Porno Pete had another one of his fireside chats with Patrick Wooden, the man who has made a national joke of himself in the past few weeks by claiming that gay men put iPhones in their butts, that we always have to wear butt plugs, and moreover, that Pam Spaulding would be just great if she found the love of a good man who would give her the business on a regular basis, in the name of God, of course.

It’s an audio interview, which you can hear if you go to Americans For Truth Dot Com, but for now, let’s just make fun of Porno Pete’s intro. He invited D.L. Foster, the “ex-gay” whose self-hatred is so intense that he blames gay children for their own suicides. Stellar cast of characters here:

Homosexual activists have sought to make fun of Wooden for describing in these AFTAH interviews) the body-destroying perversions associated with male homosexuality.

“Sought?” No, we’ve made fun of him handily and successfully, because the unhinged Wooden wingnut doesn’t really know what the hell he’s talking about, but is more than fixated with anal sex, for reasons unknown.

But LaBarbera, noting that the Homosexual Lobby a “sin movement,” says one would expect it to yield heinous perversions like “fisting,” rimming and “water sports” (“gay” slang for men urinating on and in one another for sexual pleasure).

Porno Pete knows these things are common because his photography collection presumably tells him so. Of course, it goes without saying that it’s truly bizarre for these three men to be sitting around obsessing over other people’s sex lives. It’s disturbing.

Foster says that the portrayal of himself, Wooden and other Black leaders who participated in AFTAH’s Jan. 17 press conference [click HERE for audio] outside the Southern Poverty Law Center headquarters as somehow being controlled by “white organizers” “highlights the high level of racist arrogance inside the homosexual movement” – which he said he experienced when he was active as a homosexual. “The white gay movement needs to deal with its own latent racism,” he said. Wooden said he’s never been called “Nigger” so much (by white “gay” activists) than since his interviews with AFTAH went public.

Let’s go backward through this bullshit:

Which white gay activists have called Wooden that name? Prominent ones? Anybody I would know? I highly doubt that. It is true that there is a fair amount of white privilege in the gay community [sort of like how there is a fair amount of white privilege in greater society -- gays don't get a pass], and there is racism to contend with. Certainly. But let us please not be silly and pretend that this is a distinctly “gay” problem. Moreover, it hasn’t just been white activists who have pointed out that Porno Pete and his cohort cynically co-opt black pastors and leaders in order to “prove” [to themselves, I guess, as they're not fooling anyone else] that they’re not bigots. Indeed, Pam Spaulding, who has STILL not heeded Wooden’s suggestion to find a totally hot Christian guy, said this about it the other day:

When those excursions failed to bring in enough dough from conservative little old ladies on Social Security, he found a new gravy train — hooking up (not literally, of course) as other white social conservative anti-gays-for-pay have done, is to trot out groups of rent-a-black pastors to hold sad little press conferences, ostensibly to say “look, we’re not bigots, here are men of God who think you all are diseased/pathological/perverted sinners who don’t deserve civil rights either….AND OUR PEEPS ARE BLACK.”

Enter one Rev. Patrick Wooden, the latest minister to pimp himself to Jesus the professional anti-gay set. He has been hard at work trying to deny LGBT residents in the state of North Carolina any kind of civil rights protections by conflating church and state matters. Actually, it’s worse than that. While he parrots the usual bible-beating lines, he seems to have spent most of the time in the past week displaying his, um, deep interest in unusual purported sex acts (gay men using iPhones, gerbils, etc. as sex toys) that makes you wonder what his sermons must be like (or based on).

Unless she’s really put one over on us and is indeed a “white gay activist,” I have it on good authority that Pam is a black woman. Wooden and Foster perhaps are unable to see the way that white conservative Christian male leaders use them, but that is their problem. Not Pam’s. Not mine.

Foster and LaBarbera talk about the case of Jesse Dirkhising, a 13-year-old Arkansas boy who was raped and grotesquely sodomized in 1999 by two older homosexual men who left him for dead after drugging, gagging and penetrating him with foreign objects including a cucumber.

A heinous crime. You’ll find no gay activist or run-of-the-mill person saying anything different. Of course, pedophilia and murder are two things that Porno Pete, D.L. Foster, Wayne Besen and I agree are grotesque, awful things. It’s truly perverted that, thirteen years later, these men are sitting around dredging up this tragedy in order to further their insipid campaign against gay people. I mean, it’s not like self-identified straight people have ever raped and killed children, is it, Pete and friends? Moreover, are we to ignore the reality that pedophilia is much more prevalent among straight-identified people, or that every honest researcher who has looked into the matter has found no correlation between homosexuality and pedophilia? Should we use the thousands of cases of straight people abusing and killing children in order to argue against the heterosexual lifestyle? I think not. But then again, my side of the culture war has integrity. Porno Pete’s does not.

