By now, you know the story. A few weeks ago, Porno Pete got twelve or thirteen of his closest bigots together for a Spaghetti-O’s dinner of some sort out in the Chicago suburbs, for the purposes of honoring super-bigot Scott Lively, the main proponent of the lie that gays caused the Holocaust. Scott Lively, of course, had a huge hand in Uganda’s “Kill the Gays” legislation. Anyway, some ne’er-do-well gay “activists,” or possibly Porno Pete’s own people [who knows?] decided to make a pathetic situation more pathetic by throwing a couple of bricks through the window of the establishment where the soiree was to be held. This is, of course, worse than 9/11 and Pearl Harbor and Carrot Top, combined. At first Peter was crying that it was a “hate crime,” which it isn’t, as bigotry is not actually a protected class under hate crimes laws. It’s a simple, stupid, misguided act of vandalism. Oh, but now, craving more attention from the ordeal, he is calling it a “terror-attack.” Really. Here he is, setting up a video from his butchest friend, Matt “Bam Bam” Barber, the one he can always rely on to be his manly defender when people hurt his feelings:
Note that at the time of this recording, Barber was relying on early reports coming from the Oct. 15th terror-attack on Christian Liberty Academy, in which it was feared that the pro-homosexual assailants had entered the building and perhaps created water damage. Actually, they did not enter the building, and the vandalism that did occur was created by large paver bricks thrown through the glass doors and windows of CLA (accompanied by notes threatening further violence).
Yeah, bricks thrown through a window when nobody is around do not constitute an act of “terrorism.” Sorry. I’m in complete agreement that whoever did it — and if it was gays of ANY sort, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves for being such grade-A dumbasses — was in the wrong, but this melodrama really gets under my skin, especially when I have to report seemingly every week on some gay kid who killed himself because he was bullied so badly by his schoolmates, family, church or community into feeling he had nothing to live for. Considering that those sorts of messages start with people like Porno Pete and Scott Lively and their perverted interpretation of the Bible, and then trickle down to those kids, I’m just having a hard time writing about this “terror-attack” with a straight face.
The video Porno Pete was setting up is from the Liberty Counsel, and features a really pathetic, fearful conversation between Matt Barber and Mat Staver. They discuss the incident, and then go on to ratchet up the victim mentality by saying that the Southern Poverty Law Center, by labeling them hate groups [for their vicious anti-gay bigotry, and also the fact that they are pathological liars], is doing the same thing to them that the Nazis did to the Jews.
Seriously. I would cry them a river, but my eyes are too busy rolling into the back of my skull. Why do wingnut men always come across as such sissies?!
Staver: This aggressive homosexual agenda is not about tolerance, it’s about dominance. And the more emboldened they get, the more laws that they get, the more vocal they become, the more hostile they become, the more aggressive they become, and the more violent, in this particular case, they become.
Barber: Americans for Truth, as well as Liberty Counsel for that matter, is one of those flashpoints, they have been unfairly labeled a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, a hard left-wing extremist organization that uses smears in order to label Christian organizations that take a principled stand on the biblical model of sexual morality in love, speak God’s truth in love, they label them hate groups. But really, they are fanning the flames of this kind of violence with their rhetoric, by labeling organizations a hate group. And they’re partly responsible for this, indirectly, I’m not going to say they’re directly responsible …
Staver: Well, when you go out and label somebody a hate group you think of the KKK …
Barber: It emboldens these people …
Staver: It also, it begins, you know, it’s the same thing that happened in the Nazi Holocaust where they start to just demonize and stigmatize and then at some point in time you don’t even think that someone’s human and then, you know, we look at it and our consciences are shocked but if you look at how it ultimately began where they began to just demonize and dehumanize them, that’s what’s happening with this labeling of hate groups.
Peter LaBarbera is a little bit too excited about a “homophobia test” he took, in which his [self-reported] answers resulted in a score of “not homophobic.”
Well, I just took the “Homophobia Questionnaire” promoted by PBS’ “Frontline” and it’s official: I am “non-homophobic.” The quiz is called the “Wright, Adams & Bernat Homophobia Scale” and it is — needless to say — biased toward the liberal side on homosexuality. Nevertheless, I “passed” by a comfortable margin – with any score 50 or below registering as “non-homophobic,” and any score 51 or above qualifying as “homophobic.”
