available, for either of them to continue scapegoating homosexuals and/or homosexuality as negatives. They both owe society very firm apologies for their stupidity, hatefulness and greed in pursuing their “w****s for Jesus” lifestyle. No, it is not possible to “change” sexual orientation. No, there is nothing inherently negative about being homosexual.
Both of them need to do the right thing, instead of continuing in league with James Dobson, who makes a perverted fool out of himself by connecting the Newtown massacre to acceptance of homosexuality. The credibility level is beneath our ability even to measure it. Unending shame on the Paulks, unless and until they finally do the right thing towards correcting all of their profound wrongs.
Thanks Wayne! Thank you so much for everything you do. Back when my life was being messed over by an MOR and the lies that surrounded it, there was no counter voice or publication of truth. You are saving many from misery and shortening the time span of misery for others. If his wife and kid are conflicted, trying to rationalize what he is really doing with what they wish he was doing, well you are moving them through that phase and into the truth faster.
Quick question: What’s an “MOR”?
MOR = Mixed Orientation Relationship, MOM = Mixed Orientation Marriage. Where one partner is straight and one is gay. Sometimes both of them know it as they go into it, but believe they can pray away the gay, sometimes only one of them knows it, sometimes the gay partner is still closeted to himself / herself, let alone the rest if the world. The vast majority of the relationships are miserable while they last, and most of them end. TWO and Wayne Besen do a wonderful job of documenting the false promise that any of it can be prayed away. I call myself a graduate rather than a survivor because although it was a painful, lonely and miserable time in my life, it shaped the person I am now. Us straight partners are part of the collateral damage from the ex-gay ministry. We come out of it pretty wounded, traumatized and messed up.
Ah, thank you!
Yep. a mistake on the phone number. I just edited it out.
Amazing. None of them ever say they are straight. If they are still attracted to someone of the same sex, they are gay. They can call themselves straight. They can live like closet cases if they want. They can pray to God every time they are attracted to someone. It’s not going to change the fact that they are still gay.
This has been a long time coming. He’s been using “well scrubbed musclemen” in his business for what, 6 years now at least? I did NOT know that he largely catered to upper crust gay men. (Not that it surprises me.)
The only thing that concerns me is if he comes out, only to go out on a “gay lifestyle binge” and have tons of anonymous sex and drink tons of designer liquor beverages and all that stuff, and then afterwards “finds Christ” and goes “ex-gay” again. It’s a vicious cycle and he’d only end up further hurting himself AND the people in his wake whom he dupes.
I feel badly for John Paulk. He has been thrust into the limelight again and again as an “ex-gay” hero, and I’m sure it is tremendously embarrassing and painful for him to admit his attempt at being straight did not work.
People can condemn him for encouraging others to be ex-gay as well, and of course the criticism has some merit. But consider that this man probably believed Christ was willing and able to heal him from what he wrongly thought was a sinful way of life. When you grow up hearing that kind of message, it becomes part of your bones, and is hard to dismiss. I know because, like John, I tried to be ex-gay for twelve years, married a woman, fathered children whom I adore. It took clinical depression and the falling apart of my marriage — the equivalent of being hit across the head with a two-by-four — before I could finally admit, even to myself, that I was still as gay as ever. Homophobia runs deep.
I do hope for John that he can summon up the courage to publicly admit his efforts did not work. But understand that his past mentors in the Religious Right are likely to have nothing but contempt and jeering for him. That is how they treat their servants once they are no longer needed. I’m sure John hasn’t relished the thought of being in such a negative spotlight.
Realize also he may possibly have mixed feelings about all this. I take for granted he believes in God…does he think he let God down? Does he fear that coming out would make him seem ungrateful for his children?
It takes work to come to the point of coming out, loving one’s kids, and still believing in God, particularly if one has been told repeatedly that you can’t do all three of those things together.
But you can. I am gay, a father, and a Christian. I know. I hope John knows this too.
You can’t be gay and a Christian .
I am whether you like it or not. As are many others.
