I increasingly view the phenomenon of “ex-gay” as a diagnosable syndrome: It affects people so damaged by the church that they are unable to live productive and happy lives as openly gay men and women. It seems the only way they can integrate their broader lives with their sexuality is through support and years of intensive psychotherapy with a qualified therapist.
Unfortunately, this is a world full of sharks with no shortage of misguided ideologues and heartless con artists lining up to take advantage of such desperate and vulnerable people. The latest victim is a poor man named Jeremy Bishop who belongs to New Spring cult church in South Carolina. In a pitiable blog post, “I was a gay activist — Jeremy Bishop’s Story,” he claims that he and his partner broke up after hearing an anti-gay sermon at the southern sect. According to the article:
I was in a relationship with a man for 10 years and we were very committed to each other. We were even planning on getting married in Vermont. The truth is, it was a really dark time. I was bitter and jaded about everything. I was so angry at the church and church people in general that it took any possibility of joy or tenderness completely out of me.
Jeremy Bishop should know that he was never a gay activist. To be a gay activist, one has to be largely, if not completely, free of the childhood guilt and shame instilled by society. Shedding such feelings and promoting love, acceptance, and legal equality is what defines an activist — not simply attending a gay event or two. If Bishop was about to be married and still calling his life “a really dark time” and still so “angry” at the church that it “took any possibility of joy or tenderness completely out of me” then he was not an activist. He was nothing more than a victim of his childhood who was stuck in a rut and could not escape without the help of a mental health professional. Instead of receiving such assistance to reduce guilt and shame — he ran back to the abuser.
Eventually, my partner and I decided to settle down in Greenville, S.C., where we had family. It was my personal trainer who invited me to New Spring, and we felt welcomed by everyone around us, even with an uncondoned lifestyle. Jesus changed our perspective forever during a message on sexual purity during the Revelation series in 2011. Pastor Perry Noble said, “Homosexuality is not God’s best for your life.” Every time I’d heard a preacher teach on homosexuality, it was a condemning, harsh and defeating sermon. I would walk away feeling judged, struggling with the issue, and no real way to take a next step. But this time, my heart heard the truth and was encouraged. God did have something better for me!
Right then, my partner and I walked up front and said, “We have to change.” We ended our relationship, and since then, we have both lived sexually pure. Pastor Perry and NewSpring staff welcomed us with Christian love, care and concern without judgment, and they supported us as we pursued God’s perfect plan for us. We are now NewSpring owners and regularly attending home groups. I serve on the care team, and he serves with guest services and the prayer team.
Bishop’s incoherent account makes no logical sense. He claims that “we felt welcomed by everyone around us” and there was “concern without judgment.” But, in the next breath he knew that his his fellow church members saw his gay relationship as “an uncondoned lifestyle.” Then he says that the pastor preached that, “Homosexuality is not God’s best for your life.” This hardly sounds like a loving and nurturing environment for a gay man who acknowledges the struggle he had in his childhood reconciling his religion and sexual orientation. Bishop asserts that “Jesus changed our perspective forever.”
Is he sure it was Jesus? It sure seems more like the bigots in the church used the Bible to browbeat this already abused couple into submission.
This is not a hopeful or inspiring story, as Bishop intended it to be. Instead, it offers a powerful snapshot of the intense pressure gay couples often face to conform in stifling fundamentalist dominated communities. We can only hope that other gay people suffering from guilt and shame will get real help, instead of running back to the abusers who ruined their lives in the first place.
We wish Bishop and his partner much luck in the future, when they finally shed the shackles of the past that they can’t seem to break free from. I just hope they don’t throw away too much of their lives until they inevitably figure out the truth: they are gay and fine just the way they are.
Maybe they should have a talk with John Paulk about the success they will find in renewing their christianist life-style.
Self-hatred, self-hatred, self-hatred. All because of a religiously inspired, deep-seated self-doubt that can only be assuaged by submission to a macho sky daddy whose existence is factually- unsupported by any evidence one can see, hear or touch. When you step out of the cult, it is breathtakingly ridiculous, but when you are immersed in it … .
They all have the same story — Paulk, Greg Quinlan, David Pickup…They come out but are neurotic about their homosexuality due to their abusive religious upbringings, which deprives them of peace and joy while out of the closet.
Then, these screwed up victims blame the LGBT community, rather than their own upbringing or their failure to seek legitimate counselors instead of quacks.
Our opponents are all pitiable victims who can’t overcome past shame. Even as I seek to put them out of business, I feel bad for them. They are damaged goods.
I severed all voluntary contact with the Christian church when I realized at 14 that they didn’t practice what they preached, so when I came out at 18, the church had no hold on me. Objectively, I try to understand those gays who insist on remaining in the church, but I’m only moderately successful at it.
Let’s get real: There is never Christian love or religious love of any kind without some level of judgement. I like the quote that “It isn’t God’s best for you’re life.” I see a couple of likely unintended statements in that one. First: It acknowledges that God had a hand in your being homosexual. Second: If it isn’t God’s best, wtf is it? God’s worst? So apparently God decided to hand some of us the “sh-t end of the stick”. How nice and loving and kind and caring of him. AND allow the “best” that he created to be our judges and decide our fate/punishment. I always find it appallingly sad that people with otherwise functioning brains fall for this utter nonsense. Sure, let others who claim God is on their side, decide they know what’s best for you and how to live your life according to THEM, not God, THEM, and the rules they made up on how you should feel inside. Of course, your feelings have to be a match of theirs. God save us from your loving followers.
All this because of belief in an unprovable mythology from ancient, unenlightened times in human history. As long as religion is given a free pass to destroy lives, we will never escape the dark ages.
From what I have seen, fundamentalists seem to apply the label “gay activist” to literally any gay person who isn’t pursuing becoming ex-gay.
It’s easily possible to be angry at the idiotic, religious sheeple without losing your sense of joy in other areas of life. This is just another symptom of the typical fundamentalist black and white view of the world. They just can’t view anything in shades of gray. The only things that exist for them are extremes.
Once again, we have a PAID, professional “ex-gay” activist spnning this tale of how angry he was at God when he “was” gay. But once again, it completely ignores the thousands and thousands of gay men and women of faith who embrace God and run toward the light of God. Those of us who are Christians understand the power of the Holy Spirit and we have experiened it leading us toward truth, wisdom, acceptance and love from God. It would seem to me that the real issue for “ex-gay” activist Bishop is the toxic, unloving, manipulative homophobia which was used to redefine Jesus as a plastic anti-gay caricature to alleviate the guilt experienced by unrepentant homophobes. Perhaps they felt better about their sin of homophobia, but they pushed “ex-gay” Bishop and others far away from the true loving God where they remain marooned right now. The vast majority of gay people who find Jesus do not “change” into heterosexuals. We retain our God-given gayness. This is the reality being hidden by those who choose celibacy and tout it as heterosexuality or some version thereof so they can get paid.
As a former Christian (Methodist) and now devout Atheist, I see all Christianity for the total fraud it is. It’s all about guilt, fear and control, cloaked in love, of course. The most liberating experience of my life was coming out of the closet. The next most liberating was kicking Christianity out of my life, as thousands and thousands of gays have also done.
Is there any way to contact Bishop and let him and his former partner know they’re being brainwashed and denied of their nature?
jeremy.bishop.351
That’s his FB
Be sure to speak your mind to him…
Here’s his Facebook if anyone wants to give him a piece of their mind.