Before we get started on the test, Peter would like you to know that he doesn’t “like” the concept of homophobia, because it doesn’t differentiate between his kind of hate [the religious kind, which he thinks should get a pass] and other kinds. Or something:
It should be noted — as we did in reporting pro-family advocates Mat Staver’s and Matt Barber’s “non-homophobic” scores – that we at AFTAH regard the entire concept of “homophobia” as: tendentious; non-scientific; overly-broad, especially due to its ever-expanding application in society (to cover opposition toward rather than irrational fear of homosexuals); subjective; manipulative; and – all too often — a bludgeon with which to demonize and belittle well-meaning opponents of homosexuality (including those motivated by their religion)
Oh, so sad! We who live in the fact-based world don’t consider religion a good reason to hate an entire group of people [but it's been the most consistent reason for prejudice throughout history!], and therefore lump it into the same categories as any other kind of hate. Sorry, but them’s the apples; how you like them?
Peter also does not understand that the word “homophobia” doesn’t merely include fear, but also rejection and hatred, since those emotions tend to stem from, ding ding ding, fear:
[E]ven though I would be greatly upset to learn that a good friend or relative considers himself a homosexual (because I believe homosexual practice is sinful and unhealthy), it does not follow that I would reject that person or treat him harshly – or be “fearful” of him, as the term homophobia implies.
So, since we have access to the same test, let’s take it on his behalf, using the correct answers [we'll use his SPLC-certified anti-gay hate website as a source], and find out whether or not Peter lied when he took it. Ready, set, go!
Now, the way it’s set up is that you rank on a scale of one to five how strongly you agree or disagree with each of the twenty-five statements. For those which we truly could not know about Peter, such as whether or not he’s ever keyed a gay person’s car, I gave him the benefit of the doubt by answering “disagree.” However, the answers to so many questions are easily found by reading his website that I have a feeling he’ll sail right into the homophobic zone without having to have complete answers on a few of them.
Anywho, here are the questions, and how I answered them, for Peter, with sources linked when available. Let me know if I mucked it up:
3. Homosexuality is acceptable to me. – Strongly disagree.
4. If I discovered a friend was gay I would end the friendship. – Disagree
5. I think homosexual people should not work with children. - Strongly agree.
6. I make derogatory remarks about gay people. – Strongly agree.
7. I enjoy the company of gay people. – Neither agree nor disagree.
8. Marriage between homosexual individuals is acceptable. – Strongly disagree.
9. I make derogatory remarks like “faggot” or “queer” to people I suspect are gay. – Disagree [Here it should be noted that Peter has made a career out of making derogatory remarks toward gay people, therefore we have no reason to suspect he takes his work home and shouts "faggot" at the neighbors.
10. It does not matter to me whether my friends are gay or straight. - Strongly disagree.
11. It would upset me if I learned that a close friend was homosexual. - Strongly agree.
12. Homosexuality is immoral. - Strongly agree.
13. I tease and make jokes about gay people. - Strongly agree.
14. I feel that you cannot trust a person who is homosexual. - Strongly agree.
15. I fear homosexual persons will make sexual advances towards me. - Neither agree nor disagree.
16. Organizations which promote gay rights are not necessary. - Strongly agree.
17. I have damaged property of a gay person, such as "keying" their car. - Disagree. [Again, Peter's JOB is to bully gay people, so he doesn't have to resort to such provincial tactics as driving down to Boys Town and keying VW Bugs and Subarus.
18. I would feel uncomfortable having a gay roommate. - Agree.
19. I would hit a homosexual for coming on to me. - Disagree. [Again. Above.]
20. Homosexual behavior should not be against the law. – Strongly disagree. [He dances around this subject, but has stated his opposition to Lawrence v. Texas.]
21. I avoid gay individuals. – Disagree. [Peter goes to leathersex conventions and stuff!]
22. It bothers me to see two homosexual people together in public. – Strongly agree.
23. When I see a gay person I think, “What a waste.” – Strongly agree. [Peter believes that all people who are gay are merely "caught up in the homosexual lifestyle," and a corollary to that is that we are somehow wasting our lives by denying ourselves the heterosexual lives we do not want and would not be fulfilled by.
24. When I meet someone I try to find out if he/she is gay. - Disagree.
25. I have rocky relationships with people that I suspect are gay. - Disagree.
So let's tally it up! Is Peter LaBarbera homophobic?
67 - Your score rates you as "homophobic."
Quelle surprise! Though the test was not necessary to come to that conclusion. Gay activists have been monitoring Peter as one of the most unhinged, if marginal, figures on the anti-gay Religious Right, for years; the Southern Poverty Law Center has seen fit to add organizations to their anti-gay hate group list several times based on Peter's behavior; and indeed, the fact that Peter is breathlessly reporting the results of an online quiz to protest his designation as a homophobe is revelatory in and of itself. If he truly wasn't homophobic, he wouldn't be so excited about this test, on which he obviously fudged some of the answers.
