Truth Wins Out has discovered that Focus on the Family’s “ex-lesbian” activist Melissa Fryrear no longer works for Focus on the Family. She was one of the featured speakers at Focus on the Family’s Love Won Out conference. She is best remembered for her melodramatic, tear-filled presentation and for claiming that, “I never met one (gay) woman who had not been sexually violated or sexually threatened in her life. I never met one woman. And I never met one (gay) man either, that had not been sexually violated or sexually seduced in his life.”
Fryrear was also noted for discussing in great detail her transformation from luberjack-to-lipstick lesbian. According to Fryrear:
“During my years of restoration, I also began to learn about this thing called womanhood. Goodness! Who knew there was so much to learn: plucking eyebrows, hair bleaches, hair waxings, facial mud masks, eye lash curlers, manicures, pedicures, push-up bras, tummy tuckers, rear-end boosters, last year’ colors, and next year’ fashions?
I also began to learn about boys. Let me say that if anyone thinks puberty is tough at fifteen, try it in your thirties!”
This afternoon, I was was browsing Exodus International’s shiny, new Love Won Out website and noticed that Fryrear was not listed as one of the featured speakers. I called to see if she was still working at Focus on the Family and a receptionist confirmed that she was not. Her departure is recent, with her last identified as a Focus on the Family employee on March 30.
It appears that she may have been a victim of cutbacks. Focus on the Family’s budget has fallen from $151 million in 2008 to $136 million this year. In 2004, there were 1,400 employees; today, there are 830.
Fryrear’s departure signals Focus on Family’s gradual shift away from the ex-gay industry (although they still do actively promote the ex-gay myth). I can’t imagine what Fryrear will do now, considering her job for the past several years was trying to convince people that she is a heterosexual (although she had never had relationships with men). I’m glad I’m not her career counselor, but she might consider beauty school with all her practice at eyebrow plucking and facial mud masks.
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Back to Exodus, I’ll give them credit for creating an exciting, new website to peddle its scientifically bankrupt misinformation. Interestingly, they barely seem to focus on real, live “ex-gay” people. According to the site:
If you are the parent, friend or loved one of someone living homosexually; a pastor, lay counselor or youth minister; a therapist or educator, you’ll want to attend this conference. Nationally known Christian experts will help equip you to minister in truth and compassion to a loved one who deals with same-sex attractions, respond to misinformation in our culture and defend biblical beliefs with grace and understanding.
Of course, there are no “experts” on the panel as advertised. And, a plausible case can be made that there are no real Christians either. But, I will concede that there are a number of “nationally known” talking heads who are pretending to have a clue about the lives of LGBT people.
But, where are the real “ex-gays”? You know, people with real jobs and real lives who have actually gone from gay-to-straight. Why does the new version of LWO use the same tired, over-exposed handful of paid, highly-trained spokespeople we have seen 100 times before? It seems that Exodus has trouble finding genuine success stories to share and settles on a recycled cast of slick characters who inevitably have products to sell on the lucrative right wing speaking circuit.
One wonders if the conference should be renamed “Loot Wins Out”.
Wow! I really missed out. I must be the only gay man not to have been “sexually seduced”! Where did I go wrong?
When you suggest that their motive is profit, you misunderstand them and therefore are less effective at combating them. They totally think they’re savin’ the world from us and that we’d all be much happier if we’d just go to their camps and learn to be happy hets.
Andrea:
You must not read this site very often. We have said more times than I can count that many of these folks are true believers. However, it is more than a coincidence that almost every Exodus speaker has a product to peddle. If you don’t recognize this incontrovertible fact, than you are less effective in combating them.
In speaking about effectiveness: Focus on the Family sold Love Won Out. I have not sold Truth Wins Out. It seems quite clear that we are winning this battle.
LOL @ Bradley. Me too! Somebody owes me the nice sexual seduction I never got!
Okay, speaking as an ever heterosexual, the idea that you have to be TRAINED in it, is ludicrous.
And once you think you’re hetero, then what?
All of a sudden, relationship/job/family issues disappear.
Seriously, sexual orientation is the ONE thing no living thing needs training in. It’s natural to most of us.
Okay, frankly, if everyone was hetero, or a wannabe…life would be SO BORING.
