Pete 300x225 The Consequences Of Abandoning Traditional Marriage

This satire is really no sillier than anything Peter LaBarbera has ever said.

Ed is right. With all these states legalizing marriage equality, things are changing. He points out that we could have heeded the warnings of the Religious Right, but we didn’t, and now, this is what’s happened in Maryland:

- 94% of straight married couples in Maryland have gotten divorced
- More than 7,000 man-dog marriages have been performed statewide
- In place of the Pledge of Allegiance, Maryland children now begin the school day with a three-minute pulsing techno beat
- Baltimore’s Basilica of the Blessed Virgin Mary – the first Roman Catholic Cathedral built in the U.S. – has been converted to a gay bar called The Oil Rig. The rectory is now “Mouthfuls”, a discotheque. Little of the original stained glass has been preserved.
- The CDC has identified a new, more virulent strain of the gay causing locally serious outbreaks in the Baltimore-DC corridor. Initial reports indicate that it may be airborne.
- The Super Bowl Champion Baltimore Ravens are too busy having sex with one another to practice; the upcoming season has been forfeited.

Just terrible. And the Religious Right did warn us.

Oh well. I guess we’ll just have to see what terrible things come to pass when we bring marriage equality to Porno Pete’s state.