So there you have it. No need to go back and do the same for Mat Staver and Matt Barber, who also took the test, because their beliefs are pretty much carbon copies of Peter's. [They also got excited when they took the test and their self-reported answers branded them "non-homophobic."] If Peter’s a ‘phobe, they are too. One thing that makes our jobs easier is that wingnuts rarely deviate from their script — if one of them believes something insane and incorrect about gay people, they all pretty much do.
Anyway, on to more important things, now that we have confirmed that our opponents are indeed homophobes.
It’s cute, because they think they’re going to be missed. Hi, Religious Right, what have we been telling you? That you are, and always have been, useful idiots for the Republican Party? Yeah, you still are:
Two of the nation’s premier moral issues organizations, the Family Research Council and Concerned Women for America, are refusing to attend the Conservative Political Action Conference in February because a homosexual activist group, GOProud, has been invited.
“We’ve been very involved in CPAC for over a decade and have managed a couple of popular sessions. However, we will no longer be involved with CPAC because of the organization’s financial mismanagement and movement away from conservative principles,” said Tom McClusky, senior vice president for FRC Action.
“CWA has decided not to participate in part because of GOProud,” CWA President Penny Nance told WND.
FRC and CWA join the American Principles Project, American Values, Capital Research Center, the Center for Military Readiness, Liberty Counsel, and the National Organization for Marriage in withdrawing from CPAC. In November, APP organized a boycott of CPAC over the participation of GOProud.
Wait, it gets funnier:
“Excellent. It is gratifying to see FRC and CWA respond appropriately to CPAC’s moral sellout of allowing GOProud as a sponsor,” said Peter LaBarbera, president of Americans for Truth about Homosexuality, the nation’s best-known organization dedicated exclusively to opposing the homosexual political agenda.
“By bringing in GOProud, CPAC was effectively saying moral opposition to homosexuality is no longer welcome in the conservative movement,” said LaBarbera. “Would CPAC bring in an organization specifically devoted to promoting abortion and pretend it’s conservative?” LaBarbera has formerly participated in CPAC, but said he may protest the conference this year.
I’m sure they’ll notice Peter’s absence in the CPAC leather dungeon, but otherwise, they’ll plod on through.
The rest of the article features Mat Staver of Liberty, whining, so be sure to miss that.
No, scratch that. If they had any decency in their hearts or humility in their bones, they would be on their knees with tears in their eyes, repenting to the god they claim to worship.
A coalition of pro-family leaders today urges Christian families to be faithful to biblical morality and discerning in the face of false and irresponsible accusations. Christianity and traditional values are not the cause of teen suicides, and attempts to link the two are deceptive and will ultimately harm children.
Actually, they’re directly related. This is a no-brainer to anyone with a reality-based view of the world. Hell, 72% of Americans see the connection. 72% vs. the knuckle-draggers who wrote this press release.
“Gay” activists nationwide are fueling an effort to indict traditional moral values as “guilty until proven innocent” in some bullying incidents involving teens. Their proposed solutions end up sexualizing teens at young ages into known high-risk behaviors and silencing concerned parents.
No, Linda. Guilty because already proven guilty. Nobody is trying to “sexualize teens.” In the real world, kids hit puberty somewhere between 11 and 14, and they figure out their sexual orientation around that time. No matter how much Linda Harvey’s pursed face hates it, kids start having Those Feelings in adolescence. What we’re trying to do is send honest messages of support and hope to kids who find that they’re different. Linda would rather torture their souls into oblivion.
“Just say no” to these outrageous and unsubstantiated claims, said Buddy Smith, Executive Vice President, American Family Association (www.afa.net). “Bullying can be prevented without endorsing homosexual behavior. Activist adults essentially are saying that American parents who want their kids to avoid high risk homosexual sex acts and remain abstinent until traditional marriage, are harming kids. This is preposterous, and local parents and communities need to resist enforced political correctness.”
Actually, you can teach abstinence to gay kids if you want. But you can’t keep your kids from being gay, if they’re gay, and the idea that gay kids should ever look to “traditional marriage” as a goal betrays a fundamental seething hatred for those kids and their eventual spouses. But with the Religious Right, it’s never about caring for actual, individual people. It’s about keeping the disproven worldview intact. There is no end to the reality-denial of these Religious Right leaders, is there?
1. Homosexual behavior is always a sin, God’s plan for sexuality is male/female marriage, and God has not changed His mind about this (Genesis 19; Leviticus 18:22; Matthew 19:4-6; Romans 1:24-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11)
2. Jesus described marriage as the union of one man and one woman, and that humans were created male and female “from the beginning.” Gender change is a defiant and ungrateful sin against God’s direction and design (Matthew 19:4-6)
3. Violence against children is wrong. Jesus was very clear in his protection of children and also had harsh words for those who would forbid children from knowing His truth and love ( Luke 17:2; Luke 18: 15-16). “Gay” activists want to keep children from knowing, loving and following the real Jesus Christ. At the very least, schools must not interfere in the desires of parents to raise their own children to follow Christ and live out biblical morality.
