This quote, from Porno Pete, talking to his new non-husband Patrick Wooden again, is refreshing in its honesty:

Wooden: If you want to get knocked out just go into a male bathroom in the African American community or any community I would think and you’re standing there in a dress and many times the people are trying to hit on people, trying to make sexual responses, one man there, you know, you don’t want to be in there feeling like another man is trying to look at your penis. We’ve always had a hostile response, or a disrespect if you will, for that kind of behavior.

LaBarbera: It used to be common of course, I’ve heard many stories. I remember a story from a military guy, saying a guy came and he was a sailor and they had some temporary little day off at port and some guy hit on him and he decked him.

Wooden: That’s normal.

LaBarbera: When you make a sexual advance against a man on man, that is a normal response, and yet I fear in the rise of political correctness what’s going to happen is, somebody is going to find out that there was a man in his wife’s—his wife was in the restroom when a transgendered man, a biological male, was in the female restroom and he’s gonna punch him, but then the man who punches him is gonna be charged with a hate crime, that’s what I’m afraid of.

Wooden: We’re not promoting, advocating violence here.

LaBarbera: Of course not!

Nah, just reminiscing about the good old days when people didn’t laugh at weak straight men like Porno Pete and Patrick, crying as they are about whether somebody’s looking at their penises in the bathroom. My goodness, boys, do grow up someday.

Right Wing Watch has the audio at the above link.

I think this speaks for itself. Alvin sent this to Peter LaBarbera, in regards to Peter’s newfound obsession with that weird Patrick Wooden rent-a-pastor, as well as their attacks on the NAACP, Al Sharpton and other respected black leaders:

Peter, you are way out of your league here. The NAACP has existed long before you bought your first pair of chaps and your first camera to take photos of gay men which of course is “for research.”

[...]

It doesn’t matter who you drudge up to take part in your silly, unsuccessful attempts to gain attention because when it comes down to it, the black community will pick Al Sharpton, President Obama, and Ben Jealous over you and your cavalcade of jackleg Atlanta and North Carolina pimps masquerading as men of God.

Do everyone a favor, Peter. Slap on some chaps over the pasty butt of yours, strap on a camera, and go back to taking pictures of gay men in lurid acts while secretly wishing that you can take part in them.

That’s all you are good for and nothing else. You see, when it comes to issues of gay equality and the African-American community, adults have the floor and you really need to take heed of the advice that you don’t dip into grown folks’ conversation.

DAMN! Remind me never to anger Alvin…

Also, read his whole post.

Porno Pete had another one of his fireside chats with Patrick Wooden, the man who has made a national joke of himself in the past few weeks by claiming that gay men put iPhones in their butts, that we always have to wear butt plugs, and moreover, that Pam Spaulding would be just great if she found the love of a good man who would give her the business on a regular basis, in the name of God, of course.

It’s an audio interview, which you can hear if you go to Americans For Truth Dot Com, but for now, let’s just make fun of Porno Pete’s intro. He invited D.L. Foster, the “ex-gay” whose self-hatred is so intense that he blames gay children for their own suicides. Stellar cast of characters here:

Homosexual activists have sought to make fun of Wooden for describing in these AFTAH interviews) the body-destroying perversions associated with male homosexuality.

“Sought?” No, we’ve made fun of him handily and successfully, because the unhinged Wooden wingnut doesn’t really know what the hell he’s talking about, but is more than fixated with anal sex, for reasons unknown.

But LaBarbera, noting that the Homosexual Lobby a “sin movement,” says one would expect it to yield heinous perversions like “fisting,” rimming and “water sports” (“gay” slang for men urinating on and in one another for sexual pleasure).

Porno Pete knows these things are common because his photography collection presumably tells him so. Of course, it goes without saying that it’s truly bizarre for these three men to be sitting around obsessing over other people’s sex lives. It’s disturbing.

Foster says that the portrayal of himself, Wooden and other Black leaders who participated in AFTAH’s Jan. 17 press conference [click HERE for audio] outside the Southern Poverty Law Center headquarters as somehow being controlled by “white organizers” “highlights the high level of racist arrogance inside the homosexual movement” – which he said he experienced when he was active as a homosexual. “The white gay movement needs to deal with its own latent racism,” he said. Wooden said he’s never been called “Nigger” so much (by white “gay” activists) than since his interviews with AFTAH went public.

