Last week, TWO’s Director of Communications & Development John Becker did a last-minute interview with progressive talk phenom David Pakman about Alan Chambers’ confusing statement that it’s impossible to pray away the gay. Unless you’re Alan Chambers, who was able to… err, what was that? As David and John discussed (and as Wayne wrote in the latest TWO Special Report), it will be interesting to see how Chambers and Exodus spin this going forward, both at next week’s Love Won Out conference in Atlanta and beyond.
Cynthia Nixon, who played the role of Miranda Hobbes on HBO’s Sex in the City, told the New York Times that she chose to be gay. Her statement was clumsy, irresponsible, inaccurate, and lent itself to exploitation by anti-gay activists. While Nixon’s coy semantic games and flippant proclamations may play well in certain circles, they will surely be used as a brutal club against LGBT youth in Red State America.
In the coming years, Nixon’s “choice” statement will be spewed from pulpits, scrawled in homophobic fundraising letters, and regurgitated on talk radio as proof that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people can “pray away the gay.” As a result, there will well-meaning parents who place their LGBT teenagers in “ex-gay” programs believing that since Nixon chose to be gay their child’s homosexuality might just be a phase.
The American Psychiatric Association says that attempts to change sexual orientation can sometimes lead to “anxiety, depression, and self-destructive behavior” which includes suicide. As the founder of Truth Wins Out, an organization that monitors such programs and assists its victims, it will be us, not Nixon, who picks up the pieces of lives shattered by the myth that sexual orientation is a casual choice. Given the potential for dire consequences, Nixon was reckless, indulgent, and smacked of someone too privileged to understand the real world ramifications of her careless words.
Anti-gay organizations, such as the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, already try to portray homosexuality as a transitory condition by telling potential clients that their discredited therapy will help people explore their “heterosexual potential.”
Some people have foolishly said that no one will pay attention to her statement because she is just an actress. However, they conveniently forget that we elected an actor, Ronald Reagan, to serve as president, Arnold Schwarzenegger was chosen as California’s governor, and Minnesota elected professional wrestler Jesse Ventura as that state’s governor. For better or worse, what celebrities say in America matters – and even politicians must become photogenic media stars – such as Sarah Palin or Barack Obama — before anybody cares about their policies.
Most importantly, Nixon never chose to be gay, but is clearly bisexual. In an interview with The Daily Beast she said, “I don’t pull out the ‘bisexual’ word because nobody likes the bisexuals….everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals… But I do completely feel that when I was in relationships with men, I was in love and in lust with those men. And then I met Christine and I fell in love and lust with her.”
No one would have a problem if Nixon had simply said that she is a bisexual who is not enamored with that particular label. Few would care if Nixon said that sexuality exists on a continuum with some people having a more fluid sexuality. No smart person would argue that civil rights for LGBT people should rest strictly on a biological argument – even though there is a growing body of evidence pointing out that biology plays a major role in determining sexual orientation.
But the fact remains that one does not choose whom they are attracted to and fall in love with – it chooses you. Sure, people then have a choice on whether they act on these natural feelings – just as one who is ambidextrous can elect to operate with either hand. The underlying desires, however, are not something that can be changed like the latest fashion in Paris.
If you don’t want to take my word for it, consider what the leaders of “ex-gay” organizations say about the topic. Earlier this month, Exodus International President Alan Chambers told a crowd of LGBT Christians: “The majority of people that I have met, and I would say the majority meaning 99.9% of them have not experienced a change in their orientation or have gotten to a place where they could say that they could never be tempted or are not tempted in some way or experience some level of same-sex attraction.”
John Smid, the former longtime director of the “ex-gay” ministry Love in Action said last year: “Actually I’ve never met a man who experienced a change from homosexual to heterosexual.”
One must remember that people like Chambers and Smid are the most motivated in the world to find evidence of sexual conversion. Both made their livings from this idea, (Chambers continues to) and feared going to Hell. Chambers once said that, “One of the many evils this world has to offer is the sin of homosexuality. Satan, the enemy is using people to further his agenda to destroy the Kingdom of God and as many souls as he can.”