Your bible verses have no place setting policy in my secular nation, Linda. You do not live in a Religious State. If you don’t like that, create one and stop soiling the USA. I hear there’s a lot of space in Antarctica. And indeed, as we know all too well, many gay kids come from fundamentalist Christian homes. We’re just trying to protect those kids as much as we can, from the hateful and detestable messages they hear at home.
God forbid Linda Harvey ever has a gay child, really. That kid would be scarred for life.
4. School boards aid child corruption and insult faithful families when they allow “gay-straight alliances,” homosexual indoctrination programs, permission for use of opposite sex restrooms, and any of the other ridiculous demands of the “gay” lobby.
Translation: school boards make Linda’s fee fees itch when they treat gay and lesbian kids as full human beings, and they interrupt her disturbed need to make sure these kids hate themselves as much as is humanly possible.
“None of this is related to the real issue of bullying,” said Linda Harvey, president of Mission America (www.missionamerica.com), who has been monitoring the homosexual agenda directed to youth for fifteen years.” Any incidents of bullying and name-calling can be punished without forcing acceptance of offensive behaviors. Communities must not allow themselves to be manipulated into supporting pro-homosexual bullying prevention plans, and believers in Jesus Christ need to stand up against this corruption of youth.
Translation: we can stop kids from hitting each other without, god forbid, giving gay kids any hope. How will they be susceptible to our poisonous, disproven, self-loathing belief system if they hear the message that they’re good, loved and wanted?
“Traditional morality is not responsible for harassing speech. Are healthy nutrition programs or the First Lady’s anti-obesity initiative responsible for slurs and insults to overweight students? Of course not,” Harvey said. “Bullies act for a variety of reasons, and schools need to punish the behaviors, not become the thought police. Administrators who use good judgment will refuse to aid and abet false accusations.”
Stupid parallel, because obesity is recognized by the medical community as an actual problem. Natural human sexuality, be it hetero-, bi-, or homosexual, is not.
“It’s time that extremists stop exploiting tragedy to push a selfish political agenda,” said J. Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs of Liberty Counsel (www.lc.org). “Liberal pressure groups have been shameless. They use talk of ‘bullying’ as a Trojan Horse to silence traditional values. Yes, anti-bullying policies are appropriate and necessary, but we a need broad, comprehensive anti-bullying strategy; not legislation rooted in segregation and discrimination, which singles out one special interest group for preferred treatment over others. Ironically, this unseemly political push actually amounts to ‘Bull Connor bullying’ on the part of homosexual activists.”
Whine all you want, Bam Bam. We can still smell the blood on your boxing gloves.
Traditional values always help families and students, not the opposite, as extremists are trying to claim.
And by “help,” she means, “make sure that the gay kids do everything they can to suppress their natural sexual orientation, whether that means living long lives of misery or, unfortunately, becoming the collateral damage of our movement at the end of the barrel of a gun.” And really, there are no statistics that show that “turdishnul valyews” help anyone, much less gay kids. In documenting the “ex-gay” industry for years, Truth Wins Out has scads and scads of evidence that “turdishnul valyews” are at the root of myriad psychological and mental health problems for the poor souls who find themselves in the paws of those predators.
These pro-family leaders have signed on to this statement:
Buddy Smith, Executive Vice President, American Family Association
Phil Burress, President, Citizens for Community Values
Mathew D. Staver, Founder and Chairman, Liberty Counsel
Peter LaBarbera, President, Americans for Truth
Gary Glenn, President, American Family Association of Michigan
Diane Gramley, President, American Family Association of Pennsylvania
Micah Clark, American Family Association of Indiana
J. Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs, Liberty Counsel
Rena Lindevaldson, Associate Director, Liberty Center for Law & Policy
Matt C. Abbott, Catholic columnist,RenewAmerica.com
Let’s see: hate group leaders, bigots, “lawyers” who support kidnappers…yeah, sounds like a stellar group of individuals. Personally, if any of them were ever near my children, I’d loudly say “Stranger danger!” and pull my kids to safety.
But again: 72% of Americans understand that these sorts of religious messages are part of the problem, and either you’re part of the problem or you’re part of the solution. You can’t be both. This press release is a convenient proof that the names above are committed to being part of the problem.