There are over 4 million gay Christians (2% of 2.1 billion worldwide) and that’s a fact. Who says they can’t change from homosexual to heterosexual? The only worldwide evangelical ex-gay ministry (Google “Exodus admits gays can’t change”) and every scientific medical association concurs.
hannah, are you a troll or just ignorant? OF COURSE you can be Gay AND Christian!
Hannah says: “You can’t be gay and Christian”.
According to the Bible, you can’t be divorced/remarried and be a Christian, either (Luke 16:18, Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9)
I’ll bet a few dollars you know some of those, however.
He wasn’t “thrust into the limelight.” He deliberately put himself into the limelight with books and with his political work in Exodus.
Wayne, I think you gave John every opportunity to handle this situation better. I only met him a couple times in my years in ‘ex-gay’ ministry, but I have friends who care about him deeply – I’m not sure how much they know of what’s going on with him right now. I share Emily K’s concern – that likely John will swing into extremes, only to repent again later. Getting those evangelical voices out of your head – particularly when you went through the kind of brainwashing he did – and then the kind of double-life he chose by becoming a spokesperson and advocate for ex-gay work. My hope is that he’ll find some peace out of the public eye eventually. He’s the last person that functional gay people need to rely on as an accurate source and/or advocate.
I think the main thing to take away from all of this is that Anne is still doing GREAT harm by keeping the lie alive. At this point, John couldn’t sound more pathetic, but it is Anne who is still on a crusade. Thanks for your tireless work in helping to combat what they are doing. It’s still a devastating problem in evangelical families – they keep peddling this lie to their gay children.
Frankly, I don’t see the point of this “expose.” I can understand calling out Anne for her blatant hypocrisy, but your narrative hammers him not her. John is a good person and a great father. I guess I just don’t see the need of putting all this out there.
The point of this exposé is that the religious right has highlighted John and Anne Paulk’s marriage as proof of the ability to pray away the gay, for almost 15 years. They are still promoting them and, typical of fundagelical christianists, will never acknowledge their false advertising (you’d think they’d be interested in truth wouldn’t you?) until it is shoved in their faces. Until it is broadcast so the whole world can see the hypocrisy and destructiveness of their war on same-gender loving people. Until they look like the fools that they are.
Excellent job Wayne. As a Portlander I’ve been wondering what JP has been up to. I just don’t travel in the right circles I guess!
Great father? Well, maybe and unless one can prove otherwise I think that topic is best left alone. But “good person”? I think not. Anyone, gay or straight, who preys on and sexually harasses an employee is NOT a good person. Sneaking around on ones spouse does not make you a “good person”. Hiding his real identity (not his sexuality) to promote his catering business is not a “good person”. There are sufficient examples of why John is not a “good person” and this expose is not only well deserved but long overdue. And Ann, now that she knows the truth, would be a much better Christian if she’d give up the tales of her fantasy marriage and move on.
Paulk, as the face of “ex-gay” did a lot of damage over the years. He’s never repudiated that. He was held–and held himself up–as proof that gay people could change to straight people–he’s never repudiated that. Being a good father has nothing to do with that and if he is harrassing employees I think being a “good person” could be called into question.
John and Anne are one in a compact to defraud the public. He promised her he would stay silent so that she could keep selling the ex-gay lies. Plus, he takes in half the money she makes on their book sales, etc. And Anne’s major investment in John’s catering business has been used as hush money so that she can keep her work going hurting gay people around the world. John’s role makes Anne’s role possible.
Those two must be experiencing some inner turmoil of self hate and loathing. I feel sorry for them and contempt for those who would use them to promote their quakery.
She’s buying him trinkets from Tiffany’s? Apart from the eww factor I gotta say the ex-gay racket must pay pretty well. Hey, everyone, I’m straight! It’s a Christmas miracle! I’m thinking of the movie that Marjoe Gortner allowed to be made about his ‘ministry’ with he and his assistants heaping a motel bed with paper money and laughing and laughing… I think it’s on Netflix and it will make your blood run cold.
Let’s hope that everyone sees this story. I’ve made a copy to my hard drive – I hope you don’t mind – so that I can quote it.