Let’s go backward through this bullshit:

Which white gay activists have called Wooden that name? Prominent ones? Anybody I would know? I highly doubt that. It is true that there is a fair amount of white privilege in the gay community [sort of like how there is a fair amount of white privilege in greater society -- gays don't get a pass], and there is racism to contend with. Certainly. But let us please not be silly and pretend that this is a distinctly “gay” problem. Moreover, it hasn’t just been white activists who have pointed out that Porno Pete and his cohort cynically co-opt black pastors and leaders in order to “prove” [to themselves, I guess, as they're not fooling anyone else] that they’re not bigots. Indeed, Pam Spaulding, who has STILL not heeded Wooden’s suggestion to find a totally hot Christian guy, said this about it the other day:

When those excursions failed to bring in enough dough from conservative little old ladies on Social Security, he found a new gravy train — hooking up (not literally, of course) as other white social conservative anti-gays-for-pay have done, is to trot out groups of rent-a-black pastors to hold sad little press conferences, ostensibly to say “look, we’re not bigots, here are men of God who think you all are diseased/pathological/perverted sinners who don’t deserve civil rights either….AND OUR PEEPS ARE BLACK.”

Enter one Rev. Patrick Wooden, the latest minister to pimp himself to Jesus the professional anti-gay set. He has been hard at work trying to deny LGBT residents in the state of North Carolina any kind of civil rights protections by conflating church and state matters. Actually, it’s worse than that. While he parrots the usual bible-beating lines, he seems to have spent most of the time in the past week displaying his, um, deep interest in unusual purported sex acts (gay men using iPhones, gerbils, etc. as sex toys) that makes you wonder what his sermons must be like (or based on).

Unless she’s really put one over on us and is indeed a “white gay activist,” I have it on good authority that Pam is a black woman. Wooden and Foster perhaps are unable to see the way that white conservative Christian male leaders use them, but that is their problem. Not Pam’s. Not mine.

Foster and LaBarbera talk about the case of Jesse Dirkhising, a 13-year-old Arkansas boy who was raped and grotesquely sodomized in 1999 by two older homosexual men who left him for dead after drugging, gagging and penetrating him with foreign objects including a cucumber.

A heinous crime. You’ll find no gay activist or run-of-the-mill person saying anything different. Of course, pedophilia and murder are two things that Porno Pete, D.L. Foster, Wayne Besen and I agree are grotesque, awful things. It’s truly perverted that, thirteen years later, these men are sitting around dredging up this tragedy in order to further their insipid campaign against gay people. I mean, it’s not like self-identified straight people have ever raped and killed children, is it, Pete and friends? Moreover, are we to ignore the reality that pedophilia is much more prevalent among straight-identified people, or that every honest researcher who has looked into the matter has found no correlation between homosexuality and pedophilia? Should we use the thousands of cases of straight people abusing and killing children in order to argue against the heterosexual lifestyle? I think not. But then again, my side of the culture war has integrity. Porno Pete’s does not.

Okay, I’m bored now. As I said, if you want to listen to the whole interview, go to Porno Pete’s Dungeon of “Pro-Family” Doom And Fetish Photography.

And maybe if I met the right woman…

Patrick Wooden has quickly become one of the weirdest, funniest wingnuts on record, ever since Porno Pete recruited him for a poorly attended protest at the Southern Poverty Law Center. In the space of just a few weeks, he has explained how anal sex is just terrible, but only if you’re gay, how gay men are well-known for putting iPhones in their butts, which is why gay men have to wear buttplugs all the time [sensing a pattern in what Wooden is interested in here?], and also Tyler Perry and Oprah are the devil. Teaching us about these things are all part of Wooden’s Pastoral Duties, and now he’s added another one to the mix!

You see, Patrick Wooden loves Pam Spaulding of Pam’s House Blend so much that he really just wants her to find a nice man to rock her world, for Jesus, of course. No, really. Here he is, talking to Porno Pete about Pam:

Patrick Wooden: Well, first of all, I love Pam, and one of these days I hope to invite Pam Spaulding maybe to lunch, and we can sit down and talk, I have never had the privilege of meeting her. I learned that we were at an event one time together and she did not make herself known [news to me; what event is he talking about?] and of course she knew, if my information is correct, she’s aware of who I am and I did not know her. I love her and I am praying for her, and I wouldn’t dare rail insults for insults or slurs for slurs.