As for music this week, I’ve been listening to a lot of The Magnetic Fields lately. If you’re not familiar, Stephin Merritt just might be our greatest living songwriter. I’m not even exaggerating. And, as this is a Gay Website, I should point out that Stephin Merritt is a Gay. The lyrics of the two songs I’m posting couldn’t be more different (Google them, or listen closely), but for me, this week, they’re related for some reason. So we’ll start with “Yeah! Oh Yeah!” and “Papa Was A Rodeo,” and then, if you’re not all weeping after listening to the second song, we’ll hit shuffle on the iTunes (version 10, which is, I agree, ghastly), and see what happens. More videos after the Random Ten and the jump.
One more thing: Have a safe Labor Day weekend, whatever you’re doing. This especially goes for all of those of you that I know and love who are on their way to The Homosexual Olympics Southern Decadence in New Orleans.
Okay, music:
1. Barbra Streisand – “Move On” [Mom, Dad, um, I'm gay...]
2. Wilco – “At Least That’s What You Said”
3. These New Puritans – “We Want War”
4. Phantogram – “When I’m Small”
5. Cale Parks – “Wet Paint”
6. Tori Amos – “Fat Slut”
7. Joanna Newsom – “Soft As Chalk”
8. BT – “Running Down the Way Up”
9. Martha Wainwright – “Hearts Club Band”
10. Elvis Costello & the Attractions – “Clubland”
What do I always say about wingnuts? They are never, EVER just insane on one front. Mat Staver and Matt Barber, both of the extremist,anti-gay Liberty Counsel, talked on the radio today about how they believe Barack Obama is positioning himself to become the “global dictator” out of some World of Warcraft scenario spoken about in the fictional Left Behind series. (I won’t even call it “Biblical,” because the weird obsession with Revelation is a fairly new phenomenon, and primarily an American thing.) Here’s what they said:
Staver: When President Barack Obama was running for president, when we became president, I’ve long since stated that his end game has and is not President of the United States of America; that he has a broader worldwide agenda. And that’s why he’s to go to places around the world and down the United States of America, because he thinks that’s going to gain him popularity in some of the other foreign areas. And that’s really where I think his eyes are focused, not on [being] President of the United States.
Barber: Now here’s the scary thing, I believe that that is true, but in order to have a post-American world, you have to have a post-America. And that’s why his policies are pushing us into a post-American world. He is destroying American exceptionalism and is trying to do away with our free market system here in the United States. He’s trying to create the climate where we have a post-American world.
Staver: Well, because America is always going to be, or at least it has been up until now, world player. And for him to be on the world scene, he’s going to have to bring America down to the level of some of the European and some other countries with regards to commonality. And America always had the exceptionalism and you can’t really have worldwide influence if you’ve got the America exceptional nation because you’re going to have to have them all basically on the same level.
So for him to go into this national, or global, leadership – which he wants to do – it’s no wonder why he wants to make America’s economy like the European economy; it’s no wonder why he wants to downplay Christianity so he can up-play Islam.
This man does not respect America. He never has.
Great. Mat and Matt think Obama is The Boogeyman, that Barack Obama wants to take over the world, that he wants to destroy the United States, blah blah blah. He’s The Brain, which I guess makes Rahm Emanuel Pinky.
What the hell?!
Now I understand why Kyle at Right Wing Watch was basically throwing his hands in the air after he posted on this. These people are straight-up DSM-IV material.
I really, really wish they had gotten to argue in the Prop 8 case. It would have been ten times as funny watching the judge tear the Liberty Counsel dinguses apart as it was with the Alliance Defense Fund.
Liberty Counsel’s Mat Staver has a wife, and her name is Anita. She’s actually the president of the Liberty Counsel! Anita has decided to write a poem about marrying a tree, because she thinks it’s a funny way to make the stupid “slippery slope” argument against marriage equality, which is popular with a dwindling number of shut-ins and nursing home patients. Let’s take a looksee at her work of art. As you will see, Anita is very gay for her ficus, and may be inadvertently venting about her own marital problems throughout the stanzas:
Oh how I love my ficus tree
It’s one with whom I long to be
I rub its bark and shine its green
She never rubs Mat’s bark anymore.
It’s calm and never makes a scene
We’re quite content and never shout
When I stay out late it doesn’t pout
Betrays a sense of longing, don’t you think? Shouldn’t Anita and Mat save this for couples’ counseling, or do fundamentalists believe in that?
Or tell me how to spend my money
It leans toward me and I call it “honey”
Ooh. She’s tired of being told how to spend her own damned paycheck, and I bet I agree with her!
It fills a special place in my heart
I promise that we will never part
I can even quote a Bible verse
Of the fig tree that Jonah loved first
Yeah well, David loved Jonathan more than he EVER loved a woman, so maybe we should all agree to stop cherrypicking Bible verses that support our deep, irrational bigotry, shouldn’t we, hmmmm, Anita?
