I have never seen wiser, more coherent words from Rick Santorum than those contained in this video:

Rick Santorum: He’s Crazy And He’s Right.

[h/t Dan Savage]

This is cute.

[h/t Towleroad]

I will not make the obvious joke, because it is too obvious:

Here is the very long press release from Pastor Steven Andrew’s organization:

Christians Boycott Starbucks — Because Romans 1 Explains Starbucks Hates God
Contact: Pastor Steven Andrew, USA Christian Ministries, 877-537-8734

SAN JOSE, Calif., Jan. 31, 2012 /Christian Newswire/ — What if Starbucks lost 80% of its customers? Christians across the USA are boycotting Starbucks for promoting homosexual ‘marriage’ in Washington State. There is an 80% Christian majority in the USA and 1-2% homosexuals.

Ha, it’s cute when they pretend that “80% Christian majority” is the same thing as “80% of Americans are weird wingnuts like me.” Er, no.

“Christians are upset with Starbucks for turning against God, but we are glad to know that Starbucks doesn’t pretend to be for Christians,” said Pastor Steven Andrew, who is president of USA Christian Ministries. He calls every Christian and church to boycott Starbucks. Leviticus 22:18 says, “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination.”

“This boycott is important because God blesses those who obey Him and judges those who don’t obey Him (2 Chronicles 19:2),” he adds.

Don’t expect to hear sermons with “grab your Starbucks” or to see Starbucks served at churches. “Starbucks is no longer fashionable. If your church still uses Starbucks, then your pastor is a friend of the world,” he adds. God calls those who oppose Him “haters of God” (Romans 1:30).

It is hoped that Christians will quickly share this boycott with their church.

Starbucks overlooked the health concerns for homosexuals. CDC reports that one in five homosexuals have HIV, with many unaware they are sick. The average homosexual dies at 42 years and has a higher depression rate, Cameron reports.

Cameron is a widely discredited hack who has been kicked out of most professional organizations of which he’s ever been a member. Everyone knows this.

“Jesus loves homosexuals. I wish every person would receive Jesus’ forgiveness for sins by His blood,” pastor Steven Andrew says.

He believes pastors across the USA should speak up. Homosexual ‘laws’ remove Americans’ Christian freedom. “Why is Starbucks against our Founding Father’s and God’s liberty?” he asks. George Washington, John Adams and John Jay made the Christian laws that Starbucks wants to make non-Christian.

Oh goodness, that apostrophe.

In his book “Making A Strong Christian Nation” he explains how George Washington made the law to court martial homosexuals to have God’s blessings. Washington, said, “…the Commander in Chief…with Abhorrence and Detestation of such Infamous Crimes [sodomy]…” See: USA Christian Ministries Founding Fathers Quotes about Homosexuality for more information.

The Christian majority is standing up again. We see Rick Santorum’s rise and surprise Iowa win, the growth of the pro-life movement and bold new pastors.

“Starbucks can follow Satan if they want to. However, pastors are to help Christians. Are you on the Lord’s side? Will you help the USA be blessed by God?” he asks.

Last week, pastor Steven Andrew called the USA to repentance in “God’s State of the Union.”

And that is the video above, and oh my goodness, you go gurl.

[h/t Joe]

This video has been going around today. It’s pretty great.

[h/t John Aravosis]

Ever since Porno Pete introduced us to his new wingnut friend Patrick Wooden at their poorly attended protest against the Southern Poverty Law Center, we’ve been enjoying listening to Wooden describe his fantastical fever dreams about the gay community — for instance, did you know that all gay men above a certain age have to wear diapers or butt plugs? Yes, a “pastor” says so, so it must be true! Peter LaBarbera is eager to sign on to these claims because he is so unnaturally disturbed by homosexuality that he will believe anything if it makes gays look bad. Not smart guys, these.

Anyway, Peter and Patrick sat down for another chat, wherein Patrick revealed that the homoseckshul lifestyle isn’t all diapers and buttplugs, but also putting iPhones, sporting equipment and animals in butts!

Here is the transcript, but you really need to listen to the recording to hear how he pronounces “sphincter.”

Wooden: I do not back off or back down from my statements at all. I was giving anecdotal examples that I am personally aware of that have happened as a result of men who have given themselves over to this lifestyle. One man past away, a friend of mine shared this information with me, that where what used to be his anus had become a gaping hole and he literally died in diapers, he literally lost control of himself. There are examples of men who have stretched their anuses, their sphincter muscles so that they could fit objects into themselves that once the sphincter muscle is stretched too much it will not contract. Because the truth is, despite the anger of the homosexual community, the anus is not a vagina. A vagina, a woman can give birth, God so designed it, the hips release can give birth to babies and things return back to normal. The anus doesn’t work that way; this is one of the reasons why many male homosexuals place larger and larger objects in their rectums.

I know of a case where in a hospital a homosexual male had a cellphone lodged in his anus and as they were operating on him the phone went off, the phone started ringing! There’ve been instances where men have put bats, baseball bats, in their rectums!

…

Even the homosexual lobby knows, those who are pro-homosexual, they know that they cannot win the argument describing what it is that these people actually do to each other, the objects, the animals in certain cases, the little gerbils; thank God I’m a human being! Because if you talk about what it is that these people actually do, they can’t win the argument.

This is all projection. Seriously. Mental health professionals, please analyze below in the comments section.

