Ever since it was reported the other day that actress Cynthia Nixon, a bit indignantly, said that for her, being gay is a “choice,” I’ve been trying to get my thoughts together on exactly how I feel about what she said, and why it bothers me. Here’s the exact quote, and then I’ll tell you what I think about it:
I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me.
Writer Alex Witchel reports that “her face was red and her arms were waving” as she continued, “It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate,” Nixon said. “I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive.”
Cynthia Nixon’s experience is Cynthia Nixon’s experience, of course, so to be clear, we are not debating that. I think that the biggest problem with her quote is that it’s irresponsible, because it introduces a concept and a reality that is really hard to capture in a sound bite. The trouble with that is that the very same bigots she refers to are simply not going to go beyond the sound bite, and choose instead to point at her and say, “see? She said it’s a choice! Now change.”
The truth of the matter, as science has been discovering for a while now, is that sexuality is far, far more complex than we’ve understood in the past, and that indeed, one of the major “x factors” involved in how people experience sexuality has more to do with how many x chromosomes they have, and less to do with whether they’re homo-, hetero- or bisexual. Tracy Clark-Flory examines this at Salon:
Activists have long combated extremist attacks on LGBT identities by highlighting the science showing that homosexuality is genetic — or, in the words of Lady Gaga, that gay people are “born that way.” It may be that simple for some, but research increasingly suggests that it isn’t for all — especially for gay women.
Lisa Diamond, a psychology professor at the University of Utah, spent over a decade tracking sexual identity changes in a group of 100 women for her book “Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire.” She wrote, “Women’s sexuality is fundamentally more fluid than men’s, permitting greater variability in its development and expression over the life course.” Based on her research, she describes three main ways that sexual fluidity is expressed: “nonexclusivity in attractions” (i.e., the capacity to find all genders sexually attractive), “changes in attractions” (i.e., suddenly becoming romantically involved with a woman after a lifetime dating men) and the capacity to become attracted to ‘the person and not the gender’” (i.e., a partner’s sex is irrelevant).
[...]
Copious research has revealed striking differences in male and female sexual orientation and arousal. In immensely awkward studies measuring men’s hard-ons while viewing various sexual stimuli, most guys have a strong response to either males or females; and their sexual orientation generally predicts their physical reaction. On the other hand, Bailey explains, “Women’s genital sexual arousal pattern is much less predictive of their sexual identity and their stated preferences,” he says. “Lesbians have a relatively weaker arousal preference for female sexual stimuli, on average, and straight women have no preference at all, on average.”
Okay. so, if you’re an honest person and you pay attention to this stuff, you already knew all of this. If you’re a decent person, it doesn’t change your support for things like marriage equality and nondiscrimination acts. Because it doesn’t matter! On that point, Cynthia Nixon and I agree. However, where it gets difficult, in this sound bite world, is in explaining that, even acknowledging the fact that men’s sexuality tends to be pretty much what it is, from the first time we get boners associated with sexual thoughts, whereas women often experience sexuality in a much more complex way, that still doesn’t do a damn thing for the Religious Right’s argument that people should want to change from gay to straight. And because we’re dealing with the Religious Right, we are in a situation where we are not arguing with people who are willing or even capable of rational, detailed discourse. For them, it’s all about their ideology and about preserving white male conservative Christian heterosexuality as the only truly “okay” state of being. Also, it’s about control.
But they will, as I said above, use sound bites like that against us, which is why I think it’s irresponsible. Cynthia has lent her voice to our cause in very powerful ways over the years, so this is in no way an attack on her. I feel that, perhaps, maybe she could have said a bit more on the subject, perhaps not casually throwing the word “choice” around and instead talking about how her sexuality evolved in the way it did. Readers on this side of the spectrum pretty much get what she’s saying, I think, but the Religious Right hears “choice,” and they think “well that proves it. Cynthia Nixon woke up one morning and decided to embrace the homosexual lifestyle.” Cynthia is free to correct me if I am wrong, but I doubt that her story is that simple, or that the story for any other women who have experienced a more fluid sexuality is that simple.