When the public hears Nixon say that her homosexuality is a capricious choice, they think that she once found sleeping with women repulsive, but then woke up one day and decided she would do it anyway for social or political reasons. It makes it sound as if she quit men like one quits smoking cigarettes – which plays into the right wing’s false addiction analogy.
No one is questioning Nixon’s right to say whatever she wants. However, with celebrity comes great responsibility and it might be wise if Nixon articulated her feelings in a more thoughtful way that would not lead to LGBT youth stuck in Bible Belt communities ending up in “ex-gay” boot camps.
Ever since it was reported the other day that actress Cynthia Nixon, a bit indignantly, said that for her, being gay is a “choice,” I’ve been trying to get my thoughts together on exactly how I feel about what she said, and why it bothers me. Here’s the exact quote, and then I’ll tell you what I think about it:
I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me.
Writer Alex Witchel reports that “her face was red and her arms were waving” as she continued, “It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate,” Nixon said. “I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive.”
Cynthia Nixon’s experience is Cynthia Nixon’s experience, of course, so to be clear, we are not debating that. I think that the biggest problem with her quote is that it’s irresponsible, because it introduces a concept and a reality that is really hard to capture in a sound bite. The trouble with that is that the very same bigots she refers to are simply not going to go beyond the sound bite, and choose instead to point at her and say, “see? She said it’s a choice! Now change.”
The truth of the matter, as science has been discovering for a while now, is that sexuality is far, far more complex than we’ve understood in the past, and that indeed, one of the major “x factors” involved in how people experience sexuality has more to do with how many x chromosomes they have, and less to do with whether they’re homo-, hetero- or bisexual. Tracy Clark-Flory examines this at Salon:
Activists have long combated extremist attacks on LGBT identities by highlighting the science showing that homosexuality is genetic — or, in the words of Lady Gaga, that gay people are “born that way.” It may be that simple for some, but research increasingly suggests that it isn’t for all — especially for gay women.
Lisa Diamond, a psychology professor at the University of Utah, spent over a decade tracking sexual identity changes in a group of 100 women for her book “Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire.” She wrote, “Women’s sexuality is fundamentally more fluid than men’s, permitting greater variability in its development and expression over the life course.” Based on her research, she describes three main ways that sexual fluidity is expressed: “nonexclusivity in attractions” (i.e., the capacity to find all genders sexually attractive), “changes in attractions” (i.e., suddenly becoming romantically involved with a woman after a lifetime dating men) and the capacity to become attracted to ‘the person and not the gender’” (i.e., a partner’s sex is irrelevant).
[...]
Copious research has revealed striking differences in male and female sexual orientation and arousal. In immensely awkward studies measuring men’s hard-ons while viewing various sexual stimuli, most guys have a strong response to either males or females; and their sexual orientation generally predicts their physical reaction. On the other hand, Bailey explains, “Women’s genital sexual arousal pattern is much less predictive of their sexual identity and their stated preferences,” he says. “Lesbians have a relatively weaker arousal preference for female sexual stimuli, on average, and straight women have no preference at all, on average.”
Okay. so, if you’re an honest person and you pay attention to this stuff, you already knew all of this. If you’re a decent person, it doesn’t change your support for things like marriage equality and nondiscrimination acts. Because it doesn’t matter! On that point, Cynthia Nixon and I agree. However, where it gets difficult, in this sound bite world, is in explaining that, even acknowledging the fact that men’s sexuality tends to be pretty much what it is, from the first time we get boners associated with sexual thoughts, whereas women often experience sexuality in a much more complex way, that still doesn’t do a damn thing for the Religious Right’s argument that people should want to change from gay to straight. And because we’re dealing with the Religious Right, we are in a situation where we are not arguing with people who are willing or even capable of rational, detailed discourse. For them, it’s all about their ideology and about preserving white male conservative Christian heterosexuality as the only truly “okay” state of being. Also, it’s about control.
