In case you missed it, the National Organization for Marriage seems to have gotten all kinds of hacked this morning. Here’s a screen shot of their Twitter page, as it is right now:

Just the other day, Brent Bozell of the far-right Media Research Center was very, very angry about Dan Savage’s new MTV show, Savage U. If that column had to be shortened, it would be something like this:

• YOU COLLEGE KIDS, GET OFF MY LAWN, DON’T EVER ENJOY SEX, AND IF YOU DO, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

Well, he’s back today with another column, and guess what? He is very, very angry about something different now, namely the study that came out recently which suggests a strong correlation between extremely homophobic beliefs and latent homosexuality. This reinforces other studies done on the subject, and it elicits sort of a “duh” from the gay community, but nonetheless, Brent Bozell is very, very angry, so let’s taunt him.

The news is stuffed with “studies” in which “experts”

Haha, “Brent” feels intimidated by “science.”

tell us how we should behave. One recently found that conservatives have lost their trust in science over the last 40 years.

Yes, did. They’ve been trained to hate it, because it conflicts with their deeply held, incorrect beliefs about everything.

That’s probably because the very political academics of science are routinely summoned to prove the right-wingers are not only wrong but dangerously wrong and not just dangerously wrong but evil, too.

That, or conservatives just tend to be misinformed about lots of things, like the age of the earth, global warming and evolution, without which we would not have modern medical science.

These studies are laughable.

“Ha ha ha,” laughed Brent, very, very angrily, at the studies.

First, there was the study purporting to prove that conservatism appeals to low-intelligence racists “who have trouble grasping the complexity of the world.”

Yeah, I’m sure that one upset Brent a bit.

Then there was the scientific study that parents should be allowed to kill their newborn babies because they were “morally irrelevant.”

Yeah, that one was a bit strange, but wasn’t really a mainstream study in the sense of what we’re talking about. It was published in a journal of ethics and it was making an academic argument, and the editor freely offered that he would publish a piece rebutting it from the other side. Citing that is convenient for Brent’s argument, because the average Reader of Brent doesn’t Google things. Refer to the study mentioned just above…

The latest doozy tries to spread science on the notion that “homophobia” is just the conservative’s resistance to his own repressed latent homosexuality. The gay site Lez Get Real announced, “Sometimes it takes a study to prove exactly what everyone already knows.” This came under the headline “Self-Loathing Closet Cases Often Virulent Homophobes.”

[...]

USA Today reported with delight that, “Acceptance of gays and lesbians has never been higher, but anti-gay bias still exists. A new study suggests intense hostility toward homosexuals may be linked to a repressed same-sex attraction, combined with an authoritarian upbringing.”

Yep. This is why no one is surprised, every couple months or so, when some virulently homophobic public figure is caught with his pants down surrounded by guys. But it makes Brent very, very angry.

This isn’t science. It’s psychobabble mumbo-jumbo, where somehow our potty training or our breast-feeding or our spankings have shaped our most deeply held adult beliefs.

Haha, so Brent doesn’t believe in psychology either. I guess we just emerge into adulthood and become whoever we are and it has absolutely no ties to our childhoods!

The same liberals who complained it was utterly unscientific for Sen. Bill Frist to diagnose Terri Schiavo’s medical condition from the Senate floor think it’s scientific to guess about the “unconscious” things that conservatives have hidden from themselves inside their own brains.

A. Bill Frist diagnosing Terri Schiavo [incorrectly] via satellite was one of social conservatism’s most embarrassing moments in the last decade. That a wingnut would bring it up at all is sad.

B. They’re not exactly “guessing” about anything “unconscious” in conservative’s brains. They are using the scientific method and doing studies to find out if there’s a link between all-out, no-holds-barred homophobia and repressed homosexuality. Apparently, there is. Duh. It’s a manifestation of shame and guilt, our responses to which tend to go back to things that happened during childhood. Dude, Brent, read a book sometime. It might help.