Scott Rose: I admire your doggedness and passion but might I respectfully suggest that you don’t write ‘NOM-funded Regnerus study…’. It really wasn’t funded by NOM- at least not openly or only at second or third remove. And that phrase will be used to discredit your vital and necessary expose of Regnerus and his ‘study’. As you say: Show us the data!
Thanks for all the work on this Wayne, and especially all of your interviewees.
This paints a devastating portrait of Paulk as a family guy. I’ve known men in mixed orientation marriages where, whether or not there was some level of shared acknowledgment with their wives, the guys continued to be respectful of their spouses. Being gay and married didn’t mean that they went from prim and proper with their kids and grandkids to manipulative and harrassing outside the family circle.
As much as Anne’s professional ex-gay life needs to acknowledge basic facts as she goes forward (and I would prefer to see her find a different, more honest, path forward), it seems likely that John also didn’t muster the courage in recent years to tell her, hey, I like hiring hot, young guys… I’m happy marketing my catering services to upscale gay clients, and it’s damned fine that they think I’m gay, too!
The issue there is that Janet Boynes and the rest of Anne’s ex-gay world will presume that John may not have said it directly, but she should have noticed, forcing her into choosing to either publicly demonize the father of her children (and stake the rest of her career on it) — or — leave the movement which has been her identity.
As a husband and father, John had the option to take the best possible care of his wife and children by saying, I’m desperate to be my best self in all of your lives, but with therapy and other support, I’ve realized that honesty and change are required. To be honest, I am gay; to be frank, I need to change a bunch of bad habits. I hate it that my stuff has thrust us into this treacherous territory, but hopefully we can take the next steps forward together.
Wayne, I am not surprised but still happy that you tried to let him come out on his own terms, in his own, direct words. You didn’t have to do that, especially given the deception & hurt caused by this former poster couple. Thank you.
I know that people want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. I hate to be this cynical but my take is that this schmuck has decided that the economics now favor being a gay chef over being a professional ex-gay. If he wants to earn my respect, instead of buying new toys, he needs to fund a program for gay kids. After all, he has done much damage and for that he needs to atone.
Unless he makes some major proactive contributions to the community, JP will serve up vomitarian cuisine as far as I am concerned.
I noticed Burrell is wearing a necklace with a Magen David – he’s Jewish? Apparently Paulk isn’t so Evangelical that he feels uncomfortable being “unequally yoked,” as Paul of Tarsus put it.
You do realize that Paul was both Jewish and Christian–at the same time– some of us are. My family has lived in Canada for so long that we are mixed with everyone–no yoke about it :) I get that you are suggesting thar right wing nuts are closed minded; but remember, you can’t help who you’re attracted to–which, I think, is what this article is mostly about.
No, he was just Christian. He believed in things viewed as fairly outlandish in Jewish theology.
Being born of a Jewish mother makes you Jewish, whether you believe in Jesus or Jimmeny Cricket has nothing to do with it.
No, being born of a Jewish mother is not the end-all-be-all. If you believe in things considered heretical – such as, that God is also a man in a physical form – you relinquish your Jew card.
You can help advertising yourself as something you’re not. You can help appearing on the cover of a national magazine claiming that you have changed your sexual orientation because of religion. You may be attracted to someone but you don’t have to sexually harrass them. This isn’t about who he is attracted to–it’s about his continuing lies and his unethical actions.
Excellent article.
Thanks for this. So many of the ex-gay lies have caused multiple rifts in my family and its nice to this come closure.
Again, my thanks.
I remember at the height of his ex-gay stardom in the late ’90s, John Paulk made some harsh statements about former ex-gay participants who denounced the movement. I can’t find the quote, but I remember his statement further contributed to my own feeling of failure for dropping-out of the ex-gay movement. I would hope he will eventually acknowledge his own responsibility for the damaging messages he promoted.
Regardless of whatever internal struggle he is going through, sexually harassing an employee is inexcusable and reckless. Sadly from the description of his life now, it doesn’t seem he is genuinely try to live well, but rather pursuing the ex-gay movement’s vision of the supposed gay lifestyle. I can’t help but suspect that he is refusing to denounce the ex-gay industry because he is keeping the door open for his eventual return. After all, evangelicals love a dramatic prodigal son testimony.
also, can someone please edit his wiki page to reflect these changes!