Also, please commence to using Patrick Wooden’s pronunciation for “sphincter” immediately, in all conversations.

If you missed the recording about diapers and buttplugs, and also about how God lovingly designed sperm, here it is:

No, really, this happened.

[h/t Joe & Pam]

So this happened today, apparently. Porno Pete brought all his worldly friends together to go down to the SPLC and cry:

A coalition of African American pastors and pro-family Christian and Jewish leaders is holding a press conference at noon tomorrow (the day after Martin Luther King Day) outside the headquarters of the Southern Poverty Law Center — to protest the SPLC’s smearing of pro-family groups that oppose homosexual activism as “hate groups”:

Ooh, Porno Pete got to go on vacation! Of course, the SPLC doesn’t brand groups as “hate groups” simply for opposing gay people. They have to be known liars and slanderers. Porno Pete = one of those.

Scheduled speakers:

Peter LaBarbera, Americans For Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH), Chicago, IL (the SPLC has smeared AFTAH as a “hate group”);
Dr. Patrick Wooden, pastor, Upper Room Church of God in Christ (COGIC), Raleigh, NC;
DL Foster, founder, Gay Christian Movement Watch, Atlanta, GA;
Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs, Liberty Counsel, Lynchburg, VA;
Tim Johnson, Fredrick Douglass Foundation, Washington, D.C.;
Rachel Conner, representing Abiding Truth Ministries (smeared by SPLC as a “hate group”)
Pastor Glen Sawyer, New Mt. Zion Church of God in Christ, Elizabeth City, NC
Pastor Wil Nichols, Victorious Praise Fellowship COGIC, Durham, NC
Pastor Jon Robinson, Kingdom C.O.M.E. Ministries, Clairton, PA
Pastor Kenneth Jefferson, Greater Harvest COGIC

The following pro-family leaders and groups will issue supporting statements:

Rabbi Yehuda Levin, Rabbinical Alliance of America;
Laurie Higgins, Illinois Family Institute (smeared as “hate group”)
Arthur Goldberg, author, “Light in the Closet: Torah, Homosexuality, and the Power to Change”;
Linda Harvey, Mission America, Columbus, OH
Brian Camenker, Mass Resistance, (smeared as “hate group”)

Awwwww, Porno Pete got to go on vacation and Matt Barber was there! Did the wives come along? Just curious. Let’s see…so Rachel Conner was there, representing the most vicious, dishonest male anti-gay hatemonger in the country, Scott Lively. D.L. Foster, the purported “ex-gay”  who blames gay kids for their own depression and suicide, was there. I’m not familiar with the others, but my thinking is that the only thing the SPLC was confronted with today was the integrity of their own work.

Looking at the supporting cast, we have ol’ Yehuda Levin, probably the most unhinged rabbi in the United States, Laurie Higgins of the Illinois Family Association, who would be the most vicious, dishonest female anti-gay hatemonger in the country if Linda Harvey would ever step aside and let her talk, convicted felon Arthur Goldberg, and Brian Camenker, who holds the title of Peter LaBarbera’s Jewish Friend.

These are the leaders of your anti-gay movement, ladies and gentlemen. Quite a stellar cast of characters. I will say, though, that we should appreciate their work, in a way, because we wouldn’t be gaining quite as much public support as we are if people like those above weren’t spreading their hate around on a daily basis. Sadly, their work does embolden some of the most violent, uneducated hicks in this country, which leads to a higher gay teen bullying/suicide rate, but normal people hear the words of the people at that press conference today and it nudges them a little bit closer to our side.

Peter LaBarbera, president of Americans For Truth, which is sponsoring the press event, recently interviewed Pastor Wooden, who said that the SPLC’s gambit of labeling mainstream pro-family groups that oppose homosexual activism as “hate groups” is seriously damaging the SPLC’s credibility.

No it isn’t.

Wooden also debunked the “civil rights” analogy used by “gay” activists, saying it is wrong to compare “my beautiful blackness” with homosexual perversion.

I simply cannot make that quote better.

LaBarbera said the SPLC is engaged in a thinly-veiled, one-sided campaign to demonize adherents of traditional Judeo-Christian morality. He noted that despite the considerable hatred and anti-Christian bigotry emanating from homosexual activists (e.g., Dan Savage’s vile hate-site, Santorum[dot]com), the SPLC has never labeled a “gay” organization or website as “hateful.”

Because we don’t:

1. Lie about you people. We let your words speak for themselves.
2. Advocate for denying you wingnuts your constitutional rights, and instead defend your right to believe whatever bullroar you want, as embarrassing as it must be for your ancestors.
3. Embolden people who would want to hurt bigoted Christian wingnuts — indeed, it’s widely recognized that our side is STILL the only one with a bodycount in this “culture war.”

We do:

1. Report your words verbatim.
2. Make fun of you sometimes. Grow up.
3. Correct the constant, alternate-reality lies perpetuated by extremist religious fanatics who are unwilling to live as adults in a world where not everybody is the same as they are.

Actually, in the original version, Chris Wallace actually committed an act of journalism, when he read a quote from one of the leaders against desegregating the military without telling Frothy what it was, and asked if that was how Frothy felt about the repeal of DADT. Of course, Frothy did.

But this version, with Joan Crawford, is even better.

This is just about perfect:

[h/t Joe]

My friend Chris snapped this last night on the teevee. Click it to embiggen it, of course:

The media is doing this intentionally. You know they are.