Moreover, what of bisexuals? One of the silliest Religious Right lies out there, one that truly makes me shake my head in the direction of whatever rock they live under, is that bisexuals naturally will want/need to marry one person of each gender. Indeed, when bisexuals decide to settle down into relationships, they tend to choose a partner they’re compatible with, regardless of gender. Sometimes they end up with same-sex partners, sometimes they end up with opposite-sex partners. Because they’re bisexual! I don’t think Cynthia is necessarily bisexual — she surely disavowed the concept in her statement — but there are many bisexuals out there who, when settling down with partners, make a choice to settle down with either a man or a woman. This, of course, still shouldn’t give the Religious Right any reason to feel stronger in their argument that, due to unreasoned bigotry hiding behind a third-grade reading of an ancient holy book, those people should opt for opposite-sex partners.
Here’s what we know. Men, due to our biology, tend to have a fixed, lifelong sexual orientation that we experience regardless of any “choices” we make. Alan Chambers “chooses” to live in what I would assume is a fairly sexless marriage with a woman, while admitting that he still is very much into guys. Many women experience a sexual orientation that is fixed in just the same way, but others experience it in a more fluid way that can change over the course of their lives.
Here’s what else we know. All major, grown-up mental health and medical associations have stated that reparative therapy, religious attempts to change a person’s sexual orientation through outside force, are somewhere between ineffective and harmful. Moreover, all major, grown-up mental health and medical associations have very politely stated that there is nothing inherently unhealthy or disordered about being gay, bisexual or straight.
Here’s another what else we know. Religious wingnut arguments against homosexuality have absolutely no place in rational discourse, as they do not involve rational thought, but rather stupid bigotry dressed up in religious language. We also know that the Religious Right has a pattern of using the same “biblical” arguments against whatever the hell it is that they hate these days. For them, it is all about control and their petty unwillingness to play well with others in a secular society that doesn’t automatically give them blow jobs, ponies and first prize ribbons simply for existing.
We on the side of fairness, equality and reality should be comfortable with dealing with science and reality, as they are. Reality doesn’t threaten us. But we do, until this battle for equality is fully won, have to be careful with our rhetoric and our casual comments, because our enemy is not upstanding and is not honest. As I said above, perhaps with this issue, it’s better to explain more of the reality, not less. We are only beginning to truly understand human sexuality from a scientific perspective, and what we’re learning is fascinating. But it’s nothing as simple as “a choice,” and certainly not in the way the Religious Right uses that word.
Of course, I also agree with Cynthia that, however sexual orientation works, it shouldn’t matter when it comes to things like equal rights. I mean hell, we’ve given the Religious Right carte blanche for decades for their beliefs, and those beliefs are clearly chosen. No, this is about dignity, fairness and equal opportunity.
So maybe this is a teachable moment, for those willing to learn. Sexuality is far, far, far more complex than people often understand, and is fascinating to study. People deserve equal rights, regardless of their sexual orientation. Those two ideas shouldn’t have a hard time coexisting, as they haven’t a damn thing to do with one another.
Mike Goeke of some pray away the gay outfit called Cross Power Ministries:
The truth is that homosexuality IS different. It is not different as a “sin.” God sees the sin of homosexual expression as He sees all sin. It is different, however, in that no other sin (or, better said, an identity based primarily on sinful behavior) has impacted, or is likely to impact, culture in the dramatic way that homosexuality has done and will do.
Homosexuality is the only sinful behavior that has a cultural identity and movement surrounding it. What other sin is encouraged to be celebrated? What other sin has a “pride” movement attached to it? What other sin are people so quick to identify their lives by and to adopt as the defining characteristic of their lives? There are not greed pride parades, or people proclaiming on magazine covers “Yes, I’m a gossip.” There are not gluttony neighborhoods or bars where liars openly gather. Men and women don’t proudly self-identify as promiscuous. There are many people who are pro-choice and many who admit to having an abortion, but there are few who celebrate the fact that they had abortions. In fact, if you exclude random individuals like Charlie Sheen, few people would want their sin attached to their name and fewer would proudly boast in their sinful activity.