I will say that Christ died for Pam, and Jesus will save her and deliver her from sin and that I have nothing but love for her and look forward to an opportunity to sit down and look her in the eye and to talk to her. Now as for the comment that I am a rent-a-pastor (laughs)…listen, Peter, I’ve been called much worse, and you know, my position is this: I don’t mind being rented for the cause of Christ. I don’t mind being rented for God’s Truth, I don’t mind being used for God’s Truth…as a matter of fact I want to thank her for calling me a rent-a-pastor. And I’ll say to the Lord – you can rent me anytime you want. I don’t know why he would since he owns me, but I will do for whatever cause he would want me to be a part of …here I am Lord, I’m like Isaiah, [blah, blah, blah] as long as I am representing God’s Truth.

Peter, it’s really not about her; we’re just vessels to be used by the Lord. It is the cause…it is the truth of God that we represent that is so important. So if the Pam Spauldings of this world, I wouldn’t get into a shouting match with her, I wouldn’t visit her web site, or her Facebook or whatever and rail insult for insult…

Pam needs Jesus, when Pam meets the Lord that yearning for a member of the same sex will change…she’d probably make a fantastic mother [Um, no], and would enjoy having a husband who was born male – no Chaz Bono business – born male – and meet her man, and rock her world, in the name of the Lord.”

You see, Pam Spaulding is great, says Patrick Wooden! If only she would discover the wonders of the wang in the name of the Lord…

This is what our opposition has been reduced to, y’all.

I can’t even deal with this interview Michelangelo Signorile did with anally-fixated North Carolina pastor Patrick Wooden, much less figure out what parts to excerpt and block quote, but let me just say that his responses to Mike’s questions are the most logically incoherent thing I’ve ever seen. The good pastor seems to be just as misinformed about straight sex as he is about gay sex.

Oh, here’s one quote, to give you an idea of the weirdness that is Patrick Wooden:

Women use [lubrication]. Men and women have anal sex too.

The issue was less of anal sex in and of itself but sex with a member of the same sex.

So something different happens to men who have anal sex than women who have anal sex?

I would imagine if a woman was to participate in anal sex, I would imagine she would not have anal sex as often as two men do because [women] have a vagina.

Sometimes they just like it.

I know of cases like that, and I know one case in particular where the person just enjoyed it until severe medical problems happened.

Wingnuts. What do you do with them?

[h/t Pam]

Responding to the fact that corporations in Washington state, large and small, are lining up to support the law legalizing marriage equality in that state [because it's good for business], Porno Pete:

Peter LaBarbera of Americans for Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH) says, “What we’re witnessing is the continued descent of the American corporation into this pro-’gay’ world of celebrating anything that the homosexual activists want.”

“There was a time when homosexual so-called ‘marriage’ was beyond the pale, even for liberal corporate types,” LaBarbera recalls. “But now we see Microsoft, Starbucks, and other major corporations backing this perverse redefinition of marriage. It’s very sad.”

[...]

“They ignore that the majority of states oppose same-sex marriage — not only oppose it, but they put it in their constitutions to keep marriage by its traditional definition,” the AFTAH president notes. “So if they’re really about keeping up with the majority of states, you’d think they’d side with the traditional marriage side.”

He sounds so dejected. I guess that whole alliance between big business and social conservatives is being exposed as the sham it always was, and the fact that the social conservatives have always been the “useful idiots” in the equation is clearer than ever.

Of course, the “majority of states” that enshrined discrimination into their constitutions did so long before gay activists were really in the fight. Re-fight all of those battles again [and they will be refought] and the results would be quite different.

When Joe posted this from Porno Pete, he added a line to the end of the quote that said, simply, “Wait, is that my gerbil ringing?” I think that’s a marvelous new practice, considering Pete’s friendship with Patrick Wooden, who just might be as weird as he is.

So this happened today, apparently. Porno Pete brought all his worldly friends together to go down to the SPLC and cry:

A coalition of African American pastors and pro-family Christian and Jewish leaders is holding a press conference at noon tomorrow (the day after Martin Luther King Day) outside the headquarters of the Southern Poverty Law Center — to protest the SPLC’s smearing of pro-family groups that oppose homosexual activism as “hate groups”:

Ooh, Porno Pete got to go on vacation! Of course, the SPLC doesn’t brand groups as “hate groups” simply for opposing gay people. They have to be known liars and slanderers. Porno Pete = one of those.