Fryear is SO BEIGE.
90% heterosexual population isn’t ENOUGH? These ex gay people make heterosexuality sound like SUCH a brave thing to DO, as if heterosexuality is a calling and it takes Jesus and all this Christian or religious discipline to GET IT RIGHT.
Atheists and Wiccans come in both flavors too. So, what’s the big secret or difference in being a hetero Christian?
The idea that homosexuality isn’t desirable, or it’s unhealthy or dangerous sure sounds plausible to whatever loser out there takes risks with sex and ends up with problems or unsatisfied.
Again, that happens whether you’re gay or hetero.
So, what BIG wonderful formula do Christians have that make THEIR sex lives better?
Would that explain all the evangelical leaders who step out on their wives?
Lastly, I’m sick and tired of heteros like this, and organizations dominating each and every national conversation on homosexuality.
As if no one should ever hear FROM an actual homosexual.
Since gay people have had precious little time to take the forums, and own their own sexuality, I wish people like Fryear and the pack in Exodus would just shut up and let ME know FOR MYSELF about gay people!
After all, would they want to hear about Christians from non, or anti Christians?
I think they’d take active offense.
So, in the spirit of treating another human being the way THEY’D want to be treated, it’s only right to hear from gay people what their needs are and who they are.
And not hear it from non and anti gays, ESPECIALLY the ones who capitulate to the very people who want to see gay people disappeared.
Maybe she finally found her mythic “tall red-headed man that looks good in a kilt”
I don’t feel glee or schadenfreude at Fryrear’s departure — just dismay that, year after year, LWO audiences chose to believe and applaud a testimony which was blatantly shallow, illogical, and contrary to the facts.
Another fascinating article, Wayne! I just can’t get enough of reading about the ex-gay movement and its screwed up, borderline personalities. I suffer from a morbid fascination with those people–I think it’s a combination of Schadenfreude and rubbernecking to see the psychic train wreck that they are. I just can’t look away, no matter how grotesque these people and their crazy ideas are.
The most respected psychiatrists the world over have declared in clear terms their clinical finding that there is no such thing as a “gay pathology.” However, I wish these self-same psychiatrists and clinicians would institute some formal research on the people who subject themselves or others to the cultish “ex-gay” brainwashing. They appear to be suffering from a pathological disorder whose characteristics include abject self-hate, fundamental dishonesty, approach/avoidance psychology, obsessive guilt, unresolved inner conflict, passive-aggressive behavior, seething rage, a compulsion to control others which appears compensatory, and severe delusion. Perhaps the “ex-gay” phenomenon can be classed as a disorder or a type of neurosis.
As for the second paragraph of your article, I have never heard of a “luberjack,” but it sounds like something right up my alley, no pun intended. At present I plan to remain a luberjack and am unlikely to go from that to lipstick, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Finally, I love Regan DuCasse’s comments. I do wonder, though, how “ever heterosexual” one can be if one uses the phrase “SO BEIGE.” Regardless, Regan’s comments are spot-on. Thank you.
Speaking of colors, I’ve been thinking of starting an ex-ex-gay group…Has name “mauve-on.org” been taken, I wonder?
Actually, I read the site just about every day. And I didn’t mean to come off as snotty as I did, sorry about that. This org is very effective!
I’m not saying they are not making any money off this. I am just saying I doubt these ex-gay spokespeople think of that as a primary goal. I think they are just trying to make a comfortable living while following their sincerely felt (but wrong, stupid and evil) calling from “above”. I mean, doesn’t the fact that their org had to be sold off show that they’re not making much money off it? Not enough to sustain the operation, right?
I am open to being proven wrong. I just want to see the opposition through the clearest possible lens.
Sorry Andrea – did not mean to reply like that….long day….
It’s all good :)
Actually Andrea, while I do think that many of these folks are sincerely committed to their cause, I also think that they know that it is all a fraud. People don’t really change their sexual orientation, and it would be impossible for anyone who has worked in the industry for any serious amount of time not to recognize that. Now, that doesn’t mean that they don’t continue to believe that people “should” change. I just refuse to concede that these folks don’t know from their own experience that nobody ever does really change, and their whole thing is a fraud whenever they imply anything more than the potential for a celibate life.