Homosexuality is also the only sinful behavior that has a growing, accepted theology built around it. Sure, there are fringe “religious” movements for odd things, but within the realm of Christianity there is no other revisionist theological movement based on identity primarily defined by sinful behavior. Denominations are crumbling and fracturing over how to deal with the issue of homosexuality and how to integrate people openly identified as gay or openly practicing homosexual behavior.
First off: There are totally gluttony neighborhoods. Wherever two or three chain restaurants gather in suburbs in the shadow of megachurches and shopping malls, we are dealing with gluttony neighborhoods.
But moreover, perhaps dude should take a step back and say “Wait a minute. Homosexuality IS different. There are millions of healthy, happy, wonderful gay and lesbian people who contribute as much or more to society than I do! And all these other sins I’m naming have actual consequences that I and my counterparts can actually verify, rather than just lying or making them up like we usually do for gayness. Maybe everything I believe is not only wrong, but damn wrong, and I should re-examine things.”
But nah. Wingnut too far gone to face reality. Oh well.
Ladies and gentlemen, we always ask “ex-gay” leaders and their supporting cast of wingnuts to provide numbers, and dangit, Alan Chambers did it this past weekend on a panel discussion at the Gay Christian Network conference! Warren Throckmorton’s blog:
Alan Chambers is asked, I think by GCN Executive Director Justin Lee, about the way Exodus and member ministries describe the work they do. Specifically, Lee asked about the slogan “change is possible.” Chambers responds by discussing his views of sexual orientation change, saying
The majority of people that I have met, and I would say the majority meaning 99.9% of them have not experienced a change in their orientation or have gotten to a place where they could say that they could never be tempted or are not tempted in some way or experience some level of same-sex attraction. I think there is a gender issue there, there are some women who have challenged me and said that my orientation or my attractions have changed completely. Those have been few and far between. The vast majority of people that I know will experience some level of same-sex attraction.
For those who are not familiar with Math, 100% minus 99.9% equals 0.1%. For every one thousand gays who enter “ex-gay” reparative therapy, one of you might be successful, and really you were probably bisexual anyway, so meh.
So speaketh the guru, who, we gently remind readers, has admitted that he is still into guys.
Rep. Michele Bachmann’s Wednesday announcement that she is ending her White House bid comes as no surprise. While the Minnesota congresswoman was one of the first GOP candidates to experience a surge in the polls last summer as the party’s base searched frantically for a conservative alternative to Mitt Romney (she even won the Iowa straw poll in August), her campaign had been dogged by a series of high-profile missteps.
They included: suggesting that cervical cancer vaccines cause “mental retardation,” pledging to close the non-existent American embassy in Tehran, reassigning the location of the “shot heard ‘round the world” to New Hampshire rather than Massachusetts, and confusing movie star John Wayne with serial killer John Wayne Gacy.
The withering heat of the presidential vetting process also yielded an embarrassing and disturbing revelation about Bachmann: The “Christian counseling” clinic that she co-owns with her husband, Marcus, offers so-called “ex-gay therapy” that purports to turn clients from gay to straight.
The Bachmanns had long denied that their clinic endorsed this form of “therapy,” which has no basis in research, inflicts substantial harm to patients who are falsely told they can “pray away the gay,” and is denounced by every mainstream professional medical and mental health organization. However, working for the LGBT rights group Truth Wins Out and at the behest of founder Wayne Besen, I conducted an undercover, hidden-camera investigation last summer that provided incontrovertible proof of reparative therapy taking place at Bachmann & Associates.
TWO’s investigation disrupted the momentum of Rep. Bachmann’s campaign, highlighting the congresswoman’s virulently anti-LGBT views and the extent to which those views are out of step with those of most Americans. It helped to define the public perception of Michele and Marcus Bachmann as religious extremists, drew attention to her long legislative record of anti-LGBT bigotry, and made it more difficult for her to recast herself as a mainstream presidential candidate.
Equally important, it cast a glaring spotlight on ex-gay therapy and helped reinvigorate the ongoing national conversation around this issue.