I and gay, live in Portland, am very active socially, and was surprised to learn this information. His FB page is now gone. Although Mezzaluna Fine Catering has a FB business page with several very attractive men in the photos. I was also surprised to find out that a few of my gay friends were FB friends with the business page. I shared this interesting article with them. There must be consequences of living and promoting lies that have the ability to destroy others.
Keep up the good work TWO!!
Homophobics fear their repressed homosexuality. A study appearing in the August 1996 issue of the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association (APA), provides new empirical evidence that is consistent with that theory.
Researchers at the University of Georgia conducted an experiment involving 35 homophobic men and 29 nonhomophobic men as measured by the Index of Homophobia scale. All the participants selected for the study described themselves as exclusively heterosexual both in terms of sexual arousal and experience.
Each participant was exposed to sexually explicit erotic stimuli consisting of heterosexual, male homosexual and lesbian videotapes (but not necessarily in that order). Their degree of sexual arousal was measured by penile plethysmography, which precisely measures and records male tumescence.
Men in both groups were aroused by about the same degree by the video depicting heterosexual sexual behavior and by the video showing two women engaged in sexual behavior. The only significant difference in degree of arousal between the two groups occurred when they viewed the video depicting male homosexual sex: ‘The homophobic men showed a significant increase in penile circumference to the male homosexual video, but the control [nonhomophobic] men did not.’
Broken down further, the measurements showed that while 66% of the nonhomophobic group showed no significant tumescence while watching the male homosexual video, only 20% of the homophobic men showed little or no evidence of arousal. Similarly, while 24% of the nonhomophobic men showed definite tumescence while watching the homosexual video, 54% of the homophobic men did.
When asked to give their own subjective assessment of the degree to which they were aroused by watching each of the three videos, men in both groups gave answers that tracked fairly closely with the results of the objective physiological measurement, with one exception: the homophobic men significantly underestimated their degree of arousal by the male homosexual video.
Assuming the people at these various ‘christian’ organizations are not total blithering idiots, they, along with the Paulks, knew they were peddling an outright fraud, and continued to do so, in the face of overwhelming and mounting evidence. I’m not surprised at all since religion itself is the biggest fraud ever perpetrated on man. There’s a sucker born again every minute.
I have been to several parties in the past year where John Paulk has donated his staff, food and time to gay causes in the Portland area. These events have raised a substantial amount of money for the gay community, thanks in part to his generous donations. He seemed to me like a really sweet guy out to help others.
I have read his story on Wikipedia and the above article doesn’t seem to contain anything about his past that hasn’t already been beat to death years ago in the media. Also, I would hope for an article with more merit from you. I know of this guy Dan, as do so many Portland people. He has a real reputation for being extremely promiscuous, devious, a druggie, mentally unstable, and for being quite the lier. Not sure there was a real story here. Seems like a huge waste of your time and a witch hunt to me. Aren’t there enough legitimate scandals out there to be exposed? :(
John, I’m just wondering . . . are you John Paulk?
No, I am not John Paulk.
I am pretty confident that if you talked to him in person, like I have at the events he has catered, you could see what an good guy he has changed into.
Also, if you meet Dan, you would immediately understand just how lost this kid is.
If he’s such a “good person” why is he still participating in his wife’s deadly scam? Why is he sexually harrassing his employees? Why hasn’t he apologized for all the damage he’s caused?
John, I’m sure Paulk is very pleasant–but that doesn’t make up for the damage he’s done to many gay people. And I’d be interested to know what he’s done to benefit the gay community.
Also, “s**t-shaming” the accuser? That’s really petty.
I agree; slµt-shaming the victim of sexual harassment is not an effective way to make your case. Even if he were sleeping with a different guy every night, that doesn’t mean he wanted Paulk’s hands on him, or to be made a boy-toy to be played with at the whim of his patron.