Okay, I’m bored now. As I said, if you want to listen to the whole interview, go to Porno Pete’s Dungeon of “Pro-Family” Doom And Fetish Photography.

You see, back when the SPLC was primarily concerned with the most overt racists among us, it was fine, because Matt Barber was not weaned in a time when it was socially acceptable to wear one’s racism on one’s sleeve. Now that the SPLC has broadened its scope to include other vicious, hateful, dishonest groups like the Family Research Council and his friend Porno Pete’s Americahs for Truth on their list of hate groups, it’s not okay, because they’re espousing an “extremist left-wing agenda.” You know what else used to be an “extremist left-wing agenda?” That’s right, the Civil Rights Movement.

Same dishonest, bigoted arguments, from the same people, different minority.

Responding to the fact that corporations in Washington state, large and small, are lining up to support the law legalizing marriage equality in that state [because it's good for business], Porno Pete:

Peter LaBarbera of Americans for Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH) says, “What we’re witnessing is the continued descent of the American corporation into this pro-’gay’ world of celebrating anything that the homosexual activists want.”

“There was a time when homosexual so-called ‘marriage’ was beyond the pale, even for liberal corporate types,” LaBarbera recalls. “But now we see Microsoft, Starbucks, and other major corporations backing this perverse redefinition of marriage. It’s very sad.”

[...]

“They ignore that the majority of states oppose same-sex marriage — not only oppose it, but they put it in their constitutions to keep marriage by its traditional definition,” the AFTAH president notes. “So if they’re really about keeping up with the majority of states, you’d think they’d side with the traditional marriage side.”

He sounds so dejected. I guess that whole alliance between big business and social conservatives is being exposed as the sham it always was, and the fact that the social conservatives have always been the “useful idiots” in the equation is clearer than ever.

Of course, the “majority of states” that enshrined discrimination into their constitutions did so long before gay activists were really in the fight. Re-fight all of those battles again [and they will be refought] and the results would be quite different.

When Joe posted this from Porno Pete, he added a line to the end of the quote that said, simply, “Wait, is that my gerbil ringing?” I think that’s a marvelous new practice, considering Pete’s friendship with Patrick Wooden, who just might be as weird as he is.

Ever since Porno Pete introduced us to his new wingnut friend Patrick Wooden at their poorly attended protest against the Southern Poverty Law Center, we’ve been enjoying listening to Wooden describe his fantastical fever dreams about the gay community — for instance, did you know that all gay men above a certain age have to wear diapers or butt plugs? Yes, a “pastor” says so, so it must be true! Peter LaBarbera is eager to sign on to these claims because he is so unnaturally disturbed by homosexuality that he will believe anything if it makes gays look bad. Not smart guys, these.

Anyway, Peter and Patrick sat down for another chat, wherein Patrick revealed that the homoseckshul lifestyle isn’t all diapers and buttplugs, but also putting iPhones, sporting equipment and animals in butts!

Here is the transcript, but you really need to listen to the recording to hear how he pronounces “sphincter.”

Wooden: I do not back off or back down from my statements at all. I was giving anecdotal examples that I am personally aware of that have happened as a result of men who have given themselves over to this lifestyle. One man past away, a friend of mine shared this information with me, that where what used to be his anus had become a gaping hole and he literally died in diapers, he literally lost control of himself. There are examples of men who have stretched their anuses, their sphincter muscles so that they could fit objects into themselves that once the sphincter muscle is stretched too much it will not contract. Because the truth is, despite the anger of the homosexual community, the anus is not a vagina. A vagina, a woman can give birth, God so designed it, the hips release can give birth to babies and things return back to normal. The anus doesn’t work that way; this is one of the reasons why many male homosexuals place larger and larger objects in their rectums.

I know of a case where in a hospital a homosexual male had a cellphone lodged in his anus and as they were operating on him the phone went off, the phone started ringing! There’ve been instances where men have put bats, baseball bats, in their rectums!

…

Even the homosexual lobby knows, those who are pro-homosexual, they know that they cannot win the argument describing what it is that these people actually do to each other, the objects, the animals in certain cases, the little gerbils; thank God I’m a human being! Because if you talk about what it is that these people actually do, they can’t win the argument.