In a video issued by his college, Richard Ryan of the University of Rochester explained that “authoritarian” parents are creating hatred of the “other” and destroying the natural harmony of the world. “If you’re a parent who really strongly believes your child should be a heterosexual, and then you use whatever means you can to convince them that they’re only good and worthy if they are, this would be very controlling. This creates a lot of conflict in the child, and what we see in this study is one way that gets resolved is by them being discriminating or hateful towards gay and lesbian others.”

Let me tell you a story, Brent. My parents weren’t really virulently homophobic, but as a young, closeted teen, I attended a church where certain members who unfortunately had influence over the youth of the church were extremely, unreasonably homophobic. When that church hired a gay music minister, all hell broke loose and the bigots caused the church to split in half. Because I hadn’t handled the truth of my sexuality and was indeed, afraid of it, I grabbed a pitchfork. Why? Because of the reasons reported in that study. Now, I was lucky, in that once I got free of all of that, my real self pulled the car over and said, “what the hell are you doing?” I came out. But many, many people with things like that in their pasts don’t come out. They let it fester, outwardly inflicting gangrenous hatred toward gay people, as a manifestation of their true hatred, which is for themselves.

Glad we’ve had this chat, Brent. I know, you’re still very, very angry.

What if you’re a religious parent who feels that the homosexual lifestyle is sinful, at odds with what God intended for humanity? These academics don’t like to discuss religion, except by implying that religious parents are “controlling” and “authoritarian” and prompt “hateful” attitudes.

Sometimes they do! Some of those parents have simply drunk the Kool-Aid, but the most virulently hateful among them? Just might be  in the closet. This study is not entirely new information!

Secular leftists hate it when conservatives bring religion into politics, arguing it’s unfair to say God favors the Republican agenda. But then they turn around and bring science into politics, insisting that science favors the liberal agenda, that “reality has a liberal bias.”

What kind of god would favor the Republican agenda? Not a benevolent one. That said, science does tend to reflect reality, and reality has a well-documented liberal bias. Sorry, Brent.

Those who actually think this study is science should really check out some of the methods these scientists applied to uncover the unconscious homosexuality of conservatives. Science Daily explained some tactics:

Yeah, check this out, you guys! Brent’s about to show the scientific method who’s boss.

1. In one experiment, college students were shown words and pictures on a computer screen and asked to put these in “gay” or “straight” categories. Before each of the 50 trials, participants were subliminally primed with either the word “me” or “others” flashed on the screen for 35 milliseconds. They were then shown the words “gay,” “straight,” “homosexual,” and “heterosexual,” as well as pictures of straight and gay couples, and the computer tracked precisely their response times. “A faster association of ‘me’ with ‘gay’ and a slower association of ‘me’ with ‘straight’ indicated an implicit gay orientation.” What?

Brent is very confused and angry about this particular scientific thing! Instead of researching it or like, reading a book or something, Brent will lead the wingnuts in a resounding chorus of “OH I’M SOOOOOOOO SURE.”

2. “A second experiment, in which subjects were free to browse same-sex or opposite-sex photos, provided an additional measure of implicit sexual attraction.” Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Second movement of the chorus.

3. Through a series of questionnaires, participants also reported on the type of parenting they experienced growing up, “democratic” or “authoritarian.” For gauging the level of homophobia in a household, subjects responded to sentences like: “It would be upsetting for my mom to find out she was alone with a lesbian,” or “My dad avoids gay men whenever possible.”

What a wheelbarrow full of nonsense this is!

I mean, why would they ask them questions like that?! It’s almost like they’re doing a “study!”

What’s dressed up here as science is really just intellectual intimidation and political bullying. Tell the homophobe he’s secretly gay. That will drive ‘em crazy. This study proves nothing except the agenda of the alleged scientists and the journalists pushing it.

Oh, boo hoo. The people who participated in the study did so freely, and the study confirmed earlier studies correlating extremely weird, festering homophobia with being in the closet. For Brent, it might “prove an agenda,” but for reality, it’s just adding to the mountains of data that already exist.

Meanwhile, we’ll just kick back and wait for the next Religious Right bigot to get caught with a rentboy, and that will make Brent very, very angry.

Oh, look, it is a handy chart that was posted by Missouri state representative Donna Lichtenegger, that “translates” real world things into wingnut. This is a way we can come together as a nation maybe, by understanding each others’ languages a little better!

