Being gay is wrong, you see, because in 1972, we sent a probe into space, and inside the probe was a golden plaque, and on that golden plaque there was a picture of a man and a lady, but not only that, the plaque was designed by Carl Sagan, and Carl Sagan was an atheist, therefore the Fundamentalist Christian version of reality is right. QED!
But take heart, friends, even E.T. knows the truth about mankind. Back in 1972, NASA launched Pioneer 10. This spacecraft was sent to the farthest reaches of the Solar System and beyond. It boldly went where no man has gone before. It bore a message, an indelible truth about humanity. That deep space probe contained a Golden Stele. That plaque was engraved with symbols showing extra-terrestrials where Earth was located in the Cosmos, something of our level of scientific sophistication, and figures of a man and a woman.
Those two humans were intentionally drawn to show no race, no religion, no national or ethnic identity. But that man and woman told the truth: human beings are male or female.
Now, the standard liberal line is that such a bifurcation of humanity is old hat, patriarchal, retrograde. As a candidate, Barack Obama said that marriage was between a man and a woman, “and God is in the mix.” As president, however, this most liberal of our leaders proclaimed that he has “evolved.” The rest of us, those who support true marriage, or who still think God is in the mix, are therefore left behind his ever forward-looking progressive ranks. To him, we are bitter, clinging Believers.
But there’s the problem of the Golden Stele. It was fashioned by PBS’s most famous atheist, Carl Sagan. Dr. Sagan sagely intoned that the cosmos is all there is, all there ever was, and all there ever will be. No religious fanaticism there, right? And his taxpayer-financed messages were broadcast not only around the world, but sent out on Pioneer 10 out beyond the farthest planets.
Dr. Sagan was the one who conceived the engraving on that Golden Stele. Male and female created He them. Verily, Dr. Sagan did. And if Science proclaimed this simple truth in 1972, we have a right to ask what scientific evidence has President Obama or any of his wise men, er, wise persons, divined since that year that would disprove the learned Carl Sagan?
The more we win, the less sense they make.
Jeremy points out two things here. For one thing, the people in the picture aren’t having sex, and the picture says nothing about sexual relationships or anything of the sort. But more importantly:
Folks like Bob Morrison seem to believe that gay people are at war with the idea that our world features both males and females. It’s so damn silly! The reason why I am married to a man rather than a woman is precisely because I recognize that there is something called “man” and that I, someone who actually gave the other side the old college try, am attracted to it (and only it). Same goes for lesbians. Same goes for bisexuals. Even those who fall more into the “I don’t see gender” camp still tend to recognize gender—they just don’t see gender as an obstacle in terms of attraction.
Indeed. I can also confirm that I have no problem with the fact that there are males and females in the world, and that I, too, decidedly am attracted to the former.
As I said, this is the current Stupidest Column On The Internet, but I’m sure our opponents will outdo themselves within the next fifteen minutes.