I would just hope that Fryear gets a real job that actually does some good in the world, or is at least not harming others.
@Bradley. Me either! I always wished my HS history teacher would have sexually taken advantage of me…he was really HOT! LOL.
These pathetic self loathing closet cases are so sick! It is so hard to believe that they actually have an audience.
John: I’m not sure the ex-gay folks really know they are in the midst of a fraud. They are so immersed in their religious culture, with their constant striving to be the someone they honestly believe God wants them to be, that they become self-deluded. They genuinely fear that if they don’t toe the party line, somehow they will become separated from God and their christian culture and they cannot imagine what life would be like for them without it. Most of them probably fear they would fall back into their sexual addictions, shallow relationships, etc. These were not exactly people who were succeeding in life when they joined the ex-gay movement! When someone is living in a closed culture, it is very hard to ever get enough perspective to honestly and critically examine one’s life and beliefs. This denial is incredibly powerful, as people who have escaped from cults frequently testify.
Hi Neal Terry!
Thanks for the compliment. I don’t mean being hetero is beige.
I just think that Ms. Fryear is in her generic understanding of what heterosexuality is and does. SHE and many of those who support this kind of thing, have a paint by numbers/template they work from and seem to fear actually becoming INDIVIDUALS in their own right.
Too much of how they impress each other, and the public, reduces homosexuality AND heterosexuality to a few components.
Those of us who are realistic and open about sexuality will have a diverse social circle and interests.
Ex gays are discouraged from hanging with gay folks just being themselves.
There can only be an agenda if they are around gay people at all, it’s to put those gay people through the same process of ‘getting stars on their bellies’ so to speak.
And indeed, ex gays seem more like an assembly line bot, than a real person.
Because after a while they all talk, look and express themselves the same way.
So. Beige.
I feel sorry for Melissa Fryrear. How awful it is to deny your sexual orientation for fear of your God. Yes, her work at LWO is reprehensible and has caused so much damage to GLBT folks; however, she needs our thoughts & prayers to be at peace with whoever she is, lesbian or straight. Hopefully she will come to terms with the damage she has inflicted on our community and stop the misinformation since she is no longer on staff at LWO or FOTF.
What can I say? Nothing?
You think you have it figured out.
Change is possible folks.
I do think the LGBT activists damage the questioners and strugglers more than any relgious organization ever has or could.
By saying the change is not possible you are discouraging those who do not want their attractions.
Leave them alone.
Not Charlene people like you cause psychological damage and harm to those who deny their true sexual orientation. People like you are truly dangerous.
Charlene:
You are so delusional that it is sad. Whether you realize it or not, you have formed many of your opinions by the work of George Rekers. The man caught with a rent boy.
Your entire view on this is deceptive and fraudulent. The Bible also warns against false pride. By defending a view the evidence shows to be false, you are causing grave harm to people.
But…you….don’t….care….
Hey Tim! You do not even know me. How can you say people like me cause damage and harm?
Because we know who you are, Charlene! That’s how we know that people like you cause harm to people, because everything you teach is an unscientific, pig ignorant, bold faced lie!
Again, as Wayne said: Much of what you have been taught was perpetuated by a closeted gay man who just got caught coming back from, as Wonkette put it, a Spanish “fuckcation,” with a young male prostitute!
And his name is just another on a long list of anti-gay and “ex-gay” people (the ones we know about so far) who are indeed unable to live up to the discredited crap they teach.
Hey Wayne;
Please do not tell me how my opinions have been formed!
I do not even know who George Rekers is.
My entire view is based on my actually coming out of the lies of homosexuality.
I did not go to any ex-gay ministry. It was about a church who accepted me as I was, a lesbian, and it was about a church who loved me as I was, and it was about them sharing the gospel of Christ Jesus, and it was the conviction of the Holy Spirit that changed me, or rather I really should say, that TURNED me away from the lies and sin of homosexuality and gave me such peace and love that no lover ever could provide.
I know this sounds so out there. If I was reading this back in my 20 years of being in the life I would say I was weird.
Oh well. The Truth is the Truth and if you are not able to accept it now I hope one day in the future you will accept the Truth.