Now there’s a judge on the west coast
I know he’ll give what I want most
To marry my precious ficus tree
Me, a ficus and baby makes three
Actually, you’ll have to go argue that on your own, babe. I doubt you’ll make it to court, but you’re welcome to try. Try to wash the bark off your hands first…
This may never become a trend
So I may tire of my woody friend
Gross, Anita.
Wait, maybe “ficus tree” is a pet name for something else entirely.
GROSS.
And if I decide to give up my Mister
The judge would then let me marry my sister!
Whatever.
Again, wingnuts: Don’t attempt “funny.” It always comes out sounding sad, lonely and pathetic.
Highlights if you don’t want to sit through it, and I wouldn’t blame you:
(My editorial comments/snarkage in parentheses.)
Mat Staver makes unfunny wingnut jokes about Al Gore and snowstorms. Introduces Alan Chambers. (Jazz hands!) Alan Chambers makes unfunny wingnut jokes about Al Gore and snowstorms.* He reminds the people that Jesus died for wicked meanie gays too. Gives history of Exodus which notably does not include all the various “ex-gays” who now acknowledge that they were gay the whole time. Says “success” for Exodus would be for Exodus to go out of business. (Concur!) Three practical steps for Christians to reach out to the gays:
1. Get educated! Acknowledges that it’s hard to say this at Liberty University. (Because actual education does not happen there?) Acknowledges that they dropped the “change is possible” lingo, due to their lack of success, in a roundabout way. Says he wishes there was a step-by-step process, but he hasn’t found one. Gets confused about how many years he’s been Not Gay Anymore. Acknowledges that he will always be tempted by gayness, without saying it explicitly. But God gave him the power to deny who he really is! (Jazz hands!) Acknowledges that fundamentalist Christians don’t do well debating their anti-gay position, but doesn’t make the obvious connection that that happens because they don’t have the facts on their side. Acknowledges that “gay activists” tend to know the Bible better than fundamentalist Christians. (True! Also knowing more about the Bible than fundamentalists? Atheists.) “Ignorance will render us ineffective.” (True! But ignorance envelops your entire worldview, Alan!) Whoa, then the outline gets complex:
Five myths about gayness:
A. “Homosexuality is the worst sin of all!” God hates lots of stuff worse than gays! And he hates all y’all’s sins worse than gayness! Gays are bitter because Christians haven’t been Christlike toward gays. (TRUE! But sugarcoating hate and being nicer doesn’t actually make you any less hateful. It just makes you more deceitful, Alan.)
B. “Homosexuality is a choice SLASH isn’t a choice!” Apparently it’s a myth whichever way you say it! Teaches the people that nobody chooses to be gay. Says the truth is that he would never have chosen to be gay. Says he has never met anyone who WOULD choose it. (Hello, Alan, I’m Evan. If I had it to do all over again, and I was given the choice, I would choose to be gay. Yes.) Says that to say it’s NOT a choice is wrong too! He says he “decided” to see what the gayness was about! Decided to “get involved” in homosexuality! (Signed up on the sign-up sheet, auditioned, got cast repeatedly in the chorus, never in a speaking part, got bitter.) Likes to use the word “decision” rather than “choice.” Translation: Alan didn’t choose to be gay, but he decided to pretend that he isn’t anymore.
C. “Homosexuality is all about sex.” See, it’s right there in the word “homoSEXuality.” Homosexuality is instead about “trying to meet a legitimate need in an illegitimate way.” Alan’s dad is his hero, wants to be like him, but he didn’t know how to be a Dad, so Alan…became gay? WTF. Alan truly believes that he’s gay because he was looking for someone to love him. Says he wasn’t looking for “mutuality.” (What, then, would Alan say about the millions of gays and lesbians who don’t have such hard knock sad sack stories about their emotionally distant fathers, and who actually, simply, are looking for/have found mutuality in their same-gender spouses? HOLE IN YOUR ARGUMENT, CHAMP.) Says he was looking to fill the hole left by his father with a man’s love, which led to wanting to have sex with men, but he didn’t want to have sex with his dad, but the need for the love of a man became sexualized because? Oh, no reason! (Fail, Jazz hands, Fail.)**
D. “Homosexuality is determined by one thing.” There is not a gay demon! (Of course there is. I call him Giorgio.) Acknowledges that there have been “counseling practices” that have hurt many people. (Exodus?) “Why does it matter whether gayness is genetic?” Alan says it doesn’t matter. Compares it to alcoholism, kleptomania, rage, obesity, cancer…so even if gayness is genetic, it doesn’t make it right! (Yes but how does homosexuality hurt people, Alan? Show your work and prove that it’s actually the sexuality that caused the hurt.) “Does research and science trump the word of God?” Says that they don’t. (HOLE IN YOUR ARGUMENT, ALAN: If we accept that the word of God represents reality, and research and science are explorations of reality, then research and science should confirm said “word of God,” and if it doesn’t, you only have two choices: 1. See if you’ve been misinterpreting the text, in light of reality. 2. Consider the possibility that the word of God is imaginary.) If Rogaine is strong enough to conquer lady baldness, then Jesus is strong enough to conquer Teh Gay! (Going to have to see the peer-reviewed study on that one, Chambers.) Alan “wraps up this point” by saying that homosexuality is “multi-causal,” but please understand that he did not spend one minute in the last section proving this point. Outline fail, Jazz Hands.