This is all projection. Seriously. Mental health professionals, please analyze below in the comments section.

Also, please commence to using Patrick Wooden’s pronunciation for “sphincter” immediately, in all conversations.

If you missed the recording about diapers and buttplugs, and also about how God lovingly designed sperm, here it is:

So this happened today, apparently. Porno Pete brought all his worldly friends together to go down to the SPLC and cry:

A coalition of African American pastors and pro-family Christian and Jewish leaders is holding a press conference at noon tomorrow (the day after Martin Luther King Day) outside the headquarters of the Southern Poverty Law Center — to protest the SPLC’s smearing of pro-family groups that oppose homosexual activism as “hate groups”:

Ooh, Porno Pete got to go on vacation! Of course, the SPLC doesn’t brand groups as “hate groups” simply for opposing gay people. They have to be known liars and slanderers. Porno Pete = one of those.

Scheduled speakers:

Peter LaBarbera, Americans For Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH), Chicago, IL (the SPLC has smeared AFTAH as a “hate group”);
Dr. Patrick Wooden, pastor, Upper Room Church of God in Christ (COGIC), Raleigh, NC;
DL Foster, founder, Gay Christian Movement Watch, Atlanta, GA;
Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs, Liberty Counsel, Lynchburg, VA;
Tim Johnson, Fredrick Douglass Foundation, Washington, D.C.;
Rachel Conner, representing Abiding Truth Ministries (smeared by SPLC as a “hate group”)
Pastor Glen Sawyer, New Mt. Zion Church of God in Christ, Elizabeth City, NC
Pastor Wil Nichols, Victorious Praise Fellowship COGIC, Durham, NC
Pastor Jon Robinson, Kingdom C.O.M.E. Ministries, Clairton, PA
Pastor Kenneth Jefferson, Greater Harvest COGIC

The following pro-family leaders and groups will issue supporting statements:

Rabbi Yehuda Levin, Rabbinical Alliance of America;
Laurie Higgins, Illinois Family Institute (smeared as “hate group”)
Arthur Goldberg, author, “Light in the Closet: Torah, Homosexuality, and the Power to Change”;
Linda Harvey, Mission America, Columbus, OH
Brian Camenker, Mass Resistance, (smeared as “hate group”)

Awwwww, Porno Pete got to go on vacation and Matt Barber was there! Did the wives come along? Just curious. Let’s see…so Rachel Conner was there, representing the most vicious, dishonest male anti-gay hatemonger in the country, Scott Lively. D.L. Foster, the purported “ex-gay”  who blames gay kids for their own depression and suicide, was there. I’m not familiar with the others, but my thinking is that the only thing the SPLC was confronted with today was the integrity of their own work.

Looking at the supporting cast, we have ol’ Yehuda Levin, probably the most unhinged rabbi in the United States, Laurie Higgins of the Illinois Family Association, who would be the most vicious, dishonest female anti-gay hatemonger in the country if Linda Harvey would ever step aside and let her talk, convicted felon Arthur Goldberg, and Brian Camenker, who holds the title of Peter LaBarbera’s Jewish Friend.

These are the leaders of your anti-gay movement, ladies and gentlemen. Quite a stellar cast of characters. I will say, though, that we should appreciate their work, in a way, because we wouldn’t be gaining quite as much public support as we are if people like those above weren’t spreading their hate around on a daily basis. Sadly, their work does embolden some of the most violent, uneducated hicks in this country, which leads to a higher gay teen bullying/suicide rate, but normal people hear the words of the people at that press conference today and it nudges them a little bit closer to our side.

Peter LaBarbera, president of Americans For Truth, which is sponsoring the press event, recently interviewed Pastor Wooden, who said that the SPLC’s gambit of labeling mainstream pro-family groups that oppose homosexual activism as “hate groups” is seriously damaging the SPLC’s credibility.

No it isn’t.

Wooden also debunked the “civil rights” analogy used by “gay” activists, saying it is wrong to compare “my beautiful blackness” with homosexual perversion.

I simply cannot make that quote better.

LaBarbera said the SPLC is engaged in a thinly-veiled, one-sided campaign to demonize adherents of traditional Judeo-Christian morality. He noted that despite the considerable hatred and anti-Christian bigotry emanating from homosexual activists (e.g., Dan Savage’s vile hate-site, Santorum[dot]com), the SPLC has never labeled a “gay” organization or website as “hateful.”