But they will, as I said above, use sound bites like that against us, which is why I think it’s irresponsible. Cynthia has lent her voice to our cause in very powerful ways over the years, so this is in no way an attack on her. I feel that, perhaps, maybe she could have said a bit more on the subject, perhaps not casually throwing the word “choice” around and instead talking about how her sexuality evolved in the way it did. Readers on this side of the spectrum pretty much get what she’s saying, I think, but the Religious Right hears “choice,” and they think “well that proves it. Cynthia Nixon woke up one morning and decided to embrace the homosexual lifestyle.” Cynthia is free to correct me if I am wrong, but I doubt that her story is that simple, or that the story for any other women who have experienced a more fluid sexuality is that simple.
Moreover, what of bisexuals? One of the silliest Religious Right lies out there, one that truly makes me shake my head in the direction of whatever rock they live under, is that bisexuals naturally will want/need to marry one person of each gender. Indeed, when bisexuals decide to settle down into relationships, they tend to choose a partner they’re compatible with, regardless of gender. Sometimes they end up with same-sex partners, sometimes they end up with opposite-sex partners. Because they’re bisexual! I don’t think Cynthia is necessarily bisexual — she surely disavowed the concept in her statement — but there are many bisexuals out there who, when settling down with partners, make a choice to settle down with either a man or a woman. This, of course, still shouldn’t give the Religious Right any reason to feel stronger in their argument that, due to unreasoned bigotry hiding behind a third-grade reading of an ancient holy book, those people should opt for opposite-sex partners.
Here’s what we know. Men, due to our biology, tend to have a fixed, lifelong sexual orientation that we experience regardless of any “choices” we make. Alan Chambers “chooses” to live in what I would assume is a fairly sexless marriage with a woman, while admitting that he still is very much into guys. Many women experience a sexual orientation that is fixed in just the same way, but others experience it in a more fluid way that can change over the course of their lives.
Here’s what else we know. All major, grown-up mental health and medical associations have stated that reparative therapy, religious attempts to change a person’s sexual orientation through outside force, are somewhere between ineffective and harmful. Moreover, all major, grown-up mental health and medical associations have very politely stated that there is nothing inherently unhealthy or disordered about being gay, bisexual or straight.
Here’s another what else we know. Religious wingnut arguments against homosexuality have absolutely no place in rational discourse, as they do not involve rational thought, but rather stupid bigotry dressed up in religious language. We also know that the Religious Right has a pattern of using the same “biblical” arguments against whatever the hell it is that they hate these days. For them, it is all about control and their petty unwillingness to play well with others in a secular society that doesn’t automatically give them blow jobs, ponies and first prize ribbons simply for existing.
We on the side of fairness, equality and reality should be comfortable with dealing with science and reality, as they are. Reality doesn’t threaten us. But we do, until this battle for equality is fully won, have to be careful with our rhetoric and our casual comments, because our enemy is not upstanding and is not honest. As I said above, perhaps with this issue, it’s better to explain more of the reality, not less. We are only beginning to truly understand human sexuality from a scientific perspective, and what we’re learning is fascinating. But it’s nothing as simple as “a choice,” and certainly not in the way the Religious Right uses that word.
Of course, I also agree with Cynthia that, however sexual orientation works, it shouldn’t matter when it comes to things like equal rights. I mean hell, we’ve given the Religious Right carte blanche for decades for their beliefs, and those beliefs are clearly chosen. No, this is about dignity, fairness and equal opportunity.
So maybe this is a teachable moment, for those willing to learn. Sexuality is far, far, far more complex than people often understand, and is fascinating to study. People deserve equal rights, regardless of their sexual orientation. Those two ideas shouldn’t have a hard time coexisting, as they haven’t a damn thing to do with one another.
Mike Goeke of some pray away the gay outfit called Cross Power Ministries:
The truth is that homosexuality IS different. It is not different as a “sin.” God sees the sin of homosexual expression as He sees all sin. It is different, however, in that no other sin (or, better said, an identity based primarily on sinful behavior) has impacted, or is likely to impact, culture in the dramatic way that homosexuality has done and will do.