E. “The opposite of homosexuality is heterosexuality.” Alan prayed for years and years for God to make him straight, but He didn’t. (God fail.) Alan says he is more normal than his brothers and sisters. (Steer clear of the Chambers clan, is the moral here.) Alan’s journey wasn’t out of homosexuality (TRUE!), but “to the cross.” (Yes, but! Many gay Christians have also made that journey without renouncing an integral part of their being.) Acknowledges that he still thinks guys are hot (that he’s “tempted”) again. But says that everybody is tempted! Says that 40% of the people who look for help from Exodus are married already. Says you can’t hide from your gayness in marriage. (TRUE!) Can people become straight, though? Alan says yes! He thinks his wife is downright snazzy! But his marriage isn’t about heterosexuality! (Heh.) It was about “mutuality” and a “conglomeration of God’s best!” (Sounds like V-Day’s gonna be HOT at the Chambers house.) Says he will always be attracted to guys, but it doesn’t affect his marriage. (HUH? Let me tell you something about straight women, Alan, ‘kay? Straight women are not fulfilled by husbands who actually, in reality, are into guys. Just so you know.)
2. Finally back into his “three points.” Evaluate your attitude. Stop being so mad, you guys! Says they all get mad too much and have bad attitudes. (Concur!) Says that if people aren’t angry about “things” that “happen,” then they’re not paying attention! It’s just like the story of Jonah or something. You see, God thought it would be funny to deal with Jonah’s poor attitude by letting him get eaten by a whale. Then he preached a bad sermon? I don’t know. Gays probably should hate fundamentalists, says Alan! (We don’t hate you, Alan, we just want you to know that you can be free from your fundamentalist self-loathing.) Says gay jokes aren’t funny. “God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” isn’t funny, it just makes you look like a buffoon, says Alan. (TRUE!)
3. Evangelize. Five keys to evangelizing to gays, oh god. (I am so missing men’s speed skating for this. I expect gift cards.):
A. “It’s all about relationships!” Develop a relationship with people before you tell them they’re going to hell! (See what I mean when I say “trying to be nicer and sugarcoating hate doesn’t make hate less real, just more deceptive?” Yeah. And a worldview that preaches that entire classes of people are going to hell is inherently hateful. Sorry, fundies!)
B. Be vulnerable! If you want to change a gay, you need to tell them about how you have a hard time with stuff, too! (I’m paraphrasing, heavily, yet keeping the spirit of the original text.) Do you have stories to share about your anorexia, your divorce, your porn stash, your tawdry affair, your drug habit, etc. TELL A GAY!
C. Don’t place your timeframe on others. Don’t put gays on a schedule! If you give them a timetable, then the terrorists will just wait until you leave?
D. Focus on what’s most important. Don’t debate with gays over whether or not they’re Christians, if they say they are. WAIT ‘TIL LATER, if they refuse to hate themselves for being gay. If they’re not Christians anyway, maybe you shouldn’t talk about homosexuality anyway. Just proselytize about Jesus. “Straight people go to hell too!”
Some time passes, because I had to hit pause on the video and go refill my drink because I was laughing so hard at that quote.
Okay, back!
E.You gotta have a plan! Some story about “Church of the open sore” or something. Leper colony? Derno. Watching downhill skiing now. Church is for everybody, not just for dirty gays. “Sin doesn’t happen in a vacuum.” Walk alongside your adopted gays! He’s not talking about how to make plans or anything, so I guess he just needed a fifth point.
And he’s done! Finally! See, now you don’t have to sit through an hour of Jazzhands McGay.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
*For any who are unclear, here is how snowstorms happen: Warm moist air from one area collides with cold air from another area. Snow results. Therefore! Warmer years produce crazier snowstorms! Ta-da. It’s actually really elementary, but you have to pay attention in school, or, you know, go to a school that teaches science. Also, it helps if you’re not an easily led wingnut.