Because we don’t:

1. Lie about you people. We let your words speak for themselves.
2. Advocate for denying you wingnuts your constitutional rights, and instead defend your right to believe whatever bullroar you want, as embarrassing as it must be for your ancestors.
3. Embolden people who would want to hurt bigoted Christian wingnuts — indeed, it’s widely recognized that our side is STILL the only one with a bodycount in this “culture war.”

We do:

1. Report your words verbatim.
2. Make fun of you sometimes. Grow up.
3. Correct the constant, alternate-reality lies perpetuated by extremist religious fanatics who are unwilling to live as adults in a world where not everybody is the same as they are.

Yesterday he was all mad at Israel, but today Porno Pete has shifted gears so that he may tell Archie Comics to get off his lawn. Tomorrow it’ll be, oh, who knows, Trapper Keepers? You see, Archie Comics just featured a gay wedding and Peter whined to Crosstalk about this because:

It’s really manipulative. Of course they are going to have a solider having a homosexual so-called marriage with a black, so it’s interracial, they want to work that in there, which is fine, interracial marriage is good but not between two men, and he was the physical therapist for this soldier so they’re really manipulating these kids. Here you are taking something that parents take for granted is wholesome, Archie Comics, and now even that is being turned into a promoter of the radical homosexual agenda.

Of course! Not only a gay wedding, but there was a black physical therapist involved! Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Obviously the left and the homosexual activist movement is dead-set on promoting homosexuality to impressionable children. This is a comic book that is supposed to represent mid-American values and they are corrupting those values. Homosexuality is for one, often linked to very severe health problems, especially male homosexuality, it’s considered immoral, since time immoral, all of Judeo-Christian history. Yet now, in the name of diversity—and it’s interesting Jim that the left’s diversity framework never seems to include former homosexuals, will we ever see a healthy, happy former homosexual in the movies or in the media in the name of diversity? It is only what the left wants diversity to be is what we see promoted.

A healthy, happy “former homosexual” in the movies? Which kind does Peter want? The kind that Alan Chambers and John Smid basically admit doesn’t exist? I mean, I guess it could be one of those 3-D fantasy films.

Anyway, will let you know the next random thing Peter whines about, because it’s kind of fun to chronicle his continued unraveling.

Hate group leader Peter “Porno Pete” LaBarbera, who made his name in anti-gay wingnuttery by repeatedly posting lots of pictures taken at fetish festivals of various kinds, gay, straight and all points between, and then using those pictures to condemn the entire LGBT community, has something to say to the nation of Israel, and it’s not “Mazel Tov!”

A pro-family activist who works to expose the truth about homosexuality says it’s outrageous that the Israeli government is going out of its way to recruit “gays” and lesbians as unofficial envoys.

In what it calls a bid to boost its international image, Israel’s Ministry of Public Diplomacy and Diaspora Affairs has established a cadre of diverse volunteers to speak about Israel around the world. And on its website, the ministry is encouraging members of the homosexual community to step forward.

One spokesman says the goal is to highlight Israel’s diversity.

[...]

But Peter LaBarbera, founder and president of Americans for Truth about Homosexuality (AFTAH), sees nothing intolerant about opposing a deviant lifestyle.

“This is a very sad development because Judaism is responsible for our moral condemnation of homosexual and all deviant behaviors,” he notes. “And so for Israel now to be proclaiming itself friendly to homosexuality is a repudiation of Israel’s own heritage and the God of Israel.”

Oh GREAT Peter, blame the Jews for your own pigheaded bigotry. That’s new and different.

Though I’m quite sure Israel’s Ministry of Public Diplomacy and Diaspora Affairs breathlessly follows the articles at OneNewsNow, especially those quoting Porno Pete, I have a feeling Israel, which is miles ahead of the United States when it comes to supporting LGBT people, knows what it’s doing and really, really doesn’t need Pete’s help. I’m also quite sure they know a bit more about Judaism than Pete does.

I’m not speaking for Dan, but I have a feeling the answers are “Hahaha,” and “No.” Here is what Porno Pete has to say. I went ahead and added the “Santorum” links, because I guess Pete forgot them.

Today, I appeal to homosexual activist Dan Savage: take down your anti-Rick Santorum hate-site, Santorum.com.

Admittedly, it seems ludicrous to appeal to man who would go to such hateful lengths to sabotage religious conservatives that he would intentionally try to give a Republican presidential candidate a cold (Gary Bauer, 2000), or use Google to demonize an opponent in such a despicable way. Nevertheless, I make the appeal because bullying is bullying, and it must stop.