However, we shouldn’t kid ourselves into thinking that today’s announcement will mean we’ve heard the last from Michele Bachmann. She will return to Congress, where she will undoubtedly remain a forceful opponent of any and all efforts to advance LGBT equality. Bowing out of the presidential race allows Bachmann to focus her time and effort on her upcoming congressional re-election campaign in Minnesota, where it’s probable that she’ll lend her now-amplified voice to the effort to pass a proposed constitutional amendment banning any recognition of same-sex marriages or civil unions in that state. And Rep. Bachmann will most likely intensify her homophobia now that she no longer has to concern herself with attempting to appear presidential.
Finally, let’s not forget that the field of remaining presidential candidates is littered with homophobes, including a now-surging Rick Santorum, who most recently stated that his administration would attempt to forcibly divorce legally married same-sex couples.
So while the end of Michele Bachmann’s presidential campaign is undoubtedly a positive development for America’s LGBT community, it’s definitely not cause for complacency. To the contrary, our efforts to protect and expand upon the victories we’ve achieved must intensify, because in this election year, our opponents are just getting started.
Note: this op-ed was written for, and initially appeared at, the Advocate.
Screen shot: Andy Towle
I wrote about this when it happened a few weeks ago, but here is CBN reporting on Exodus’ Alan Chambers being named World magazine’s “Daniel of the Year.” At first I figured they called it that in allusion to the Biblical character of Daniel and the whole lion’s den story, but maybe “Daniel” is just some guy who likes dudes but is married to a lady, which would make Alan Chambers a perfect recipient.
In that report, I love where they mention the Exodus iPhone app being pulled during 2011. In case you forgot, we did that.
So this ad from Exodus International is running in newspapers in Trinidad and Jamaica right now. It’s indicative of their troubles at home that the only places they feel like they’ll get any bang for their buck are already among the most homophobic nations on earth:
Their graphic designer apparently isn’t as good as ours either.
Contact: John Becker, Director of Communications
Phone: 920-265-6023
Email: john@truthwinsout.org
BURLINGTON, Vt. – The heated standoff between Truth Wins Out and Marcus Bachmann abruptly ended today after the therapist agreed to stop trying to collect $150 from TWO for canceled “ex-gay” therapy sessions. The voice message, left by a Bachmann & Associates’ billing representative, informed TWO Communication’s Director, John Becker, that “[his] account is at a zero balance” and that the charges were written off “per Marcus Bachmann.”
“The last thing we expected was for Marcus Bachmann to behave rationally and abandon his specious and spiteful claim that we owed him money,” said Truth Wins Out Executive Director Wayne Besen. “It is a shame that he wasn’t foolish enough to allow a $150 billing dispute to turn into free publicity that highlighted the harm caused by ‘ex-gay’ programs.”
“We feel vindicated that Marcus Bachmann has ended his vindictive campaign to punish us for exposing his clinic’s ‘ex-gay’ therapy practice,” said Truth Wins Out’s Communications Director John Becker. “Reason triumphed over retaliation today — Bachmann made a wise decision to move on with his life and avoid further damage to his reputation.”
The clinic, which Bachmann co-owns with his wife Michele, was exposed last summer for practicing a form of discredited “pray away the gay” therapy by a TWO hidden-camera investigation – a charge both Bachmanns had previously denied. The revelation badly disrupted Michele Bachmann’s presidential campaign at a time when she was surging in the polls. In November, Marcus Bachmann personally phoned Becker, demanded $150 in no-show fees for two canceled appointments, and threatened to send Becker’s account to collections if he failed to promptly remit payment.
TWO responded with a cease-and-desist letter and promised a lawsuit if Bachmann persisted. TWO launched a Change.org petition that gathered more than 4,000 signatures demanding that Bachmann stop haranguing the organization.
“Ex-gay therapy is rejected by every respected medical and mental health organization in the nation,” added Becker. “This includes the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the American Psychological Association.”
Ex-Gay Watch posted a report this morning which shows an Exodus International in dire straits, indeed, something many of us on this side of the fence have suspected for a while. Alan Chambers threw a “Hail, Mary” conference several weeks ago for the purposes of finding a way to save/revitalize the organization:
Three years ago, Exodus purchased a building for a little over $1.1 Million. This was at the height of the real estate bubble and it’s value must have decreased significantly since. While they seem to have shed as many of their obligations as possible, debt service for that building must be a great draw on their meager resources. According to IRS documents, they burned through $200,000 of their savings in 2010 alone. In short, if they continue on their current trajectory, there seems little doubt that Exodus will fold in the near future.