No, I’m kidding, but this really is the way a lot of wingnuts think. Don’t you like how “gay marriage” becomes “legalized perversion?” Har har.

[h/t Igor]

MassResistance has always been one of the silliest anti-gay hate groups in the country. If you’re looking for hysterical ravings, check in with Brian Camenker and Amy Contrada. A shining example of this is their memo speaking out against the US State Department’s project to fight anti-gay violence around the world. Said memo is a long doozy of madness, but let’s take a look at it anyway:

The Obama administration has announced that it is taking the unbelievable role of pushing the homosexual agenda around the world and punishing countries that don’t comply.

Back in July, MassResistance reported how the Pakistanis angrily denounced the US Embassy’s open homosexual parties as “cultural terrorism.” Well, that was just the beginning.

It is always so strange how the Religious Right haaaaaaaates Muslims, except for when certain Muslims say/do anti-gay things. Then they’re fine. Unless they’re trying to play victim about how mean the gays are being, in which case they say things like, “why are gays so hateful against [right-wing, fundamentalist, anti-gay, hate-group-supporting] Christians? Why, we don’t hang them like they do in Iran! Perspective, folks!”

Now, foreign countries which seek to protect their citizens against homosexuality and the homosexual movement will be actively confronted by America’s State Department, foreign service, and other federal departments, according to a Presidential Memorandum released by the Obama Administration announced on Dec. 6.

Earth to MassResistance: those countries already have gay people. The US is just trying to get the more backward corners of the planet to treat their gay citizens a little better.

Unless countries around the world subordinate their own social and religious values to U.S. demands that they embrace homosexuality and the homosexual movement, they can expect interference from the US government in their internal affairs and punishment — using foreign aid and in international commerce, trade, banking, travel restrictions, and the like.

Mirroring the homosexual lobby’s (and the Left’s) traditional tactics, Obama is characterizing this as a “civil rights” quest for homosexuality and transgenderism.

Obama is on a QUEST! For homosexuality and transgenderism!

The other day, Porno Pete was complaining that we on the mean gay side of things increasingly treat the Religious Right as if they have no legitimate arguments about anything. This is why.

In the memo, Obama declares that America will be targeting foreign countries having laws or customs which “criminalize LGBT status,” don’t allow LGBT pride celebrations, or allow other “discrimination” against homosexual or transgender behavior. Obama also repeats the homosexual lobby’s mantra that there is widespread violence and murder against “men, women, and children for their perceived sexual orientation” causing him to act, but he does not give any specifics.

Obama assumes you know how to use Google.

The memo then breathlessly recounts all the terrible, terrorist things that the Obama administration is doing to try to help usher in a world where it’s just not considered polite to execute people for being gay, and then that section wraps up with this:

Take another look the list of federal agencies involved, and the vehemence of the Obama administration on this. Make no mistake about it. This will lead to increasingly brutal oppression against people with traditional values both in America and around the world.

Vehemence! Brutal oppression! Why won’t anybody think of the wingnuts and their constitutional right to never have their fee fees hurt or their beliefs questioned?!

Time to complain about Hillary Clinton:

The same day that Obama issued that infamous Presidential Memorandum — Dec. 6, so-called “International Human Rights” Day — Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reiterated Obama’s memo in a speech given in Geneva, Switzerland. (She’s unquestionably the only US Secretary of State ever to give a speech entirely on America’s support for homosexuality.)
Speaking to the Europeans, she specifically reinforced Obama’s directive to coordinate with and help fund international homosexual organizations, which will work to subvert the efforts of foreign countries holding traditional moral values and attempting to protect citizens from the effects of the homosexual agenda.

Just so we are totally clear, the countries that have “traditional moral values” and are “attempting to protect citizens from the effects of the homosexual agenda” have a really bad habit of passing laws criminalizing people for being gay, jailing them, sometimes giving them the death penalty. As much as Brian Camenker wants you to believe that this is all about Wingnuts of the World wanting to live free of their strange fear of people different from them, it’s not. It’s about nations that, like, kill gay people.

Starting a worldwide homosexual terror group?

As she said, this $3 million is “to start the fund.”