**It’s only been in recent years that men in our society have been given permission to show emotion, to drop the societal expectations that a father must always be stoic, etc. The truth of the matter is that if you’re a man around Alan Chambers’ age, chances are that your dad was probably kind of distant, authoritarian, etc. It was simply the accepted societal construct. I might also add that it’s been like that in Abrahamic religious tradition pretty much since the inception of each religion. So why isn’t everybody gay, Alan? Seriously. I can think of two grandfathers in my own family who were notoriously distant, from everything I’ve heard. By Alan’s “theory,” all of their male offspring should’ve been gay. Not the case.
They’re really batting a thousand down there. A third judge has ruled in favor of adoption rights for gay couples, calling Florida’s adoption ban unconstitutional:
“There is no rational connection between sexual orientation and what is or is not in the best interest of a child,” Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Maria Sampedro-Iglesia. She also called the anti-gay adoption law “unconstitutional on its face,” and that it could not be enforced.
“The permanent interests and benefit to all members of the adoptive household will be promoted by the adoption,” Sampedro-Iglesia wrote. Alenier “is a fit and proper person to adopt the child and has adequate resources and facilities to care for the child.”
Judge Sampedro-Iglesia’ ruling comes after a judge in Key West, Monroe Circuit Judge David J. Audlin, declared the law unconstitutional, after Audlin’ allowed a gay Key West lawyer, Wayne LaRue Smith, to adopt a boy he had been raising in foster care and Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Cindy Lederman approved the adoption of two half brothers by a gay North Miami foster parent, Frank Martin Gill, after she too said the law was unconstitutional.
When judges all over the state are calling a law unconstitutional, it probably is! Just a thought. Also, it becomes hard to throw accusations of “judishul activizm” when judge after judge after judge declares a law unconstitutional.
Still throwing those accusations, though, is Liberty Counsel’s Mat Staver.* It’s so sad when Christian Right attorneys try to “do law”:
Mathew Staver, founder and chairman of Orlando-based Liberty Counsel, called Sampedro-Iglesia’ ruling “evidence of judicial activism’ that violates state law.
“A judge is not a legislature onto oneself,” Staver said. “Judges don’t have the ability to write laws any way they desire. They have to follow the rule of law, and this judge did not.”
That’s right, Matthew! Judges are not legislatures! Judges are charged with interpreting the law in light of, in this case, the Florida Constitution, though, which is where things get confusing, so I’ll go slow for you! If judges’ jobs were simply to “follow the rule of law,” regardless of what the Constitution said, then their branch of government wouldn’t really be very important, now would it? But, you see, Matthew, the judicial system** is set up to act as a check on the legislature, so that if the people’s representatives pass unconstitutional laws, like the anti-gay adoption ban, then, in theory, the judges are charged with striking those laws down.
Civics is so confusing, I KNOW!
*SERIOUSLY, where is Lisa Miller?!
**Do they teach the “judicial system” at Liberty???
Liberty University Law School has withdrawn as a co-sponsor of next month’s Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in Washington because a Republican homosexual activist group is being allowed to co-sponsor the event.
Liberty University chancellor Jerry Falwell, Jr., and Liberty Law School dean Mat Staver had penned a letter to CPAC organizer David Keene last month, requesting that he disallow the homosexual group GOProud from co-sponsoring the conference. The letter was also signed by other evangelical Christian leaders, including Gary Bauer of American Values. GOProud supports, among other things, same-sex “marriage” and repealing the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
Staver reports that he never received a formal response to his complaint, so Liberty University is dropping its co-sponsorship. Liberty Counsel, however, will still have a booth at CPAC.
So really, they’re not taking their toys and going home, they’re just taking them into a corner and refusing to share them. Apparently it is that terrifying to have your name on a list of sponsors near a gay name — because what if one of the other sponsors thinks that means you’re gay too? Anyway, this temper tantrum from Liberty Law is predictable and lame, but at the same time, I agree with those questioning just precisely why GOProud would want to join forces with people who see them as less-than second class citizens, people who give aid, comfort and support to eliminationist policies aimed at LGBT people at home and abroad, etc. I know that “gay Republicans” have convinced themselves that the most important issues facing LGBT Republicans are keeping healthcare as “whites only” as they can, and wetting their pants over Nigerians who fail to make their underpants explode, because those failed underpants bomber boogeyman guys also aren’t fond of gays, but give me a break. This group doesn’t stand to add anything to CPAC that will benefit the majority of LGBT people. For whatever reason* they’re gay wingnuts, and they shouldn’t be surprised when the Barons of Wingnuttia react with open revulsion and fear to the idea of having their names on a list next to a gay group.GOProud is simply finding out what happens when you try to make nice-nice with people who hate your existence.