Knowing this, Chambers called the New York meeting together and posed the question, “how can we save Exodus?” Unfortunately for those of us who might have a glimmer of hope to the contrary, this plea does not seem to be based on any deep, inner change of heart or ideology. According to first person accounts, the emphasis was on how to make Exodus more “donor accessible.” The meeting was filled with the modern lingo of those who advise on the solicitation of charitable funds. This is about money.
Chamber’s apparently wishes to “re-brand” Exodus into something more palatable to those with funds to give, and the general public alike. According to our sources, Chambers said that “everything is on the table.” That everything apparently includes the possibility of his resignation. It was also clear from the meeting that this is their last resort, their “Hail Mary” so to speak — they’ve tried everything else. Indeed, it seems certain that Chambers would have made pleas to anyone he knew with money before taking this drastic action. And we’ve all seen the odd inconsistencies apparent in their public face. Exodus is an organization fumbling for a solution.
David Roberts goes on to mention that Alan Chambers is mystified by people’s positive reactions to John Smid’s journey toward humanity, and seems to want a piece of that pie. What’s sick about it, though, is that one gets the sense, reading the report, that any “change” in message from Exodus would be purely motivated by money. On some level, at least, the leadership of Exodus understands that the Western world has left them behind, and that the money is drying up for their sort of hateful work, but it doesn’t seem that they’re actually soul-searching in any way. Just looking to rebrand the organization so they don’t look so hateful.
One of the reasons Truth Wins Out and Ex-Gay Watch and other people/organizations with a dog in this fight work so tirelessly to simply expose what these “ex-gay” businesses are all about is that the whole “reparative therapy” model doesn’t fare well in the light of day. Indeed, even moderate-to-conservative Christians, when they find out that it exists, tend to roll their eyes and consider the notion preposterous. So into the light of day we send them and let them succeed or fail on their own merits. Failure tends to be the order of the day.
Exodus plans to announce their “new direction” after their 2012 Leadership conference in January:
It will be after this conference that Exodus announces whatever it is they decide, presumably some sort of apology which allows them to maintain their core ideology, while claiming to have gone about expressing it badly — too much truth and not enough grace, etc.
Wayne remarked in the comments section on Ex-Gay Watch on the plastic, transparent nature of this Hail, Mary! pass from Alan and the Exodus clan:
When Exodus apologizes we expect substance, not a strategy. Chambers must realize that Smid received support because his apology seemed sincere, or at least he was heading in the right direction.
Meanwhile, no one bought The International Healing Foundation’s recent apology from Richard Cohen, who we all thought was full of shit. Chambers would be wise to look at the Cohen flop, not just the Smid success.
The dishonesty and deciept; the semantic games and double talk; the arrogance and allegiance to the political right; the forays overseas that spread hate in places like Uganda; have earned Chambers incredible ill will.
An apology absent a resignation will ring hollow. Chambers should practice some of that conservative “personal responsibility” and admit he has been a failure as a leader and maybe as a human being. He should go somewhere peaceful and quiet to reflect on the harm he has caused as an agent of intolerance. When he returns from exile, he should consider spending the rest of his life undoing the damage that occurred at his hands.
Truth Wins Out has created a petition to demand that Marcus Bachmann immediately end his harassment of our organization:
Marcus Bachmann, the husband of presidential candidate Michele Bachmann, has launched a petty and vindictive campaign to personally harass Truth Wins Out. He is upset that in July TWO exposed his clinic for practicing “ex-gay” therapy. Prior to this disclosure, Bachmann lied to the American people and denied that his office engaged in these backwards and barbaric techniques. The revelation rocked Michele Bachmann’s campaign and became her first major roadblock.
Now that the campaign is foundering, she and Marcus are looking for scapegoats – and have settled on Truth Wins Out. They are spitefully taking aim at TWO’s John Becker, trying to punish him because he went undercover and gathered video evidence of “ex-gay” therapy at the clinic.