Paulk has not been wanting for time to get himself together or for chances to atone for the damage he’s caused. Wayne has already gone above and beyond by giving him this latest chance. At this point it’s clear to me that Paulk is a predator in more ways than one. By letting his wife sell the lie that is their story, he gets to enjoy all the perks of being an “ex-gay” poster boy, and let’s face it, there are a lot of them if you can keep the lie going. On the other side he can set himself up as a contributing member of the upper class gay community and get all the perks of local status, sexual partners, and even more money. My more amoral side kind of admires the set-up he has going.
Outstanding work, Wayne. We cannot allow Mr Paulk and people like him to get away with spreading lies and causing pain. Thank you.
Wonderful work, Wayne! John’s story needs to be in every gay publication in the country and in Portland.
God created us as gay men and women for a reason. When you deliberately defy God and the nature He gave you, there is a price to pay. Homophobia is evil and the “ex-gay” fraud is part of that evil. Nothing good ever comes from homophobia. It’s detrimental to the individual caught up in it as well as the victims of it and our entire nation. “Ex-gay” Paulk will continue to be miserable, narcissistic and harmful to all those around him until he repents and accepts his God-given gayness.
Great reporting. Two things, I hope that any gays needing “high end catering” will boycott this fake pathetic man. He has shown the habit of always lying and would say anything to serve his purpose. Don’t give money to people who are killing us. Second, as an out proud lesbian raising a son, I can say I really feel sorry for his children. A house built on lies. Granted he has sped off in his sports car to find more young men who will”suck his cock from behind” ,but he is still a father and still a fraud. Him and his “wife” make me sick. They can get married and rich off lies about us, but I can not marry my real wife of 19 years.
Wayne, Have you sent this along to the New Hope people including Anne ?
Great work, Wayne. You gave John Paulk ample opportunity to set the record straight — um, Gay? And he knew what was coming. Some people are so blinded by self-hatred that they resort to this kind of life. Of course, the “ex-gay” industry is big business and very lucrative for him and his “wife.” As an out Gay Christian I am ashamed of people like the Paulks.
Oh what tangled webs we weave
When first we practice to deceive.
Shall I do the cute boy? Shall I be the good father? will I take my money from here, or there, or both? Shall I blame it all on my obvious problems with alcohol? Shall I notice that what I am doing now is exactly what I was doing back when I found god and a source of Income, back in the days when I was drinking too much and playing a drag queen known? Shall I try to stand firmly, with one foot on one piece of ice, the other on another, in the middle of my lake of shame?
Or shall I just be a major drama queen, with all of the personal rewards that go with it? I wish I still had a copy of “games people play” and “I’m OK You’re OK.” What fun we can have listing all of the games that the Paulks are playing with each other and with the public.
Maybe because I’m an emotionally healthy gay man, I can’t even imagine living a life like this.
I don’t know, Wayne. I have mixed feelings on this one.
On the one hand, I tip my hat to the exhaustive reporting on display here. This is an absolute tour-de-force of investigative journalism, an epic smackdown of a parasitic hypocrite who was one of the dying ex-gay movement’s biggest poster boys, the key word being “WAS”.
That’s why I can’t help but think you’re beating a dead horse with this exposé.
Yes, John Paulk was at one point the most ubiquitous of the loathsome media personalities pushing the nonsensical “Gays Can Change!” meme, but that was a long, long time ago. Paulk dropped off the face of the Earth over a decade ago, due in part to your work.
Like most ex-gay leaders, he wore out his welcome and became the butt of a joke, even among his own peers! He paid in kind by losing his Jesus Credentials and being forced to give up his easy paycheck and re-join the real world.
It’s no surprise at all that he’s running his catering business like a pervy old queen, hiring and hitting on young twinks, all the while showering them with gifts and haunting every gay bar in Portland’s Gayborhood.
It’s no surprise that his wife (she’s the ex-lesbian who fights off her attractions by looking at trees, right) is playing the role of the scorned lover, as if she has NO idea what her husband is out doing on the side.
Honestly, I have no idea how these Christian wives can sleep at night, knowing that they’re married to gay men who CLEARLY aren’t attracted to them, let alone in love with them.