We get it, Dan, you HATE Rick Santorum, and you want to punish him for comments he made about the Supreme Court’s decision legalizing sodomy. But as a prolific writer and advocate, surely you have abundant opportunities to address Santorum’s arguments civilly — without resorting to cruel, twisted campaigns designed to destroy a man’s name and reputation by associating it with perversion.

“Santorum.com” (like its malevolent cousin, “Spreading Santorum”) is advanced cyber-bullying, pure and simple. You are a role model for “gay” youth, and your “It Gets Better” video campaign to help kids overcome bullying in their teen years has gained international attention. Yet bizarrely, with apparent ends-justifies-the-means rationale, you yourself have employed heinous bullying methods to malign Mr. Santorum – tactics you would strongly condemn if used against a self-identified “gay” kid. [AFTAH opposes all bullying of youth without regard to special criteria; we disagree with the “It Gets Better” campaign because it seeks to normalize homosexuality and celebrate immoral LGBT identities.]

Is this the lesson you want to teach young people? That if they encounter a person who disagrees with homosexual behavior, it’s OK to use the slimiest tactics imaginable to go after that person?

You and your homosexual partner have an adopted son. What did or will you tell him about Santorum.com? Have you no compassion for Rick Santorum’s wife, children and extended family, who too must bear the brunt of your high-tech smear?And to the media I ask this: please hold Dan Savage and his homosexual and liberal supporters accountable for this heinous and malicious web slander. Stop joking about it, and do not act as if Rick Santorum’s “Google problem” just appeared out of nowhere. This is calculated character assassination engineered by a “gay” activist who, ironically, crusades against hate. Do not reward Savage with media appearances. In fact, treat him as you would, say, a deranged, far-right activist who had created “BarbaraBoxer[dot]com” and “redefined” her name in a similarly evil manner.

Anyway. No comment because it’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

Oh, I usually do not make fun of the same wingnut two posts in a row, but dangit, sometimes you have to. I had just hit publish on this post when my Tweetdeck informed me of a “mention” on the Twitter machine, and wouldn’t you know it was Porno Pete trying to get attention again? Some gay writers engage with him on Twitter. I do not. There is always a better way to spend time than talking to Porno Pete.

But Pete is stepping up to defend Cardinal Francis George, whom TWO is calling upon to resign for repeatedly comparing the LGBT community to the Ku Klux Klan. Here’s a little snippet of Pete’s Twitter feed from the last few minutes:

Set aside the fact that Pete uses Twitter’s 140-character limit as an excuse to write like an eight year-old, but I was always under the impression that wingnuts resort to lines about the “Gay-KK” and the “Gay-stapo” because they’re fundamentally incurious, unintelligent and most of all, uncreative people who have run out of new ways to scream, “We’re the true victims because you won’t give us special rights to discriminate against people we don’t like!”

I’m still under that impression, as are all thinking people who are paying attention.

Also, why is Pete trying to talk to Cardinal George by replying to Truth Wins Out’s Twitter feed? Wrong number, dude.

Here’s the ad, once again, that TWO is running in this Sunday’s Chicago Tribune.

We’re very used to Peter LaBarbera seeing any signs of affection exchanged between two people of the same gender and immediately conflating it with Hot Sex, but usually he does it with men. [Haha, I see what I did there.] We’re not used to seeing him do it with women. [Zing!]

No, seriously, though, Peter LaBarbera saw the now historic picture of the first same-sex Navy “first-off-the-ship” kiss, and immediately his mind went to sex.  He said the following not-so-smart thing on Janet Mefferd’s radio program:

As far as the lowlights, I have to say that the worse would be what’s happened in the military, we just saw the story—we were talking about it off air—of the traditional first kiss of a Navy ship just went to two lesbians intentionally. Under Obama’s Navy, lesbians get the first traditional kiss; the sailor comes off the boat greeted by his spouse which is a woman usually, man-woman, woman-man, but now under Obama this political correctness we’re going to pretend that homosexuality belongs in the military. And actually Obama posted the photo of these two women kissing on his Flickr page which to me is another first—a president posting an indecent photo on his Flickr page because homosexual sex and homosexual practice is still indecent. It doesn’t matter what the trends say what the political correctness says, it matters what the truth is, and we go by the word of God and that’s indecent behavior. And to see our president glorifying it and saying this is one of his greatest accomplishments is really a sad day.

Yeah, here’s that kiss again:

You have to be kinda weird to look at that picture and see nothing but sex. I would hate to imagine a life where I couldn’t recognize the sheer elation of love and reunion without my bigotry getting in the way. It almost makes me feel sorry for Porno Pete.

Almost.