Like the bullies they are, Bachmann & Associates is illegally demanding that Becker pay $150 for appointments that he had canceled in accordance with the clinic’s guidelines. Amazingly, Marcus Bachmann personally called Becker this week threatening to send the bogus bill to collections if it was not paid by Friday. Truth Wins Out retained the services of an attorney and steadfastly refuses to be intimidated or pay the fake bill.
Clearly, Marcus Bachmann is angry with Truth Wins Out for exposing his clinic’s fraudulent practices, and is engaging in malicious and vindictive strong-arming for the sole purpose of defaming and discrediting TWO and John Becker.
Stand with us today — demand that Marcus Bachmann end these spiteful and malicious pursuits immediately and stop harming clients with discredited and harmful “ex-gay” therapy.
Bachmann’s Billing Appears As Unethical as His ‘Ex-Gay’ Therapy, Says TWO
Burlington, Vt. – Attorney Norm Kent sent a letter to Bachmann & Associates today on behalf of Truth Wins Out demanding that he cease and desist from harassing the organization. TWO has also launched a petition on Change.org urging people to contact Bachmann and tell him to stop his petty and vindictive threats against the LGBT organization.
“Marcus Bachmann’s billing practices appear to be as unethical as the ‘ex-gay’ therapy offered at his clinic,” said Truth Wins Out Executive Director Wayne Besen. “We will not be intimidated or bullied and do not intend to pay Bachmann’s phony bill.”
On Monday, Bachmann personally called the group’s Communications Director, John Becker, leaving a voicemail in which he demanded $150 for cancelled July sessions of “ex-gay” therapy with a counselor at his practice. He threatened that if TWO did not pay him by Friday he would turn the phony bill over to a collection agency. This morning, the Law Offices of Kent & Cormican faxed a letter to Bachmann’s Minnesota clinic. According to the letter:
“If you are persistent in this claim, and attempt to employ the collection agency you have threatened to, you should know that my firm and our associates in your jurisdiction would take legal action against you,” wrote attorney Norm Kent. “Specifically, and you should make no mistake about the same, we consider your therapy and practices fraudulent. We have concluded your services are dubious and questionable, not worthy of any billing at all. We consider your fees and charges part of a larger civil conspiracy to defraud vulnerable individuals.”
In July, Truth Wins Out went undercover and exposed Bachmann & Associates for practicing a form of discredited “pray away the gay” therapy. The revelation rocked Michele Bachmann’s presidential campaign. After TWO’s John Becker, who went undercover, had enough videotape evidence to prove that “ex-gay” therapy occurred at Bachmann’s clinic, he called the clinic and cancelled his remaining appointments. Despite widespread circulation of TWO’s video footage, Marcus denied the therapy had taken place.
“I cancelled my remaining appointments in compliance with Bachmann & Associates’ stated procedure,” said John Becker, TWO’s Director of Communications and Development, “yet Marcus Bachmann himself called me and threatened to send the fraudulent $150 ‘bill’ to a collection agency by Friday. I find it odd that Bachmann handled this matter personally rather than through his billing department. This is certainly an unorthodox way of doing business, much like the spurious ‘ex-gay’ therapy offered at his clinic.”
Becker returned Bachmann’s call on Tuesday and spoke with him for nearly seven minutes in the presence of a reporter from the local ABC/FOX affiliate in Burlington. The video of the tense exchange can be viewed at Truth Wins Out’s website.
“We saw firsthand that the ‘ex-gay’ therapy practiced by Bachmann & Associates is unethical and unhealthy for clients,” said Becker. “What goes on in that clinic is rejected by every respected medical and mental health organization in America.”
Truth Wins Out is a nonprofit organization whose goal is to create a world where LGBT individuals can live openly, honestly and true to themselves. TWO fights anti-LGBT religious extremism, monitors anti-LGBT organizations, documents their lies and exposes their leaders. TWO specializes in turning information into action by organizing, advocating and fighting for LGBT equality.
Contact: Wayne Besen, Executive Director
Phone: 917-691-5118
E-Mail: wbesen@truthwinsout.org
Contact: John Becker, Director of Communications & Development
Phone: 920-265-6023
E-mail: john@truthwinsout.org