Look for enormous funding to come from various far-left government and private sources. This is quite frightening, because these radical groups can be used to perpetrate all kinds of sleazy and quasi-legal destabilizing and harassing activities in foreign countries that US government agencies can’t do so easily.

Sleazy! Quasi-legal! Worldwide homosexual terror group! Um, no, Brian, this is still about places like Uganda that want to pass things like the “Kill the Gays” bill.

3. Gov’t sanctioned website for homosexual activists in US State Dept. and foreign service reveals how far Obama Administration has taken us.

To see how far the Obama Administration has gone, one only needs to go to gliffa.org – “gays and lesbians in foreign affairs agencies.” The “gay pride” events in federal offices which seemed risqué just a few years ago, have given way to a virtual takeover by the State Department and foreign service around the globe.

Oh, god, they have a website. This is much more serious than I thought.

The next section of the memo details the horrific story of a transgender person being treated like a human being, working in the State Department, because of a new nondiscrimination policy which requires EVEN TRANSGENDER PEOPLE to be treated like human beings, rather than objects of the Religious Right’s confusion and derision. Even worse…

Last summer MassResistance reported that the nation’s blood supply is facing new danger from political pressure to change rules regarding homosexual blood donors. The major pressure was to ignore public health principles and bow to dangerous political correctness was from Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius.

Now Sebelius is going even further. Her keynote speech centered around new legislation forcing insurance companies to cover the destructive effects of reckless homosexual behavior even if they are pre-existing conditions. She has also worked to have insurance cover “domestic partners,” and to extend the coverage for expensive “preventive testing” of homosexual-related diseases and health risks. These new mandates, of course, will help dramatically raise the price of health care for all Americans.

Um, so Brian seems to be insinuating here that Kathleen Sebelius has a master plan to inject AIDS blood into the US supply. Because as we all know, all gay blood is AIDS blood. Moreover, she wants loving gay couples to have health insurance benefits, and, wait, what’s this about “preventive testing?” You mean she wants gay people to have access to health care, which is a well-known way to prevent STD’s like, um, HIV/AIDS? This memo is getting really dumb, unless you’re a wingnut, in which case you’re just shrieking at all the scary words without taking time to comprehend them.

Moreover, if ObamaCare survives, it won’t be long before we taxpayers will be forced to subsidize “gender reassignment” surgeries and procedures.

Indeed. The actual master plan is for every transgender person to be teamed up with one “family valyews” wingnut, and they will be forced to become best friends. When the time comes, the wingnut has to write the check for the surgery.

Anyway, MassResistance concludes by explaining that the Frothy Mix known as Rick Santorum is our only hope, if we want to preserve a world where, more or less, there are still some places where you can do a little institutional gay bashing and get away with it.

Because, I guess, the most important issue facing our world today is protecting the poor, unwitting people of Uganda, Iran, etc., from Barack, Hillary and their roving band of rainbow terrorists.

Oy.

[h/t Brian @ Right Wing Watch]

I’m working on a couple of Serious Posts, but I’m pausing now to point out that the internet is even funnier than usual on the subject of GOP laughingstock Rick Santorum today. First up, one of our favorite parody websites, ChristWire, has introduced a new line of Rick Santorum themed food that’s sure to make your Easter feast a little more frothy than usual. For instance, here is some salad dressing:

Guys, are you worried that eating salad makes you look a bit homosexual? Worry no more with Wish Bone’s aggressively zesty Santorum Salad Dressing! It will bully your taste buds into submission like a gang of sweaty jocks in the locker room! There’s no room to escape when that marvelous Santorum richness holds you down and floods your mouth!

Once you’ve acquired a taste for those subtle hints of musky delight, you’ll be parting lettuce leaves and rolling tomatoes aside to get right at that those thick gobs of Santorum in your tossed salad! Your tongue will dart every which way to lap up the pungent depths of this heartland flavor! And when that final blast of Santorum hits your lips, you’ll feel like a Tea Party favorite with a million dollar consulting gig! No amount of feminists, radical gays and hippies will hold you back from embracing America’s reawakened manhood when you have Santorum dripping from your chin!