Homosexuality is the only sinful behavior that has a cultural identity and movement surrounding it. What other sin is encouraged to be celebrated? What other sin has a “pride” movement attached to it? What other sin are people so quick to identify their lives by and to adopt as the defining characteristic of their lives? There are not greed pride parades, or people proclaiming on magazine covers “Yes, I’m a gossip.” There are not gluttony neighborhoods or bars where liars openly gather. Men and women don’t proudly self-identify as promiscuous. There are many people who are pro-choice and many who admit to having an abortion, but there are few who celebrate the fact that they had abortions. In fact, if you exclude random individuals like Charlie Sheen, few people would want their sin attached to their name and fewer would proudly boast in their sinful activity.
Homosexuality is also the only sinful behavior that has a growing, accepted theology built around it. Sure, there are fringe “religious” movements for odd things, but within the realm of Christianity there is no other revisionist theological movement based on identity primarily defined by sinful behavior. Denominations are crumbling and fracturing over how to deal with the issue of homosexuality and how to integrate people openly identified as gay or openly practicing homosexual behavior.
First off: There are totally gluttony neighborhoods. Wherever two or three chain restaurants gather in suburbs in the shadow of megachurches and shopping malls, we are dealing with gluttony neighborhoods.
But moreover, perhaps dude should take a step back and say “Wait a minute. Homosexuality IS different. There are millions of healthy, happy, wonderful gay and lesbian people who contribute as much or more to society than I do! And all these other sins I’m naming have actual consequences that I and my counterparts can actually verify, rather than just lying or making them up like we usually do for gayness. Maybe everything I believe is not only wrong, but damn wrong, and I should re-examine things.”
But nah. Wingnut too far gone to face reality. Oh well.
Ladies and gentlemen, we always ask “ex-gay” leaders and their supporting cast of wingnuts to provide numbers, and dangit, Alan Chambers did it this past weekend on a panel discussion at the Gay Christian Network conference! Warren Throckmorton’s blog:
Alan Chambers is asked, I think by GCN Executive Director Justin Lee, about the way Exodus and member ministries describe the work they do. Specifically, Lee asked about the slogan “change is possible.” Chambers responds by discussing his views of sexual orientation change, saying
The majority of people that I have met, and I would say the majority meaning 99.9% of them have not experienced a change in their orientation or have gotten to a place where they could say that they could never be tempted or are not tempted in some way or experience some level of same-sex attraction. I think there is a gender issue there, there are some women who have challenged me and said that my orientation or my attractions have changed completely. Those have been few and far between. The vast majority of people that I know will experience some level of same-sex attraction.
For those who are not familiar with Math, 100% minus 99.9% equals 0.1%. For every one thousand gays who enter “ex-gay” reparative therapy, one of you might be successful, and really you were probably bisexual anyway, so meh.
So speaketh the guru, who, we gently remind readers, has admitted that he is still into guys.
One thing that consistent when it comes to dealing with the Religious Right is that you can’t trust a word they say or write. I’d go as far as to say that when they make any sort of statement, it’s best to assume they’re lying unless proven otherwise. The latest case of a Religious Right organization lying about the work of an actual researcher is a doozy:
This time it’s Dr. Rick Fitzgibbons of NARTH, writing a long piece about same-sex adoption. It has a small section titled, “The children do suffer,” with this opening:
There are strong indications that children raised by same sex couples fare less well than children raised in stable homes with a mother and a father.
He brings up two studies to support this, one of them by Seton Hall professor Dr. Theodora Sirota, and then regretfully tells us:
Not surprisingly, there are scholars who oppose this weighty evidence.
I know something that might surprise Fitzgibbons: One of those opposing scholars is — have you guessed? — Seton Hall professor Dr. Theodora Sirota, the source of his weighty evidence.
Dr. Sirota wrote to Box Turtle Bulletin to ask them to help spread the word about the misrepresentation of her work by NARTH. As with most Religious Right lies, it’s fairly simple and staring you in the face, but you have to actually know the content of Sirota’s research to see it:
You can read the full text of Sirota’s message here, but let me put it in a nutshell. To support his denunciation of same-sex adoption, Fitzgibbons offers this summary of Sirota’s research:
Researchers interviewed 68 women with gay or bisexual fathers and 68 women with heterosexual fathers. The women (average age 29 in both groups) with gay or bisexual fathers had difficulty with adult attachment issues in three areas: they were less comfortable with closeness and intimacy; they were less able to trust and depend on others; and they experienced more anxiety in relationships compared to the women raised by heterosexual fathers.