And the notion that Anne Paulk has NO idea that her husband surrounds himself with twinks and cruises the Gayborhood after hours is ludicrious. Like a good Christian wife, she sweeps it under the carpet, and more than likely uses her kids (and the Restored Hope conferences) to prop up her long ago-failed marriage.
…But is any of this really our problem? Your nearly 3,000-word exposé can be summed up as: Married “Ex-Gay” Man Chases Twinks On Side. Not to be a wise-guy, but you might as well have titled it: Cigarettes Are Bad For You.
Not that I don’t admire your tenacious and diligent efforts, Wayne. You’re one of the reasons the culture is changing for the better. Without people like you, all of these crackpots would still be up on their high horses.
I think it’s just a question of timing. Paulk graduted from Ex-Gay to Irrelevance back during the Clinton Years. If this were Chambers, Boynes, Quinlan or even our favorite comic relief Porno Pete, I’d be jumping up and down and waving pom-poms.
But take out “John Paulk” and the report reads like any other pervy and parasitic middle-aged queen with no sense of respect…I’ve met an unfortunate number of those trolling the clubs on under-21 night.
Not many people in the equality movement had any idea what John Paulk’s been up to over the last decade, and even fewer cared. If he wants to live his life and run his catering business like a pig, that’s his business.
If Anne Paulk wants to keep up this ex-gay charade for ANOTHER year, that’s her problem. I have absolutely no sympathy for her whatsoever. This “marriage” is what she wanted to convince herself and the world that The Gay Can Be Cured. Well, this is exactly what she’s gonna get.
This is not “old news” because Anne Paulk is a key leader in a new international effort to attack gay people, especially in less sophisticated countries where scientific evidence and expose’s like this are unknown. Anne’s Restored Hope Network is right now on the forefront of encouraging sweeping new laws against gay people in nation after nation. Gays are going to be jailed, beaten and even executed and the Restored Hope Network tacitly approves of every one of these new laws. Anti-gay lies may be old news in America, but in much of the world it is new “proof” that gays are evil people who chose to be that way and want to “recruit” your children.
Layne: If Hocus Pocus on the Family is still promoting the Paulks as representative of the triumphs of heterosexuality, then this is highly relevant news. Since Andrew Comiskey & Anne Paulk are still hawking this garbage on gullible fundagelicals and their innocent children through their so-called Restoring Hope lobby, this is enormously important as a rebuttal to their lies and distortions. It may not be newsworthy to you, but for many in rural and suburban america who don’t know any LGBT people, this is important stuff.
Layne, can I hazard a guess that you are under 35 ish and / or that you were not negatively impacted by the ex gay movement back in the 1990s? I am older and I was. I clearly remember the day that Newsweek came out, I remember reading through it again and again, knowing for sure that it was a bunch of lies, but where could I go? Who could I tell? What could I do? Pre mainstream Internet, pre blogosphere… The article and this so-called couple were used by many well meaning but mis directed parents to put their kids through ex gay therapy, and it was a mirage prop to doomed Mixed Orientation Relationships and Marriages.
I was already out of my MOR, putting my life back together, as was my ex ex gay ex. Get it? That is the right number of exes. But these people did a lot if damage to thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands. For all of us who were so damaged, please allow us to bask somewhat in this moment of vindication. It was a long time coming. We promise not to be too vindictive with it, but we do rather deserve it after all we went through.
Thank you for your wonderful research and journalism. What a sad selfish excuse for a human being.
Terrific work as usual, Wayne. The Paulks and their ilk are sickening. Truly sickening.
To say that one shouldn’t focus on Paulk because it is old news is no different than saying people should have ignored Bernie Madoff as he continued to swindle people because he started that years ago and nothing new was happening.
Wow, both cash and fresh meat! A child molester’s wet-dream.
I’m convinced there’s something far sicker than sorry self-delusion or even profit making driving these men to promote “conversion” therapy. Their procedures inevitably involve intense role-playing. Having the subjects fondle each other, kiss, dress up like girls, lie and cuddle each other, etc. while the “therapist” verbally and physically “reprograms” them with some manner of humiliation.. name-calling, put-downs, threats of damnation.. and god knows what other “punishment.”