NOM NOM, right? Click over to see them all.

And on the subject of Rick Santorum’s strange pledge to take all the porn away from America’s wingnuts [they seem to be some of the biggest consumers of the stuff], a new parody video has come out where America’s porn stars vow to fight back. It might not be safe for work — it’s not graphic, but hello, it is about porn — but it’s quite funny. From Raw Story:

“Great idea starting a war with the Internet. How did that work out for you last time?” pornstar Allie Haze said in reference to the former Pennsylvania senator’s Google problem.

Not so well, Frothy, not so well. Here, have a laugh, and then I’ll be back in a few with something about Scott Lively and then something about Martin Luther King, Jr.

Jon Stewart’s take-downs are always wonderful and hilarious, but this is one of his finest. Watch the whole thing, but around 2:50 or so, he says something that’s just brilliant. Enjoy!

The poor dears. A group of Confederate Something-Or-Others [it's always hard to tell... are they re-enactors? Just resentful and upset?] went on a field trip to the museum the other day. Not just any museum, though! They got to go to the Museum of the Confederacy in Appomattox, and everybody was excited and having a good time until this happened:

Oh god, it is not only a black, but it is a black who is also a drag queen! Expressing the inherent outrage contained in the fact that an exhibit at the museum featured RuPaul, the writer of the linked blog post titled that picture, “queer.” Well, I suppose you’re right, sir, but I’m confused as to why it makes you feel like a bigger man to point that out. It’s 2012. Anyway, here was the group’s reaction:

Yes, that is RuPaul…in all his/her glory, mocking our colors, and on display inside YOUR Museum of the Confederacy.

Not MY museum. I’m a Southerner, born and raised, but I also have self-esteem. Therefore, not my museum.

Yesterday, Va Flaggers visited the Museum of the Confederacy at Appomattox, and were outraged to discover a highly offensive display featuring a life-sized photo of cross-dresser Ru Paul, wearing a dress with an image of the Confederate Battle Flag. The photo that was secured and sent to other Flaggers was quickly disseminated…

The rest of us “take pictures,” but the Va Flaggers “secure them.” Wolverines!!!!11!!

Anyway, complain, complain, complain, and then the exhibit was removed, which probably is for the best, as General JC Christian* explains:

[W]e get so angry when our flag is displayed in such a way as to wickedly trick us into achieving a state of inappropriate tumescence…

[...]

Absolutely shameful. Imagine their embarrassment as they found themselves desperately scrambling to hide their little Parrott rifles. Scores of turgid man cannons swinging wildly every which way, striking buttocks and, yes, even each other, as they vainly attempted to retreat from the sight of our glorious standard draped so erotically over large perky breasts, fleshy hips, and God help us, a hidden package of the most unheartlandish of hues.

And that is why everyone should be reading General JC Christian on a regular basis.

Anyway, this post is just an excuse to remind everyone out there of the sage wisdom RuPaul gives at the end of every episode of Drag Race: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Truth.

*Why would I know about this story if I wasn’t reading Jesus’ General? 

Ooh, nice job Onion staff:

Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian, has made this wonderful video outlining the basic platform of the modern GOP. If any of these apply to you, maybe you should be a Republican!

“If you idolize American history…but don’t know any…”

Amazing.

[h/t Joe]

Blue Texan refers to this as a fatwa, and it kinda is when you think about it:

Televangelist Pat Robertson says that Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning should be punished with an inury because the team traded devout Christian Tim Tebow.

“I think the Denver Broncos treated [Tebow] shabbily,” Robertson explained on Thursday. “He won seven games. He brought them into the playoffs, for heaven sakes. I mean, they were a nothing team. He rallied them together with spectacular last-minute passes and, you know, when they beat Buffalo — I mean, Pittsburgh — it was a tremendous victory.”

He continued: “And you just ask yourself, OK, Peyton Manning was a tremendous MVP quarterback, but he’s been injured. If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback — and in my opinion, it would serve them right.”

Yeah. And, good lord, there’s video:

Right Wing Watch also points out that today is Pat Robertson’s burfday [!!!], and they have a nice little tribute post for him right here, with all of his greatest hits over the past year. Entertainment!