You can put down ex-gays all you want to folks but there are thousands of us who have come out of the homosexual life.
Believe your lies .
I know you think I am believing lies.
Wayne do not call the kettle black on the whole pride thing.
We all have our sins. I try really hard not to be proud. Tell me you do Wayne.
If I did not care I would not be on here making any comments.
Take care everyone. Think what you will but I hope one day you will see what I speak of . ..
Also, Charlene, your “truth” is unprovable, and indeed disproven, so you’d do well to stop using that word, and especially to stop capitalizing it, because really, how stupid do you think people are?
Charlene, spare us your lies. You remain same sex attracted and have a big hole in your life – the lack of one true love. You can lie to us and pretend you are happy denying yourself a romantic partner but you’re not fooling us.
It is people like you who harm gay people by telling them there is something wrong with them when there isn’t. If it weren’t for people like you demeaning gays and threatening them with eternal torture none of them would even think to be unsatisfied with who they are. You’re an evil hateful person Charlene.
Agree.
Covering it up in religious language doesn’t change anything. Self-loathing bigotry dressed up in cupcakes and Jesus is still self-loathing bigotry, and when it’s used to spiritually rape innocent people, it’s evil.
If you were not a closet case, Charlene, you would not be making all these comments. Like Rekers, you are consumed by an interest in homosexuality. Hmmm….I wonder why?
And Charlene, if the people in your church had any real love for you they’d have accepted you as you are instead of coercing you into pretending to be what they want – they don’t give a damn about you, they are utterly self-centred and only love your acting like a heterosexual.
Charlene, people only want to change their orientation because they’ve been guilted into thinking that it’s dirty and sinful and wrong. There’s no other reason to want to change it.
Isn’t it weird that all these “ex”-gay folks have a history with churches who think that “love the sinner, hate the sin” is an excuse for bigotry? That you outright call homosexuality a sin just shows that your church holds as much love for you as an abusive husband does for his wife.
I daresay the ones who do the damage are the ones who are driving people to be ex-gay by telling them that that an intrinsic part of who they are is sinful and wrong, wouldn’t you agree?
[...] San Diego on March 6 of this year, but it appears that she did not give any of her usual workshops. Sometime after that, Fryrear was either separated, or she separated herself, from Focus On the Family. Circumstances [...]
God works in mysterious ways I pray for you all who don’t believe and I know what he has done my husband is an ex gay it wasn’t training that changed him and it didn’t happen over night he was miserable he told me he didn’t understand why he had those feelings and he didn’t love me he actually hated me when we met I was just his friend he needed someone to talk to I didn’t have a problem with him gay I just wanted him to know God the way I did God excepts you as you are its your choice if you change for him he don’t make you he just loves you for all who don’t understand that and all who hate me I don’t know that feeling and I will pray for you God Bless
I’m sorry your husband isn’t sexually attracted to you, Veda.
veda,
“God works in mysterious ways . . . I just wanted him to know God the way I did . . .”
Yes, God certainly “works in mysterious ways.” Since you “know God,” and are representing His Awesomeness with your comment here, I wonder why He didn’t see to it that you learned how to write a coherent sentence. If I were a god, I would insist that my promoters have some basic communication skills.
Oh Wayne…you are so out of the loop. Instead of trying to keep track of everyone who claims they are ex-gay…or doesn’t live like you want them to live…how about actually living! Oh…that is probably a judgement on you…hmmm, oh…that is exactly what you do with those you don’t agree with.
My only hope one day is that you actually figure it out…that truth and respect is each ones journey. Instead of living in the past and the hurts of the past…moving on is a mature response.
Kenny, apparently you aren’t familiar with what it’s like to have a job. That’s the only thing I can think of when savants like you leave comments to the effect of “git uh lahfe!” Uh, this is our j-o-b. And it’s an important one.
And dude? Truth and respect involve respect FOR the truth. Get your head out of the rear end of fundamentalist christian BS land, and you might understand that there is actually something called Reality. It’s scary; we know. But reality is not here to make your feel better. It simply is. You either accept it or you’re Michele Bachmann.
Except she has a job. Like us.
Melissa is at a church in Az as the womens pastor. heightschurch.com.