My name is Barry Reed. I am 45 years old and reside in Knoxville, Tennessee. My story begins a long time ago when I knew I was gay and sought help to be cured. I went to a School of Ministry in Tulsa, Oklahoma where I encountered a city prayer group that sought to deliver me of homosexual demons.
After the deliverance session I was deemed ” free.” It was a lie.
For many years I fought with the Bible, prayed, sought counsel from religious leaders, married a woman, had two wonderful children. Yet, still, I knew I was gay and finally had the strength to come out of the closet. I was also in ministry for many years.
In 2006, I was divorced and before that had already came out of the closet. I thought I was finally going to be accepted. However, because of coming out my ex-wife remarried a religious bigot. They devised plan to move out of state so my children would not have consistent contact with me except 65 days out of the year. They did this because I was gay and now have a partner.
The court system n Knoxville Tennessee would not hear the gay issue and the ex-wife was being vindictive. Love Won Out Conferences, Exodus International, etc., propel ideas such as my ex-wife’s. They preach that homosexuals teach their own children how to be gay. Plus they really do not love gay people as they state. They only do so if gays conform to their image of being “ex-gay.”
I have a wonderful partner with an ongoing relationship of now over a year.
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Barry, thank you so much for stepping up and telling your story. It sounds like yours was a long and often difficult journey. Coming out of the ex-gay movement requires a lot of courage and work. Thanks for not shrinking back from reality.
Comment by Peterson Toscano — October 29, 2008 @ 1:28 pm
Thanks for sharing your story, but it leaves a lot to be desired (no offense, it was just way too short of a read LOL).
Were you openly gay before doing the “ex-gay cult” thing? Did you participate in pushing all of your own personal issues onto the gay community, to demonize them, as most “ex-gays” do?
And how long did you know this woman before you married her? She sure sounds like a nutcase, moving off with the kids and all.
Comment by Scott — October 29, 2008 @ 10:02 pm
Thanks for the comments! To answer Scott’s questions:
1. No, I was not openly gay before going to this school of ministry in Tulsa. Nor was I openly gay going to this school of ministry. I was in the closet many years and acted on my being gay several times before marriage and after. I did not demonize gay people to their face if we met. I never condemned them. Among the straight crowd in churches people would talk about how being gay and having sex with the same sex is demonic and a sin. I would agree to be accepted. However, in the pit of my stomach such comments were very disturbing to me. I knew it was possible to love another man and in fact be committed.
2. I knew my x wife as a friend for one year before marriage. She did not like me at first. However, we dated for about 4 months, got engaged, and then married a couple of months later. Looking back I should have left the altar that night and just said ” Screw it I am gay.” But because of the continual lies, hypocrisies, and religious doctrine hammered in my mind I said ” I do.” Then a miscarriage happened a year later, then the other two came along and I felt trapped for many years. The x did know about the gay thing though. I told her before we married and she believed that I was free also. After 11 years of marriage I came out. My x wife and I were seperated as ” man and wife” for a long time. When I came out to her she cried and wanted me to do the counseling thing all over again. I went to a Faith Christian Fellowship Church here in Knoxville at the time with her so the pastors tried the deliverance thing again. However, it did not work.The pastors told me the reason I could not get free is because I did not want to be free. Today I no longer have a friendship with them. So after a couple of months with alot of prayer, soul searching, I came out. I found out inside of me no matter who I am sexually I am still loved by God. I did the bar thing ( still do occasiobally with James my partner) and danced the week-end away when I did not have my children. I did meet James at Kurts a local night club here in Knoxville and we have been together ever since. My children except me for who I am and really like James. However my x wife has told the children that both of us have demons. Her husband and she have shared scriptures with them against homosexuality. However my father bond is strong with my children. I love them and they know it. Plus my children do not care about the fact I am gay. They love me for just being ” Dad.” I do not regret getting married nor having children because I view it like this. All of us are on our own journey in life and the roads we take are for others who may go down the same road that we can help them.
Thanks to Wayne for telling my story!
Comment by Barry — October 30, 2008 @ 7:19 am
Barry, I too live in Knoxville. A very dear friend of mine was recently sent off to “Love in Action” in Memphis. I am very worried about him. He had been completely ostracized by his family for many years (ever since coming out), but, during a deep depression following the break-up of a relationship, he went back to them, and while in this depressed state they preyed upon him. I am convinced that he was not in his right mind (secondary to clinical depression) when he agreed to go to this place. I plead with him to treat the depression through clinically proven methods and then, if he still desired, pursue this course of action. It’s too late for me to help him in the immediate term - he’s in lock-down with the “Christians” in Memphis. My question is, what’s going to happen when he gets out, and how can I best be there for him?
Comment by William — November 3, 2008 @ 5:09 am
William,
Just be ready when he comes back to Knoxville if he does to love him unconditionally. If he doesn’t leave the program he will come back with all these holier than thou attitudes. Just remember he is gay and anything they have said to him is just pure nonsense. This guy will come to realize he is gay and nothing can change that. I would be willing to talk to him when he comes back around.
Comment by barry — November 12, 2008 @ 11:16 pm
Barry, I have to give you applause for putting up with this non-sense of your ex-wife, and being who you are! It sounds like you have support from your partner in dealing with these issues, and he should be proud to have the real Barry in the world today. I grew up in Knoxville, and until five years ago, had to move, due to the mind-set. I think people there live in a make-believe world. The real world has many colors, faiths, and sexual orientations. Good Luck with everything!
Comment by Sabastian — November 13, 2008 @ 1:53 pm