If the therapist is not in fact completely detached and genuinely heterosexual, common sense says that he gets off on these scenarios and is in truth an especially pernicious breed of sadistic serial child molester playing out his own sick fantasies over and over again.
What a sweet deal for a real sicko! Dumb mothers bring them fresh victims to screw with –and a fat check to boot!
I looked at the archives of Mezzaluna’s previous website – it goes back to about 2006, close to Paulk’s new start on the Portland catering scene. The “Accolades” section features positive testimonials from customers, and right at the top are the Daly’s of Focus on the Family, and Carrie Gordon Earll, who is named here only as a “Research Analyst.” She also was employed at FOTF, so “research” should probably be used generously. Next is Christian radio host Georgene Rice, and then Julie Neils (formerly of Exodus, but here listed only as a “PR director.”) Then there’s “Amy Tracy,” an ex-gay activist who was also at Focus – but she’s only listed as a “Developmental Director.”
But it seems by the following year, 2007, those testimonials had been scrubbed. Now, i don’t blame him for keeping things fresh, and I don’t blame him for hiding the fact that most of his testimonials came from people at the same company (even if they were for different events). But it is interesting to me that, at least at first, John seemed to be relying on his old Christian base to help him get off the ground in Portland. And then, as Wayne put it, he probably realized that being associated with Colorado Springs conservatives while trying to sell to Portland progressives was a Bad Idea.
And.. here we are today.
More great research, to supplement TWO’s great research—thanks!
Just look at Mezzaluna’s facebook page and track the staff’s pictures if model boy waiters in company shirts, and you’ll know.
Ummm… Wayne, I’m thinking maybe that ship has sailed.
Dan Burrell and other young men chased around the office at the Paulk’s catering company should file a federal sexual harassment lawsuit. I suggest they ask the lawyer to file it for a million dollars. I guarantee that will get serious attention and justice.
Wayne, I would love to personally thank you for the job that you have done, exposing the “ex-gay” lies to what it truly is. In the fall of 2006, at CSU Stanislaus in Turlock, CA, a fundamentalist street preacher, who was doing some campus preaching, sold me the Paulks’ “testimony” before I naively joined him like the idiot that I was 2 years later in 2008, thinking that I became a heterosexual, and with me being passed around by him and his cronies like a “testimony.” Then, I had the “fall from grace” moment, an unexpected exorcism to “drive gay demons away from my body” that I was forced to consent to, and ultimately ended up quitting a job of 5 years without a 2 week notice because I couldn’t handle the stress and expectations of these fundamentalist street preaching groups. I don’t know if this street preacher and his cronies are selling the Paulks’ “testimony” to this day as well as any other outdated “testimonies” from Exodus International and “Love Won Out,” but I still feel that they are. I just sincerely hope that Mr. Paulk tells the truth, denounces the “ex-gay” lies and just come out of the closet.
…before he collaterally damages and harms others.
Outstanding work. This is what really makes TWO unique – the ability and willingness to put your nose to the grindstone and do real investigative work. Kudos to you.
PS
Minor correction needed on the name of the president of FOTF, Jim Daly.
I have two friends, both married and at one time ex-leaders. One was fired from a prominent national ministry because he couldn’t subscribe any longer to giving ex-gay counsel to genuinely hurting people. When he was fired, JP did nothing to stand up for his friend of many years and in fact, dropped him, cut him off.
The other friend was a leader in a prominent ex gay ministry who began to change his perspective, eventually ending up sort of denouncing his former ex-gay stance and practices. JP and AP sent him a formal letter cutting off all contact with my friend for having changed.
I guess my point is: where was John Paulk when the chips were down for these two very close friends and colleagues of his? He skeedaddled like nobody’ s business! When he could have been supportive and a real friend in time of real need, he wasn’t.
I think the ex-gay ministry-world is in complete chaos and confusion right now.While the initial efforts and beliefs were, in my opinion, noble and sincere, there were some truths about homosexuality that, while once ignored and denied, have emerged to challenge the basic premise and promise of change. This John Paulk reality show is just one of many real consequences of really NOT living in truth as scriptures teach.