Scheduled speakers:

Peter LaBarbera, Americans For Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH), Chicago, IL (the SPLC has smeared AFTAH as a “hate group”);
Dr. Patrick Wooden, pastor, Upper Room Church of God in Christ (COGIC), Raleigh, NC;
DL Foster, founder, Gay Christian Movement Watch, Atlanta, GA;
Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs, Liberty Counsel, Lynchburg, VA;
Tim Johnson, Fredrick Douglass Foundation, Washington, D.C.;
Rachel Conner, representing Abiding Truth Ministries (smeared by SPLC as a “hate group”)
Pastor Glen Sawyer, New Mt. Zion Church of God in Christ, Elizabeth City, NC
Pastor Wil Nichols, Victorious Praise Fellowship COGIC, Durham, NC
Pastor Jon Robinson, Kingdom C.O.M.E. Ministries, Clairton, PA
Pastor Kenneth Jefferson, Greater Harvest COGIC

The following pro-family leaders and groups will issue supporting statements:

Rabbi Yehuda Levin, Rabbinical Alliance of America;
Laurie Higgins, Illinois Family Institute (smeared as “hate group”)
Arthur Goldberg, author, “Light in the Closet: Torah, Homosexuality, and the Power to Change”;
Linda Harvey, Mission America, Columbus, OH
Brian Camenker, Mass Resistance, (smeared as “hate group”)

Awwwww, Porno Pete got to go on vacation and Matt Barber was there! Did the wives come along? Just curious. Let’s see…so Rachel Conner was there, representing the most vicious, dishonest male anti-gay hatemonger in the country, Scott Lively. D.L. Foster, the purported “ex-gay”  who blames gay kids for their own depression and suicide, was there. I’m not familiar with the others, but my thinking is that the only thing the SPLC was confronted with today was the integrity of their own work.

Looking at the supporting cast, we have ol’ Yehuda Levin, probably the most unhinged rabbi in the United States, Laurie Higgins of the Illinois Family Association, who would be the most vicious, dishonest female anti-gay hatemonger in the country if Linda Harvey would ever step aside and let her talk, convicted felon Arthur Goldberg, and Brian Camenker, who holds the title of Peter LaBarbera’s Jewish Friend.

These are the leaders of your anti-gay movement, ladies and gentlemen. Quite a stellar cast of characters. I will say, though, that we should appreciate their work, in a way, because we wouldn’t be gaining quite as much public support as we are if people like those above weren’t spreading their hate around on a daily basis. Sadly, their work does embolden some of the most violent, uneducated hicks in this country, which leads to a higher gay teen bullying/suicide rate, but normal people hear the words of the people at that press conference today and it nudges them a little bit closer to our side.

Peter LaBarbera, president of Americans For Truth, which is sponsoring the press event, recently interviewed Pastor Wooden, who said that the SPLC’s gambit of labeling mainstream pro-family groups that oppose homosexual activism as “hate groups” is seriously damaging the SPLC’s credibility.

No it isn’t.

Wooden also debunked the “civil rights” analogy used by “gay” activists, saying it is wrong to compare “my beautiful blackness” with homosexual perversion.

I simply cannot make that quote better.

LaBarbera said the SPLC is engaged in a thinly-veiled, one-sided campaign to demonize adherents of traditional Judeo-Christian morality. He noted that despite the considerable hatred and anti-Christian bigotry emanating from homosexual activists (e.g., Dan Savage’s vile hate-site, Santorum[dot]com), the SPLC has never labeled a “gay” organization or website as “hateful.”

Because we don’t:

1. Lie about you people. We let your words speak for themselves.
2. Advocate for denying you wingnuts your constitutional rights, and instead defend your right to believe whatever bullroar you want, as embarrassing as it must be for your ancestors.
3. Embolden people who would want to hurt bigoted Christian wingnuts — indeed, it’s widely recognized that our side is STILL the only one with a bodycount in this “culture war.”

We do:

1. Report your words verbatim.
2. Make fun of you sometimes. Grow up.
3. Correct the constant, alternate-reality lies perpetuated by extremist religious fanatics who are unwilling to live as adults in a world where not everybody is the same as they are.