The problem is not with what Fitzgibbons said; it’s what he left out: The gay and bisexual fathers in Sirota’s study were married to the mothers.
Dr. Sirota’s article is about the impact of a homosexual father raising a girl in a heterosexual marriage. It has nothing to do with same-sex couples, nothing to do with same-sex adoption at all.
Typical. This is very similar to the tactics wingnuts like Maggie Gallagher employ when they compare statistics of children raised in single parent homes vs. married parent homes in order to argue against gay parenting. Because you see, in so many places, gay parents can’t be technically married, therefore it’s reasonable to say that loving, committed gay couples raising children are the same as single parents, right? Of course not, but wingnuts are liars.
Alvin McEwen has a nice little round-up of other instances of wingnuts misrepresenting actual grown-up science to further their ideology here.
I wrote about this when it happened a few weeks ago, but here is CBN reporting on Exodus’ Alan Chambers being named World magazine’s “Daniel of the Year.” At first I figured they called it that in allusion to the Biblical character of Daniel and the whole lion’s den story, but maybe “Daniel” is just some guy who likes dudes but is married to a lady, which would make Alan Chambers a perfect recipient.
In that report, I love where they mention the Exodus iPhone app being pulled during 2011. In case you forgot, we did that.
So this ad from Exodus International is running in newspapers in Trinidad and Jamaica right now. It’s indicative of their troubles at home that the only places they feel like they’ll get any bang for their buck are already among the most homophobic nations on earth:
Their graphic designer apparently isn’t as good as ours either.
Contact: John Becker, Director of Communications
Phone: 920-265-6023
Email: john@truthwinsout.org
BURLINGTON, Vt. – The heated standoff between Truth Wins Out and Marcus Bachmann abruptly ended today after the therapist agreed to stop trying to collect $150 from TWO for canceled “ex-gay” therapy sessions. The voice message, left by a Bachmann & Associates’ billing representative, informed TWO Communication’s Director, John Becker, that “[his] account is at a zero balance” and that the charges were written off “per Marcus Bachmann.”
“The last thing we expected was for Marcus Bachmann to behave rationally and abandon his specious and spiteful claim that we owed him money,” said Truth Wins Out Executive Director Wayne Besen. “It is a shame that he wasn’t foolish enough to allow a $150 billing dispute to turn into free publicity that highlighted the harm caused by ‘ex-gay’ programs.”
“We feel vindicated that Marcus Bachmann has ended his vindictive campaign to punish us for exposing his clinic’s ‘ex-gay’ therapy practice,” said Truth Wins Out’s Communications Director John Becker. “Reason triumphed over retaliation today — Bachmann made a wise decision to move on with his life and avoid further damage to his reputation.”
The clinic, which Bachmann co-owns with his wife Michele, was exposed last summer for practicing a form of discredited “pray away the gay” therapy by a TWO hidden-camera investigation – a charge both Bachmanns had previously denied. The revelation badly disrupted Michele Bachmann’s presidential campaign at a time when she was surging in the polls. In November, Marcus Bachmann personally phoned Becker, demanded $150 in no-show fees for two canceled appointments, and threatened to send Becker’s account to collections if he failed to promptly remit payment.
TWO responded with a cease-and-desist letter and promised a lawsuit if Bachmann persisted. TWO launched a Change.org petition that gathered more than 4,000 signatures demanding that Bachmann stop haranguing the organization.
“Ex-gay therapy is rejected by every respected medical and mental health organization in the nation,” added Becker. “This includes the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the American Psychological Association.”
