This video is kind of funny, you guys. The reason I’m posting this is that, though “Coach” Dave Daubenmire is very low on the wingnut totem pole, he is one of Porno Pete’s buddies. Indeed, he interviewed Pete a couple weeks ago! We’ll look at that video in a minute, but first, watch this dude freak out about Boston being under “martial law” after the bombings, and encouraging all god-and-everything-else-fearing wingnuts to move as far out of the city as possible. As an urban gay, I encourage wingnuts to do the same, but they’ve been running away for decades already.

So, that conspiracy theory-laden hysteria gives everybody a good backdrop for the following thirty minutes of anti-gay conspiracy theory-laden hysteria. I’ve been saying it for years — wingnuts are never, ever only hateful, detached from reality and full of irrational fear on only one subject. It’s like once you sample one item from their buffet, you always go back for more, and before you know you’re drowning in a downward spiral of empty calories and intellectual trichinosis. It’s a long video, so here are some highlights:

First five minutes or so: Dave fawns all over Porno Pete and talks about how he spent Easter taking naughty pictures of naked guys in California instead of worshipping with his family, and manages to make this sound like a good thing.

7:15: Homosexuality is linked to pedophilia, and Dave brings up NAMBLA, an organization which is summarily shunned by the LGBT movement. Who ever hears about NAMBLA, except for when wingnuts talk about it?

8:30: Peter doing that thing where he pretends he cares about molestation victims, but really is just using the fact that some LGBT people were molested (just like some straight people were molested…) as a way to deflect from the real issue, which is that being gay is a completely normal sexual orientation and has nothing to do with being molested, how close you were to your father, etc.

10:00: Pedophiles say they were Born That Way, so do gays, therefore they’re all bad. Somehow straight people never get profiled like this, though they, too, were Born That Way.

10:20: Dave, almost sounding like he’s about to cry: “IT [gayness] USED TO TURN PEOPLE’S STOMACHS, PETE!”

10:27: Porno Pete, crying about the Time magazine covers that featured gays kissing.

11:45: Dave, all yelling and mad! Tough guy! He is upset that the polls show that over half of Americans support marriage equality. This is hard for his mind to understand, because he’s so used to the wingnut mantra that “31 STATES HAVE VOTED FOR TERDISHNUL MURGE!” Dave is apparently unable to process the fact that things change.

14:00: Thoroughly debunked rigamarole about how being gay is more dangerous than smoking or not following Michelle Obama’s nutritional recommendations.

14:40: It is “reassuring” to Porno Pete that there is disease and domestic violence in the gay community, because that means his interpretation of God is right and gayness really is “detestable.” Never mind that there is also domestic violence in the straight community, and that smart, aware people can protect themselves sexually and not have to worry about STDs. Or that STDs happen among straight people. None of that matters, because it’s too factual and doesn’t serve their agenda.

16:15: Wingnuts are going to have to pay for all the gay diseases because of Obamacare.

Next five minutes: Long, meandering discussion about how if equality happens, then all sex education will have to be equal. This would, of course, result in better outcomes for LGBT kids, but we can’t have that. Instead, we all should freak out and yell, like Dave does, that schools are telling kids to SAY YES TO ANAL SEX! Also, Dave says that when your teenager sits down and tells you they need to talk to you about something, you should pray that they’re smoking cigarettes or weed, and that they’re not going to tell you that they’re gay.

24:00: Pete is freaking out about the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence (which does a ton of charity work) and their Hunky Jesus contest, and how terrible it is that they do that on Easter. It’s still apparently not weird that the devoutly Christian Porno Pete left his family over Easter to take pictures he could just as easily find on the internet in the safety of his “office.”

25:55: “Coach” Dave queens out again, trying to connect homosexuality and pedophilia. Even Porno Pete tries to step back a bit when Dave shouts that “JERRY SANDUSKY WAS NOT HAVING SEX WITH LITTLE GIRLS!” That’s right, he wasn’t. That said, actual scientists who study these things will explain that pedophilia is really a disease unto itself and has little to do with the gender of the victims. However — and this is really simple when you think about it — Jerry Sandusky likely molested little boys, just as so many Catholic priests molest little boys, because they have access to them. The Religious Right will continue to leave out this little detail, because as long as they can smear gay people with the pedophile thing, they’re going to do it. It’s one of the only songs they know. Porno Pete continues to ask intellectually dishonest questions on this subject for several minutes.

28:00: Dave takes over and starts asking intellectually dishonest questions about pedophilia for a while.

30:00: The pedophiles are using the gay tactics to gain acceptance, just like the transgenders are! No mention of any of the solid medical science around gender dysphoria.

31:00 to the end: Words of wisdom for “Mom and Pop.” Don’t be scared of people calling you a bigot. Gays can change, gays can change, gays can change! Until they come back out of the closet again, like John Paulk and so many others.


[h/t Joe]