heath and madore 300x165 Mike Heath Climbs Down From Attic In Response To Maine Governors Passing Allusion To Lube

Madore and Heath, just two normal guys holding a press conference.

Mike Heath, the poor man’s Porno Pete who haileth from the state of Maine, has been kind of quiet lately. After continually sabotaging his own side in the “culture wars,” so much so that the Religious Right basically hid him in the attic every time they were trying to defeat marriage equality measures in Maine,  we thought he might have been forced to get a real job, but apparently he’s still around, embarrassing his movement. Maine governor Paul LePage made a few crass comments about Maine Senator Troy Jackson that included a reference to anal sex and personal lubricant:

Gov. Paul LePage made the remark about Sen. Troy Jackson to two television reporters Thursday. When one reporter responded that people were bound to find the remark offensive, the governor repeated a variation of it.

“Sen. Jackson claims to be for the people, but he’s the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline,” LePage said, according to WMTW. “He is bad. He has no brains, and he has a black heart.”

LePage acknowledged to WMTW that the comments could be offensive to some, saying,”Good. It ought to [offend], because I’ve been taking it for two years.”

So, of course, as you might guess, this is all about budget and taxes.

Mike Heath, though, was excited, because it meant he got to hold a forty minute press conference about butt sex:

Two longtime gay marriage opponents commended Gov. Paul LePage Wednesday for speaking up against sodomy with a crude reference to Vaseline that garnered the chief executive national attention.

LePage’s administration quickly distanced him from Michael Heath, best known as the former executive director of the Christian Civic League of Maine, and Paul Madore, director of the Maine Grassroots Coalition. The two said at a news conference at the State House on Wednesday that when LePage said Democratic Sen. Troy Jackson claimed “to be for the people but he’s the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline,” he advanced anti-gay causes because it portrayed sodomy in negative terms.

“Gov. Paul LePage was in good company using an allusion to sodomy to condemn expensive, big-government solutions to the challenges confronting Maine people,” said Heath to reporters and about a dozen members of the public. “Those condemned by the governor’s remark are the very same leaders who are promoting sodomy in our schools. This fact makes his allusion even more powerful. He used figurative language to reveal a profound truth about our current situation. Maine is being sodomized by the left, especially our impressionable and innocent children.”

Actually, LePage wasn’t “speaking up against sodomy.” Heath made that part up. But anyway, back to the exciting press conference about butt sex! As mentioned above, the LePage administration doesn’t want any attention from these buffoons, but that doesn’t mean they won’t write him love notes:

“He’s a man and he’s one that we should respect,” said Madore. “It was wrong for Christian leaders to criticize him the way that they did. … And the way they handled the same-sex marriage debate, that was it for me.”

Heath agreed.

Yes he did, in a way that doesn’t sound gay to me at all:

“He was angry and he spoke out very emotionally and like a man and I loved it,” said Heath. “It felt like thunder and lightning to me.

I can’t even…

 It’s so refreshing in this age of insanity when it comes to sexuality to hear someone in public life use sodomy, gay, homosexual — pick your word — in the proper context. It’s negative. … What’s good is sexuality in marriage and what is linked to having children and grandchildren. Civilization has survived because we reward that behavior and discourage the other behavior.”

And Heath still has no idea why he’s lost the majority of support, even from his own side, over the past few years. He has a weird, prurient obsession with the sex that other people are having, and again, he and his buddy held a forty-minute press conference about the evils of buttsex, for no reason other than the fact that the governor used a flippant phrase about the voters of Maine being screwed without lube.

He’s like Porno Pete, but without the stage presence and leather-sex photo library.