Contact: Wayne Besen, Executive Director
Phone: 917-691-5118
E-Mail: wbesen@truthwinsout.org
TWO Demands ‘Ex-Gay’ Group Apologize For Defamatory Remarks Within Five Days Or Face Legal Action
PFOX President Greg Quinlan’s Fabricated Tale Claiming TWO Tried to Have Him Murdered is Unconscionable and Unacceptable, Says TWO
Burlington, Vt. – Truth Wins Out sent a letter to Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays today sternly warning PFOX that it would face legal consequences if it did not publicly apologize within five days for defaming TWO Executive Director Wayne Besen. The letter from Virginia attorney Michael Hamar outlined four concrete demands that PFOX would have to satisfy to avoid having the matter settled in a court of law.
On October 7, 2011 Quinlan was interviewed on News-Plus with Mark Segraves (WDCW-TV). At the 10:38 mark of the show, Quinlan (pictured) fabricates an alleged hit on his life. According to Quinlan:
“Truth Wins Out if you look further, including Wayne Besen. He’s asked for people, you know, somebody needs to run Greg over. He needs to be hit with a bus. Somebody should inject him with AIDS. Those are the things that Wayne Besen and Truth Wins Out says about me. That’s pretty hateful rhetoric.”
“Greg Quinlan deliberately and maliciously fabricated a story with the sole purpose of smearing Truth Wins Out and damaging my reputation,” said Truth Wins Out Executive Director Wayne Besen. “These defamatory actions are unconscionable, unacceptable, and I refuse to let these vicious lies go unanswered.”
Hamar sent his letter to PFOX outlining the necessary steps to ameliorate the situation:
1. A written retraction be issued by Gregory Quinlan on PFOX letterhead admitting he fabricated the incident(s) and made untrue statements during the television interview. The retraction must be signed by PFOX’s Executive Director Regina Griggs and Mr. Quinlan.
2. A YouTube video of Mr. Quinlan apologizing for the false and defamatory statements.
3. Mr. Quinlan will offer to immediately make an apology on the very television show in which the defamatory statements about Mr. Besen were made.
4. PFOX will send out a press release, first approved by Mr. Besen, announcing the apology.
“These terms must be accepted within five business days of receipt of this letter,” wrote TWO attorney Michael Hamar. “Should Mr. Quinlan and PFOX refuse to accept these terms, Mr. Besen will have no alternative other than to seek relief in court and in the process of the litigation subject Mr. Quinlan and/or PFOX to depositions, interrogatories and other discovery processes.”
The veracity of PFOX has long been questioned. Its former president, Richard Cohen, was expelled for life from the American Counseling Association for multiple ethics violations. A key member of the organization’s Speaker’s Bureau, Arthur Abba Goldberg, is a convicted felon sent to prison for financial fraud. In 2010, Quinlan attended a conference organized by Americans for Truth About Homosexuality, a group that is listed as a certified Southern Poverty Law Center hate group. During his speech at the meeting, Quinlan disparaged LGBT people and said that when he used to live as an openly gay man he wasn’t a “flaming faggot.”
“I wasn’t your flaming faggot, you know,” Quinlan told the chuckling crowd. “I can say that because I’ve been there and done that. You know, the one’s whose wrists are so limp that when the wind blows they slap themselves in the face. I wasn’t one of them.”
Please consider a tax-deductible contribution to Truth Wins Out today to help us fight this critical legal battle with PFOX. If we don’t stand up to such blatant lies, we are giving our opponents a green light to smear the entire LGBT community.
It is critical that we finally push back and say “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!” If we won’t fight back when they accuse us of attempted murder — when will we? The time to take a stand against these dishonest bullies is NOW!
Burlington, Vt. – Truth Wins Out 
The veracity of PFOX has long been questioned. Its former president, Richard Cohen, was expelled for life from the American Counseling Association for multiple ethics violations. A key member of the organization’s Speaker’s Bureau, Arthur Abba Goldberg, is a convicted felon sent to prison for financial fraud. In 2010, Quinlan attended a conference organized by Americans for Truth About Homosexuality, a group that is listed as a certified Southern Poverty Law Center hate group. During his speech at the meeting, Quinlan disparaged LGBT people and said that when he used to live as an openly gay man he wasn’t a “flaming faggot.”
