The “One Million Moms” (motto: “55,949 Facebook likes and counting! Probably counting backwards, but counting anyway!”) are really upset about a commercial from Norelco, wherein a guy stands in front of the mirror manscaping, and grows more enamored with himself until the end, where he declares that even he would do himself.

Are they upset about this because:

1. They like their dudes hairy? (If so, I agree!)

2. They simply hate personal grooming? (I wouldn’t be surprised.)

No, they’re upset that the guy alludes to the fact that he trimmed his pubic hair, AND AS WE ALL KNOW, the One Million Moms do not believe in genitals, in any form. Indeed, they would probably try to eliminate their own, given the chance. Because, you see, for Fundamentalists, bodies are gross. Bodies are unclean. Bodies are a temple of lusty, hot sin.

Here is their press release:

The new Norelco commercial goes beyond a close facial shave to body grooming well below the chest and back. This commercial went WAY TOO FAR! During the commercial, it shows a man trimming hair in different areas of his body. Toward the end, it shows him standing with his boxer shorts down with hair falling to the floor as he uses the hair trimmer. It is implied that he is shaving in his private area. The dialogue in the ad is equally offensive. “I’d wink at me; I’d hug me,” he says. Then he looks in the mirror, admires himself, and says, “I’d F*** me.” The F-word is bleeped out. But then they display their website, This is clearly a play on the F-word. The excuse Philips Norelco gave by phone was equally dismissive, saying, “We are trying to reach a certain audience and would pass along these concerns.” Their response isn’t good enough. The ad shouldn’t run at any time. It is not only inappropriate for children; it is offensive to adults also. The company’s response to people’s concerns is in poor taste.

You see? People should not shave their “private area,” because it is offensive to point out that people have “private areas.” (Ladies? GROW UP. The man is shaving his pubic region, which is near his penis and his testicles. Good parents teach their children that words like “woo woo” and “privates” are stupid and that they should use the correct terms. So should adults.)

Moreover, the target market for this product — young to middle-aged men — are not, on average, going to be offended by “the F word,” or by “clearly a play on the F-word.” No, that is territory for the moral scolds with no discernible purpose in life known as the One Million Moms. (Motto: “If our group gets any bigger, we’re going to have to rent out the whole Denny’s for our meetings!”) So no, to normal grown-ups, this ad is not offensive. Norelco was correct to dismiss you out of hand.

Enjoy the ad if you haven’t seen it: